"What is it that you seek?"
"I seek strength."
"No. Strength is only a method. What is it that you truly strive for? What pushes you to work for the strength that you desire?"
"... Revenge."
"Against whom?"
"The Gods."
"... That's a tall order... Are you willing to give up everything to achieve that goal?"
"Yes."
"Even if it costs your well-being? Your emotions? Your humanity? Even if you have to sacrifice yourself, would you still push to achieve your goal?
"Yes."
The old man in front of me shook his head and sat up from the cushion he was sitting on, "Then you are not ready."
His cane clicked against the wooden floor as he walked away from me, and even though I knew it wasn't polite, I still asked him, "Why am I not? Why is it that things must be how you like them? Why are other ideas not worth anything? Why can't I be who I am and still achieve what I wish to achieve?"
He came to a stop before turning around to face me, "Now, don't mistake my words for me believing you aren't ready because your philosophy doesn't match mine. That would go against my view of the world... How about this? Tell me. Who are you?"
I opened my mouth, ready to speak, but found myself shocked when words didn't come out. I couldn't think of an answer to his question. Who am I? That answer seemed so easy to answer, but once I thought about it more, I found myself stunned to silence in thought. It wasn't until I heard his cane clicking on the pristine wooden floor that I could focus on the world around me again.
He stood above me, leaning on his cane as he explained to me, "You see, anyone who knows who they are would also know that they cannot give up on those things, no matter the reasons they may have to feel as though they must. You must keep your well-being about you. You must learn to swing in tandem with your emotions. You must learn to embrace humanity and not let go. And you must learn, that above all else, no goal is worth sacrificing yourself, especially not revenge."
I couldn't help but feel my mind twisting at his words as I stammered, "I've lived for a while now, and I've learned a couple of things. Emotions breed weakness. Humanity is a sickness. Well-being gets in the way. My life isn't so worthy that I should hold it above others, nor let it get in the way of what I want. Why would it be that what I've learned so far is wrong when it has helped me move forward?"
The old man frowned and sighed before saying to me, "I'm what they call the Laozi. I am a follower of the great Tao, achieving balance in all things. And if there is one thing I've learned in my cultivation of the Tao, it's that everything has a semblance of balance, even the seemingly unbalanceable. That includes emotions, humans, well-being, and life. That's not to say that you must balance everything, for that is not how the Tao has decided for you to lead your life, but even the most tyrannical of all true rulers have a balance of these basic ideals. As the seer of all the is balance and the observer of the carp who jumped to break this balance, trust me when I say that you must live with your emotions, not bury them. You must embrace humanity, not have shame in it. You must respect your well-being, not tarnish it. And you must never disvalue your life, for it is the most valuable thing of all."
I furrowed my brows in contemplation and decided to ask him, "Then how do I balance my emotions? How do I live like a human? How do I indulge without taking away? How do I see the value in my own life?"
He gave a light laugh in reaction to my words as he clarified my confusion, "I can not tell you that. Everyone must figure that out on their own, otherwise, it would be just too easy and too generic to be a difficult test now wouldn't it? Every human is unique, therefore everyone's path is also unique. You must live your own path to get the answers you seek. Without that, they will have no value to you."
I was only left with more questions than answers. I just shook my head and readied myself to leave, "Thank you for helping me out of a tough spot, but I'd better be going."
"... Hmmm, you know what? Why don't you stay here for a while? You're an interesting person... and I think it will be worthwhile to keep you under my wing for a bit. Alright, that settles it. I'll guide you through your journey of self-satisfaction. I look forward to seeing how you do, the son of the one who feeds seeds. Ikusho Shin'in..."
Like a name in the wind, his words echoed in my mind.
Ikusho Shin'in...
Ikusho...
Shin...
'in...
____________________________________________
"...is..."
"Quis..."
"Quis wake up!"
"I'm... I'm up."
It didn't take me very long to get up from my sleepy state, as it was hard to keep myself focused on sleeping. I rarely have dreams, so the fact I had one suddenly is a bit strange, and the dream itself was strange. Why was Laozi there? It could be another one of his tricks... but it wouldn't be a bad idea to at least question him about it. It would be foolish to not use what looks to be a wellspring of knowledge. That can wait for later though, for now, I have to focus on stabilizing.
I rubbed my head before sitting on the bed that I was sleeping on and took a look around me. Next to me was the old man who just woke me up, but other than that, everything was unfamiliar so I asked him, "Hey, old man, where are we and what time is it?"
He leaned back, stretching a bit, as he responded to me, "Well, I figured it would not make much sense to go back to your classroom, so I decided to take refuge elsewhere. Right now, we are in Onvima's house, and it is about the evening."
