Even though the receptionist didn't let me talk to a doctor for an appointment, it didn't mean I wasn't allowed to go to the Institution of Mental Healthcare in Liyue. So I went. It wasn't far, just a few kilometres outside the city. It would have been a long walk if it weren't for public transport.
With the nightmare haunting my mind, I had to pull out a distraction. My head wasn't allowing me to concentrate on any note taking, so I just turned on my headphones and played "Exoskeleton" by VANT. Finally something relaxing. I took a deep breath as the lyrics "I can barely function, can't even make a sound anymore" pierced my brain with relatability. I mouthed the words silently to not bother anyone in the bus, watching the trees pass us at high speed. A few more songs played after this one before we came to a stop.
There stood a University-looking building with gold letters spelling the name of the aforementioned destination. It was also very well-known for its mental health system. All who entered, came out flourishing with the correct medication and diagnosis. Some of the best therapists and psychologists settled for good there. But every success comes with a dark side; there were frightening stories of premature management. Some doctor who used to be the director of the Institution took on too many cases and began to purposely misdiagnose his patients which caused a lot of backlash. He gave out the wrong medication and dismissed dangerous victims who ended their lives once they realized no one gave a shit. At least, that's how he made them feel. With the rise of these issues, he was fired and stripped of his medical license, forever denied the privilege of practicing medicine again.
Thank Gods the place has been under new management ever since. The new director has been fixing issues that have been giving the building a bad reputation for decades. Zhongli is his name. That man was the most help I ever got in this mission. He was the reason for finding my way to him.
Inside, I found myself a seat and waited for the right opportunity to strike. Unfortunately for me, it was a slow day and the reception refused to speak with me. Yet, I somehow had enough luck to attract the attention of the right person. Zhongli himself was walking the hallways when he elected to confront me.
"Can I help you?" He asked in a deep, calming voice. It wasn't intimidating, it was charming.
"I hope so." I started with my natural charisma. "My name is Childe, I'm a reporter." I stood up to properly introduce myself with a bow. "I'm looking for answers on a few disappearances…" I approached the man a little more, hoping the receptionists wouldn't intervene as if I were annoying the poor doctor.
"Of course you're a reporter…" He crossed his arms just like that detective, disapproving of my presence. Though, he didn't seem to want me gone. His features showed curiosity, believe it or not.
"Yes, well… I understand people dislike us." I tried my best to be as easy-going as possible. My smile widened when he shook his head slowly.
"Your kind tends to be rather…"
"Sociopathic?" I guessed his words with a chuckle.
Instead of irritation, I was met with amusement. "Insensitive." He corrected me, unfolding his arms to place them in his coat's pockets. "It's not the first time we've had reporters sniff around here for interviews. This place is, as you people put it, a 'mad house'."
"I'm aware, doctor." My eyes shot a glare to a nearby hallway, basically scoffing my words. The numerous times we, Fatui, had to shoo away reporters and photographers… "I do apologize about this unexpected visit, though. I tried to book an appointment, but was not so successful." I rolled my bagged eyes, rubbing them the second I felt a pounding in my skull.
"Obviously. You really believe it's that easy to meet with a busy doctor in the best mental hospital in Liyue?" Zhongli raised an eyebrow as if to say I was crazy. Though, his position stayed the same. It seemed like he was entertaining himself, even with the stoic expression he wore.
I laughed. "No, but you're here, aren't you?" I looked up to him to taunt him a bit. He appeared just as tired as me, so why play around with the conversation?
"What was it you wanted, reporter?"
"Childe. And, if I'm not mistaken, there were some survivors of the…uh.. forest? Maybe I could talk to one of them." I rested both hands on my hips as my smile faded a bit.
Zhongli gave me a look I will never forget; his facial features began to change drastically. Wide eyes, his mouth opened subtly and his brows showed signs of concerns. "You're lucky I don't have any appointments for the day. I was here only to clean out my desk." He took out his right hand from its hiding spot, revealing a very expensive watch. He read the time with a sigh and waved for me to follow him. "Come with me."
When we entered his office, I realized that his watch might have been gifted to him. The walls were a boring white decorated with his diplomas and that's it. There was a small bookshelf on the opposite side of his framed medicine licenses with what I assumed were all the documents he owned of his patients. The furniture was almost the only colour the room had aside from his wooden desk. Then again, you barely saw the table under all that paper. Post-its, notepads, printed forms, records of mental patients… I was dissociating just by looking at it. For some reason, he was too cheap to buy paint for his office or to buy more wall ornaments. It was so cold to sit there in an empty space. How did he get anything done, I thought flabbergasted.
"Do you mind if I rearrange my office while we talk?" He walked behind his desk to pull on the poor-quality string of his old blinds. The latter didn't rise all the way and sort of stuck asymmetrically. I covered my mouth so no laughing sound would come out. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice, I told myself.
