Jamie and I took walk to the waterfall. She would go on and on about how Saryia was always evil and will never change. That is a lie Saryia has changed. She has changed so much from the first time we met. Jamie is just loosing her mind, it has unraveled. I look at the steam coming from the falling water.
"It's amazing isn't it? I love coming here to meditate, and clear my mind. This place can help you too." Jamie points to the side of the water. She takes her sandals off and puts her feet in the water. I do the same sitting next to her at small distance. She stares off into space for a second then looks at me.
"I was meditating here while you were sleeping. That silver really knocked you out. I was wondering how I can make you immune to silver." I splash the water confused for a second.
"How long was I out?" Jamie lifts herself up then sits herself next to me. Her arm went around me.
"You were out for two days. It was torture. I've been trying to find a drink that can steadily cure your allergy to silver." I sigh.
"Is this your way of telling you need me to be a test rabbit?" Jamie laughs as she takes me face in her hands. My dark brown eyes twitch looking into her dark and cold blue eyes. She has changed just like Saryia has, but her transformation was dark and sad.
"Yes it is, but it will be okay." Her cold lips press on mine roughly. I force myself to kiss back. Jamie's tongue slides in my mouth, hungrily moving against mine. I pull away turning my face from her. She chuckles. I feel oddly dizzy.
"You never played hard to get before. Her spell must be strong." Jamie chuckles again kissing my neck. I don't need her touching me. Saryia's facial expression is still replaying in my head. I pull myself away from Jamie, but her strong hand grips on my arm. I look back into her eyes.
They were light blue again. I feel a tremble go through my being. She starts to pull me back to her. I submit, willingly sitting back down. Jamie gets behind me, gripping my waist in her powerful hands. I don't try to struggle or squirm, she might hurt me if I do.
"I find meditation useful. It clears the mind and helps energy flow through you. It is everyone's nature to let the energy flow through them." Her chin is on my shoulder. She rubs my hips then clenches down harder. For some reason I feel very weak, now I am starting to wonder what was in that drink.
"Energy is in everything we see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. It is what keeps the world in balance, and if does not flow then everything will stop working, no matter what it is. From the grass we sit on, to the water falling before us, even you and I, if the energy does not flow it will die." I nod. She still makes sense. Even though her brain is fried to a crisp.
"I want you to do something for me." Jamie lets my waist go and tells me to cross my legs Indian style. She hands me some more of that drink. I drink some then cough a little. Whatever in that stuff is pretty strong.
"Close your eyes." I close my eyes nervously. I think this is another one of her therapy treatments. I rather have this and the drink than that physical therapy. Jamie takes my hands balling them into fists. She takes my fists touching them together over my abdomen.
"Our energy flows when our mind is clear, and can be blocked when we let emotion get in the way. Before we get to that I want you to focus. Focus on the sounds, smells, the feeling of the energy around you. If you want to see the world for what it truly is, you must use the other senses besides the one you use the most. See the world with a new pair of eyes." Jamie must think she some sort of guru or whatever was in that drink she made must have weed in it cause that is the most hippie thing I have ever heard.
Then again she does have a point. Some Wiccans like herself are all about nature. They depend on it for life. I'm not sure if all of this energy flow stuff will work, but my mind is very stuffed up with a lot of shit. I do what she says and listen to the silence. All that could be heard was the waterfall as it splashes into the water below. The scent of the calming wind invades my nose, it's touch going through my hair blowing it gently.
I forgot I had eyes for a moment and could see my surroundings by only using my other senses. It was all like a vivid dream, a beautiful dream. I think this might be that drink getting to me. I let out a deep breath as I submerge myself into my day dream.
"Let's begin." Jamie's voice said. I could then see her, sitting next to me in the same position I am in.
"The first emotion that blocks the energy is sadness. Sadness has two main branches, depression and guilt. Think about what depresses you, what makes you feel guilty." My mind races, a lot of stuff makes me feel depressed and guilty. A thick fog surrounds me and then I see my father, my mother, the pack, my friends. They are all gone, and it is because of vampires. A tear forms in my eye then falls.
"My parents are dead, because they protected me. It's my fault." Jamie sighs and shakes her head.
"Yes, they died protecting you and your brother from us. They loved you that is why they went off to protect you. They have not left you, they still are alive in your heart. They live inside you. Let their love instead of their death fill your being. Let the guilt go, let it fall into the water below." I see my parents, pack and friends disappear into ripples before me. I took one breath in then let it out.
I slightly smirk. Jamie smiles and I feel like she released something too. The fog clears and our surroundings look prettier than they were.
"The next emotion the one that we all have to deal with. It is anger. Anger shows up into our lives when we feel insecure or anxious. What makes you anxious and insecure? Above all what makes you angry." I think hard, it doesn't take long for an image to show up. I return to the night of Jamie's betrayal. My relaxed fists stiffen up when I look across the water and see Mercy and Jamie naked. More tears fall down my cheeks as I watch as they have sex. Mercy looks over at me and winks. I look back down a lot more angry than I was before.
"What does she have that I don't? What could I have done to stop that night from happening? You betrayed me. I will never forget it, nor will I forgive it." Jamie sighs tears falling down her face as well.
"I admit that night was the worse mistake I have ever made, but I did that because your life was in danger. It was what I was guilty about. It was never my intent to hurt you. You feel like Mercy is better than you, but she is not. She is everything I am glad you are not. She holds nothing over you, don't let her selfishness and jealousy hold you down. If you forgive her, she has no more power. Let her flow down the falls, and let that night go with her." I look across the water again. I take in a deep breath and let it out along with the words 'I forgive you'.
Mercy ripples away in the water. I return to the waterfall. The sun shines down brightly, bathing Jamie and I in it's golden rays.
