It's like someone stabbing you more than once, it's suffocating, my mind is completely covered with fog and I feel dizzy with all this pain. If I had not been sitting, having to deal with both mine and my wolfs pain would of brought me down to my knees all curled up in a ball.
"Hey, you alright?" Kayden asked taking a seat next to me.
"I'll be fine." I answered "Where's everyone else?"
"They're all still in your dorm room. The girl are trying to reign in Ally, she doesn't know what is going on and is annoyed at her brother for being an idiot." He said "The boys, well they're just as annoyed but staying out of all the drama."
"Why did I have to find my mate here?" I asked looking over my shoulder to look at him "I didn't want a mate, well, I never actually thought about finding him at all. I thought that if I did find him...I didn't think it'd turn out like this. You know, when we were young, we've been taught that finding your mate would be the most beautiful thing in the world, but it's not."
"I'm sorry." He said side hugging me "It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay. You know why?" I answered shaking my head no. "Because you have us. We're there for each other and this will be no different. We're there for you and we'll help you and be there for you. Just like how you have been there for us, all of us. That's what makes us all unique"
"Thanks Kayden. I didn't think to tag you as a "heart healer" type" I said pulling away from him with a little chuckle.
" Well you never asked. Let's get you back up there." He said
"Nah, it's okay you go ahead. I'm going to stay out here for a bit."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." I said
"Kay, stop by our room on your way, alright." He said
"I will, and thanks again."
"No problem." He nodded before going back
I would be okay; everything would be alright. I have all my friends here to help me just like how I always was there for them. I sighed and pulled my knees to my chest trying to block out the pain and tried to ignore the stupid mate pull for me to go to Jaxson. I knew this was going to be hard but I could and I have to get past it somehow.
I sat on the bench looking, while staring mostly into the lush green grass that surrounded the school leading into the forest. Maybe a run should do me good. I stood up from my spot on the bench and walked towards the trees. Just as I reached the tree line and it felt like someone was watching me. when I turned to look back no-one was in sight. Shrugging it off I continued my journey to a big enough tree to cover me if anyone were to pass by. I took my clothes off and fold them neatly, gently placing them on a rock near the tree and shifted into my dark brown wolf. If I still had my clothes on it would of been in shreds and I would have nothing to cover me with. I took off weaving through the trees blocking and dodging everything in my path.
Just as I was thinking that the campus was big and huge itself, I was once again proved wrong. The area surrounding the campus was huge. I ran for miles trying to get the pain away that was weighing me down. Even though it was going to be futile I did it anyway. I ran for a while until I spotted a lake, slowing down I walked over to the lake and sat on my hind legs staring out at the water. The sun has set before I decided to ran back to the tree that my clothes was by. After changing back to my human form I got dressed into my clothes and made my way back to the dorms.
Passing by my friends dorm as promised we spoke and watched a bit of tv, getting the need to shower I said bye to my friends and went to my dorm. I as back at my dorm and Jaxson's scent hit me again; guess he didn't leave yet, great, just great. I sighed which seems I've been doing a lot of today and walked past the living room where he was seated with Austin and who I assume is Liam. Jaxson's body visibly stiffened but he didn't turn my way.
"Oh my gosh! Emma!" Ally breathed coming out of the kitchen "Where have you been? Are you alright? What happened?" She asked all in one breath "Why does your hair have leaves in it?"
"I'm fine, I just went on a run." I replied "I'm gonna jump in the shower."
"Okay." She said "We'll talk after?"
"Sure." I called over my shoulder as I walked to my room.
The hot spray of the water eased away some of the tension in my body. I washed away all the dirt off me that I got from the run. When I was fully cleansed I just stood there under the water looking at absolutely nothing in particular. I wanted to cry, I really did, but I didn't let myself do that. If I cried then that would mean I'm weak and I don't want to be weak. Sucking it up I got out, got dressed and walked out of my room. I reached the kitchen and got myself a glass of water and leaned against the counter top. I could hear the guys laughing, while two of them being Austin and Dean anyway.
"Is everything okay, like really?" Ally asked waking in.
