"Listen up, you twisted bunch! It's your main man, Don, the once most evilless supervillain turned cosmic therapist extraordinaire. Let me lay it all out for you, in my own words.

So picture this: I was the ultimate badass, calculating and ice-cold, stacking up bodies like nobody's business. But then, out of the blue, my dear old momma slapped the black right outta me. Poof! Suddenly, I'm as white as a snowball in a blizzard. Momma's got some magic in those hands, I tell ya.

But hold up, 'cause that ain't even the craziest part. Out of nowhere, a freaking six-year-old kid zaps me with an energy blast. Boom! Next thing I know, I'm toast, kicked straight to the fiery depths of Hell. Yep, it's a one-way ticket to eternal damnation.

Yeah, you heard that right. Hell was my new digs, but I couldn't be contained. I went toe-to-toe with Satan himself, kicked his sorry ass, ripped off his threads, and posted the whole thing on Instagram. Talk about breaking the internet, huh?

Well, turns out Hell ain't big enough for the likes of me. They kicked me out faster than a demon running from holy water. Can't say I blame 'em, though. Who wants a maniac like me spoiling their diabolical fun?

Now, God himself steps in with an ultimatum. Work as a therapist or face the dreaded soul erasure. Well, I may be evil incarnate, but I ain't stupid. So here I am, traveling across multiple worlds and universes, dishing out therapy, advice, and counseling to the strangest, stupidest beings you can imagine. Lucky them, right?

So, what do you want to talk about? Your existential crisis? Your intergalactic relationship problems? Or maybe how you can't stop eating humans? Trust me, I've heard it all. I'll give you some half-assed advice, throw in a few sarcastic remarks, and call it a day. After all, I'm here against my will, and I might as well have some fun with it.

But get this: they call me 'White.' Yep, that's right, even though I ain't white as snow anymore. God's got a twisted sense of humor, just like yours truly. Can't say I'm surprised.

And get this, they call me 'White.' Yeah, God's got a wicked sense of humor. But hey, I've seen it all. From the darkest corners of the cosmos to the goofiest realms of existence, I've got a front-row seat to the absurdity of it all.

Now, don't go expecting some miraculous transformation here. I'm still the embodiment of pure evil, through and through. And let me tell ya, I won't hold back on being a jerk to all my clients. Insults and sarcastic jokes are my bread and butter. Dark comedy, baby!

So here I am, destined to be the eternal embodiment of evil, forced to play the role of a therapist. Change? Nah, not in the cards for me. Evil is in my DNA, and I'm embracing it, one twisted therapy session at a time.

Disclaimer: This is all dark comedy, folks. Just a wild and fictional tale to tickle your twisted sense of humor. Remember, it's all in good fun, and evilness is not to be taken seriously."