You cough, aware that this particular brand of fertilizer isn't winning you any friends here. You're also having trouble keeping a dialog going single-handed.
You do, however, make a final stab towards progress and, you can only assume, a large garbage bag full of alcohol and illegal drugs. With that in mind, you play the only card remaining in your deck.
"I think you'll find, legally, that you're on shaky ground," you say.
To your not-quite-surprise, this last argument doesn't appear to cut any ice. In fact, the lunch lady looks as though she'd rather like to cut you instead. Considering this, as well as considering the fact that she's currently holding a large knife, you decide that the best thing to do is to back quickly away.
Michelle is watching you as you walk back to the table. "So," she asks, "how was the diplomatic approach?"
"Not amazing," you admit. "Sorry about that."
Michelle nods. "There's always this afternoon. Hopefully no one blames you for the delay."
Breakfast is, to your surprise, delicious, and after a few mugs of suspiciously viscous coffee, the world seems like a much rosier place.
"So," Michelle says, chewing meditatively. "How are you feeling about your first day?"