Everyday is exactly the same for me, wake up, eat, shower, get dressed then suffer.
I work a job outside the city and i live on a farm land that's fairly 'off grid' with no neighbours in sight, call me a recluse if you want.
I always dreamt of living in the city, getting a good job and being an upstanding citizen but as i grew older i quickly realized that life wasn't for everyone. In fact, many of us won't even achieve half of our dreams throughout our lifetime, but that's alright, none of mine were realistic anyway.
The panel beaters were i'm employed pay me peanuts but it's just about enough to keep afloat. In part that's largely down to the beat up old bakkie i drive which conserves me a tonne of fuel and the isolated cabin i lived in which saves me a fortune on rent.
My lifestyle is fairly routine and i practically live each day on auto pilot.
"Oh poor Darryl, you'll never make it in life." is one of my commonly reoccurring thoughts.
That was until one certain hopeful day.
Somewhere between taking a repair job from a mysterious man in the city and travelling 80kms into a distant grassland i found myself in an menacing situation.
Maybe it was an over-eagerness to make some extra cash or it was probably just my compulsive urge to fix things, either way, the prospect of self improvement was one that would always entice me.
The place was quite a defiled wooden house that had evidently endured the best and worst of times out in the secluded grassland. Almost everything inside had either been eroded by old age or just didn't function properly, but i was content with that, it's not like i had many other options plus i had the guarantee of good pay.
The old man told me that he had big plans for the house as soon it was up an running and he'd even consider having me as one of his employees if i did a good enough job.
A few minutes after a lengthy discussion on the phone he went back to his job and i began running repairs on the lakehouse. I spent a good portion of the day working on it until all my energy reserves were depleted, it was quite late by the time i decided to call it a day, and as i drove home i truly felt that i was under the grip of fatigue.
I was only a couple of miles away from my destination when i began to yawn and my mind grew sluggish, the longer i drove the further i was plunged into a state of grogginess. The steep hillside road secured only by metal beam crash barriers coupled with the ghostly silhouette of midnight trees made the drive ever so ominous.
After a brief struggle i managed to keep my eyes open but that was before i noticed a pair of flashing headlights infront me effectively blinding my eyes, the vehicle behind the lights was also speeding towards me. It took seconds before the driver incessantly honked his horn at me as a warning that i was driving in the wrong lane and we were on collision course.
Instinctively, i tugged the steering wheel with my stronger right hand diverting the car off track and into the metal barriers. As my car slammed into them it instantly flipped over and overturned multiple times on the steep hillside before landing in a lake.
I was now wide awake, the forceful crash and a staggering increase in my heart rate ensured that. I gasped and glanced attempting to comprehend the situation as quickly as i could, one moment i was calmly cruising through the silent night road and the next i was sinking in a lake.
I submerged slowly, allowing some time to contrive a solution while i hastily unbuckled my seat belt. The only injury i attained was a heavy knock to my collar bone, but the rise in adrenaline numbed my pain and provided a necessary injection of strength and willpower.
Fortunately, the windows were open the entire time and even though water gushed in and quickly filled the car, i was able to slither out through them.
No sooner had i left the the car did i realise that i couldn't move any further.
'Shit!' My legs were firmly tied together by the rope i carried with me in the car.
I remained suspended in one spot, breathlessly attempting to unfree myself. This went on for a few moments, the rope wouldn't budge and my already worn out hands had tired out but my lungs were still holding up, all those swimming lessons in middle school were finally proving useful.
As i sunk deeper and deeper i noticed old scraps of cars, human skeletons and animals alike. In an instant i felt my heart sink, much quicker and deeper than my body already was.
'I can't believe i'm going to die such a lame death.' I thought.
I mean i knew death was literally just the cessation of life but i never imagined my end would be comparable with a thousand other nobodies', let alone be so sudden.
It's not something that mattered a lot to most people but i was someone that wanted to go out on my own terms not those dictated to me by the grueling hands of life.
With a faint sparkle of hope i continued to hold my breath as i plummeted further down the depth of the filthy lake, but the inevitability of a shortness of breath accompanied with the growing probability that i would lose my life thrusted me into a state of terror which only served in guiding me nearer to each outcome.
My legs were still entangled with the thin rope ensuring my limited movement, my arms were weak and my collar bone had begun to swell up making the already difficult task of swimming even more challenging.
The odds were certainly stacked against me and in this moment i truly felt the meaning of one of society's oldest philosophies shared widely around the world; 'Life isn't fair.'
In my mind i added, 'but death doesn't care.' I was certain of that, there's no dignity in death, i've witnessed it many times before, buried many of my own and even a couple of friends. It's not something i wanted for myself and even though many a time life would get so dull and dreadful that one would almost desire for a visit from the grim reaper, now was not one of those times, in this moment i yearned for life more than i ever had before.
'If i make it out of here, i swear to cherish every single moment i have afterwards. I'm definitely doing more stuff that i love, fuck it!'
In a final act of desperation and sheer frustration i let loose, a split second decision that would surely exhaust my lung capacity and energy reserves, but my concern was minimal. I used my final breaths to throw an elephant sized tantrum at the world.
I cursed, bellowed, wiggled and wriggled vigorously for as long as i could but it was to no avail, no longer than a few seconds later my body failed me, my lungs imploded and i felt worn out, i was unable to fight any longer.
If i could afford the luxury i'd certainly scream my lungs out and if i had the time i'd surely breakdown in tears, i wasn't even frustrated anymore, all the exasperation had leaked out of my body with that final thrust and all i felt now was defeat.
I was destitute of life in more ways than one, a body certainly befitting of the grave. It was at this moment that i realised i was at death's door.
The lake depths had me in a vice grip so strong it was as if they were instructed by fate not to set me free. Instead, i began to drown; choking violently as i involuntarily chugged litres of polluted water at a go.
This was nature's bargain and it wouldn't go any other way. The rope around my legs had seemed to tighten after my brief strife motivated tantrum, my right arm had also gone numb and was firmly tucked alongside my body.
At this point i'd accepted my fate, but i didn't want to just be an easy meal for any underwater scavengers nor a lifeless souvenir garnishing the lake bed like all the other misfortunate nobodies laying there as nothing but a pile of bones and regret.
As i began to lose consciousness i had one final thought.
'God, save me.'
It was as ironic as it was ridiculous, i the nihilist had now turned to faith to save my life.
I guess it's true what they say, when stranded we as humans tend to search for hope in the place we first lost it. (I don't know anyone that's said that before.)
We're irrational beings, we abandon all sense of logic in the heat of the moment and adopt emotion, i didn't have long left and my sentiments were obviously a result of that.
I knew i was a goner so at the very least i wanted to sort out the after life part just incase y'know?
My brain blanked out, and my eyes began to shut, my time was up. i didn't even receive a playback of my life's memories contrary to common belief, how underwhelming. All i was lent was one final sight, the sight of a glimmering beam of light piercing the epilimnion of the lake.
Maybe it was another misguided soul traversing an unfamiliar path set to fall into the same fate that had confronted me. Well at least i'd have a partner in death, somehow the possibility of having a complete stranger rotting beside me was oddly comforting.
Or perhaps it was simply divine intervention? so the Lord really did hear my prayer. What a glistening moment of salvation to kickstart my new life! Perhaps this was my baptism, perhaps it was a new path were i was allowed to be born again and do greater things with the new lease of life i'd be provided with.
Either way, i wouldn't know - i was already dead.