"Yeah, everything is fine, or it will be." I said whispering the last part hoping she wouldn't hear, but, who am I kidding we're all werewolves and have strong hearing.
"What do you mean?" She asked being confused
"It's nothing, don't worry about it."
"It can't be nothing, is it my brother? He was being an uptight idiot earlier when you met."
"I could care less about your brother." I lied straight through my teeth "Why would I care about someone I don't even know or how they act when we first met?"
"He's a really great guy under that player exterior of his." She said; like that's what anyone would want to hear about their mate.
"Like I said I don't care. He can be a player or anything all he wants it makes absolutely no difference to me."
I knew everyone can hear our conversation but I just don't care. I heard a low growl coming from the living room more than once and I knew it was definitely Jaxson. I scoffed at that, did he actually expect me to be nice when talking about him? The mate I was rejected by before we were officially introduced? He had a lot to learn about me. If he actually thought I'll be going all sweet and nice after that, his crazy.
"What's wrong with you?" I hear Austin ask, probably to Jaxson.
"Nothing!" Jaxson snapped
"Bro you've been acting like this since earlier this afternoon. What is up with that?" Jaxson asked
"Just drop it okay!" He growled. The couch squeaked as he stood up from his spot. "I'm getting myself a drink."
He walked into the kitchen and went straight to the ice box. He pulled out a beer that I didn't know was in there. He took a long swig before unscrewing the cap. I just looked at the wall across from me admiring the blank white paint making it look like a canvass waiting to be painted with color, just like how my life just turned out to be a couple hours ago. I just couldn't look at him, I could barely stand being in the same room as him.
"Since you were being rude earlier." Ally began and I knew where she was heading with this "Jaxson this is my roommate Emma. Emma that is my idiotic brother Jaxson."
"Ally, I know you're just trying to be a good person and a good sister. But, I'm gonna say this one last time. I don't care who he is, his your brother and that's great--for you--but he and I would never mesh well so please, just stop." I said while trying to keep the pain out of my voice, but I knew some have leaked through "I'm just going to bed. Have a long day tomorrow." I said.
"Okay, goodnight." She whispered
I washed my glass and placed it on the counter. I knew she wanted her brother and roommate to get along, but, that was never going to happen. We didn't even know each other, we were mates and the tension that would build around us was suffocating. No way would we ever get along. How would anyone get along with a mate that didn't want them? I wasn't going to try. I'd just try to get through this year and when it's over I'd go home and live my life.
"We need to talk." Jaxson said as I was walking to my room.
Oh, now only you want to talk, but guess what, there's nothing to talk about, I wanted to say but just couldn't bring myself to say it. I turned to him with my hand on the door knob "No, we don't." I said "You made the rejection pretty clear, probably crystal clear. So there really isn't anything to talk about. You know I got a suggestion for that, why don't we stay out of each other's way and then things should be perfectly fine, partly fine." I said and closed the door in his face.
Before climbing in bed I heard him mumble something. I climbed into bed clutching my chest as the pain from my wolf spread through the wall I built to block out that pain, because it's not a nice feeling when you are to cure both yours and your wolf's pain all at once. I took my laptop from my desk and went to sit on my bed I opened up Microsoft word and opened a new document, I started typing about my day and how I miss home, the beach, waves, my surfboard and how I was rejected by my mate before being properly introduced to each other. While I was typing one of my favorite verses popped in my head and I added it to my journal; Revelation 21:4 "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." A choked sob escaped my lips after I saved the document and putting my laptop away. I could hear my wolf in my head crying at the back of my mind which added more pain and it felt like I just couldn't breath at all. It was as if someone was shocking me to my death. I shook my head and tried to steady my breathing while buried my face into my pillow as my sobs never seem to stop. I didn't want to feel this extreme pain, I didn't want to be feeling so weak, but my wolf's painful cries and yearning for our mate and to just be with him was just way to unbearable I couldn't withstand it. I cried and cried until I fell into a fit full messy sleep with my head still buried into my pillow and face completely soaking wet from all my tears that have soaked into my pillow. This was probably going to be the longest year of my life, and probably eternity.