"It's precisely because it's a time like this that money has to be brought up!" Mu Qing countered, "A time like this? What time is it? Time when we're starving! It doesn't matter if you don't admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not suck it up just a little bit?"
Xie Lian didn't speak. Feng Xin spoke, "How do we endure this? He's been made into that kind of kneeling statue for people to step on! You're not the one being stepped on the face, so of course you can speak so lightly of it."
"Since the war's been lost, it's not the first time that something like this has happened." Mu Qing said, "And there will surely be more in the future. If he can't learn to get used to it soon, he might as well just die."
Feng Xin argued in distaste, "Get used to it? Get used to what? Being humiliated by others? Get used to mortals stepping on his face? Why does he have to get used to something like that?"
Xie Lian cried out in irritation, "That's enough! Stop arguing. Is something small like this worth fighting over?"
The two shut up uniformly.
After a pause, Xie Lian sighed. "Let's go. Find a carriage to go pick up mother and father. We have to leave this city tonight."
Feng Xin acknowledged, "Alright."
The two walked side by side for a bit when suddenly they noticed Mu Qing didn't follow. Xie Lian looked back, confused, "Mu Qing?"
After some silence, Mu Qing spoke, "Your Highness, I want to talk to you about something."
"What is it?" Xie Lian asked, but Feng Xin said impatiently, "What's with you now? I already said I won't argue with you anymore, what more do you want?"
"I want to leave." Mu Qing said simply.
"..."
Although before he opened his mouth Xie Lian had already had a vague bad premonition, but when Mu Qing actually said those words out loud, Xie Lian's breath still stopped.
Feng Xin suspected that he might have heard wrong, "What? What did you say?"
Mu Qing straightened his back, his black obsidian eyes unyielding, and his demeanor calm, "Please permit me to leave."
"Leave?" Feng Xin exclaimed, "What should His Highness do if you leave? What about the king and the queen?"
Mu Qing opened and closed his mouth a couple times, but in the end he still said, "I'm sorry. I can only do so much."
"No, you explain yourself right now, what the heck do you mean 'you can only do so much'?" Feng Xin demanded.
Mu Qing replied, "The king and the queen are His Highness' parents, and I have my own mother. She needs my care too. I can't say I need to go take care of someone else and someone else's parents and neglect my own mother. So, I pray Your Highness will understand, I cannot continue to follow by your side."
Xie Lian was feeling faint and leaned against a wall on the side. Feng Xin questioned coldly, "Is that the real reason? How come you've never mentioned it before?"
"This is one of the reasons." Mu Qing said, "Another reason is, I feel, we've sunken into a dilemma, but as to how to break out of this dilemma, we have very different ideas. Pardon my honesty, but if things keep going on like this, nothing will get better even in a million years. So, our paths have diverged."
Feng Xin was so angry he started chuckling and nodded, turning to Xie Lian, "Your Highness, you hear that? Remember what I first said? If you were ever banished, he'd for sure be the first to break away. Didn't I tell you?"
Mu Qing seemed be faintly enraged by his words and said flatly, "Will you please not force me. I'm only speaking the truth. Everyone has their own views; no one was born destined to be the righteous path of the mortal realm, the centre of the world. Perhaps you enjoy orbiting around another person, but others might not be the same as you."
"Where did all those concealed sour words come from? I don't give a damn." Feng Xin said, "Can't you just say plainly that you're going to turn your back on us?"
"Enough!"
Hearing Xie Lian voice up, the two both stopped. Xie Lian removed his hand from his forehead and turned to Mu Qing. He stared at him for a while before speaking, "I don't like forcing other people."
Mu Qing pursed his lips but still stood tall.
"Go." Xie Lian said.
Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.
Watching his retreating back unblinkingly as it disappeared into the night, Feng Xin said in disbelief, "Your Highness, you'd really let him go just like that?"
Xie Lian sighed, "What else can I do? I already said I don't like forcing other people."
"No, but? That bastard!" Feng Xin exclaimed, "What's with him? He really left, just like that?! Ran off? What the fuck!"
