Dr. GibeHug: (enters Room 101) Well, well, well, what have we here? Patient: Mr. GrumpyPants. How are we feeling today?
Patient: I'm experiencing excruciating pain in my back, Doc. It's unbearable.
Dr. GibeHug: Oh, Mr. GrumpyPants, I must apologize for not bringing my crystal ball today. You know, the one that allows me to easily cure back pain with a magic chant. Alas, all I have are medical degrees and common sense. But don't fret, I'll just prescribe a hug and send you on your merry way, because that always fixes everything.
×××
Dr. GibeHug: (enters Room 203) Ah, greetings, Miss IsItContagious! How nice of you to grace us with your presence. How are we feeling today?
Patient: Well, Doctor, I have this rash that's spreading all over my body, and it's making me really uncomfortable.
Dr. GibeHug: Oh, a rash, how fascinating! I absolutely adore skin decorations. I promise, in just a few days, you'll have patterns that rival Picasso's artwork. And remember, when you're tired of people constantly asking, "What happened to your skin?" you can always tell them you attended the avant-garde dermatology convention.
×××
Dr. GibeHug: (enters Room 305) Hello, Mr. Anxious. How are we doing today?
Patient: Doctor, I can't seem to shake this feeling of overwhelming anxiety. It's affecting my daily life.
Dr. GibeHug: Ah, anxiety, the overrated feeling that everyone experiences at least once in their lifetime. Fear not, dear patient, for I have the perfect prescription for your suffering. A trip to a deserted island, equipped with only a ukulele and a troupe of monkeys as your companions. I guarantee that after a week, you'll start begging for anxiety to come back.
×××
Dr. GibeHug: (enters Room 409) Greetings, Ms. NeverSeenYouBefore! How can I be of service to you today?
Patient: Doctor, I've been having difficulty sleeping for weeks now. It's affecting my overall well-being.
Dr. GibeHug: Ah, the dreamers' dilemma! Shall we fetch the Sandman or perhaps a battalion of sheep to count? No, no, there's no need for that! I've got an innovative solution for you: textbooks! Yes, I prescribe five chapters from any statistics book, and you'll be dreaming about bell curves and p-values in no time. You're welcome!
×××
Dr. GibeHug: (enters Room 510) Oh, hello, Mr. WoeIsMe! How can I cheer you up today?
Patient: Doctor, I've been feeling extremely down lately. It's as if there's a storm cloud hanging above my head all the time.
Dr. GibeHug: Ah, the dark cloud of melancholy, my dear friend. Fear not, for I shall slay it with my mighty banter sword! Allow me to prescribe a daily dose of laughter: a hilariously bad joke every hour. Warning: side effects may include excessive eye rolling and uncontrollable giggling. Proceed at your own risk.