The room fell silent for a long time.
It seemed like no one knew how to break the silence.
In the end, it was the cold, magnetic voice of Yi Zhongshen that shattered the stillness.
"I never wanted you to respond," he said.
He had never intended to force a response from Bo Xiyun for his feelings.
Bo Xiyun understood every word that Yi Zhongshen said, his gaze fixed on the handsome face of the young man. Others often said that Yi Zhongshen was reserved and cold, difficult to understand, but now he had bared his heart wide open, revealing his true feelings without hesitation.
Yi Zhongshen continued, "I can remain silent forever."
Bo Xiyun knew.
Whether it was when he was drunk or sober, Yi Zhongshen had never lied to him. If it weren't for last night's incident, perhaps Yi Zhongshen would have continued to remain silent, silently pouring out his heart and efforts.
Or maybe even last night's incident was a result of Yi Zhongshen's pent-up emotions and finally revealing his feelings for him.
"Sorry," Bo Xiyun's voice was low. The bitterness of the medicine he had swallowed without realizing suddenly surged back up, making his tongue tingle with a slight pain.
He said, "I'm sorry, it's my problem."
Yi Zhongshen frowned, "Don't say that."
Bo Xiyun took a hasty breath and continued, "Emotions are something very difficult to measure, and there may be unpredictable outcomes at any moment. I don't like the feeling of losing control; I don't want to suddenly find myself falling into emptiness."
After Xu Xinyi mentioned unrequited love, Bo Xiyun had also done some research. He saw that some people, due to inherent personality traits or the influence of their family background, always carry an indelible sense of inferiority. They feel unworthy of such affection and are cautious about any kindness shown to them.
But Bo Xiyun's situation was different. He genuinely didn't need it. No matter how good others were to him, he felt that he would only be wasting their affection.
"I am indeed a person who likes to plan, but I can also accept sudden requests for help or changes to my original plans. It's okay; I can do that for my friends," Bo Xiyun said softly. "However, I can't emotionally rely on anyone, nor can I let anyone rely on me."
That was the crux of his issue.
Bo Xiyun struggled to say, "I might really not be able to respond... I'm sorry."
He was too independent and composed, always wanting to handle everything on his own, never relying on others. Especially when it came to emotions. In fact, even this heartfelt confession spoken to someone else was Bo Xiyun's first time. It was much deeper than what he had said to Xu Xinyi in the study room of the competition team before.
It even seemed to carry a sense of pain.
He wasn't sure if it was for himself or for the senior.
Amidst the confusion, the low magnetic voice in his ears became gentler.
"I know."
Yi Zhongshen said, "I never wanted to influence you. Whatever choice you make, whatever the future holds, it's your freedom."
He paused and continued, "If you don't like what happened at dinner, I won't show up again."
"I just hope not to affect your life."
The room fell quiet once again.
Bo Xiyun looked back at the water cups on the table; the warmth at the rim had already faded.
The two of them remained silent for a while, and then Yi Zhongshen asked, "What were you originally planning to do for the rest of the night?"
The young man's face showed a slight hint of confusion, as if he didn't know what to think. After a moment, he replied, "Read a book and go to sleep."
Yi Zhongshen's gaze paused on his pale face for a moment, and he softly said, "After experiencing motion sickness, doing exercises might give you a headache again."
Bo Xiyun slightly parted his dry lips and spoke in a low voice, "I meant to read extracurricular books."
Yi Zhongshen added, "You can also watch a movie if you want to relax."
Then, he gave a few more instructions. The motion sickness relief medicine and the cold remedy could be taken together without any conflict. After drinking them, he could rinse his mouth with plain water with a little honey, as it might taste bitter.
A glass of milk would be delivered before bedtime.
After saying all this, Yi Zhongshen paused and added, "These are just standard hotel services."
There was no need to feel any psychological burden.
Bo Xiyun responded softly.
The calm conversation made it seem like everything had returned to normal. The two of them left Gu Sheng's room together, with Bo Xiyun carrying some of his belongings. There were a few things he couldn't carry all at once, so Yi Zhongshen helped him. In the end, Yi Zhongshen escorted him back to his own room.
However, when Bo Xiyun used his card to open the door and put down his things, he noticed that Yi Zhongshen didn't come in. He was just standing at the door, waiting for him.
Bo Xiyun's lips felt dry. He felt the slight pain in the cut on his lip that he had accidentally bitten in the morning. Although it had been a day, those small wounds should have healed by now, and there were no visible signs of them anymore.
But some invisible things still existed quite distinctly.
Bo Xiyun returned to the door to receive the things Yi Zhongshen had brought, and asked in a low voice, "What about you?"
Yi Zhongshen's expression remained as cold as ever, but there was no trace of coldness in his low, steady voice.
He said, "I have two reports to finish, and then I'll rest."
Bo Xiyun looked up at him and said, " Senior Gu said you have many things to take care of today and might work through the night."
The question Bo Xiyun asked with "What about you" was not about Yi Zhongshen's plans for the night. It was about the future of the feelings that Yi Zhongshen had poured his heart into.
"Senior."
Bo Xiyun softly called back this familiar and intimate address. However, his next words were pragmatic and realistic.
"Appearing by my side at any time comes at the cost of draining your rest time, causing your body to deteriorate and giving you a high fever late at night."
