There I stood. The rain poured on my back, soaking my clothes. But even with the barrage of rain, the mansion stood tall. It was well-lit. People were moving on the inside. If you listened closely you could hear the talking of people.
I gripped the rim of my shirt.
The rain hit the lanterns that lit the outside of the building, creating a familiar sound.
My stomach twisted in pain.
My feet dragged on the well-maintained dirt path, creating a familiar sound.
Memories resurfaced.
I took a numb step up the stairs that led to the front doors, creating a familiar sound.
I knocked on the wooden double doors, each bang hurting more than the last.
The door creaked open, creating a familiar feeling.
"Ah, Master Pulchra, welcome home. Master Fratyrum isn't home now, he's out on a mission to kill some Wild Beasts-"
A young woman wearing our family's crest tattooed on her arm greeted me at the front door, creating a familiar sight.
"I'm not here to see brother. I wish to see Grandfather."
The young woman paused at my words before quickly restabilizing herself, creating a familiar taste in my mouth.
"Right then, I'll inform him as soon as possible. First, let me prepare some warm water for you. If you continue like this you may catch a cold."
I entered the house and the door shut behind me.
____________________________________________
"Hugh."
I let out a small sigh as I dried my body off with a towel. I really didn't like my grandfather's house, it brings back bad memories. I was barely able to even knock on the door... but if it means I can clear Quis' name, then it's worth it.
I put on one of my old nightgowns that didn't fit me very well anymore and left the bathing room. Palrsum stood there, waiting for me to leave the room.
"Are you done already Master Pulchra? Good, I'll lead you to your room then-"
"Could you actually please leave me alone? I wish to look around the manor for a while. Don't worry, I know better than to enter places I shouldn't." I said this with careful politeness, this woman was one of the apprentices under my grandfather. She may be very polite and kind to me now, but I know he has complete control over her, so I don't want her near me.
She seemed a little indecisive for a moment before sighing in defeat and beginning to walk away from me. Thank goodness, I don't know how I would feel with a little watchbird constantly hanging over me. I waited for her to turn a corner before walking in the opposite direction. I already knew where I wanted to go. The library.
I opened the door to the library and the sight of the spiral of bookshelves brought a smile to my face. This was the only place in this house that I truly enjoyed. Everywhere else only made me frown.
I could almost see myself reading the books, page to page, for hours on end. I had already read every book in this place, so I didn't need to read any others... but it wouldn't hurt to refresh myself right?
I grabbed one of the books on the first level and opened it.
"Ah, this is the one on different types of plants you could find in the surrounding jungle. I remember reading this book and then running outside to find the plant described in the book. Then when I got back with dirt and mud all over my body, Mother would scold me-"
I shut the book in a panic.
I was wrong. This place wasn't safe from the terror of the rest of this house. I would love to read a good book again though... I'll look for a book that I haven't read before.
I scoured the small spiral of books, looking at each book, trying to find a new one. Some books made me feel joyful. Some even made me laugh a bit. But most made my stomach wrack with pain, the feeling of barf crawling up my stomach following soon, and puking would come next if I didn't hurriedly close the book.
Why did I search so adamantly? Every opening of a book cover only brought pain, so why did I still open them? Was it for those few chuckles of a simpler time? I wondered this as I opened the next book, expecting misery to follow, yet it only confused me.
I haven't read this one before. It must be a new one, so I'll read it. Hmm, it looks like a... fantasy novel? Weird. Grandfather was never interested in fantasy before... Maybe this was one of his apprentices? Either way, I would read it. My body was begging for comfort of some kind, and this was the only way I could get that in this place.
I sat at the only table in the small library and began to read out loud.
"In a world, far, far away... what a cheesy start. Hehe, I say that as if I don't love these types of crappy books."
I began to read it silently. Soon, my mind was entranced in the world of the novel and I was released from the stress of the outside world. It was nice, even if it was only temporary.
____________________________________________
"Master Pulchra, please wake up."
"Huh? Capcis~ I asked you to not wake me up so early anymore, right? If you don't stop being so selfish I'll squeeze your cheeks...?"
I looked closely at the person whose cheeks I was currently playing with. That wasn't Capcis. Where am I? I retracted my hand from Palrsum's face as I remembered last night. That's right, I fell asleep while reading a cheesy fantasy novel. But why was Pulrsum here? Why did she wake me up so early?
