I sit still, shocked with tear staining my whole face. No matter what I do, I can't get that horrendous act out of my mind.
"Please Insha, tell us what happened. You're scaring us," I hear Layla's pleading voice. I feel a hand on my shoulder but don't respond.
How do I tell them everything thst happened, when even I can't come to terms with it? When even I can't believe something like that actually happened.
Those poor souls. The pain they had to go through. The torture they were subjected to.
A tear escapes my eye. Their families, their loved ones, what would they be thinking? Do they even know what happened?
Someone shakes my shoulders tightly. "Insha! What's wrong with you?" I look up at Manal, fear enveloping my whole being. Her eyes soften more and she squeezes my hand. "Tell us what's wrong. Please."
I sigh, climbing further until I reach the back of my bed.
After what I witnessed, I begged Noora to drop me home and she then called the two too. They were confused and worried out of their minds because I just couldn't say anything
I finally gather up the courage to reach for my phone. With my jeart beating rapidly, I click on that spine chilling video and gave it to them.
I watch their expressions range from shock to concern and disgust to heartbroken and fear.
They slowly look up and just stare. Stare with terrified eyes.
With shaking hands, Noora comes closer to sit beside me. "Are you okay?" She seems so worried and concerned and I hate that she's feeling that but I don't know what to do.
Another tear escapes. "No." My voice comes out low and painful. "They didn't deserve that. No one does." I take a deep breath. "I recorded the whole...thing accidentally. I didn't know it was on."
Quietly, all of them come to my side and engulf me in a warm hug.
"It's going to be fine. Just hang on, for us." Layla whispers.
●•●•●•●•●•●
I drag myself up forcefully and throw myself in the shower. I don't want to go to college. I just want to lay in bed like I have been doing since yesterday.
The three came to check on me yesterday too and we just existed together. I still didn't have the ability to find words and they didn't mind.
Now, it's Monday again and if I tell my parents I don't want to go to college, they will ask what's up and I honestly don't want them to know. It will only make them worry more than they already will be, considering how those criminals already know someone saw that and that someone is a girl.
Hence, I gave up on that.
After showering, I slip into black tights and a black hoodie, both of which my hand found first as I had no energy to do anything.
Making myself presentable as much as I can, I grab my bag and my phone; the latter feeling like a bomb in my hands.
The video is still there, both on my phone and on my mind. Whenever that night comes to my mind again, I do anything to make it fade but it doesn't. It's hard and I don't know what to do. How long should I keep pretending that everything is fine?
I say a quick salaam to my parents and Safeer before opening the door-mom asks me to eat something but I decline saying I told Noorie to buy me coffee-and entering the car.
Dad walks out the door soon with Safeer and we get going.
Majnu:
we'll be waiting for your locker. We're always here for you. xoxo
Noorie:
yeah Inshu, don't worry
Manny:
we got you <3
Me:
thanks alot guys.
meet you in a few :)
I sigh and look out the window. Soon, I see my college building and after bidding dad and Safeer goodbye, I slowly walk inside.
"There you are!" Layla spots me first and immediately tackles me in a hug when I join them.
I smile finally and hug her back. I needed that hug.
"How are you feeling now?" Manal asks with a concerned frown.
I keep the smile on, even though I want to wipe it off, and reply, "Much better than before."
Just then, the bell rings. "We will talk about the important things at lunch, okay? For now, let's go," Noorie states and we nod in agreement.
Me, Layla and Noora have Law while Manal has Statistic, so we part ways with her when we turn the corner to another hallway.
Time passes and soon it's lunch. I hurry up and get out of my class and walk to my locker. My friends were already outside waiting for me at the back of the school, which overlooks the football field.
As I'm done with stuffing my locker with books, I take out my lunchbox and close it shut.
I'm dreading the talk. I'm dreading the future.
"Yo! Hey!" A loud voice booms as I'm walking away from the lockers. Surprised, I turn around. "Smoothie Girl, I knew it was you," the boy grins.
I start walking to him slowly, surprised the shop guy was here.
I raise an eyebrow, "Smoothie Girl? Really? And what are you doing here?"
He comes closer with a smile. "Well you didn't exactly tell me your name, did you?" He teases. "And what else would I do here? I go to this college of course. Looks like it was meant to be." He winks with a grin.