Is this really okay?
Bo Xiyun knew that Yi Zhongshen was actually a person who planned meticulously and was disciplined and precise in everything he did.
He didn't want to be influenced himself. Could he justifiably influence others?
"You have so much to do, with your studies, school matters, and family. There's no need to waste energy on my matters."
Regardless of whether it was from the perspective of life or work.
Without Bo Xiyun, Yi Zhongshen would be better off.
"Maybe after a while, you'll realize that without me, you'll be much more relaxed."
In the end, Bo Xiyun gave his answer.
Yi Zhongshen's expression remained unchanged, still cold and composed as usual.
"You are not a burden to me."
Only the fingers hanging at his side tightened slowly, and the veins on his back silently bulged, one after another.
He guessed the response.
Bo Xiyun shook his head gently.
"As someone who can't respond, I can only let down your feelings."
Easily, Zhongshen had already guessed it, but in the end, he had to admit it.
Both of them moved forward and could never go back to where they were before.
Previously, Zhongshen had asked Bo Xiyun several times if he didn't want to see him and if he should stop appearing, but Bo Xiyun had shown no signs of resentment.
Even when referring to the night of the forceful kiss, he didn't display any disgust.
Bo Xiyun was not afraid of the impulsive side of Zhongshen.
He was just giving the most rational answer.
Zhongshen also understood.
Given Bo Xiyun's nature, he could no longer accept Zhongshen's care with a clear conscience.
Bo Xiyun continued to face Zhongshen without evading, showing him all the respect he deserved. His voice was low and poignant but very clear.
"Zhongshen, let's take some time to think things through."
To think things through did not imply the possibility of change.
Time was only given to allow each other to accept things properly.
There was a moment of silence, but in the end, Zhongshen did not disappoint this considerate request.
"Alright."
Bo Xiyun politely watched as Zhongshen returned to his room, and then gently closed the door. He still felt a bit melancholic but also very grateful that Zhongshen was able to say all those things so calmly.
Bo Xiyun didn't know.
Including the time when he overheard Zhongshen talking to Xu Xinyi in the study room, Zhongshen had actually been rejected twice. One was indirectly known, and the other was straightforward.
After going around in circles, it eventually led to the expected and predestined ending.
Back in the living room, Bo Xiyun quietly packed up his belongings. When he looked up, he saw the schedule on the wall.
In the days leading up to the New Year, the cards on the schedule had been changed to red. On the card, there were several notes and plans, along with some scattered records.
[New Year's Eve
Morning: □□ Fireworks [with a small firecracker drawing]
(*it was like that in the raws)
Small words: Firecrackers are banned in the city, but Zhongshen said we can buy some small fireworks, hope we can find them ^-^
Zhongshen also mentioned that now there are small spring couplets that can be stuck on the computer. He suggested getting a pair to paste on our competition books, saying that it would bring good luck for the New Year.]
Afternoon: Making dumplings.
Small words: I'll check the tutorial beforehand. Although Zhongshen said he would teach me, I don't have much confidence in my cooking skills. Better to be prepared and learn in advance, as the saying goes "a wise man prepares for the worst" (qq).
Evening: New Year's Eve dinner + Observatory.
Small words: The dinner has already been ordered, and we just need to cook the dumplings ourselves. The weather forecast says there might be a rare celestial phenomenon called "Mars guarding the heart" in the early morning, so we're planning to go to the outskirts to observe it. Zhongshen said he has already rented a telescope, and it will be my first time using a telescope to gaze at the stars.
"Mars guarding the heart": [with a drawing of Mars and the Pleiades]
(*The Pleiades, also known as the Seven Sisters)
Not only on New Year's Eve, but also on the first, second, and third day of the lunar New Year, these four days that are filled with festive atmosphere, they have planned many activities together. All the arrangements were made jointly by the two of them for the New Year celebration.
Compared to the previous busy and lively Spring Festivals spent at the Bai family, this one is bound to be much more fulfilling and joyful.
Bo Xiyun stared at those bright red cards for a while, and finally reached out to take them down from the wall.
He replaced all of them with plain white cards.
The schedule was now shortened to just a few brief words.
[Daytime: Library.
Evening: Online courses.]
As Bo Xiyun tidied up, his computer kept popping up with notifications. After finishing his tasks, he finally opened the computer and skimmed through the messages.
Most of the messages were from his classmates in the class group, enthusiastically discussing the upcoming New Year gaming activities. After all, there were only a few days left until the Spring Festival.
There were also various app notifications, mostly related to the New Year, and each one showcased the vibrant red color associated with the holiday.
His friends' social media feeds were also filled with excitement, sharing an H5 mini-application where people could write their New Year wishes and calculate the chances of them coming true.
The wishes shared by everyone varied, but they mostly revolved around academic success, financial prosperity, and good health.
Bo Xiyun had never been one to place much emphasis on rituals, but as he looked at the New Year wishes interface, his gaze lingered for a while.
Finally, the young man closed his eyes and, in a wishful manner, silently murmured in his heart:
"In the new year, I hope that my senior will fall in love with someone who loves him back."
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Tn: I feel like a eunuch who worries more than the king himself ;(
Bad comparison but well it explains my feelings so...
<3