I clench my jaw so tight when Heath removes the blade from my chest that I am reasonably sure I am cracking teeth. But thankfully for me, Heath has the help of Sacate, and the edge is removed swiftly, although the jagged bonesaw-like blade takes some of my internals with it.
The sight of blood leaving my already exhausted body in droves is almost enough to knock me out, let alone the pain. But I stay awake by force. My Ironheart prevents me from falling unconscious through pure force of will.
Breathing becomes even more difficult as Heath and Sacate try to fix my wounds with whatever they can. Earl is frantically making that medicine in the back that was used on Primrose earlier with our leftover resources. The blood loss makes breathing even harder as each breath does less for me. That's not even to mention that my right lung is basically gone from the blade, either.
I do everything I can to disassociate and remove myself from this torture while simultaneously keeping my heart beating. The line is thin and hard to tread to not lose focus or stagger in my efforts. But without the distractions of what's around me to help ground me, I surely would fall unconscious from pain and blood loss.
And while I lay on this cot put together with broken poles and mattresses in suffering, I can hear Virgil's sobbing not far away from me. Vernon has gone completely mad; he tries to kill any who approaches him. I think I heard Sacate call it the Mother's Whisper. I don't know what that means, but it likely isn't good. Vernon has been chained to a post and will be repeatedly knocked out whenever he wakes up until we figure out what to do with him.
My soul aches for him. I know how much Virgil cared for his family. He raised them all. He must feel like a father to all his siblings. I cannot imagine what it's like to lose a son before your time has passed.
And to top it all off, there are only about a hundred of us still alive after the battle against the Demon Of Storms. Close to half of those are in cots similar to mine or just on the floor waiting for treatment. Moans of pain come from everywhere. The number of people hurt is so bad that Bonfire has literally been going around and cauterizing lethal wounds that Heath or Sacate couldn't get to in time.
There is only one part of this whole situation that isn't painful or depressing.
It's a funny thought that Sacate and I are very similar. I watch him struggle to help close the giant gaping wound in my chest with his one arm. My eyes go to my right shoulder, where that arm starts and ends abruptly. A laugh comes from my mouth with a sputter at the thought. One that grows to a full-on maniacal giggle that Heath has to clamp down on. The man closes my mouth with a hand as he lathers my open wounds with the medicine Earl made.
"He's in shock! We need to hurry before his brain shuts down! Get me a blood bag, Earl! Sacate! Help him breathe!"
I watch them, confused, as I feel fine. No more pain even exists. But whatever. Not much I can do to stop them. I am so tired, after all.
With almost closed eyes, I see Heath stab a needle into his arm as he fills up multiple blood bags that he then feeds into me with syringes. One in my left arm, one in my thigh, and one in my neck. Sacate puts his hand on the left side of my chest as he does heart compressions and flows Ether into my heart and lungs to attempt to keep them working.
Their efforts gradually slow in my sight as my eyes close with a soft giggle. The slow motion looks funny.
************************************************
My eyes reopen within a vast field of spider lilies. The area drips down to a pitch-black river under an equally dark sky. The sight lacks a moon and the young girl in it, the last and only time I was ever here. I'm back in the moonless meadows from the day Ma died, and that thing attacked me.
I push off of the ground as I stand in the field and look around, but my attention is pulled back to the river of darkness. The flowers on the other shore that slowly bloom in my sight are what draw all of my focus. Where with each and every bloom, a face passes by in my mind like a psychic image. Thousands of flowers rear their beautiful red as I take in the view, a face for each of them. Most of which I've never seen, but a few caught my eye.
A few people I have seen.
Mostly passerby townsmen from Rustbank amongst them, but there are other people I know pretty well or at least more than just passing.
Roy, the bartender from the first night I stayed in town.
Marrion, the best friend of Otto from the duo of crazy redheads.
One of the blonde sisters from within the meeting. A Sister Of Silence, I believe.
And the last is someone I know very well. One that makes me realize whoever is in his body right now is not him. Vernon's cherry face enters my mind as the last flower blooms.
