"The Great Crypto Rush."
FADE IN:
INT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY
Scene Opening: Randy Marsh, the father of Stan, Gerald Broflovski, the father Kyle, Stephen Stotch, the father of Butters, and other parents are gathered in the school's auditorium for a meeting with the counselor, Mr. Mackey. The parents are all anxious and fidgety.
RANDY (to Mr. Mackey): "So, what's the big emergency, Mr. Mackey? We've all got work to get back to."
MR. MACKEY: "Well, parents, I'm afraid we're facing a crisis here at South Park Elementary. M'kay. Many of our students are getting distracted by the latest craze: Cryptocurrency."
--- The parents murmur and gasp in disbelief.
GERALD: "Cryptocurrency? What the hell is that?"
STEPHEN: "Is it some kind of new drug?"
RANDY: "I heard it's a way to get rich quickly."
MR. MACKEY: "Yes, it's a digital currency that people use to buy things or invest in. But it's highly volatile and risky, and we've had reports of students spending all their savings on it instead of focusing on their studies. M'kay."
--- The parents looked around concerned.
RANDY (to Other Parents): "Well, we can't just sit back and do nothing! We have to take action!"
Other Parents (Unison): "Yeah!"
GERALD (to Randy): "But what can we do?"
STEPHEN: "Maybe we should ban it from the school!"
SHEILA (to Stephen): "That won't be enough! They must be doing it outside of school too!"
MR. MACKEY: "Yes, I'm afraid that won't be enough. We need to educate our children on the risks and dangers of cryptocurrency."
RANDY: "And I know just the person who can help us with that!"
CUT TO:
INT. SOUTH PARK COMMUNITY CENTER - DAY
--- The parents and Mr. Mackey are gathered in the community center with a guest speaker: Elon Musk.
ELON MUSK: "Good afternoon, everyone. I'm here to talk to you about cryptocurrency and how it's changing the world."
--- The parents look impressed, others were confused.
RANDOM FATHER: "Why are you talking to us, and not our kids!?"
ELON MUSK (to Random Father): "Kids won't listen to a random man, you should learn the risks and teach them to your children."
ELON MUSK (continued): "As Mr. Mackey mentioned, it's also highly risky and volatile. You can lose all of your money in an instant if you're not careful or smart like me."
RANDY: "But Mr. Musk, we heard that you made billion with Cryptocurrency! Can't our kids do the same?"
ELON MUSK: "Well, I won't deny that there's money to be made. But unless your kids are as brilliant as me, there's a chance that they fail."
RANDY: "Oh, okay!"
GERALD: "So what can we do to protect our kids?"
ELON MUSK: "The best thing you can do is to educate them. Teach them about the risks and help them make informed decisions."
--- The parents all nod in agreement.
RANDY (to the other parents): "Well, that settles it! Let's go home and teach our kids about cryptocurrency!"
CUT TO:
INT. STAN'S HOUSE - DAY
--- Stan and his friends, Kenny, Cartman, Kyle, and Butters, are hanging out in Stan's living room.
KYLE (to Stan): "So what did your dad say about cryptocurrency, Stan?"
STAN (in Response): "He said it's like digital money that you can buy and sell, but it's risky and you can lose all your savings if you're not careful."
BUTTERS: "Wow, that sounds scary..."
CARTMAN: "I don't know, guys. I heard you can make a shit ton of money with it."
KYLE: "Even if we wanted to, how do we get started?"
STAN: "I don't know, but we should probably do some research before we invest any money."
--- The boys all nod in agreement.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BOYS' CLASSROOM - DAY
--- The boys are sitting in their classroom, but instead of paying attention to their teacher, they're all on their laptops, researching cryptocurrency.
BUTTERS (excited): "Hey guys, come look at this! There's a new cryptocurrency called "Cow-Coins" that's super popular!"
CARTMAN: "Cow-Coin? The hell kind of name is that?"
KENNY: [MUMBLES]
CARTMAN (to Kenny): "Hey Fuck You, Kenny!"
STAN: "But we still need to be careful, we don't want to lose our money, remember?"
KYLE: "Yeah, my dad looked really serious when he told me."
--- The boys nod in agreement.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BOYS' BASEMENT - DAY
--- The boys are all gathered around a computer, trying to figure out how to buy Cow-Coin.
BUTTERS : "Okay, I think I found a website where we can buy it!"
KENNY: [MUMBLES]
BUTTERS: "Let me check."
CARTMAN (to Butters): "Hurry up, Butters!"
KYLE: "But we still need to be careful. We don't want to get scammed."
STAN: "Yeah, we should probably ask our parents for help."
CUT TO:
INT. KYLE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
--- The boys are sitting with their parents, trying to explain why they want to buy cryptocurrency.
RANDY: "I don't know about this, boys. It sounds really risky."
SHEILA: "Yeah! And you could lose all your savings."
STAN: "But we did our research, and we think we can make some money!"
KYLE: "And we'll be careful, swear. We won't invest more than we can afford to lose."