Xie Lian crouched down next to the riverside, rubbing his forehead, "Nevermind it. Since his heart has left us already, what's the use in keeping him? Tie him up and force him to wash my clothes?"
Feng Xin didn't know what else to say either and crouched down too. A moment later he spat angrily, "Goddammit. That bastard can share in the wealth but not the suffering, running away the moment shit hits the fan. Does he remember nothing of your kindness?!"
"I'm the one who told him not to remember it," Xie Lian said, "So you too... there's no need to hang it around your lips."
"But he can't possibly really remember nothing?!" Feng Xin refuted, "What the actual fuck! But don't you worry, Your Highness, I will never, ever leave you."
Xie Lian forced a small smile but didn't say anything. Feng Xin stood back up, "Shall we go pick up the king and the queen? I'll go find a carriage, you just wait here."
Xie Lian nodded, "Thank you for the trouble. Be careful."
Feng Xin acknowledged and left. Xie Lian also rose to his feet and walked alongside the river for another while, his entire person still feeling a little light on the feet, like nothing was real.
Mu Qing's departure really shocked him to the core.
First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in "forever". For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there'd be times when they'd part, but it for sure wouldn't be over reasons like "life is too horrible".
This was like how in stories, the hero and the beauty were a match made in heaven, and so they should never part, remaining true to each other forever and ever. If they couldn't, it'd still must be because they were forced apart by a tragic death, not because the hero preferred to eat meat while the beauty preferred to eat fish, or because the hero scorned the beauty for spending too lavishly and the beauty scorned the hero over his bad habits.
To suddenly step and lose one's footing, plunging millions of miles down only to discover you were still in the mortal realm really wasn't a good feeling.
Walking around randomly for a bit, there were suddenly a number of shimmering golden light floating over from ahead. Only then did Xie Lian snap out of it, and when he looked closer, he found the light were actually lanterns after lanterns floating above the water, flowing over along with the current of the river. There were also a couple of children, laughingly playing by the riverside.
Xie Lian remembered, "Ah, today is ZhongYuan*."
In the past, there would always be a grand service performed for the ZhongYuan Festival at the Royal Holy Pavilion; he'd look forward to it long before the event and would never have forgotten. Now, he didn't keep anything in mind at all. He shook his head and continued on his way. Just then, a voice came from the road ahead, "Kids, kids, will you buy it?"
This voice was exceedingly old and raspy, laced with a trace of the chilling air of evil. Xie Lian instinctively knew something was wrong and he gazed over, only to see the two children from earlier with lanterns in their hands stopped by the roadside, looking at something with both curiosity and a little fear.
Within the darkness in front of them sat a man. It seemed to be an elder in black robes, dirty and disheveled as he melted into one with the black night. In his hand held a lantern, and he beckoned the two children shadily, "My lanterns are very different than the ordinary lanterns in your arms. These are rare treasures; if you make wishes they are guaranteed to come true."
Those two small children were doubtful, "R-Really?"
That elder said, "Of course. Look."
The lantern in his hand was clearly unlit, but it suddenly glowed an inexplicable red light. There were over ten other lanterns on the ground next to him, and they too, flickered with a haunting green light, exceedingly peculiar.
The two small children were amazed, but Xie Lian knew exactly what he was looking at. Rare treasures? It was clearly the phosphorescence of the dead!
There must be the souls of little ghosts sealed within that lantern for it to glow such a peculiar light. As for this elder, he must be some sketchy scam cultivator who captured those unlucky wandering feral spirits from who knows where and tied them into the lanterns.Those two children didn't know about the trick and was clapping in delight, wanting to buy the lanterns. Xie Lian quickly rushed over, "Don't buy it. He's lying to you."
That elder glared, "You little bastard, what did you say?!"
Xie Lian exposed him directly, "That lantern isn't a treasure, it's a demonic contraption. There are ghosts filled inside, if you bring this home to play, ghosts will cling on to you."
When those children heard there were ghosts, they didn't dare linger and cried "WAH!" as they ran away. That elder leapt three feet up to his feet, yelling angrily, "YOU DARE RUIN MY BUSINESS??"
