The five of you stand with varying degrees of enthusiasm. You appreciate that Dr. Ellison is opening the meeting by observing the traditional forms. Too many modern practitioners don't bother.
"I sharpen my wits, the knife that slides between the worlds," you all say with Dr. Ellison. "I strengthen my will, the rod that holds the gate ajar. I straighten my wisdom, the hand that guides for purpose true."
Silence falls in the room. Dr. Wilcox elbows you. "So did you bring snacks? It's what's expected of a new professor, after all." He has the forced jocularity of someone pretending that what he's saying is funny instead of passive-aggressive.
.Two can play the passive-aggressive game. "Gosh! Thank you so much! There's so much I'm learning about this department and my colleagues." You'd shake his hand but that would be too over-the-top.
Dr. Wilcox looks at you as if you've sprouted antennae. "I wasn't serious."
"Indeed," Dr. Ellison says. "But thank you for your excessive enthusiasm, Dr. .. And Dr. Wilcox, do remember that we are here to collaborate."
"Of course, Chloe," Dr. Wilcox says.
You all sit back down. Dr. Ellison glances down at her notes. "I trust you all read the agenda."
Nods all around the table, even though you're sure several of them didn't, including you. Dr. Ellison will walk everyone through the agenda anyway.
"Then let's begin with the first item: department tasks."
Oh, Joy