My shoulders sag as I feel the grief flow through me. And for the eventual realization of Virgil. It's no longer just a theory but instead fact. Someone or something ominous has replaced the cherry younger Boone.
I turn and look around at the vast field, and I notice a blurry figure nearby. One is looking at me from the other side of the river. I think it is the little girl for a second, but I quickly realize it's not.
The humanoid figure is much taller. Only a bit taller than me and looks more manlike than womanlike. I think I can even spot parts of his wardrobe from here that much more resembles a high-ranking Hunter's outfit. Like the one Frederick wore. Made of high-quality cloth and hard to cut.
I move along the bank of the river until I am directly across from them. I wave into the air as they just stare back at me. I yell at them once to see if they can hear me.
"Hey! Can you hear me!?"
They mouth some words at me, but I can't tell what they are. To get them to talk louder, I cup my hands over my mouth and prepare to yell even louder. But before I can, a voice comes from beside me near my waist from a high-pitched voice.
"He can't hear you."
I turn to my side and see the little girl from before. The one that is likely the spirit of the Blooming Spider Lily. She wears all-black cotton clothes and has those same disturbing black eyes that seem to shift to red here and there. Her voice is so incredibly monotone and doesn't appear to have any emotion within it.
I am confused about why she's on this side and for a million other reasons, so I try to talk to her.
"What's going on? Why are you here? Why am I here? Are you the Blooming Spider Lily?"
The little girl tilts her head at me and giggles. She sits down on the bank of the river and pats the grass beside her.
"Sit, sit, sit. It's been so long since I've had any company."
I follow her directions, weirded out by her wording, and she introduces herself when I place my bottom on the grass. The introduction is short, however, and ends as she trails off.
"I'm not 'the Blooming Spider Lily.' I'm just Lily. I was created to help you. Only it seems it didn't quite go as planned…"
I ask her who made her. My father had her, but I'm unsure if he made her.
"Who created you? And how? And how am I even here? Didn't Alexos take you far away? How can you interact with me from so far away?"
The little girl, Lily, laughs again with a hand over her mouth as my last question.
"You're so silly. Of course, I can't talk to you far away. I'm very close, in fact. Only a few hundred feet away. The man who took me didn't go that far. He's watching you right now, in fact. Not that any of you will ever find him, though."
My fists clench on the soil around me at the notion of Alexos still being close by. That fucking madman. Even now, he toys with us. My hands tighten even further as I get angry and want to go and kill him now, but Lily smacks my hand.
"Stop that! You'll hurt the flowers!"
I look down and see that I just was twisting the soil and pulling a few nearby flower stems. I apologize to her before asking for more information. There is so little I know about her. Though, I do realize that her hand was ice cold when it touched mine, like the chill of death.
"I'm sorry, I just got a bit worked up. So, who created you, Lily? And are you real? Is this place real?"
Lily kicks out her legs as she dangles her pale feet over the pitch-black waters of the river.
"I was forged in the Cardinal River, the very first stream of water to ever exist in this world. Its dark waters split from the depths of the Underworld and lose their pigment when sunlight touches it. The river is how souls traverse vast distances to reach the Underworld; very few dead could make it beneath without it. My craftsman, Killian, used the Sigil of the first creature to ever swim in the Cardinal to forge me. I–"
I cut her off without meaning to be rude. She just said my father made her?!
"What do you mean Killian made you? When? He has a Craftsman Sigil?"
The little girl nods at me to confirm my unbelievable assumptions.
"Yes, he did! I was made, uhm… I think about twelve years ago… Yeah, that sounds about right. Sometimes it's hard to tell time without someone wielding me, and Kilian only used me for the first two years. Then, he left me in a box for me to slowly create bullets. And, yeah, he has a Craftsman Sigil, two of them, in fact. Why are you so weird about him? He's right across from us."
Lily drops three simultaneous bombshells on me, and I am stunned by each of them. But the last one makes my eyes jump straight forward. My attention becomes wholly focused on the man across from the river.
