'Focus.'
Nico repeated the phrase over and over as if hypnotising his brain. Truthfully, he was nervous and hesitant about what he would see if he entered the meditative state. The boy could feel it. A murky mass of darkness lay beneath his calm mental facade.
The gloom enticed him to revert to what he had once been. Stagnant.
Taking a deep breath, Nico began the sequence of events that would let him enter an introspective state. This time, he would not give up early. The young man exhaled and then inhaled again.
He felt the air travel through his mouth, down his airway, and into his lungs. Then, within seconds - or was it milliseconds? - Nico exhaled through his nose.
He concentrated on feeling the sensations transmitted through his physical body.
The brown-haired boy repeated this action multiple times, sensing he was nearing the threshold with which he could achieve clarity.
'Focus.'
On this inhalation, Nico felt his concentration slip. A swarm of thoughts flooded his brain.
Complaints. Doubts about his ability to complete such a task… and an unwillingness to delve deep and inspect himself were just some ideas that swirled in his mind.
Nico gritted his teeth.
Quitting was out of the question.
For his loved ones, he had to overcome this mental hurdle. Giving up before the real journey - forming a mana core - had begun would just leave an unpleasant taste in the boy's mouth.
Nico feared that if he stopped here, he would regress back to an even worse state than he had been in before.
He had to continue!
Squeezing his forehead together, Nico imagined himself letting go. The sensation was akin to falling through a deep abyss with darkness as your eternal companion. Panic momentarily flooded his senses.
However, to Nico's surprise, he found that the breathing technique helped suppress the sudden influx of negative emotions. If only just a little.
Grief.
Anger.
Helplessness.
These emotions had finally flared up after being dormant (repressed) for so long. Now it was their time to shine… darken?
Images Nico had sealed in the depths of his heart flooded his mind. A forest. A bear. The sound of dripping blood. A horrified scream.
The boy gritted his teeth harder. No matter how many times he had recalled these past events, the pain seemed to only come back stronger with every recollection. Guilt weighed heavier each time on his chest.
Nico felt suffocated. He couldn't breathe.
Breathing…
…That was it!
That was the key.
Just when the boy felt his mind become submerged in total darkness, he remembered his instructor's words. He had to guide his inner self subtly to achieve his desired goal.
If so, then what was his goal?
Was it to become the strongest in the world? No… well, that was partially true. He wanted strength, however, he refused to abandon everything he had to gain it. Otherwise, what reason would there be to have unparalleled power?
Life wouldn't be worth living anymore.
Was his goal never to be put in a helpless situation ever again? Yes. But again, that wasn't it. It was closer, but not there.
Nico knew that as long as he lived, countless hardships would come racing his way. In one of those, surely he would feel helpless once again.
As long as there was a peak above a peak, a sense of powerlessness was bound to occur.
So what was Nico's goal? The boy felt it at the precipice of his mind. If he just reached out and grabbed it, then it would be his.
The young man did something he never thought he would ever do.
He surrendered himself to the darkness.
Nico was ready to risk it all for the sake of being enlightened.
Rage.
Despair.
Hatred.
Resignation.
The weight of these emotions was gradually getting heavier. Nico felt he was drowning under its oppressive force.
'Breathe.'
In a last-ditch attempt, a corner of Nico's brain obeyed that thought. With this final breath, he was entering the point of no return.
'No! I can do this! Breathe.'
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
What did he want? What did he truly desire from the deepest depths of his being?
Was it a best friend? Nico felt the answer was no. With Cedric's death, a piece of the boy's heart had shattered, never to be recovered.
Did he desire immortality? Again, the answer was no. Although living for all of eternity sounded nice on paper, Nico understood it was more of a curse than a blessing.
Was it freedom?
Wait… freedom?
The boy's thoughts slowed. He felt as if a key to an invisible door he had been searching for all his life had suddenly appeared. Nico, renewed with vigour at the slight success, hastily continued this line of thinking.
'What type of freedom do I want?'
Was it the freedom from others? Liberty that allowed him to be untouchable for fear of his status or strength, for example?
Close. Nico felt he was getting warmer.
Was it freedom of burden? A privilege that was only given to those who cowered and refused to forge their own path. No, definitely not.
Then, that gave only one final option.
Nico's inner self shone with clarity for a second. That moment was enough to help him escape the quagmire he was in.
He had finally realised his purpose…
His innermost desire.
He wanted to be free…
… from this world.
***
Nico didn't know where this desire had suddenly come from. The thought slightly scared him. However, this was what his soul truly wanted. There was no doubt about it.
Nico sighed, feeling the curtain of gloom recede back down into the depths of his heart. It felt as if he had just escaped an illusion which had blinded him for sixteen years.
Now, the boy felt as if someone had removed a piece of wool from his eyes, allowing him to sense his internal longing and the path toward achieving that.
Looking inwards, Nico marvelled at the sensations he was receiving from his physical body. A soft breeze tickled his skin. His chest rose and fell rhythmically. His heart beat vigorously, pumping blood to the rest of his body.
The maroon-eyed boy was stunned by the astonishing amount of detail being transmitted through his senses.
He kicked himself internally, wondering what would have happened if he had unlocked this state earlier. Alas, he would never know.
Nico continued to immerse himself in this state, as a soft breeze kept tickling his skin. A wave of fatigue rose and engulfed him.
The weariness snapped him out of the peaceful state.
Nico opened his eyes. He found himself surrounded by darkness.
'Nothing new, really.' The boy chuckled to himself.
He strained his ears.
Nico paused.
Why was it so silent? Where did everyone else go?
Holding his breath, he patiently waited until his eyes had adjusted to the blackness. Once they had, the boy discovered the outline of a large tent erected to his left. Rows of weapons glinted with a silvery light in the opposite direction.
'How long have I been here for?'
The boy groaned, feeling his stiff muscles. Sitting down in a cross-legged position for a long time was not pleasant. His legs had long become numb.
Breathing in slowly, Nico's eyes darted about the place. He had a feeling someone was watching him from the shadows.
"Oh? You actually sensed me? Impressive." William exited from the shadows and stood in front of his student.
"Well, I didn't know your exact position. All I felt were a pair of eyes gazing at me from the darkness…" Nico heaved a sigh of relief. He was worried that the hidden individual had some hostile intentions. "Anyway, how long was I out for? Where did everyone else go?"
The brown-haired boy narrowed his eyes.
Gazing at his instructor, who appeared especially menacing, Nico shuddered silently.
"You've been here for three hours. All the others have already had dinner in the cafeteria and retired to their huts."
'Three hours, huh?' Nico looked at his hands concealed by darkness. It felt like only a few seconds had passed.
"Anyway, now that you've woken up from your meditative state, it's time for you to go to bed. The lessons will only become more demanding from now on. I advise you to get some rest…" William walked toward the tent flap. His footsteps echoed in the silence.
He stopped for a moment and looked back, his gaze on the trainee. Stray beams of moonlight caused his white hair to take on a silvery sheen.
"Oh, and one last thing, Nico. Be careful with the Stanburg's. They're… a nasty bunch."