One morning, I felt a hand gently shake my shoulder. I cracked one eye open, frowning in confusion. "Mother?"
She smiled at me. "Wake up, little one. It's the first day of the spring festival!"
My frown deepened as I attempted to roll away from her. "So what?"
Mother caught hold of my sleeve, preventing me from burrowing down into the blankets. "You love the spring festival," she insisted. "Also, I don't have to work for the next three days. We can spend the time together."
I made do with burying my face in the blanket. It was an exaggeration to say that I loved the festival. I'd only ever been able to observe it from a distance, so the best that could be said was that I enjoyed the spectacle. "I'm not allowed in the village," I reminded her.
Mother shook me again. "This year, it will be held in the grassland outside the village," she whispered as if we weren't the only ones in the room. "You are allowed to be there."
I sighed and sat up. "I think it's implied that I'm not invited to village celebrations."
She tweaked my nose. "Since when do you care about that?"
I pushed her hand away. "Since when do you not?"
"Your grandfather has been chosen as the new village chief, and he wants to make this festival especially impressive," Mother explained. "He's invited people from all over the fief to participate. There will be merchants and performers and a speech from Lord Yubran."
My eyebrows climbed upward. The festival usually consisted of things like livestock shows and a village-wide dinner, finishing off with a dance. The girls would wear flowers in their hair and the boys would clumsily attempt to flirt. A few boring words would be said by the village chief, congratulating everyone on finishing the first planting of the season.
"Why is he making such a fuss?" I asked, feeling annoyed.
Mother smiled. "Because it reflects well on him." She patted my knee. "Get dressed. Aren't you excited? Have you not seen them setting up all week? What have you been studying that kept you so focused?"
I forced a laugh, hurrying out of bed to avoid eye contact. I probably would've noticed under normal circumstances. I probably would've watched it from beginning to end. I couldn't tell my mother that I'd been doing things that were much more interesting, though.
I began to pull on my rainbow skirt, but Mother stopped me. "Why not wear something a little less vibrant," she suggested. "We don't want to attract attention."
I stared at her for a moment. "I don't think it will matter what I'm wearing," I said, gesturing to my yellow skin.
She hopped to her feet. "I've thought of that," she replied.
Mother walked over to the chair in the corner of the room. She held up the articles on it one by one, explaining them to me. The first was a blouse with long sleeves and ruffles at the wrist, which would cover at least half of my hands. It also had a high collar, which would hide my neck.
"I chose a gray fabric because I think it will tone down your natural color," she stated. "It will also look nice with your blue skirt."
The next was a kerchief with bright flowers embroidered on it. It had been a gift from Tsuki's mother.
"It's fashionable right now for young girls to pin a kerchief on their shoulder for decoration," she explained. "The pattern will draw people's eyes away from your face."
The last was a straw bonnet with a narrow brim. Mother showed it with pride. "I wove this for you. It will shade your features."
I forced myself to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat. She was looking at me with expectation in her eyes, and I tried to smile. "It's a good disguise," I managed.
She nodded her approval. "I think so, too."
I donned the clothing given to me. I couldn't help but feel that I was being tied up as I buttoned each piece. Mother tackled my wild hair mercilessly, smoothing every tangled lock and forcing them into a braid. My eyes watered from her efforts, but somehow it made me feel better. It gave me an excuse to let my feelings leak out.
Mother had a similar outfit, although she wore brighter colors. She was like a parent bird, drawing attention away from her young. She folded the kerchiefs into pretty shapes, then pinned them to our shoulders. I thought it looked silly, but I didn't bother arguing. There were certainly sillier things that the village girls did to attract attention.
A deep sigh escaped my lips. "Do I have to go?"
Mother's eyebrows went up. "You don't want to? I thought you'd be excited."
"I'd rather we have a picnic in the forest, like we used to," I admitted.
She affixed the bonnet to my head, tying the ribbon under my chin. "This is a rare opportunity," she told me. "I promise you will have fun."
Feeling thoroughly hidden from outside eyes, we stepped out of our door and began walking toward the grassland to the west of the village. I tugged at the collar of my blouse. It was suffocating, especially under the warmth of the sun. The bonnet scratched the edges of my face and pressed on my ears.
"Do I have to wear all of this?" I complained. "We're not going to fool anyone."