So that was why I didn't recognize it. I'd been in Onvima's house before, but back then... it was a lot more messy than now. So much so that I couldn't even connect them as the same area of space in my mind before being told so. I looked around a little bit, and now that my sleepiness completely disappeared, I asked him another question, "In that case, where's Onvima?... Actually, where is everyone?"
The old man was about to answer me when I heard the door creak open. Walking inside the room was Capcis who was holding onto a paper bag of groceries. She turned around, and when she saw me, she dropped the bag causing the few apples she bought to spill out. She ran up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, positioning her head in my lap, "Thank goodness, you're awake Quis."
I brought my hand out and rubbed her head, "I'm fine. I was just a bit tired is all." Even with my words of reassurance, her grip around me got tighter and it was only once ten seconds passed by that the old man gave a small cough to get my attention. When he did this, it also brought Capcis' attention. If it were before, she would probably apologize feverishly, but instead now she just silently sat down next to me, waiting to see what the old man wanted to say.
After she did so, the old man returned to the subject at hand, "Anyways, Capcis is a bit of a special case. She pretty much refused to leave your side throughout your entire time sleeping, until she decided it would be best if you woke up to some food. Oh, by the way, she has officially joined the faction now. She jumped at it as soon as she heard that it was a thing. As for the other members... Well, they're going through their own difficulties right now. They all had the people they were friends with from the faction they originated from, and well, I can't stop them from sending them off how they want to."
I nodded my head in agreement. It was inevitable that some feathers would be ruffled when I revealed the birth of my new faction, but the real problems would stem from the people that I got to join my faction. Medisma and Convir won't be happy to find out that I've stolen a lot of their main offensive force. In fact, I even expect them to try their hardest to get them back, by any means necessary. This won't be a problem right now because the patriotism for my faction is at its peak, but once some time passes, assuming I don't do anything to prevent it, they'll eventually start falling back into line.
For now though, I would let them deal with cutting off ties on their own as it held no danger. That meant I had some time to do other things. There was only one other pressing issue I could think about right now, and it was finally getting rid of the dirt that Spiravit had on me. So I stood up and stretched my arms a little while asking the old man, "Do you know where Spiravit is?"
As if remembering something, he quickly raised his head to meet mine and said, "Yes, that's right. He asked me to tell you that he's at "the place it all began". He assured me you would understand."
So he was at the World Tree then. There was a chance he was referring to where I killed Pulchra, but based on his cautious personality, there was no way he would take me that far from the sect; especially because there's a good chance that he knows that I tried to kill him. But it doesn't matter. Either I get the evidence from him, or he doesn't have the chance to use the evidence. All I had to do was see how much Spiravit liked living.
I stood up and said to the Capcis and the old man while walking toward the door, "Thanks both of you for helping me out, but I have to be going. I have some unfinished business to take care of with Spiravit. I shouldn't be too long."
I opened the door, and just as I was about to leave, I felt someone poke my back. I turned around and saw that Capcis was standing right before me. She stuck her hand out that was holding onto an apple and said, "Here, you should make sure you eat at least this much, or you might just pass out again."
I grabbed the apple and thanked her before continuing to move forward. I stepped outside of the cramped out onto the streets of the housing area and looked up at the sky.
'This is going to be a satisfying next hour, I can just feel it.'
___________________________________________________________________________
I pushed passed the intense array of leaves and branches, and like a man who had just escaped from the darkest point in his life, I broke through into the clearing of sunshine and short grass, along with the beautiful scene of a tall and magnificent tree.
It seeped out the earth as if it were a part of the earth it grew in, and then it went up and up and up, touching the sun itself. Its emerald leaves shook in the wind, making the shadows on the ground move sporadically, giving it a small sense of unpredictability, but then the sturdy roots that stuck out of the ground gave it the consistency it needed, making a balance of wild and steady. And the connection between these two opposing sides was the neutrality of the trunk that gave rise to the leaves, but wouldn't be so high up without the roots. It truly was a tree that exemplified the beauty of nature.
As I brought my eyes to one of the roots in particular, it brought me out of the trance that the beautiful scene put on me and caused me to narrow my eyes.
Leaning his back on a root was a man who was staring right at me. His hair was long and dark, reaching to the middle of his back now, his facial structure was symmetrical, and his body was one that most would desire. But his eyes told me more than what the outside did. His black eyes held the deepest of voids, one that threatened to suck up all that neared. It was still only a weak pull, however, I could feel that this void had the ability to grow in size and suck up more than ever before.
I prepared myself as I walked forward.
It was time to finally settle things with him, and rid myself of loose ends.