"Pulrsum, I'm sorry about that. But do you mind telling me what you're doing here?"
She looked at me with a little confusion of her own before calmly saying, "Grand Elder L'Amour has heard your request and agreed to meet you. The meeting will be this afternoon at his study, so I woke you early to prepare."
I suddenly remembered, I asked her to arrange that didn't I? Maybe I gave this woman the short straw too early. She was coming off as a nice person, maybe Grandfather hadn't gotten to her yet.
"That's right, I'm sorry for my rudeness. I will go prepare... you can follow me if you want."
She lifted her head with happiness in her eyes, "Yes Master Pulchra."
Huh? Was she actually this simple to make happy? What a controllable woman... Ah, I shouldn't think like that. It's time for me to prepare anyways, so I'll go ahead and do that.
I slowly walked to my bedroom while talking with Pulrsum. It wasn't like I held her that highly, I just didn't want to be forced to look around me. She was good at distracting my mind from wondering.
"Ah, Master Pulchra, we are here now. I'll have to take my leave then, studies call after all." She was a bit hesitant but ended up steeling herself to walk away.
"A-Alright, until later then," I was surprisingly a little upset to see her go. Don't tell me I'm actually really easy... No, there was no way. But then again Quis made his way into my heart only after a week and a half... I really was easy huh.
I thought about these things as I opened the door leading to my room. The sight of a queen-sized bed with a wooden box frame encompassing it was the first thing to meet my eyes. I looked around the room with a slight turn of my head. The small window with a nice view of the backyard. The dresser that held all of my nice frilly dresses. The chest with my toys that I would play with in the corner of the room. And the stains on the wooden floor. It was simple but nostalgic-!
Oh-no. I ran to the window and clumsily opened it before throwing up my guts, "Bleuge! Huph, huph... huph." The initial panic slowly receded as my jaw which was forcibly opened by the vomit closed. This wasn't one of the books that I could just close, I had to look at it. Luckily I was able to keep my insides inside of me as I got myself ready, I was off-guard after distracting myself with Pulrsum. I almost forgot what a horrible place this was. But not again. I won't forget again.
I left the room and made my way to Grandfather's study. I gave a slight prayer to the Wood Sovereign as I walked. Great Wood Sovereign, please let this work. No, at least let me not throw up at the sight of his face. Though, I would still appreciate the former.
____________________________________________
Gulp.
I swallowed my saliva in a nervous sweat as I knocked on the door in front of me.
Knock... Knock... Knock-
"Come in."
His voice made my stomach quiver, I didn't want to enter. But I was able to force myself to move forward as I remembered why I was here in the first place. I need to clear Quis' slate. I reigned my nerves and made myself numb, it was the only way I would be able to do it.
I opened the door and I could feel his presence, but I didn't dare look him in the eyes, my eyes glued to the rug on the floor.
"Raise your head and look at me. You were to one who asked to meet me. Have you forgotten proper courtesy after only a couple of years?"
Every instinct in my body said, "Do not look at this man," but I still did it, and I looked him in the eyes. Quis' sake was more important than my well-being. I could do this. I can do this.
"Hmm... Alright, that's good. You know how much I hate spineless people, but you are my granddaughter after all, so this much should be expected. Go on, tell me what you want."
This was unexpected. I half believed that he would immediately dismiss me after I entered. He must be in a good mood today. I had to take advantage of it while it was still there, so I spoke confidently with my eyes staring right at his. His brown, disgusting, stomach-wrenching, dirty, brown eyes.
"I have a favor to ask of you Grandfather," I said this with the utmost carefulness. If he caught the slightest amount of the animosity I held for him, he would probably treat me just as he treated Mother.
"Alright then, go ahead and ask."
I breathed in and out slowly to calm my rising emotions, and said with as stable a voice as possible, "I wish to enter a romantic relationship with Quis Quiliae-"
"No."
Mgh. That hurt mentally, but I expected it, so I would lower my request. Say a higher amount than what you really want, a good strategy in negotiation taught by my Grandfather himself.
"Then, may I ask to publicly apologize to him?"
He tapped his fingers against his desk in an orderly manner. First the pinky, then the ring finger, then the middle finger, then the index finger, and then the pinky again.
"Hmm... What would you apologize for?" He said this with a hurried voice. He was trying to pressure me into answering unconfidently, then he would crush me further, leaving me defenseless. I wouldn't fall for it though. I knew him too well.