"We're not trying to fool them," Mother insisted. "We're just trying to go unnoticed."
I shook the ruffles at my wrist in her direction. "I don't think it's possible for people to not notice me."
She pressed her lips together. "We'll never know if we don't try."
I rolled my eyes but silenced my protests. Mother seemed determined to take me into enemy territory. I wished that I had Budding with me for extra support.
A thought crossed my mind. "Will Tsuki be there?"
Mother nodded. "It seems likely. I heard that his father returned with one of the visiting merchants."
The skip returned to my step. "Really?"
I felt a surge of excitement. Maybe I'd have the chance to meet Tsuki's entire family. I reached down to pluck a vivid yellow flower as we passed. It was a similar color to my skin, which pleased me at that moment.
The field had been set up with tents and tables. There was a fenced-off area where the livestock could be viewed (after all, one mustn't stray too far from tradition) and displays to show off the fancy needlework of the village women. There was a platform with musicians and an area where Jinglers performed. Merchants had set up stalls in a row, and there was a tent where free refreshments were being handed out—courtesy of the Westerly family.
Even though it was the morning of the first day of the festival, the crowd that had gathered was impressive. There were many faces I didn't recognize, which indicated that Chief Westerly had been successful in attracting visitors. The rumble of voices permeated every corner of the field, lending excitement with the noise.
Children ran around, dodging between the slower adult figures. The young women wore bright, ruffled dresses, looking like bouquets of flowers themselves. They all wore their hair loose, adorned with blossoms. I felt pinpricks of jealousy pierce my heart when I looked at their beautiful attire.
Mother and I were dressed to match the more matronly members of the crowd. It certainly helped us to blend in, despite my initial doubts. Everyone was too busy looking at wares and watching jugglers to notice us among them.
The smell of sugar and toasted nuts filled my nose, bringing a wide smile to my lips. "Mother, can we buy something to eat?"
She immediately shook her head. "There's no need to waste coins on that. I brought some bread if you're hungry."
I pouted. There were so many delicious-looking options, but I could do nothing but walk past them. I tried to divert my attention by focusing on a Jingler balancing a basket on his nose. His skin was painted bright blue with flowers climbing up his arms. He wore a red vest and pants, with bells sewn on to attract an audience. I wanted to stop and watch him, but Mother grabbed my hand to pull me along.
"Wait," I protested. "I want to see!"
"You can watch later," she promised. "We're almost there."
I frowned, craning my neck to see where we were headed. "Almost where?"
She didn't answer, but we soon arrived at the tent that was sponsored by the Westerly family. There were two tables manned by serving women—one handing out cider and the other giving small circles of flatbread.
"Ellie," Mother called.
A young woman behind one of the tables glanced up in surprise. I was shocked at how much she looked like Mother. They had the same heart-shaped face, the same eyes and nose. They even had the same expressions. It was like looking at my mother through a mirror to the past.
"Eva!"
She ran around the table and into Mother's arms. They embraced one another tightly, not speaking for several moments.
I knew that my youngest aunt had only been a child when my mother had been banished from their home. I had assumed that their relationship had been underdeveloped, but clearly, I was wrong.
Mother smoothed her sister's hair, cupping her face with both hands. They gazed at each other with open affection, ignoring the tears welling up in their eyes.
"I've missed you," Ellie said softly.
"I've missed you, too," Mother replied.
I felt my insides starting to squirm. I'd never seen my mother act that way with anyone other than me, and I found that I didn't like it. Part of me wanted to step in between them so I could keep Mother all to myself.
"Mama isn't here," Ellie offered. "She left last month to go visit Millie, and her return has been delayed due to some storms."
Mother nodded. "I bet Father is angry about that."
Ellie smiled without humor. "He is. The storms have also prevented Roam from returning in time for the festival, so it's just Leo and myself to help out."
My mother frowned. "Where did Roam go?"
Ellie hesitated. "There's a silk merchant from Navon…"
"No," Mother interrupted. "No, no, no!"
My eyes darted between the two sisters. I had no idea what they were talking about, but they seemed to have a clear understanding. Ellie took my mother's hand, rubbing it in a calming gesture.
"I'm eighteen now," she said gloomily. "Father says it's time."
"Navon is in the middle of a civil war," Mother hissed. "How could Father think of sending you into that?"
