'Has he left?'
Dhiraj woke up the next morning with a jerk. It was 7:35 AM which was much later than he usually wakes up. 'Ahhh....' He let out a groan due to his throbbing head. The medicine he took yesterday did leave an after effect on his body. But his throbbing head and exhausted body wasn't his concern at the moment. His main concern was : Has Nakul left?
He jumped out of his bed. But found relief the next second when he noticed Nakul sleeping on the couch. The morning sun rays fell on Nakul's face, highlighting his prominent features. But Nakul was sleeping without a care in the world.
'Thank God, it's Saturday. He doesn't have school today.' Dhiraj was glad to find his person in front of him. He slowly makes his way towards Nakul and couches down. With his face on his palm, Dhiraj quietly observed Nakul. 'The kitty is sleeping peacefully.' A smile broke on his face at that thought. What also made him fluster was the thought that he often found himself smiling uncontrollably. 'What are you doing to me?' He smiled some more. A part of him wished this scene would repeat everyday.
Everyday, waking up with his baby would be a bliss. Even better if he could sleep with Nakul in his arms. 'I would love that!' He remarked in his head. Extending his hand forward he touched Nakul's hair. He moved to rub Nakul's cheekbones and then....under his chin. Nakul was a kitten after all. And that woke Nakul up.
"What are you doing here?" asked Nakul, perplexed by how close the man was.
"You're at my place." Dhiraj went back to crouching down.
Nakul's eyes widened as he realized he stayed there for the night.
~Silence
"You stayed....." Dhiraj made sure to remind Nakul about that piece of information.
"I....I was worried that your fever might increase through the night. That's the only reason I stay...." Nakul made an attempt to hide his embarrassment.
That simple sentence took Dhiraj aback. He didn't expect Nakul to admit that. Tilting his head, Dhiraj asked, "So you were worried about me?"
And that made Nakul realize what he had just said. A flush of red was visible across his cheeks.
'Why are you so adorable?!!!' Seeing his baby blushing, Dhiraj wasn't able to control himself either. Unconsciously, he let out his oh-so-breathtaking smile. And that was the 1st time when Nakul experienced an unknown feeling.....
~Badump
Nakul could clearly hear his heart beating loudly, his throat went dry and everything other than that ridiculously captivating smile, blurred into oblivion. Nakul knew something was wrong. Unable to comprehend what he was feeling, he quickly took his eyes away from it. 'What the fuck is wrong with me?'
With a need to ignore what he was feeling, he quickly jumped on to another topic.
"Aren't you busy? Like you work right?"
"Ah....yeah" Dhiraj registered the thought and got up to get back to his routine. He was feeling quite refreshed due to the quick series of events that had taken place.
"Okay. I'm taking a bath. Or you wanna use the bathroom first?" Dhiraj asks Nakul as he goes to his cupboard to get clothes.
"Wait! What are you doing?"
Dhiraj halted, not understanding what he did wrong this time.
"ahh...I'm...washing up.....?!"
"You aren't supposed to take a full-fledged bath when you have a fever. Your fever gets worse. Haven't your mom told you that?"
"Nop. She died when I was 10" Dhiraj replied unfazed, continuing with his flow as if what he said did hold any weight. But it did. For Nakul, those words did hold some weight.
"I'm.....I'm sorry"
"Don't be. I don't even remember her. I was just a kid" Dhiraj sounded as normal as ever. Saying that, he went to wash up.
He had no intention to make Nakul feel bad for him. That was just....the way he was. Detached about certain matters, overly attached with some others. He genuinely didn't understand why and how people felt sorry for him.
A part of him did remember the feeling of having a person who showered their love on you constantly. But over a span of 20 years, it had...become vague. It wasn't that his father didn't love him. But can anyone replace what you feel for your mother?
So...Maybe he himself chose to forget how it felt to have your mother around you. Maybe because it just hurts so bad. Maybe because a 10 year old knew no other way to handle the loss of the person he loved so much. That's why maybe forgetting was easier?
But Nakul was left alone in that empty room with feelings of guilt, while Dhiraj had unconsciously chosen to forget his remorse.
***
It was time for breakfast. Nakul had washed up too. Although Dhiraj offered him a new set of clothes, Nakul had denied the offer. He took upon himself to cook some breakfast. Because boy, he was so hungry. A quick meal of some freshly made omelets with the leftover rice was served. And that was the 1st time Dhiraj was having yesterday's leftover food. But even that had a charm of its own. How could he deny something that his baby made?!
The duo was having their meal in silence, but a thought kept giving him a scratch. 'Should I ask him?!' He found himself debating. He knew he would face a massive protest by his baby if he voice that thought. He HAVE to give it a try. And so, he began.
"Having breakfast together isn't that bad right?" he started, carefully assessing his words.
"Yeah. why?" Nakul immediately understood Dhiraj was up to something.
"So....why don't we do this often?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"Why don't....you move in here?" Dhiraj finally asked.
"Ah..hahaha..." Nakul finally understood what Dhiraj was implying. "No, thank you" He immediately dismissed the offer.
"Why? Why don't you wanna stay here? We can just be like....roommates!"
"Why should we?" Nakul was not going to back down.
"Why? Look at your health. You are looking so much better!! Why shouldn't we, if I may ask?"
"Seriously?! Is that the only reason why you want me to stay here?! Do you think I have no idea of what you are planning?! Do you think I am dumb enough not understand why you want me to spend more time with you?" Nakul snapped in a tone that would be as hurtful as possible.
"Why? Tell me what my intentions are?" Dhiraj wasn't ready to give up either. Sure, he wanted them to stay together so that she could make Nakul fall for him. But that wasn't just all of his intention.
"Why? So that you can get me to like you? What other reason could you have?"
"Yeah. I agree. Can never deny that fact.-" Dhiraj wasn't someone who would shy away from a confrontation. If he felt the need to be absolutely honest with his feelings, he just would be. "-But that is just part of the reason."
He had reached the very edge of patience with this man. And Nakul's remarks made him feel as if he was a lecherous guy trying to trap Nakul. Sure, he wanted Nakul to like him, be with him but he wanted the absolute best for his baby.
Dhiraj had to make sure that there was no misunderstanding on his end, so he continued,
"I....like you. I have never felt this way in my entire life. And sure, if you like me too, I will be the happiest man alive. But that doesn't mean that I want to be with you just for my selfish motives..."
He takes a step closer to Nakul. His desperate eyes looked into Nakul's.
"I want to see you happy. And enjoying life. And smiling more. And doing the things that you love. And if I can help to take even 1 step closer to get there, I will do everything in my power to do that. I just want to see you live your best life."
Dhiraj took a pause. Letting his words sink into Nakul's mind. And finally he asked the question that made Nakul doubt his decision.
"Tell me Nakul, Am I a bad guy for wanting to provide you with all the happiness that you deserve especially when I know that I have the ability to do that?"
***