While holding in a chuckle, I answered politely. "Not at all, it's a miracle you even agreed to speak with me." Now finally back to my senses, my eyes dropped down for a concentration check and then back up. I met with his golden orbs. "I know who you are, Doctor Zhongli."
Zhongli sat down, leaving my gaze to pile some paper on one side. He was slowly clearing out the middle of his work surface, eyes following words and diagnosis. "And who would that be?"
"You took over the job of director in this institution and are basically the CEO. Your title alone is impressive if anything." I shot my eyes to his certificates. "It's incredible what you've done to fix this place." I looked back at Zhongli who was staring right into my soul. He was stoic, but I could tell he appreciated the compliments.
"It has been a hard 10 years." He breathed out a heavy sigh, admitting his exhaustion and the immense pressure he had been through. I can understand being valued in your work is validating. "You had a reason to be here, if I'm not mistaken. Which missing person were you working on?" He had picked up a few pens and placed them in an orderly fashion, writing a few words on some forms as he did so.
I leaned back into my seat, making myself a little more comfortable as we were probably going to be there for a while. Or, at least, I presumed. "I asked this before, but… was it possible to maybe discuss a few patients who survived from the forests of Windrise land some 15 years ago? I was told-" He cut me off without trying to be rude.
"I'm afraid not…" He had a pained expression on his face, as if he wanted to help me, but couldn't.
Puzzled, I could only ask: "Why?"
"All but one survivor are dead." His eyes were fixed on me. The room had suddenly become much colder and quieter. With the emptiness of the space, an echo was subtly heard as we spoke.
"All of them?" Immersed in the conversation, my back left the chair and my elbows fell on my knees to support my head in my hands.
"Yes." He let out a deep breath. Something heavy seemed to take over him as he continued. "Most patients committed suicide: overdose, jumping from a high place… one of them was even found bleeding out."
I was taken aback by his words. How could that be possible? "Aren't these institutions supposed to prevent this from happening?" My forehead was definitely going to be wrinkled for good, I thought.
Zhongli put out a finger as if to stop me from asking further questions. "What I'm about to tell you has to be off the record." He went back to his cleaning.
"…" I was caught off guard there. My pupils were watching the floor as I wondered what to say next. It was as if someone had a hold on me, or like I was really hyper-fixating on something until someone brought me back to reality. The feeling caught me by the throat.
"I apologize, but I can't trust you with this information. I've been threatened by the Fatui to keep my mouth sealed about these patients for years." I somehow wasn't surprised by this.
With a long sigh, I closed my eyes and replied. "Fine." I made eye contact with him again. "I have to come clean about something. I'm not a reporter. I'm working with the Fatui to discover the truth, but…" That's when I avoided looking at him again, biting my lip in the process. "I'm not sure I can trust them anymore. Everything about this case is proving strange and I'm starting to suspect that the Higher Order is behind this."
Shockingly, the doctor didn't seem to be all that alarmed. "You do realize that just makes me all the more wary of you, right?"
I nodded out of slight shame. "I understand your concerns, but now we're both giving out information that could cost us our freedom." The shame vanished once I found my usual confidence again and gave him a smile. My posture went back to its original form.
He thought about it for a moment before answering me. "…you make a fair point. Because of what happened here with the Fatui, I don't trust you very much. But I suppose you are endangering yourself by telling me this…" I thought 'endangering' was a funny choice of wording, but he was right. I was constantly shooting myself in the foot in this investigation, yet, no one had used this to their own advantage. "and anyway, I want those kidnappers or murderers to be brought to justice. I'm sick of hearing names of people reported missing."
"I was shocked at how many there were…" It had to be said, there was a lot more on paper than in public reports.
"Very well. I appreciate your honesty." He put aside his cleansing to give me his full attention this time. He intertwined his fingers together and rested his forearms on the table to exchange words more seriously.
"You mentioned that the Fatui did something here?" My curiosity led me on a different path than where I started. It wasn't about the missing people anymore.
"Ah, that's right." He took a short opportunity to gather his thoughts. "Back when the hospital was under the old management, more specifically 12 years ago, Fatui members came around regularly and some even worked as nurses. I never liked working alongside them, but alas, I didn't have much of a choice." I noticed he appeared defeated at the memory. "I wouldn't be surprised if the director and the Fatui had some kind of contract together. But in due time the director was caught, so the organization kind of… backed off."
"What in the hell was the Fatui doing here?" It was more like a mumble, but with the echo, Zhongli could hear me clearly.
"I wondered that myself. Back then, some of the survivors from the forests became patients here and were all eventually reported dead in their rooms or in the building after only months of being under our care." He emphasized on 'our', like he was blaming himself. "My assumption was that Fatui purposely left behind pills or razors for the poor patients to end their lives."
"My Gods…" Disgusted, I overlooked my own crimes to empathize with the man.
"The worst case was the hanging incident. That's what confirmed my suspicions. They had shoelaces around their neck. No personnel or patient is allowed to wear shoes with laces for that exact reason." He showed off his own pair to prove the staff wore white velcro sneakers.