Ellie pulled her older sister to the side of the tent where they could resume their discussion out of the way. I followed them, feeling like an outsider and sulking over it.
"The merchant class isn't being targeted by the revolutionaries," Ellie explained. "They are too important to the economy to be eliminated."
Mother scoffed. "I don't find that reassuring. Besides, you've been ill recently. You can't be expected to travel such long distances."
Ellie sighed. "Everything you're saying has already been said by Mama. Father won't listen to any of it. He says that this agreement will change our entire future."
Mother caressed her cheek. "You're too young to get married."
Ellie gave a short laugh. "I'm the same age you were when-" She cut off abruptly, dropping her eyes to the ground.
If I hadn't already been looking at my mother, I probably would've missed the expression of pain that flashed across her face. No words were spoken, but they didn't have to be. I suddenly knew something that I'd never dared to consider before.
Mother regretted my birth.
It wasn't just that I had yellow skin and crescent eyes. It was the fact that I existed at all.
I used to think that if I looked normal things would be different. If I was completely human then we would've been happy members of the village. But in that brief moment, I realized that my assumptions had been wrong.
Mother had known it, and now I knew it, too.
My yellow skin made us hated, but I had made us outcasts just by being born.
Mother cleared her throat and put her arm around my shoulders. The gesture, previously so warm, now felt heavy on my small frame.
"Ellie, this is my daughter, Theophana. Tiff, this is your Aunt Elsabetta."
In a rare moment of etiquette, I curtsied to my aunt. "How do you do?" I murmured.
Ellie stared at me with wide eyes. My disguise must've worked better than I realized because it seemed that she hadn't noticed me before. A blur of emotions passed over her open face in the moment it took her to register my presence—fascination, pity, and fear.
"I am well, thank you," she responded automatically. She studied me for a second longer before smiling. "She has Mama's nose, but Father's chin."
Mother nodded. "She looks exactly like our family, except for…her eyes."
"And my skin," I said bluntly, experiencing a wave of spite.
Mother coughed, but Ellie laughed. "Yes," she acknowledged, "that's unique to you."
I looked into my aunt's eyes, seeing her previous expression replaced with one of friendliness. I felt my anger dissipate as I sensed a kindred spirit.
"I have magic, too," I volunteered.
Mother grabbed my wrist. "T'phani," she reprimanded.
Ellie leaned down to meet my gaze. "Do you?" she asked kindly. "What can you do?"
Her blue eyes were warm like the summer sky. I felt encouraged by the openness of her face. "I can make plants grow."
Mother snorted. "What nonsense."
She didn't know what I'd been learning over the past several weeks, so she took my words as imagination. My aunt, on the other hand, saw the truth in my eyes, and a smile spread across her face.
"That's wonderful," she enthused. "I can't think of a better kind of magic."
Mother shook her head impatiently. "Don't encourage her, Ellie," she scolded. "She already runs wild."
Ellie chuckled. "All children should run wild while they can."
"She won't be a child much longer," Mother warned. "She needs to learn how to behave."
My aunt winked at me and whispered, "Next time we meet, you should make a flower grow for me. I can take it with me when I get married."
I grinned. "I will."
Mother changed the subject. "Would it be possible for me to help here?"
Ellie pursed her lips. "Father would hear about it if you worked at the tables, but no one would notice if you helped in the back."
I felt a surge of dismay. "What?" I exclaimed. "We're going to spend the festival working?"
My mother gave me a stern look but relented. "You can go look around on your own if you wish. But you must take care to stay unnoticed."
I bounced on my toes, unable to contain my excitement. "I will, I promise."
"See if you can find Tsuki's family," she suggested. "You will be safer if you stay with them."
"Yes, Mother," I said sweetly, earning a raised eyebrow from her.
"Check back here regularly so I know where you are," she instructed.
Taking that as permission to leave, I darted out of the tent and into the open. The sounds and smells of the festival greeted me, igniting my energy. There were so many things that I wanted to do and see; I didn't know where to begin!
Two acrobats were performing nearby, so I ran over to join the crowd watching them. The woman's skin was painted purple with leafy vines twisting around her arms and face. The man was painted red with birds flying across his chest. The bells on their clothes rang merrily with each movement. I cheered with the audience every time they did a flip or a lift, marveling at their ability.
