One week passed. Waylin dismounts. He finds Sigurd planting some flowers.
His slim body was more toned. Well, he practiced a lot with his sword. On his hands the red patch made by the way he practiced with the bow, attracts Waylin's attention.
"Have you practiced .. with your arrow?" The man looks down on the man who didn't seem to care about his arrival.
Sigurd flinches when the man touches his shoulder.
"Waylin!" He lifts himself up and looks at the man.
"You got buffed up a little." Waylin concludes shamelessly. Sigurd frowns and diverts his eyes.
His search for Nissa was fruitless. The forest was bigger than he imagined. He decides to make a comment that will make Sigurd talk.
"Aren't you going to talk to me? We leave tomorrow. "He rises his eyebrows. He knows a Sigurd that talks a lot, but now, he looked like he was a little absent minded. What happened to him?
"I am not going. "He tries to leave. Waylin angers and grabs him by the shirt.
"What do you mean? Didn't you said that you will find Nissa with me?"
Sigurd lets his head drop and glances at the man who is prepare to hit him.
The anxiety he felt since Karlen left, is crushing him down. He still didn't had a plan. Karlen is now a direct enemy. No more hiding. The pressure of knowing the truth and not being able to tell others is eating him alive. Why is he hiding Karlen? He already knows. And that is the reason he feels like he will die if the man will be exposed and eventually killed.
He hates himself for not being able to be in control of the situation. If he could have convince Karlen somehow to get on his side….
Nissa and others are at his mercy. If he decides to uncover Karlen, lots of wolfs will hunt him down. But the madam will have him killed. Sigurd is scared of the woman. She was the mastermind. She will definitely find a way killing him.
So, for Sigurd, the only option left was to keep thinking of a plan that will not get him and Karlen killed.
He touches his belly. Recently, a sharp pain will cross his lower abdomen. He also threw up in the morning.
His mood is messed up every time he thinks about these things.
Planting flowers and sleeping in his wolf form are the only things that he finds pleasure in doing.
Practicing with his sword and arrow are some things he obligated himself to do in order to become stronger for the sake of not dying a cowards death.
Now that Waylin reminded him about his wish, his head starts to hurt.
They can't find Nissa. She is probably kept hidden in a place they can't find no matter how much they were to search. They need a better plan, but he can't tell this to Waylin.
What if she eats and sleeps well and as soon as they find her she will be in danger? This thought scares him the most.
Sigurd needs more time to analyze the problem.
"I need to train more. "He mumbles. Waylin looks at him confused. Wasn't Sigurd the one who said that he was good in combat and proficient at throwing knifes?
"What's wrong with you?" He grabs with his both hand his shoulders. He shakes him.
Sigurd feels nauseous.
"Nothing.." Sigurd loses his balance and his knees melt. He is caught by Waylin.
"Sigurd! What the fuck?" He is agitated and tries to calm himself down.
Sigurd is put in the bed.
Jan and Waylin are next to him.
"Don't yell!" Waylin is putting his hand on Jan's mouth. Sigurd is in his wolf form.
"Mnnnhmm.." Jan mumbles something but Waylin doesn't let go till Jan calms down.
"I knew he was a wolf. Keeping this as a secret is very important for him. " Waylin takes his pulse.
"I can't believe this! Sigurd is finally a wolf…." Jan can't help his surprise and pats Sigurd's black fur.
"He fainted. Maybe he practiced to much today.." Waylin looks at Jan.
"He did practiced in the morning. Recently, he is very active but I saw him throwing up few times. Should I stop him from training?" Jan looks at the wolf with concerned eyes.
"Just feed him well. His body will get used to the training. I will leave! He is better off training."
Waylin gets out of the room.
Jan pats him more and follows the man.
Their voices resound in Sigurd's mind as he dreams. In the dream he sees a little wolf coming to him. At first he is scared but the cute eyes make him stretch his hand towards the little wolf. The little one jumps on him and he kisses his nose. The fur is soft and he smells like him. It is comforting to have him in his arms. Sigurd transforms in a wolf and runs with the little wolf in the forest. As they enjoy running, an arrow is heard. When he looks at the little wolf the arrow is piercing his head.
Sigurd wakes up. He is sweaty and the terror he felt still lingers.
'It was a dream…'
He realizes that he is in his bed. Could it be he fainted again? That must be it.
Careful, he gets out of the bed and tries to transform in his human form.
No results. He is too weak physically to transform. He was glad that his wolf form was much stronger than his body.
Sigurd curls down as a sharp pain hits his belly again.
What to do? He sits a moment and remembers the Gods.
In his mind, he calls for the Great Master.