Xie Lian reasoned, "How can you conduct such a business here? Nevermind ignorant children, even grown ups who buy your wicked lanterns would fall into great misfortune, maybe even get clung onto by resentful ghosts, and wouldn't that be a great wrong? Even if you must sell such a thing, you should go to a specialized place to sell."
That elder rebuked, "You make it sound so easy. Where would you find such a specialized place to sell such things? Everyone just finds a random place and sets up shop!" He said as he picked up a bunch of those ugly, poorly made lanterns, huffing as he got ready to leave. Xie Lian hastily called out, "Wait!"
"What? What do you want?" That elder said gruffly, "Are you going to buy?"
"No way." Xie Lian said, "You actually plan on continuing to sell somewhere else? Where did all the ghosts in your lanterns come from?"
"I caught them on the barren battlefield. They're everywhere." That elder replied.
Then weren't they the wandering souls of deceased soldiers?
Having heard this, it was impossible for Xie Lian to leave it alone, and he admonished solemnly, "Stop selling them. Today is ZhongYuan! If this stirs up anything it won't be funny. Besides, those are the heroic souls of warriors, how can you sell them like trinkets?"
"When people die they become nothing but wisps, who cares if it's a heroic soul or not?" That elder said, "Of course it's my old bones that's more important. We all gotta make a living around here, if you don't let me sell, what am I to do? Go homeless? If you're so passionate about this, why don't you spend the money, huh?"
"You..."
In the end, Xie Lian admitted defeat, "Fine. I'll buy." Then he reached into his pocket and scoured every corner, only to dig out some pennies, "Is this enough?"
That elder glanced at it and exclaimed, "Of course not! How can this little bit be enough?!"
Xie Lian didn't know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the pricetag when he purchased things in the past, but, under such a woeful situation, he managed to learn how to bargain without being taught, "Your lanterns don't look that pretty, and they're very unlucky. You might as well sell them to me for cheap."
"It's already this price and you're asking for cheaper?" That elder argued, "I've never seen anyone more broke than you, how embarrassing!"
Xie Lian could feel shame dig into his skin by his words, "I'm a Crown Prince, I'm telling you. Never in my life has anyone called me broke." But just as the words left his lips he regretted them, Still, that elder did not take his words seriously at all, and he laughed, "If you're the Crown Prince then I'm the good ol' Emperor!"
Xie Lian felt a little relieved but also a little awkward. Still, in the end he might as well break all the broken jars and said plainly, "Will you sell? This is all the money I've got."
After much back and forth, the two finally completed the transaction. Xie Lian used that pathetically sad bit of money to buy over ten ghost lanterns and he brought them to the riverside. That elder disappeared the moment he got the money while Xie Lian on the other hand, sat down by the shore, untying each red knot wrapped over the lanterns, releasing all the little ghosts who were sealed by the spell, and performed a simple service for them.
Sparks of haunting ghost fires floated out from the lanterns. These souls were all new ghosts who had recently passed away, bleary and unfocused with no clear conscience of their own, very weak and vulnerable, which was why that elder captured them so easily. When they were released from those cramped lanterns, they all swarmed around Xie Lian, circling him intimately, sometimes rubbing against him. Xie Lian rose to his feet and urged softly, "Go on. Go."
With the help of the gentle push from his hand, those spirits rose higher and higher, floating towards the horizon, gradually dissipating. This was what they called spirits returning to the world.
Xie Lian gazed at the starry sky for a long time when suddenly, behind him came a tiny little voice.
"Your Highness..." That voice called.
Xie Lian was taken aback and instantly looked to where the voice came from. Only then did he
notice that there was a tiny ball of ghost fire who remained, not yet passed to yonder heavens nor dissipated into sparks.
It seemed, this little ghost was stronger than all the other little ghosts, and not only did it possess its own conscience, it could also speak. He walked over, bewildered, "Were you calling me just now? You... recognize me?"
Having been noticed, that little ball of ghost fire seemed to become quite lively, jumping up and down. Judging by its voice, it seemed to also be a young man. "Of course I recognize you!"