"This next one we will explore is a feeling. Feelings can block energy too, they cloud our minds and distract us. This feeling is a very tricky one. I believe this is the one that locks you to her. Lust is a very exciting and dangerous feeling. It happens when our body takes control and our minds are too confused and dazed to stop it. When was your most lustful moment? When have you ever let your body do what it wants?"
"Shit, can we skip this one?" I look over at Jamie before I look across the water. She shakes her head no. I groan then look across the river. Another thick fog rolls in. I can already feel myself throb. Oh fuck, of course she had to say lust. A figure walks out of the mist. Saryia walks out, her flawless, perfect naked body makes me swallow hard. I stare her up and down. She bits her lip, I instantly become soaking wet. Too bad this isn't real, if it was I would swim over there and-- I see what Jamie is talking about. The lunatic has a valid point.
"Saryia, every time we make love, my mind has no more control. It feels so good. I don't see how pleasure is bad." Jamie sighs again. Here she go again.
"Pleasure and Lust are very different sweetheart. When you lust you have no control over yourself. She is the epitome of you sexual lust. Pleasure is more controlled. Your brain is controlling you action during a pleasurable moment. Control your hunger to regain balance in the intimate parts of your life. You control the lust, it is not the other way. Let the staving feeling of lust flow down and silence itself in the process." I look back at Saryia. I shake my head and get the very, extremely dirty images of her out of my mind.
She ripples away as the fog clears again. The waterfall and everything about the area we are in becomes twenty times prettier than it was before. I am at a loss of words looking around this wonderful place.
"It's so beautiful here." I breathe out. Jamie smiles still keeping her focus. I comeback into my focus, taking deep breaths, absorbing the beauty of my surroundings.
"There is one last feeling that you still have not let in. It is what puts everything right again. It keeps balance in every aspect of life. This feeling is peace. Peace is apparent in us when there is no war within ourselves. What are you in a war with? Think about what is attacking your body, mind, heart, and soul. Look deep inside yourself, this answer will not surface as easily as the last ones." I didn't have an straight answer like Jamie said I would. I reach deep inside of my conscious and unconscious mind. I find nothing. I travel to the deepest parts of my heart where all of my secret pain is locked away. A little shows up, but not enough.
I continue my search to my body. All that comes up is the wars and the faded battle scars. I can remember every single one of them. Most of them were earned from the beatings I got from bullies when I was small, others I deserved. Tears fall from my eyes, but I still know it is not enough. I finally go to the place that I have never ventured. I search down into my soul.
Unwilling to go there for so long, I open the door. Waves of the years of pain and misery of my younger self come over my body. No memory is the exact cause, yet all are the reason why I am the way I am today.
"I have placed walls up for so long I actually thought that they would help me through all the shit that has been happening. I was once a sweet girl, kind, obedient, and always did the right thing. I never lashed out at anyone or caused trouble, but people. . . took that little girl and destroyed her. They broke her, and now that little girl is a woman in a few weeks and she has never healed from the pain of her past. I want it all to go away! I want to forget and forgive, but after everything that happened... I can't do it. I'm still weak and helpless just like that little girl was!" I cry out loud as the memories of the bullies, the stupid mistakes, the battle scars, the pain that has been laying on my heart show up before me across the water.
"The walls you speak of were made with sadness and anger. Instead of using them to protect yourself, you retreated into them, turning them into your jail. Eventually you could not escape, and what you have been looking for is something to set you free. Love sets us all free. It is the thing we all want and depend on. Love can come from a parent, a sibling, a best friend, a lover, even a betrothed. Sadness, anger, pain, confusion, and all the other things you have been feeling can all be washed away by love. Think of all the love that you have been given." Jamie softly says.
I think of all the love I have been given over my seventeen years of life. A whole new set of memories floods me and the other side of the water. I see my parent's smiling faces, I see Odin, Apollo, and I laughing together. I see my pack laughing and dancing with me. I see all my school friends. I even see Jamie for a split second, then the last thing I see is Saryia. They all loved me and I loved them too.
"All of their love has been keeping me going all this time. I wouldn't be anywhere without all of them." I look back to the other side of the water. All of the bad memories start to fade.
"Let all of their love take over your being. Let thier love set you free. Come to terms with yourself that love will win the war inside yourself. Use the love to find peace within." Jamie says quietly. The pain filled tears in my eyes cease. Joy filled tears take their place. I let all of the love wash the pain away. I cry again as I see the walls I built vanish. I let out a breath, it felt so good. It finally felt like the pain that I harbored inside me was gone, distant memories that seem like dreams.
I return to the waterfall, and everything is a lot more stunning then it ever was. More tears fall from my face.
"This is what the world looks like when your inner enemies are defeated. How do you feel?" I let out a sigh and smile.
"Happy. I feel better. Does the world look the same when I open my eyes?" Jamie chuckles and puts her lips to my ear.
"Open your eyes and see for yourself." I sigh again, slowly opening my eyes. The sunlight welcomes me back. I gasp to see everything is like it was when my eyes were closed. I look at Jamie, her eyes are going back to normal. I smile as she wipes away the tears. Her forehead touches mine. Her lips tenderly touch mine. I kiss her back when she takes my face in her hands.
"Come love, it's time for dinner." She gets up and extends her hand. I shake my head no.
"I think I'll stay here till dinner is ready." Jamie smiles and nods before she leaves me next to the water. I close my eyes again to meditate some more. It feels nice to release all of those emotions, but I think I'm going to have to work on the lust one... I've got my reasons...
A/N: Jamie the insane emotion guru... interesting. haha don't want her as my doctor though. Comment Vote Peace :)