CARTMAN (under his breath): "Spoken like a Jew."
KYLE (exclaimed): "Shut up, Fatass!"
SHEILA: "Kyle!?"
KYLE: "Sorry mom..."
--- The parents look hesitant but eventually agree to let the boys invest a small amount of money.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BOYS' BASEMENT - DAY
--- The boys are all gathered around the computer, excitedly watching the value of their Cows-Coin investment go up.
BUTTERS: "Wow, we're already making money!"
CARTMAN: "I knew this was a good idea!"
KYLE: "But we still need to be careful. We don't want to get too greedy."
KENNY: [MUMBLES]
STAN: "Yeah, we should probably sell some of our coins and take our profits."
--- The boys all nod in agreement.
CUT TO:
INT. STAN'S DINING ROOM - DAY
--- The boys are sitting with their parents, explaining how they made a small profit from their investment.
RANDY: "Well, I'm glad it worked out for you boys. But remember, you still need to be careful with your money."
SHARON: "And don't get too greedy."
CUT TO:
FADE IN:
EXT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY
--- Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters walk up to the school entrance wearing new designer clothes, expensive accessories, and carrying high-end gadgets. Craig, Tolkien, Clyde, and Jimmy are standing nearby and immediately notice the change in their friends' appearances.
CARTMAN: (flashing a wad of cash) "Hey losers, you see this?"
STAN: (flashing his phone) "I made a fortune on cryptocurrency."
KYLE: (showing off his watch) "Bought this with my earnings."
KENNY: (brandishing a new laptop) "[MUMBLES]"
BUTTERS: (showing his new shoes) "I finally got the kicks I always wanted."
--- Craig, Tolkien, Clyde and Jimmy look on.
CRAIG: "Your parents let you invest in crypto?"
CARTMAN: "Of course they did, cause our parent's are cool and yours are la-am-me!"
CRAIG (under his breath): "Must be nice..."
TOLKIEN (snaps back): "Hey, don't talk my parents!"
CLYDE: (nodding in agreement) "We missed out, man."
JIMMY: (smiling sheepishly) "Good for them, I guess."
As the others walk off, Stan notices the look of envy on his friends face.
STAN: (apologetic) "Hey guys, sorry if we're being showy. It's just that we made a lot of money and wanted to treat ourselves."
KYLE: (agreeing) "Yeah, we're still the same guys. Just with nicer things."
CARTMAN: (cocky) And we're still better than you.
--- Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Kyle, & Stan all laugh.
CUT TO:
INT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY
--- As the boys continue to show off their new wealth, Butters catches the attention of Wendy, Bebe, and Nicole, who walk by and notice their flashy outfits and gadgets.
BUTTERS: (smiling charmingly) "Hey there, ladies. Check out my new shoes."
WENDY: (unimpressed) "That's nice, Butters."
BEBE: (rolling her eyes) "Why are you trying so hard to impress us?"
NICOLE: (giggling) "Yeah, we're not impressed by money."
--- Butters doesn't seem to catch the hints and continues to flirt with the girls.
BUTTERS: (persisting) "Aw, come on now ladies. You gotta admit, I'm looking pretty dapper."
STAN: (noticing the interaction) "Back-off Butters!"
BUTTERS: (confused) "Huh? Why?"
STAN: (firmly) "She's not interested, dude."
WENDY: (nodding) "Sorry, Butters. I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
STAN: "Yeah... Wait, What!"
BUTTERS: (disappointed) "Oh, okay. Sorry, Wendy."
--- The boys continue to laugh and show off their new possessions, while Stan keeps a watchful eye on Butters and the girls.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BOYS' BASEMENT - DAY
--- The boys are all gathered around the computer, watching the value of their Cow-Coin investment plummet.
BUTTERS (frantic): "Oh no, we're losing all our money!"
KENNY: [INTENSE MUMBLING]
CARTMAN: "I can't believe this! We were supposed to get rich!"
KYLE: "I told you guys we should have sold when we had the chance."
STAN: "We need to stay calm and figure out what to do."
--- The boys frantically search for a solution, but the value of Cow-Coin continues to drop.
CUT TO:
INT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY
--- The boys are sitting in Mr. Mackey's office, looking dejected.
MR. MACKEY: "Boys, I'm sorry to hear about your investment. But remember, cryptocurrency is highly volatile and risky."
BUTTERS: "But what are we going to do now? We lost all our money!"
KYLE: "Maybe we can try to earn it back through hard work and saving."
STAN: "Yeah, we can't rely on get-rich-quick schemes."
MR. MACKEY: "That's a very responsible attitude, boys. I'm proud of you, m'kay."
---
CUT TO:
INT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY
--- The boys are sitting in their classroom, paying attention to their teacher for once. Except Cartman, who is slouched over with a grim look.
MR. GARRISON: "And you boy's all learned a lesson."
THE BOY'S (in Unison): "Yes Mr. Garrison!"
--- They said rolling their eyes.
[END] - The screen glitches out!