"That's my dad…? Why is he here?"
Lily shakes her head and giggles at me again.
"He's not really here, silly. He just put some of his soul inside my frame, so his likeness roams my inner world. It helped keep my shape when I was made. Y'know, Sexton's can do that type of stuff later on in their Sigils."
Her words just continue to blow my mind as I put my hands in my head and spiral into confusion and conspiracy.
My father made her twelve years ago and put her in a box ten years ago. That means he was there when I was young, at least once, right? But I have no memory of him. At all. And I can remember when I was five or six, not perfectly, but undoubtedly his appearance would have stayed. What's wrong with me? Or is it him? I don't know.
And the Lily. No, Lily can make bullets on her own? How is that possible? And again, how am I even here? Where even is here? What the fuck is happening!? I try to calm down, and I just ask the little girl the question I think is most pressing.
"Where am I? Am I dead?"
I look up from putting my hands in my head and see her shake her head.
"No, you're not dead. Well… maybe technically. Your heart stopped around… twenty seconds ago or so. But don't worry! I'm holding onto your soul for you! Or, well, I'm temporarily keeping it from drifting away. I'm not as good at staving off death as Killian, but I can do it for a little while. I'm much better at claiming souls."
The little girl waves her arms out to the river and the fields around us as she explains where I am to my unbelieving face.
"You're in my inner world. It's a little hard to explain, but you can think of it as a kind of mental escape. Besides you showing up, all I've had for entertainment are the faces of the recently deceased nearby. So, thanks for dying as well because that's the only way I can talk to you!"
More questions come to mind as the cheerful little girl talks about me literally dying. The scene is so ludicrous and bizarre that I don't even know how to react. I just try and ignore the hilarity by asking some more questions.
"So you can only grab me when I die? Then what about the first time I showed up? How did I survive? And how will I this time?"
Lily smiles and explains a bit more, but I become extremely uncomfortable partway through her explanation of how she says it.
"Yeah. I can only talk to you when your heart stops, and your soul vacates your body because of our distance, and even then, I have a limit. If you're holding me, the restrictions are a bit laxer. The first time you died, I could heal you with the excess lifespan I devoured. It really does taste good to take life, so much so that there is almost always spare. But anyway, I'm not sure how you'll get through this one. Can't help you from here. Your body does seem to be slowly recovering on its own, though. But it's not nearly enough to save you."
Lily finishes by putting her pale chin on her hand and tilting it. She then looks at me with raised eyebrows, almost as if she is expecting me to solve the problem of my death.
I look around, just overwhelmed by everything going on. My eyes brush on the blurry figure of my father across from the river, and I stare at him for a few moments. His wardrobe alone is hard to make out, let alone his face. That entire thing is completely blurry. After a few moments of looking at him, I just give up looking at him and lay back. Lily joins me and starts making snow angels with her arms in the grass.
"What happens if I cross this river?"
"You'll die."
"Just by touching it?"
"Uh-huh."
Thought so. This river must be a copy of the Cardinal. The lilies, or the Othershore Flowers, signify death and passing on. Makes sense for her to have it in her mental scape because she was forged from it. She can probably cross it because it's hers.
But then why is my father on the other side? Is he dead? My heart, which must be only mentally real, beats faster at the thought of him being dead or alive. The idea has passed my mind thousands, if not millions, of times throughout my life, but the prospect of having a true answer almost makes me too excited to ask.
I take a deep breath as I prepare for either answer.
"Is my father dead?"
"Uh uh."
I feel relief, anger, neglect, despair, and happiness all at once flow through me.
My father is alive.
But then where is he!? Why hasn't he ever come to me?
"Do you know where he is?"
"Uh uh."
The expected answer makes sadness overtake most of the good emotions. But another question remains that I hope she may know.
"Then do you know why he left?"
Lily pauses in her fake snow angels as she looks at me and answers.
"Uh uh. I miss him myself. He fed me a whole lot more compared to you."