I frown. "Right, so if someone rudely knocks down your smoothie and be a jerk about it and then finds them again in the same college, that means they were meant to be." I roll my eyes.
He raises both his eyebrows. "Looks like someone is still salty about that. For your information, I offered to buy you a new one and even when I didn't, you still bought one." He states. "You got a new one."
I cross my arms over my chest, looking at him skeptically. "How did you know that?"
He stares at me. "I was watching you, that's how."
"And why the hell were you watching me?"
He comes closer. Kneeling down to my eye level, he says, "Because I wanted to."
I squirm under his gaze and mutter a low 'creep'.
He chuckles at that and I back away a little.
I roll my eyes in annoyance and start to walk away. I widen my eyes when I feel a hand grab my arm and yank me back to where I was standing.
I immediately free my hand forcefully and glare at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I seethe.
He smirks. "Are you always this salty, or I get special services?"
I scowl. "You get special services."
He pretends to sigh dejectedly, "Come on now, we even go to the same college, you should cheer up."
I let out a mocking laugh. "Right, because if two people go to the same college, they should immediately be best friends."
He shakes his head, "Uh huh, not best friends, something else. Remember what I said? We are meant to be." He repeats that again to get on my nerves.
"Can you stop? This was a coincidence so please stop with your jokes."
"Which year are you in?"
I look at him, contemplating on sharing it with practically stranger. Whatever. He's in the same college so what's the harm in it?
"I'm not a serial killer. I'm not gonna hunt you down and kill you." He laughs after seeing me take some time to answer. "You can tell me that."
"2nd year."
He starts grinning again.
"Which semester?"
I sigh. "3rd." Which is also the last semester.
His grin widens quickly, and his emerald green eyes light up. "See! We are meant to be!" He exclaims.
I look at him, bored. He's not going to stop with that, is he?
It is a big coincidence that we are in the same year and semester but it's a common coincidence which happens to everyone.
"I'm not even gonna say anything regarding that now."
He smiles mischievously. "Glad you came to terms with the reality."
My anger spikes as I glare at him, but it doesn't effect him. "You are off to lunch now?"
I nod.
"But the cafeteria is that way," the infuriating and nosy guy points to the opposite direction.
"So?" With that, I turn around to walk but I feel his hand grab my wrist this time.
My anger reaches a different sky and I give him a death glare. "Why are you grabbing my hand again and again? I mean seriously what is wrong with you? If you have something to say, say it with your damn mouth! If you touch me again, I'll break off your hand!" I shout with venom.
His eyes darken and his face transforms into a hard and cold expression. He clenches his jaw and looks at me straight in the eyes. He takes several steps forward so that he's right in front of me. I try to back off, alert because of his sudden change of behaviour but I realize his hand is still gripping my wrist and I can't get it out as it keeps tightening around it and that is keeping me in place.
I try my best to yank it out but nothing happens. I wince when I feel the pain it's giving me.
"Wha-"
"Never walk away from me when I'm talking." He hisses, inching his face down to my level and closer. "And never ever talk to me in that tone."
My eyes widen. My heart shakes in fear. Feeling that feeling of fear, my mind goes back to that night. And that fills me with more fear.
I try to shake those thoughts out and focus on the present.
I don't even know who this guy which means I don't know what he's capable of.
I use my other hand to try and make him release his hold. I look at him, trying to show that I'm not afraid, "Let go. You're hurting me."
His eyes soften just a little and finally he slowly lets go. I stroke my wrist, not bothering to see the red marks which are surely there from the hold.
"I'm sorry." He apologises. "I just really hate it when people walk away in the middle." He tries to justify himself. "And nobody has talked to me like that." He adds something more to this sentence but it was very low so I couldn't catch it.
I back away slowly, not wanting to be there longer. "I have to go. And please keep your distance from me now on. I would appreciate that."
I quickly turn around and practically run to the door which leads to the outside. All this time, I feel a stare on my back and I feel chills down my spine.
I should stay away from him.
I finally reach my friends and they start complaining.
"Where were you?!" Noora asks, confused.
"Why didn't you reply to our messages?"
"Were you in the bathroom? How long did you take? Did you eat alot in breakfast?"