'Great Master I need your wisdom! Please come! I have many questions! I need you!"
His fear was bigger than his pride. What if he does something wrong? He needs guidance.
A sparkle lights the room. He glances and sees the light growing till the ball of Aura pops, as the light spreads like a fog.
"Sigurd! "The Master kneels down next to him. He uses his Aura and heals him. Sigurd rises his head and puts it on the knees of the kind God.
"I don't know what's wrong with me….." He whines.
"Don't be scared! I will tell you the reason but before you have to make a decision."
"Tell me .." His eyes met the Great Master.
"Do you want to become the hero?"
Sigurd closes his eyes and thinks for few seconds. Well, this was probably the option he avoided the most. But it is probably the single plan that would function.
"There's no other way, right?" He sighs. He knew it. Running away from his fear will only grow his fear more. It was stupid to think he will be happy avoiding to destroy his fear. The Great Master nods.
"I will become the hero. "He decided. No more running away.
"Great! You finally ready to get over your fear? "He smiles.
"Yes… I think so …" He nods. Well even if he still feels fear, he can try to win against it.
"I want you to keep your calm! What I am about to tell you will be shocking…"
The Great Master gathers his thoughts and looks at Sigurd. He is rising his head perking his ears.
"I promise!" His black fur sparkles in the light. Sigurd red eyes look with fear in the eyes of the Great Master.
"You have experience belly pain, nausea, and sensations of throwing up. You are pregnant!" The God smiles and reaches his hand to pat the wolf.
When Sigurd hears it, he feels as if a hammer hit his head.
"Pregnant…I am pregnant?!...Since when I can get pregnant?" He mumbles in disbelief.
"Darling, wolves can get pregnant even if they are males. Masters are the same. I knew it will be a shock for you. To keep him you need to reveal your identity as a wolf and go have check ups. If you weren't ready to become a hero, you wouldn't have been able to keep the child safe. The dream I gave you, that's what was going to happen if you wouldn't have wanted to become the hero."
Sigurd's tears fall as he realizes what his fear of becoming a hero would have gave him. He looks down at his belly. In his wolf form the belly was more prominent.
'I would have killed the child with my own hands…"
"I wanted you to choose being the hero by yourself not being pushed by your condition. This way you will never blame your child nor feel regret. Don't cry!"
He understands what the Great Master says. The God is indeed wise. Now he can push forward without feeling forced. He hated the most being forced to to something just because it was necessary.
The tears stop and he looks at the Master. His red eyes are wet but he has a shadow of sadness in them. As if the Master understands what he was thinking he assures Sigurd.
"Karlen is not a bad person. He is just a man that was influenced by evil people. I am sure he loves you a lot. He will be happy to hear that you are pregnant. Don't worry! Is not good for the baby."
He wants to trust the God's word with all his heart. But for now, his distrust can wait for later. He cries in relive on the Master's shoulder.
"What I am I going to do from now on? "He sniffles as he transforms in his human form. He feels ashamed because he cried. But he decides to give a try feeling all sorts of emotions without suppressing them.
He is happy that he has a child but he is a little worried by all the things that will happen. He will protect his child. Sigurd will be different from his father. His child will be the happiest. From now he wants to make sure that he will save the kingdom before the baby is born. Sigurd will fight with all his power. He is prepare to fight against everyone.
Knowing about the child is the switch that makes him fearless.
"You have to decide that by yourself. You can call me if you are in great danger. Sigurd, only one think I have to say to you. Trust the people that love you. You will see that they will truly help and protect you. Learn to trust!"
The Great Master disappears in the Aura as he kisses Sigurd's forehead.
Sigurd is left alone. On the cold floor he feels truly lonely. Was it his fault that he was lonely? Part of him acknowledges that it was his lack of trust that caused people to leave him alone. His fear of getting hurt got worse after his girlfriend shot him.
Now, he wants to change. Maybe his true happiness was to have a family, not to be safe. How much did he miss because of his fear? Well, he knows that in this live he will not let himself lead by his fear anymore.
He will be happy! With the baby and Karlen…..with Yrsa, Kai and Nissa…. with Lukas, Waylin and Thyra. This time he will be true to himself and protect the people he trusts.
With a feeling of weakness, he rises and puts himself on the bed.
The sweet scent makes his heart tighten. He wants to cry again. Karlen is all his thinking right now.
'What if he will try to kill me? 'He caresses his belly and tears fall from his blue eyes. His tangled hair is wet by the drops falling down on the pillow.
'I will protect the baby from him if I have to ….' Sigurd is falling asleep as he continues to cry his eyes out, eliminating all his worries he accumulated in his life.