Xie Lian remembered that he was covered all over in mud, looking unseemly and undignified, and felt more and more awkward. He clenched his hand into a fist and pressed it against his lips, really not wanting to admit to his identity and thought maybe if he could just tell it it was mistaken? A moment later, he schooled his expression, "Why have you remained here? Haven't I sent you all off? Have I perhaps missed a step?" Otherwise why would there be one remaining after having performed a service?
The ghost without a name floated before him, not too close, not too far, and it answered, "No. You've done nothing wrong. I'm the one who didn't want to leave, that's all."
Xie Lian mused, "Do you have an unfulfilled wish or some attachment?"
"Yes." The nameless ghost replied.
"Then, why don't you tell me. What is it?" Xie Lian asked. "If it's not anything difficult, I'll do my best to help you."
Behind the back of this nameless ghost were three thousand lanterns flowing languidly along the night, and it said, "I have a beloved who is still in this world."
After some silence, Xie Lian said, "I see. Is it your wife?"
"No, Your Highness. We never married."
"Ah."
The nameless ghost said, "In fact, I might not be well remembered. We never really talked."
'Never really talked?' Xie Lian thought, 'If that's the case, how did this person become the 'beloved' that tied your spirit to the world? Just how beautiful must this person be?'
Humming for a moment, he said, "So then, what is your wish?"
The nameless ghost answered, "I want to protect them*."
Usually, a spirit's wish would be "I want to tell her I love her" "I want to have a round of physical relations", or the scarier, "I want her to accompany me down under". "To protect" really was quite rare, and Xie Lian blinked, "But, you no longer belong to this world."
The nameless ghost replied, "What of it?"
"If you remain forcibly, you won't be able to rest in peace." Xie Lian said.
The nameless ghost didn't seem to care, "I pray to never rest in peace."
A wisp of a wandering spirit was actually this stubborn. Typically, such a willful spirit was nine times out of ten extremely dangerous, yet for some reason, Xie Lian didn't sense any murderous intent from it, so he wasn't concerned. He continued, "If your beloved knew you couldn't rest in peace because of them, they might feel guilty and troubled."
The nameless ghost hesitated for a moment and replied, "Then, I just won't let them know why I haven't gone."
"After having seen so much, it'd be known sooner or later." Xie Lian said.
The nameless ghost said, "Then I won't let them find out I'm protecting them either."
Having listened to this point, Xie Lian's heart couldn't help but be moved and thought, this man's "love" wasn't just talk.
Within the lanterns were all the wandering feral spirits that elder captured from the barren battlefield, so the one before him now must also be a young warrior. He said quietly, "This war separated you from your beloved... I'm sorry. I didn't win."
However, the nameless ghost declared, "To die in battle for you is my greatest honour."
Xie Lian was instantly stunned.
"To die in battle for the Crown Prince is the greatest honour for a XianLe soldier" was a phrase that some general from XianLe taught the soldiers, and used this slogan to excite their will to battle, proclaiming that even if they died, they would've died for a purpose, and in death they shall pass on to the immortal realm. That was of course a lie. Yet, even though this young soldier had passed away, his soul drifting in the mortal realm, he still firmly remembered this phrase. And, he answered with such solemnity and sincerity.
Suddenly, Xie Lian felt the rims of his eyes grow hot, his vision becoming blurry. He replied, "I'm sorry. Forget me."
The flickering flames of the nameless ghost flared brighter, "I won't forget. Your Highness, I am forever your most devoted believer."
Xie Lian forced down his sob, "...I've already lost all my believers. Believing in me won't do you any good, it might even bring disasters. Do you know? Even my friend has left me."
The nameless ghost declared as if swearing an oath, "I won't."
"You will." Xie Lian said.
The ghost was insistent, "Believe me, Your Highness."
"I don't believe you." Xie Lian said.
He no longer believed anyone, and he no longer believed in himself either.
———-
●Memory refresher: ZhongYuan Festival takes place in mid July on the lunar calendar and celebrates the underworld.
●Third person pronoun He/She in Chinese has the same pronunciation but different characters. Hua Cheng used 'Him' but Xie Lian understood it as 'Her', so in this translation, 'Them' is used since the discrepancy in meaning is not very consequential in this context.