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Aquamarine Tinted Glasses

AnodeAntarc6542
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - Aquamarine Tinted Glasses

"I'm going to check on him."

"As always. Do me a favor and get me a drink. Any would do."

"I'm sorry Lisa, but I don't think he'd be at Angels Share at this hour."

Lisa looked up from the book she was reading at the Cavalry Captain, who was leaning on a bookshelf, flipping a mora.

"And what makes you think that, oh wise captain?"

Kaeya smirked, catching the currency, and pocketing it. "Because I know Master Diluc all too well, even if he thinks he doesn't. He'd be doing something in his mansion and would've left one of his assistants to take care of the bar." 'And it's a special today, so he would take the time off,' he thought.

Lisa shook her head and closed the book. "The way you put it, it sounds like you stalk the poor guy. You sure I don't have to tell Jean you're slacking on the job or something? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want Amber trailing behind you like a kitten for a week or two."

"Heh. Don't worry, I assure you, I'm doing my duties properly. Amber doesn't need to supervise me. I'll be off, then. Maybe if I go to the bar, I'll get you something."

'It's not like he has anything interesting there besides grape juice.'

Kaeya mentally shook his head, while Lisa nodded in approval. With that, he made his way out of the library and towards Diluc's mansion. He wondered what his estranged brother would be up to. He knew he wouldn't make today public, even though the citizens of Mondstadt finally knew what happened all those years ago. But that wasn't the only thing that happened, and the people didn't know about that….

It all seemed silly to him, and sometimes he wished he never told Diluc what was on his mind. If he hadn't, they wouldn't have gotten into that fight. Maybe he would've been Visionless, or he would've gotten his Vision some other way. Honestly, he doesn't have an exact answer. But most importantly, they would've been together.

Kaeya loves bantering with Diluc, loves messing around with his brain, and seeing what's on his mind. But every time he did that, he'd feel a slight twinge of pain in his chest, as if someone was taking his heart and squeezing it. They were sworn brothers, even if they don't act like it. Kaeya knew his brother cared about him, even if he doesn't openly show it, and he cares about him a lot as well. But sometimes he wishes they would become close again. Sometimes he'd feel like he need his older brother, even if he doesn't admit it.

Kaeya always kept his problems internalized, fearing that if he'd ever tell anyone, he'll only make the situation worse. He's battled with them so many times. When it got worse, he'd always curl up in a corner of his room and cry silently. He was lucky that he was adopted, but did he truly deserve it? (Un)Fortunately, Diluc would always somehow manage to find him.

He shook his head again. 'That was a long time ago. I can handle it.'

'No, you can't, and you know that.'

"It's not like I have anything to hide now," Kaeya whispered as he approached the mansion. The guards greeted him, and he nodded his head in return. He placed a hand on the door handle, but hesitated. 'Should I be doing this? He probably would want to be left alone.'

'It's better to go confront him than wait every year for the opportunity. This is your chance. Make things right. Or die trying.'

Kaeya felt like he was traitor in some ways. First, he betrayed his father-his biological father- for siding with Mondstadt. Everyone here thinks he was some orphan who was from another city. But boy do they have it all wrong. He was thankful that Diluc hadn't said anything about his perplexing heritage. But he also felt like he betrayed Crepus and Diluc because he couldn't save him in time. He was a Knight of Favonius, it was his sworn duty to protect everyone. But the first thought that passed through his brain to this day still made him sick to the stomach.

'Even someone like Master Crepus would submit to such a dangerous and evil power….hmm….This world is truly….fascinating.'

He knew it was messed up. He knew. But he couldn't stop thinking about his divided loyalties for so long. His death for some twisted reason, lifted a heavy weight off his shoulder, allowing him to breathe. Khaenri'ah was his home, but Mondstadt was where he truly belonged.

And that's why he came clean.

And it costed him everything.

Kaeya was so deep in his thoughts, he didn't hear the guards calling him until one tapped on his shoulder and said, "Sir Kaeya? Are you ok sir?"

Kaeya nodded. "Yeah. I'll be ok." And with that, he opened the door and walked inside.

Diluc was not expecting Kaeya to visit.

Not in a bad way, of course (even if he doesn't admit it), but Kaeya never visited him on their father's death anniversary. Well, not until now.

Right now, he was throwing flaming darts, practicing his aim (and yeah, in his mind, it does sound like a stupid thing to do when you're living in the same day your own father died, but it helps to cope with his emotions), while Kaeya leaned on a pillar, smirking. Diluc couldn't help but feel a little irritated, but not because of Kaeya, really.

'Gods above, why is it hard for me to contain my emotions?'

Diluc may not show it, but he really doesn't mind whenever Kaeya visits. At first, he really was irritated, but he always managed to overlook it. Was he getting soft?

"Master Diluc? Master Diiiiiiiiiiluc? You zoning out there?" he heard Kaeya say, and he turned to see his brother smiling, though it didn't reach up to his ears as it normally would. It looked more….sad. Forced.

He sighed. "Just had some thoughts in my mind. Just, mind your own business."

