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I'm a Dude, I Swear!

🇺🇸Turtle034
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Synopsis
Reincarnated into an Academy Eroge destined for a terrible end, what's a man supposed to do? Step up. Grind. Steal everything and anything not nailed to the ground in an effort for even the tiniest bit more strength. Collect all hidden pieces, items, consumables, skills, titles, and stats. But... how is this behavior reflected in the eyes of others? ******** I've always wanted to try a comedy. I'm writing this to get back into my MOJO so I can continue my other fics since I've been pretty down and unmotivated to write. I figured something lighter and not serious would help me with that. The Image/Cover art is by @mi_Lomi If you want it taken down then all you have to do is comment.
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Chapter 1 - Prologue: Goal Oriented

My name is Hayden. That's all. I have no last name as I am of common blood. But that's not important.

I'm going to be attending an academy which on neutral grounds allows students of all kingdoms a place to mingle. Gain connections. Gain strength. That is important, otherwise I wouldn't be going to it.

This academy has many hidden items, hidden pieces, easter eggs, or whatever. How do I know this? Well, in the last fifteen years I've realized I have been reincarnated in an Eroge I played. But that's unimportant, nobody, and especially of all, me, cares about that.

Questions of why or who sent me here, I couldn't be bothered to think of for an answer. All I need is those items, skills, consumables, traits, titles, and stats.

For now, I have gained a good base. Fifteen years of training for the inevitable doesn't lack results, as it certainly motivates me. The Protagonist could play around with girls all he likes, they're unimportant.

Of course, I also plan to steal those girls cliche strengthening events. And their blood, so I can use their families exclusive magic and traits. As well as the Protagonists lucky events too.

I looked at my progres.

[

Name: Hayden

Title(s): Goblin Slayer, Asshole, Ice-Charming, Unholy Language Creator, Unknowing Breaker of Hearts, Kobold Killer, Mammoth Maimer, Cat Cutter, Weed Wacker, Swordmaster, Tree Splinterer, Elemental Grinder, Mole Burier, Lizard Flamer, Construct Shatterer, Human Deformer, Machine Wiper, Elf Fertilizer, Dwarven Forge Fracturer, Dwarf Lacerater, The Elven Forest Arsonist, Giant Smasher, Medusa Gouger, Demon Weeper, Orc Cleaver, Adventurer's TOO Adventurous, Loose Screw, Mad Dog, Is This Guy For Real?!, Ice Freezer, Lightning Thunderbird, The Reason Why Global Warming Exists, Wherever He Enters It Get's Five Degrees Colder, Dragon Dragger, Void Mauler,

Class: N/A

Stats:

Strengh: A+ (200)

Agility: S (300)

Endurance: S- (280)

Vitality: S- (275)

Perception: S+ (350)

Magic: S+ (400)

Traits:

(Common Blood)

Common blood means adaptable blood! Injecting foreign bloods into your veins you can gain exclusive traits and skills related to the possessor of it!

(Impartial Charm)

Open minded Charm. Unprejudiced Charm! Your charm is unbiased in that it can sway those of both genders. You just need to be more open minded to use all of it.

(Equality)

You treat everyone equally! Like trash...

(Calm)

You didn't cry as a baby, are you even human?

(Goal Oriented)

You only focus on your goals.

(Not-A-Hero!)

You're very unheroic. Some might say you're even... dastardly. Just need a mustache to twirl.

(Ice Icer)

You have such a high affinity for Ice magic, that you can even freeze ice.

(What Follows Lightning?)

THUNDER! You have such a high affinity for Lightning magic, you can even make thunder.

(Dragon Heart)

You ate a Dragon's heart. You have a high affinity for all elements.

(Pyromaniac)

Your flames don't hurt you.

(Hydromaniac)

You've made so many things wet, and not in a good way! Well, a lot in both ways admittedly.

(Geomaniac)

You've earthed everything!

(Electromaniac)

Highly Conductive, five stars!

(Aeromaniac)

Your winds don't hurt you.

(Cryomaniac)

You've iced everywhere!

(Click to Expand) [A/N: If you want more tell me you want more.]

Active Skills: Shatter Star-SSS, Frost Thunder-SS, Electromagnetic Frost Murder-SS, Lightning Spear-S, Magma Bolt-S, Hurricane-S, Tsunami-S, Earth Shaker-S, Void Slicer-S, Earthquake-S, Below Zero-S, Teleport-S, Blink-A, Ice Cube-D, (Click to Expand)

Passive Skills: Chantless-SSS, Swordsmanship-SSS, Lightning Magic-SSS, Ice Magic-SSS, Fire Magic-SS, Earth Magic-SS, Water Magic-SS, Wind Magic-SS, Body Conditioning-SS, Space Magic-S, Scavenge-S, Loot-S, Steal-S, Tracking-S, Hunting-S Running-S, Cooking-S, Vigor-S, Hyper Regeneration-S, Leap-S, Strong Skin-S, Fast Feet-S, CQC-S, Dragon Hide-S,Magic Control-D, (Click to Expand)

]

"Heh, I see it still has the same humor," I chuckled to myself.

Despite all my magic, I had shitty control over it. Meaning I had a hard time with more delicate spells. It was because I got too much Mana too fast. That's another reason I wanted to go to the academy, to be taught proper magic. But that's what happens when you eat a dragon heart I guess.

Still staring at the screen, I felt nothing at all the progress I've made. Because the game's story hasn't even started yet. I may be strong than all Nine Heroines at the moment, but everyone in the second half of the game, especially the Protagonist, would be stronger than me. That's when I will truly start getting overwhelmingly strong if I play my cards right.

'That game was such bullshit,' I had no idea what even swayed me to play something with such a lackluster storyline.

Pfft. Yeah right! Of course I knew what made me want to play. Tits. Butts and tits goaded my previously hormone addled mind to pay twenty dollars all those years ago.

What an idiot I was. To the current me, physical relief couldn't be anymore unimportant.