We all turn to look at Manal.
She raises her hands, "I was just asking."
I settle down beside them with a sigh. "Don't ask." I run my hands over my loose scarf.
"Why? What happened?" Layla asks, concerned.
"I met the guy from the shop."
Manal's eyes widen in realization. "You mean the one you bumped into?"
I nod. "Yep. I bumped into him in the hallway too, on my way here."
She smirks and I already don't want to hear what she has to say. "What's with you both bumping into each other, huh?" She wiggles her eyebrows.
I roll my eyes. "We didn't literally bump into each other this time. He saw me first and recognized me. So he called me over."
Noora grins, "That's even better! He recognized you first! You guys are meant to be!" She says excitedly.
My face immediately sours. "What is with you all saying we're meant to be?!" I ask, outraged.
Layla raises her eyebrow. "Do you know what that means, girls?" She turns to them, "That means, he also said the same thing!"
I sigh tiredly. "Guys, it's nothing like that and I don't want to meet him again."
"Why?" They all ask at once, making me jump.
I stare at them and hesitantly tell them what I think. "I just... I don't know, he seems very weird. Like just now he met me all friendly and smiles and then suddenly..... he got angry and I don't know it's weird and... unnerving. I don't even know the guy. He's a stranger. Who knows who he could actually be?" I let out. I don't show them my wrist and I have no idea why.
They are quiet for sometime and then Layla speaks up. "Maybe it was a mistake? I mean maybe it's got something to do with his life at home or like anything like that." She tries to justify.
I shrug. "I don't know."
Noora places her hand on mine. "You just met him. It would be unfair to him if you judge him right off the bat." She smiles lightly. "Give him a chance, if he still wants to be friends with you that is."
"For once, I agree with Noorie." I raise an eyebrow at what Manal says. "I know, I know, once in a blue moon, but she's right. Give him a chance. And besides that, he seems nice and friendly, so doing that wouldn't hurt."
Little did I know, I was about to find out how bad it would actually hurt.
I give in. "Fine. I will trust you guys on this." I look at them with my heart beat increasing, "Can we talk about that matter now?"
We all go quiet but then Noora speaks up. "You still have the video?"
"Yeah."
"What should we do with it?" Manal asks.
"I should give it to the police." I say, my voice wavering.
Noora holds my hand. "But that is dangerous! What if those guys find out that it was you because of that?" She whispers with fear.
"Exactly, Noora is right, Insha. You will be in great danger then. You already saw what they did to the late victims. You have to be careful!" Layla shrieks, looking frightened out of her mind.
I feel like crumbling. "Then what else should I do? I have the proof in my phone! I can make them pay for what they've done. I have the chance to do that. To bring justice to the wronged. I have to do this." My voice breaks and all I want to do is cry.
Manal envelops me in a side hug. "We know. All that you said is right but what had to happen, already happened. By doing this, you will be putting your own self in danger." She says in a firm voice. "Think about your parents, your brother, just think about them. Think about us. What would happen to us if something happens to you?" She lamented.
My eyes get watery and I try to blink the tears away.
She continues, "Sometimes you have to stay quiet, " she squeezes my hand, "Sometimes you have to turn the other way, for your own safety." She stares into my eyes, trying to get her point accross, "And that is okay." She murmurs.
"Delete the video, Insha." Noora pleads. "And forget what happened that night."
I look at her. Is it really that easy? Was it really so easy? Just delete that terrifying thing and then pretend it didn't even exist. Is that it?
Ya Allah, what do I do?
I know they are right. It is dangerous. Those people, they are monsters and what if they really found out it was me once I submit the video to the police? In cases like these, even the police are sometimes involved, if not all then some of them.
I hate myself for being so helpless. I hate myself for being so selfish. I hate myself for what I am about to say.
"Okay." My tears fall and I look down. "I won't do anything. But I won't delete the video. I just can't." I counter.
They all sigh but agree.
And just like that we thought it will be fine. We thought if we forget about it, it will be okay. Everything will be normal.
The future was anything but. I wish I would've known beforehand. Too bad I didn't.
I didn't know what was awaiting me.
If I did, I would've ran away and especially, I wouldn't have done one thing which I did.
Trust. It's all about trust. Trust screwed me up.