The food was ready. It was a pretty simple everyday Indian meal. 'Gobi ki sabji' (Cauliflower veggies) with chapati, dal and rice, and Gulab jamun for sweets. A regular meal that Dhiraj hadn't tasted in decades. When was the last time he ate some homemade regular food, he wondered. 'Probably when mom was alive?!'
Not giving more time to that thought, he focused on the meal in front of him. The silence hovering in the room was evident. But it was the irony of the situation that disheartened him. It was his and Nakul's first meal together, but it just might be their last too.
Lost in these thoughts, he took a comically last chunk of the chapatti. Picking up a small portion of the veggies, he put the combo in his mouth. SPICY!!!
"Fuck.....ah...it spicy." Dhiraj cried out.
That startled Nakul.
"How? This is the least amount of spice I've ever added."
"Water" Dhiraj searched for water. So Nakul just picked up a Gulab jamun in a spoon and without much thought fed it to Dhiraj.
"Eat this. Don't drink water when you eat something spicy. Instead eat something sweet. You will feel much better." Nakul said while feeding Dhiraj.
'Is he an airhead?' Dhiraj wasn't sure how he should react to what was going on. Whether Nakul was just an airhead or was he teasing him purposely? Dhiraj wasn't able to understand. But his baby feeding him? He would never let go of such a chance. He slowly chewed the sweet, relishing the momentary sweetness it brought him.
They returned back to food. Dhiraj took another huge chunk of the chapati with even less veggies than before. Now Nakul was a bit OCD-ic when it came to food. He absolutely disliked it when people ate food the wrong way. So subconsciously his OCD-ic self took over.
"What are you doing? This is not the way to eat it" an irritated Nakul blurted. "Don't tear the chapati into such big chunks. Tear every quarter in 4 pieces."
He picked up Dhiraj's chapati and tore a quarter of it into four pieces. "Then with this one small piece, take more veggies. Since this is spicy for you, for now you can take less." He rolled the chapati around some veggies and again hand fed it to Dhiraj which he ate.
'He is DEFINITELY an airhead. Otherwise, how can he be this good to the man he wants to kick out of his life?'
Dhiraj took the chance to push his luck a bit more. "Oooo....spicy. *cough *cough. The sweet to please." He opened his mouth signaling Nakul to feed him.
Of course, Nakul wasn't going to do that.
"You have hands. Eat on your own." he snarked and Dhiraj returned back to eating.
It became quite clear to Dhiraj that Nakul didn't hate him. There was 'just' a strong dislike. So maybe he can try again?
"Can't you give me one chance. Please?" Dhiraj looked at Nakul with his puppy eyes, hoping they would work their magic.
"If you keep pressing on this more, I'll know FOR SURE that you don't love me. It's all just an act. You are just trying to mask off your selfish motives in the guise of 'love'. And that will really disappoint me. Do you want that to happen?"
And the dejected puppy returned back to eating.
* * *
The dinner was over and now it was finally the time to part ways. Part way forever maybe? Dhiraj felt anxious. He didn't want to end things between them. But Nakul stood so firm on his ground that he saw no chances of turning the situation around.
'So is this the end of 'us'?'
Dhiraj took heavy steps towards the door and Nakul followed him. But a few steps away from the door he stopped. He turned around to face Nakul for one last time and took a step closer to him. That surprised Nakul. His senses tingled as Dhiraj stood close to him. He waited for what the other man had to say.
"Can you do me one small favor for the last time please?" said Dhiraj in a soft voice while holding Nakul's hands in his.
Dhiraj stared into Nakul's eyes and Nakul felt as if that man had penetrated deep in his mind. Those eyes reflected a longing. A longing to call someone as 'mine'. A longing that a part of Nakul understood well. So even though his mind screamed: don't give in, his heart did.
"What is it?" Nakul replied, looking away, slightly conscious of the man's gaze.
"Can I hug you? Once? Just for this one time? Please" Dhiraj looked like a puppy waiting for his master to give him permission to eat the treat.
And Nakul gave in. He meekly replied with a "okay" looking shy.
Wasting not even a second, Dhiraj lunged forward. His tall figure wrapped himself around the man he desired so much. Dhiraj was slightly taller than Nakul and he soon buried his face in Nakul's neck. His arms gripped around Nakul somewhat tightly, as if clinging on to the man for his dear life. Closing his eyes, he just let his heartbeat sync with that of Nakul's.
Nakul didn't hug back Dhiraj. But all he could feel was that man's warmth. It had been a long time since he had experienced the human warmth and a part of his soul craved for it. He felt Dhiraj's strong arms tightly around. Warm breath on the nape of his neck. He could hear Dhiraj's heart beating frantically and as more time passed by it slowed down.
The warmth Nakul was experiencing comforted him. Soon he rested his head on Dhiraj's shoulder. His eyes became drowsy and slowly he let go of himself. Human warmth is like a drug. In a matter of seconds, it will make you forget your pain, comfort you and leave you craving for more. It IS a highly addictive drug.
If only this would last a little longer.' And that thought brought Nakul back to his senses. He tore himself from Dhiraj. Not looking into Dhiraj's eyes, he simply said, "You done right? Now go away."
Dhiraj was dejected by the way Nakul pushed him, looking away with discomfort. He could feel anger rising up in his veins due to the hopelessness of the situation.
Without saying a word, he strides off Nakul's apartment.
* * *
~3-4 days later~
Nakul had lost it, "okay. I think you WANT me to file for a restraining order against you."
He was seated in his car with the man he thought he won't be seeing any time soon, Dhiraj.
"Hey. I know. I know. But just listen to me once, okay?"
"What?"
"Let's go on a date!!"
* * *
Trivia:
Nakul loveeeeeesssss hugs.
He prefers to be hugged rather than being the one to hug(?!). Hugs are his most favorite thing. But he doesn't like to be hugged as he's afraid that he will come off as weak or desperate.