"You know, you could always say how you feel," Kaeya said, walking towards him. Diluc raised an eyebrow.

"Talk? As in communicate?"

"Mmmhm."

"Sir Kaeya, surely you realize we've never 'talked' about anything in a very long time? In fact, I'm not sure when we last were open like this."

"I say we start now," Kaeya said, spinning around once elegantly, arms spread wide. Diluc folded his hands. 'Something's off about him. But what?' Kaeya was all sorts of weird even when they were young. He was full of joy, bubbly and always managed to make you smile if you had a rough day. He was just that kind of kid. That was his little brother.

And now?

Diluc was known for wearing his heart out on his sleeve, even from a young age. Usually, he'd be the one comforting Kaeya whenever he got a nightmare or something. It was always about his father, and he knew what happened to him. It was how he was adopted in the first place.

Diluc never showed his affection towards the Calvary Captain in public nor private, but he always wonders, 'What happened to my baby brother?'

He blames himself sometimes. Kaeya opened up to him on that night and all he did was lash out and almost killed him. If it weren't for Kaeya getting his Vision, he might've actually chopped his head off. And he would've lost two family members that night instead of one.

'If you think about it, you did lose two family members. The difference is one is dead and the other, you severed your connection with him.'

Maybe… Diluc sighed. Maybe he could try. Just for today. Kaeya was still looking at him with expectant eyes, or eye, his diamond pupil sparkling in the light.

"Ok," he finally said, "but you go first."

Kaeya faltered. "M-me?"

'Ok, he's hiding something,' Diluc thought. He knew Kaeya well enough to know how he'd act when he had to get something off his chest. Or when he becomes an emotional mess. He sighed again. "Yes, you. Tell me what's on your mind."

This time, he saw Kaeya visibly flinch before he put on his poker face. "But of course, Master Diluc, I'd be more than happy to, it's just- " Kaeya cut off, fiddling his fingers. Diluc frowned. 'What happened to you little brother?'

The two maintained their position for a while before Diluc sighed annoyedly and placed a hand on his shoulder. He felt Kaeya shudder a little. 'For being a Cryo user, he's unusually cold, and that's not thanks to his Vision.'

"Kaeya?" Diluc asked, wincing lightly at the sound of his voice. Broken. Kaeya shoved him off, his cool demeanour fading away. "No! It's nothing, it's really nothing! I should've…..I should've stayed home," he muttered at the end. Diluc didn't know how to feel. Screw him and his emotions. And the universe for good measure.

"Yeah," Kaeya continued to say, "Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I'm just going to waste your time. I'm sorry Master Diluc, but I must be off. Lots to do, you know? I'll see you tomorrow then," he said, his tone laced with nervousness, and turned around to leave, when he felt a gloved hand grab his.

Diluc didn't know why he did it, but at the same time he knew why he did. Everything he felt- his sorrow, anger, fear, grief- all of it came tumbling out of him, and it's all thanks to one thing.

When Kaeya turned around, he saw a singular tear fall from his eyes, turning into ice as it slowly slid down his cheek.

"Kaeya?" Diluc asked softly, "What is it? What happened? You wouldn't act like this if you didn't have anything to say."

Kaeya stood there, looking into Diluc's eyes. Where there was once hot fire in his gaze that could scorch you instantly, now there was a warm flame, and he was speechless. He squeezed Diluc's hand twice before closing his eye. "I….."

"You blame yourself."

Kaeya's eye snapped open, looking at him in mild shock. Diluc shook his head. "Before you ask how, it's kind of obvious. And you could've been further from the truth."

"But I- "

"Look, none of us could've predicted what would've happened that day, ok? Who would've known Ursa would come and attack? Me? You? When I saw father using the Delusion…I felt…well, I don't know how I felt. You could say I felt everything and nothing all at once. But there was nothing that could've been done."

"You don't get it!" Kaeya screamed, and Diluc stepped back in shock at the sudden outburst. Kaeya let go of his hand and hastily wiped his eye. Diluc looked at him before doing something that he hadn't done in years leading up to this- he grabbed his shoulder gently and pulled him into a hug. He heard Kaeya gasp and lean into him as Diluc weaved his hand into his hair, surprised at how well it was maintained. Only Diluc and his father know how hard it was just to get him into the bathroom when it was hair wash day. His other arm was wrapped around his back.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked. Kaeya clutched his coat tightly. "You… you won't understand."

"I think I understand more than you know. Kaeya…. "

"You're getting all soft," Kaeya chuckled. Diluc rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. Kaeya sighed and buried his face into his shoulder. "I.. sometimes I think... well, number one, I do blame myself for fathers' death. If I had made it sooner, I could've done something. I shouldn't have left you two alone."

"Kaeya, I just told you, none of us could've predicted that would've happened that night. I'll admit, I blame myself. After all, I was there, if I wasn't weak, if I had been stronger, maybe I could've- "

"Don't. It wasn't your fault," Kaeya said, his voice breaking off in some areas. "Number two…. I fucked up."

"What does that mean?" Diluc asked, curious. Kaeya took a while to answer, but when he did, he said, "Well….. I was fucked up Luc. I think I still am now."

