"I've struggled with my research, too," Kayla says. "Part of it is wanting to make a real difference in mathematics. Be someone others point to and say, 'She did good work.'"
You've felt that, too. The push to be someone who discovers patterns no one else has ever dreamed of, or uncovers an underlying theorem about patterns that revolutionizes the field.
"There's an old saw that mathematics is a young man's game." Kayla's mouth twists. "Emphasis both on 'young' and 'man.' I'm neither. I've got just over a decade if I want to win the Fields Medal." She notes your confusion. "A big award for mathematicians. Only one woman's ever won it. And not even Andrew Wiles won." She pauses. "Fermat's Last? Never mind."
"I'm sorry…?"
She laughs softly. It's not a happy sound. "Suffice it to say, I'm not sure if I'm going in the right direction with my research. And I won't know for, oh, years and years and years. It makes me afraid my department will realize that I'm a fraud."