Dr. GibeHug: Welcome to the clinic, Mr. SmartyPants. How can I assist you today? I hope you're not here to enlighten me about my own profession.
Patient SmartyPants: Oh, hello there, Dr. GibeHug. Actually, I might have a better understanding of my condition than you do. I've done extensive research, you know.
Dr. GibeHug: Ah, I see you've received your honorary doctorate from the Internet University! Please, enlighten me, Professor SmartyPants. How can I assist the walking encyclopedia today?
Patient SmartyPants: Well, I believe I may have contracted The Rare But Deadly Maybeitis. I read an article online about it, and the symptoms match!
Dr. GibeHug: Oh, wow! Maybeitis, you say? That's a groundbreaking discovery. You do know that "maybe" isn't a medical condition, right? Next, you'll argue that "perhaps" is an epidemic.
Patient SmartyPants: I don't appreciate your sarcasm, Dr. GibeHug. I'm just trying to be informed about my health.
Dr. GibeHug: Well, Mr. SmartyPants, let's play a little game. I'll pretend I went to medical school for a decade, and you pretend to listen. Deal?
Patient SmartyPants: Fine, let's get to the bottom of this.
Dr. GibeHug: Great! Now, tell me exactly what symptoms you're experiencing, other than searching the depths of the internet for a diagnosis.
Patient SmartyPants: Well, I have this persistent headache, fatigue, and muscle weakness.
Dr. GibeHug: Ah, the classic symptoms of perhapsitis, a disease quite similar to maybeitis. Allow me to consult my crystal ball.
Patient SmartyPants: I didn't say anything about perhapsitis! Are you even listening?
Dr. GibeHug: I am actually listening quite attentively, Dr. SmartyPants! You keep educating me, and I'll keep pretending to take notes here on my physician smiley-face notepad.
Patient SmartyPants: This is ridiculous! I want a real diagnosis, not your constant sarcasm.
Dr. GibeHug: Alright, alright, no more witty banter. I suspect your symptoms might point to a simple case of stress.
Patient SmartyPants: Stress? I highly doubt it. I lead a pretty zen lifestyle.
Dr. GibeHug: Ah, of course! I can see how your 'Zen Master' Facebook posts and excessive cat videos are stress-reducing techniques. Truly enlightening!
Patient SmartyPants: I engage in much more than that, but do continue.
Dr. GibeHug: Well, allow me to take a blood sample to ensure we have the complete picture. Don't worry, I won't prick you with sarcastic needles.
Patient SmartyPants: Finally, some action! Please, proceed, oh wise one.
(Several moments later)
Dr. GibeHug: Good news! Your bloodwork suggests nothing out of the ordinary. It seems you're just a standard human being, not immune to occasional headaches and fatigue.
Patient SmartyPants: Wait, no rare disease? Just a typical human? I'm disappointed.
Dr. GibeHug: Well, Dr. SmartyPants, it seems my prescription for you is a simple remedy known as "relaxation" and "a healthy sense of humor." I believe you'll find them quite beneficial.
Patient SmartyPants: Fine, but I'm still not convinced. I might seek a second opinion.
Dr. GibeHug: By all means, Mr. SmartyPants! Feel free to enlighten multiple doctors with your vast wisdom. Just don't forget to wear your professor's cap while you're at it!
Patient SmartyPants: Sarcasm again? You never quit, do you?
Dr. GibeHug: It's all part of the treatment plan, my friend. You'll be amazed at the results! Take care and remember: laughter is the best medicine, even if you're convinced you know more than your doctor.
Patient SmartyPants: You're impossible, Dr. GibeHug. But I suppose you're alright in your own twisted way.
Dr. GibeHug: Coming from you, that's high praise indeed. Be well, oh enlightened one!