Diluc didn't say anything, and Kaeya continued. "Diluc… those thoughts that ran through my mind that day, that's why I was messed up. I didn't know why I had those thoughts, and once I was alone and came to my senses, I was terrified! I didn't know what to do. I just stood by the side while you held father in your arms. I… I.. I wonder how life would've been if father hadn't taken me in. I don't deserve love. I was always destined for loneliness."

Diluc stopped combing his hair, his fingers frozen. Did he really think he didn't deserve to have someone that cared about him?

This thought wasn't new for Kaeya, and Diluc knew all too well. He vividly remembers the nightmares he had of his real father, and how he abandoned him.

"𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢? 𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢! 𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱!"

He gasped lightly as the memories came back to him like a tidal wave. A part of him locked up long ago now came tumbling back.

The two siblings had trouble opening up after their falling out, though they showed they still cared for each other through subtle actions. But boy were they different when they were young. People always raved about them, how they were half and half of the same mora. Cut one and you cut the other, the list goes on. Diluc forgave himself for everything, but Kaeya? It looks like it only made things worse.

Diluc was no stranger to Kaeya's internal battles, even before he opened up. Sure, he had no idea about how he felt about the whole 'Khaenri'ah/Mondstadt' loyalty thing until Kaeya told him, but he was aware of everything else. Diluc knew his actions were justified that night, but he worried everyday how the whole ordeal affected his little brother.

Apparently, enough to make him believe he was better off alone.

"-𝘦𝘺𝘢? 𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢! 𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦!"

He gently pried Kaeya from his shoulder to cup his cheek and look at him. Tears were rapidly forming, and the younger bit his lip.

"𝒦𝒜𝐸𝒴𝒜!"

"𝐼'𝑀 𝒮𝒪𝑅- 𝒟𝒾-𝒟𝒾𝓁𝓊𝒸?"

"Kaeya, I…. I forgave you a long time ago. I don't why you think you think you're better off alone. I should've seen how much it affected you. Gods above, you even forgot your own birthdate! I should've done something as an elder brother.

"Kaeya...we were young when everything went down. We were kids."

"𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥?"

𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢 𝘴𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘥. "𝘕𝘪𝘨…𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘦."

"𝘖𝘩, 𝘒𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘢," 𝘋𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘤 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳. "𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶."

Diluc brushed his finger against his cheekbone, and a sob tore from Kaeya's throat. "Remember."

"𝒴𝑜𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒?" 𝒦𝒶𝑒𝓎𝒶 𝒶𝓈𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝑜𝒻𝓉𝓁𝓎, 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓋𝑜𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝓂𝓊𝒻𝒻𝓁𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉 𝒟𝒾𝓁𝓊𝒸'𝓈 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓈𝓉. "𝒩𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉?"

𝐻𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝓁𝓉 𝒟𝒾𝓁𝓊𝒸 𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓁𝑒.

"𝒜𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈."

"I'll never leave you alone, little brother."

That was Kaeya's breaking point.

He buried his head into Diluc's shoulder, openly sobbing, while Diluc felt his own eyes water. The two fell to the floor, and, as he said those words, he felt….different. Free, in a way. Because that was the truth.

They were just kids. And now they were grown adults who were left broken after the aftermath of a tragedy they couldn't stop, and that grew a barrier between them. Both of them grieved their father in different ways. But they never grieved together. And now…..

"I'm sorry, Luc. I'm sorry for everything I've done. I've screwed us up. I've screwed up our entire family. All because I couldn't decide whose side to be on! I'm-"

"Shhhhh, breathe," Diluc whispered, bringing him up and pressed his forehead to his, eyes slipping shut. "I'm sorry too, Kae. I'm sorry for leaving you so vulnerable. I'm sorry that you started to hide your emotions behind a mask because of what I've done. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the big brother you wanted. You're ok. It wasn't you."

Diluc pulled away to look at Kaeya's face, and saw he was smiling wetly. He rubbed his eye. "Don't forget, this isn't you fault either, prick."

"As long as you make sure you remember it's not yours either."

"Yeah. And you've always been my big brother. Even after the fight."

This time, Diluc sobbed, and his little brother wiped his tears. "Stop crying dickhead. It doesn't suit you."

Diluc rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Kae."

Kaeya smiled. "Good. So does that mean…"

"I believe the answer is yes."

"Good, good...Do…. Can you do something with me?"

Diluc frowned. "What?"

"Light lanterns and let them into the sky? As a way to mourn father's passing, but to show him that we loved him?"

Diluc smiled, and Kaeya's heart filled with warmth at the sight. His older brother pulled them into a hug, rubbing circles into his back and warming him up. He made a mental note to ask Kaeya to move in with him later, but for now, he was focused on comforting the man in his arms, who's head was pressed against his collarbone and a hand on his chest. Kaeya sighed and relaxed, his muscles loosening up. Tears slowly dripping from Diluc's eyes. But not out of sorrow.

This time, out of happiness.

Finally they were back. His baby brother was back. They could try and be a family once more.

"Yes. We can."