Her tongue rolls over incredibly sharp teeth that all appear to be dipped in human blood. The sight makes me sit up and move slightly away from her. She's been lovely so far, but I've slowly forgotten what she is. A spirit of a Colt, not a little girl.
But once she sees my movement, she gets frustrated with me and pouts.
"Hey! I told you I can't claim your soul! It's not a deal with your dad either; I just literally can't. Already tried, and dunno why. Don't leave me alone. Do you know how rare it is to get company? And the first time you showed up, you were too weak to even talk to me. Had I spoken to you, you would have instantly died from Ether saturation as an Unsigiled."
I stop moving away from her as her smile returns. I just grumble, confusedly.
"Okay, fine. But then, what do I do?"
Lily smiles as she dips one of her tiny pale fingers into the water. Then she takes it and watches it drop from her finger.
"You could take a small sip. The Cardinal is the Origin and Termination for all life, except for what that bitch made below, at least, and I can replicate a small portion of the river's powers. This river here is my Ether and skills made physical in my mental scape using a projection of the real thing. Makes it more powerful but harder to control. One day I hope I can grow enough to control the real thing and live on its shores, though."
I stare at her weirdly as the pitch-black liquid drips from her finger. I don't understand what she's talking about at all. Origin and Termination of all life?
She sees my confusion and sighs disappointedly.
"You are so dumb, y'know? This stuff is so simple. I really don't get how you can't understand. If you take a sip, it has an equal chance to heal you as it does to kill you by shattering your soul. If I had better control, I could choose. Or, you could hope that whoever is trying to save your life succeeds. Or that you heal enough, and I can just plop you back in your body. Whichever you prefer, really. I was made to help you, but in all honestly, I couldn't care less if you lived or died. I just would like to be fed."
I watch the dripping fluid as she insults me and slowly begins to understand. The water of the Cardinal is both rejuvenating and deadly. That is how it is where life started from and where it will end when souls go to the Underworld; I'll just ignore that jab at the Mother Below for now. I assume Lily means demons don't come from the river, but people do.
I could hope that Heath, Sacate, and Earl can revive me, but my heart has already stopped. Their chances of doing so are relatively slim. There is the chance that I heal enough to be put back in my body, but I reckon that is the Bloody Palm stretching its fingers throughout me. And Lily has already saved my life once, no, four times. She's got a good track record, even if she tried to devour my soul once. A net three, I think, is solid.
Nodding to her, I ask Lily how I am supposed to do this and if there is anything else I should know.
"Okay, so how do I do this? And what could go wrong? Is there a side effect even if I survive?"
The spirit of the gun hums for a moment before putting her hand into the river and making a cup out of her palm. Then she brings her tiny hand out of the water and shows me the small amount of water inside.
"Just take a sip. Worst case, you die as you siphon all the lifespan from your body into the projection, and the river breaks your soul apart into splinters for the Outsiders to devour as you drift away. And that wouldn't count as me claiming your soul because you'd be drifting away to get devoured by something else, not staying inside my meadows. Best case scenario, you only lose a bit of lifespan. Either way, we'll become friends as our Ether intertwines to kill or resurrect you."
I sigh at the two probabilities and start cursing Earl in my mind.
He better be Reshuffling me right now…
After my quick thoughts of Earl and his luck-bending powers, I lean over and take a sip from the water in Lily's palm. It tastes… like… snow?
The liquid gains substance and turns into dark snow as it siphons into my mouth. It condenses and has the same chill, texture, and taste as snow. It seems to spread through my whole jaw with an odd sensation of calm. My confusion at the feeling swirls as everything immediately turns black. All I'm left with is a giggle and a weird but genuine goodbye from Lily as I fade away quickly, and the black is turned to white.
"I really don't want you to die, well not permanently, at least. I can help put you back together, if it's only a little bit because of all those that died nearby. I'm so bored here. I guess I'll use the Ether from my soon-to-be bullet to help nudge the Cardinal's course a tad. I want to see you again! Please take me back from that weird man! They're afraid to feed me!"