When the performance was over, I spotted a man with a wooden mask covering the lower half of his face. I'd never seen him before, but I recognized him immediately.
His dark hair had a touch of gray at the temples, and his face had two thick scars on the cheek. He was tall, with a muscular build. He had the same big eyes as Tsuki, which scanned the crowd with practiced caution. His strong hand rested on his belt, and I instinctively knew that he normally carried a weapon there.
His eyes met mine and narrowed slightly. Unlike the other festival-goers, he'd spotted my unusual appearance immediately.
I gave him an uncertain smile, approaching with slow, deliberate movements. "Excuse me, sir, but are you Tsuki's father?"
His eyebrows lifted. "You know Tsuki?" His voice was strong and decisive, unhindered by the mask he wore.
I nodded. "He's my friend."
Tsuki's father studied me with an expression that was difficult to read. "I didn't know that there were hannu around here."
I wasn't familiar with the Navoni language, other than the handful of words that I'd learned from Tsuki. He'd never used that particular word, so I had no idea what it meant.
"Ummm…"
He inclined his head politely. "Tsuki is with his mother. I will take you to them as soon as my daughter returns."
"Hoshi is here?" I asked.
Tsuki's father looked surprised again. "You know Hoshi as well?"
"Well," I hesitated. "I've never met her, but I know about her."
We didn't have to wait long. The ten-year-old girl came running up with a bag of toasted nuts in her hands.
"I'm back," she announced to her father.
She had long black hair that fell straight down her back. She shared her family's big gray eyes, and her wooden mask had floral designs painted on it.
Hoshi noticed me right away and stopped in her tracks. "You must be Tiff," she declared with a smile in her eyes.
I nodded, and she introduced me as if we were already friends. "Afa, this is Tiff! She's the one who's taking lessons with Tsuki."
My eyes widened in shock. I hadn't realized that Tsuki had told his family about our time spent with Budding in the woods.
"She also made this fabric," Hoshi added, pointing to her linen skirt.
My cheeks flushed with delight. I'd never seen anything I'd made be used by anyone other than my mother.
Tsuki's father accepted her words calmly. "My name is Chikyu," he told me. "I am grateful for the care you have given my family."
I lifted my hands. "It's nothing, really."
"To me, it is everything," he responded solemnly.
I didn't know how to answer, but Hoshi saved me from having to decide. She grabbed my hand and started to pull me along.
"Tsuki is with Ama," she explained. "This way!"
We wove through the crowds, eventually reaching the stall where Tsuki's mother was selling her embroidery. Tsuki saw me and jumped to his feet.
"What are you doing here?" he asked through his wooden mask.
"She's here to see you, baki," Hoshi replied for me.
Tsuki glared at his sister, swiping at her with his slender hand. She jumped back out of his reach, scrunching her nose at him mockingly.
"Hoshi," their mother reprimanded gently, "do not call names."
She walked around the stall and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'm so glad to meet you, Tiff. I've been wanting to visit your family, but Tsuki said your mother is often away from home."
"I see her in the fields sometimes," Hoshi interjected, "but not very much anymore, since she had her new job."
I frowned. "New job?"
Tsuki swatted at his sister again, and that time the hit landed. "Be quiet," he hissed.
Their mother cleared her throat and they both fell still. "My name is Hana," she said to me. "You can call me Imi Hana if you'd like. That means 'aunt.' Even though we've never met, I think of you as family."
I was happy to be so readily accepted, but my feelings were dampened by Hoshi's words. When had my mother gotten a new job? What did that job entail? Had she simply forgotten to tell me about it or was she keeping it from me on purpose?
I suddenly felt uneasy about the fact that I'd been keeping secrets from her, too. I didn't like that there were things that we weren't telling each other. It felt like a wall between us, where none had been before.
I silently resolved to tell my mother about Budding. She might be displeased with it initially, but I was certain that she'd agree when she saw the progress I'd already made. Even if she didn't, it would set my heart at ease to get rid of the secrecy between us.
Tsuki touched my sleeve. "Do you want to walk around the festival with us?"
I set aside my worries for the moment and nodded with a grin. "Of course!"
"The last one to the animal pens is baki nohan," Hoshi laughed while running away.
Tsuki rolled his eyes, following at a normal pace. I leaned over to whisper in his ear, "What does that mean?"
He snorted. "It means 'stupid person.'"