"I wish to apologize for the sexual harassment incident. It was my fault and I wish to make that known to the sect so he doesn't have trouble in the future."
He squinted his eyes at me in suspicion and moved his eyes around my body, looking for any signs of discomfort or nervousness. But he wouldn't find anything. After studying Quis for over a week and a half, I was getting better at hiding emotions.
"In acknowledgment of your abilities, I will allow it. But you must sever all connections to him afterward. It does not look good for someone from the L'Amour family to be friendly with an outsider."
I felt my blood pressure rise as I heard this come from his despicable mouth. I thought about standing up and yelling at him. Does he not understand my feelings? How could he do this?! But I kept a cool exterior.
"Grandfather, I hardly see how it would reflect badly on the family if I helped someone in need. We are a righteous sect after all-"
"Do you not understand anything? I said no. That means no. You don't have the authority to question me."
I swallowed my saliva. I was scared, really scared. But I knew I didn't want this, so I had to move forward.
"But Grandfather-"
"Did you not hear me?! No! No! And no! Get it through your thick skull, you dumb wench!"
He can insult me all he wants, I was in a state of emotional numbness. Nothing he said would mean anything to me. I have changed since I was here 2 years ago. I had a reason to fight.
"Grandfather! If you do this, what will stop me from running away with him?! Would that not be more a shame than us just getting together officially?!" I spat these words at him, but it wasn't desperate. I wanted to express my determination in this.
I expected him to freak out at me and yell, but he didn't. He just stared at me, silently, eerily. His long greying brown hair swayed as he stood up. His slightly wrinkled face began to approach me. What would he do? Would he assault me? Maybe. But I didn't care at this point because I knew at this point, there was nothing he could do to stop me.
"Pulchra my dear, why are you so upset?" H-huh? W-what was he doing... no that wasn't his voice. That was... Mother's voice? But she can't be here, she's...
"Come on sweety, let's go to the kitchen. I'll make you some ice cream. Ice cream has the secret ability to soothe the soul." Yet I couldn't deny that was her voice. Water balled up in my eyes. Maybe she really was here, maybe she was back. A tear fell down my face, "Mother, I-I've missed you so much." I cried. I cried and followed my Mother down the hall as she led me to the kitchen.
I sat down on a chair and shimmied it to the small kitchen table as I watched Mother put ice cream in a bowl for me. My tears had dried at this point. She really was back. A smile was plastered on my face as I listened to her humming. I closed my eyes and took in the moment.
I opened my eyes, but Mother wasn't there anymore. Huh? Where did she go? I stood up and looked around the kitchen.
"M-Mother? m...mother... why?"
I didn't have to mental capacity to cry anymore. Her beautiful frilly sun dress was stained with blood. Her hat was still attached to her head... but her head wasn't attached to her neck. I could see her stomach dropping out of her cut belly. The scent of death infiltrated my nose. The puddle of silky red blood flowed beneath me as I knelt, blood staining my dress.
"No....no. M-Mother... please, don't leave me again..."
I crawled my way to her dead body and hugged it.
"Mother... mother... mother... please. Please mother... please. I'm sorry for being bad. Please come back."
No matter what I said, the blood puddle only continued to cascade down the tiled floor, going into the small indents in between each tile first, then coating the entire tile in crimson.
"I was being bad mother. I know it, and I'm sorry so please come back. I promise to be a good girl from now on. Please don't leave me."
I squeezed her body tightly, causing her stomach to spin further than mine ever had. She wasn't coming back, she was dead. She's been dead for a long time. This wasn't real, and I knew it. But I didn't want it to end. At least like this, I could hug her. Even if her body were cold, I could warm it. I didn't care.
I squeezed tighter. A twisted stomach pressed against mine.
"Mom... I love you."
____________________________________________
"HUUUUUUU! HUPH! Huph! Huph, huph, huph... huph."
I woke up in the middle of a lush environment that was very familiar to me. The beautiful moon showed itself to me, in all of its full glory. It was the jungle of the school campus. Why was I here?
I thought back to the dream I had. It felt like more than a dream. It was a reality that I didn't want to wake up from. I wanted to see my mom again.
I fell on my side, not having the motivation to move out of the uncomfortable position. I rubbed the dirt in front of me, picturing it as my mother's face. Tears fell down my face.
"Mom..."