"This is.." A deep frown formed on my face as another breath left my body.
"A lot, I know." He lowered his head in devastation.
"What happened after the last director was fired?"
Doctor Zhongli raised his finger in the air again to bend his body to a low drawer level. The latter seemed to be locked with a key since it took a while for him to open. He finally pulled out a big document with a single word taped on it: 'Amber'. "The organization transferred the only remaining survivor."
My blue orbs glared at that file. What did that word mean? Was it a name? "Why kill all the others and transfer that specific victim? And where?"
He fully trusted me to read his precious research, handing me the weighty file. I didn't hesitate to take it and open it immediately.
"These claims are just allegations. I'm not sure I should say where she was transferred though… I can, however, give you the documents. Technically, I shouldn't be having this in hand. They made certain all traces of this victim were gone, even changing the name and face. I don't know why, but they even went as far as to declare her dead before she was transferred, to which we were forced to stay quiet about."
Amber was a name; the name of a missing person from over 15 years ago. It had handwritten notes and more entries taken by two different doctors: Zhongli and I assumed the the later director. I couldn't tell what was printed and what wasn't. Some names and numbers were scratched out with black sharpie, keeping me from reading a few things.
But that didn't stop me from trying…
Dead parents. (I have not found any reports about this)
Lived with aunt in Liyue. Ran away after hearing about a group of "free people". (What does it mean? I will go ask her about it.)
Unstable. Schizophrenia (wrong diagnosis, most likely to cover the truth.)
Keeps mentioning a man with blue hair, tall, black eyepatch. (Why was this blacked out?)
My eyes thoroughly followed every single sentence like my life depended on it. Every word became new information, important information. Every time I turned a page it was answering a new question I had. I was slowly falling into obsession as my mind completely drowned in the echo of my reading. Dates, names of different medications, session after session, types of therapy I had never heard of… What kind of bullshit was she forced to go through?
The more I read, the more questions I ended up having. I was right, back when I was talking with Ningguang, this must have been the girl she was talking about. The clue that would bring everything together. That's when I realized, none of the missing person's files had mentions of parents or family. None of them had any, or rather, their parents, close relatives, siblings were all murdered. What a coincidence… unless someone were introducing the forest or kidnapping people and murdering their families so they had no reason to come back—
"It's a fucking murder cult." I whispered, ignoring what he was saying. I had cracked the case already. In two days, I had figured out something a team of police officers couldn't in years. I let out a tired laugh. A little crazy, I know, but I couldn't help myself. It was ridiculous how fast I uncovered the truth. However… What was I supposed to tell the organization?
They were obviously hiding some things from us and especially the public. They were purposely shutting people up about something… but why send me to uncover what was buried six feet under?
Shocked with reason, Zhongli's head pulled back and his right eyebrow raised. "Pardon?" I couldn't tell what his reaction was. He seemed almost happy I had said it.
"Apologies for swearing, doctor, I just-" I brought up the fat document of notes in his field of vision so he would understand better. "This is the puzzle piece I was looking for. You just helped me solve the case." However, my features began to change from excited to wrinkled. A new inquiry arose from this answer. "The real question now is, why would the Fatui hide this?"
"So, I was right…" His words caught me off guard. A subtle grin was visible on his lips. "But how did you get to this conclusion?"
"Okay. Alright, hear me out." I shook my hands around after putting down the document on his desk. I breathed in, thinking—gathering if I may—all the info. Then, I let go of my breath. "I have no idea why the Fatui wants me to reopen this case, and why the police are so against me looking around, but, theoretically, these people are going missing in mass since, let's say… 20 years ago? Those people have only one thing in common and that is deceased parents or family members: they were completely isolated. Now, we have only been able to find a handful of these missing people, right? And those live people weren't the same and ended up 'committing suicide'." I air quoted with my fingures, indicating I didn't believe they did. "Those who were found dead were probably trying to escape the cult to no avail. It's all there. What if this cult is experimenting on something? What if it's some kind of incesteous sex thing?" The possibilities were endless, really.
"I know. And just when I was about to abandon this case, you came up out of nowhere." Zhongli admitted. "What about the Fatui?"
"Isn't it obvious? The HO, the Fatui… SOOHO is behind this." I hooked my finger on my chin, puzzled about this again.
"If they're behind this, why are you here?" Zhongli wasn't interrogating me, he was feeding my obsession. Both of us leaned forward, trying to see if the other came up with the same hypothesis.
Not for this one, though. The answer was right there. It should've been more obvious.
"I don't know. I'm honestly hitting a wall when it comes to this… But there's got to be some kind of clue that will lead me there, right?" I gave him pleading eyes, hoping he would give me said clue.
"Hmm." He sighed very heavily, as if he were holding on to that for an hour. "Her aunt is still alive…" He seemed almost ashamed to tell me.
"Really?" Ignoring the tension rising in the atmosphere, I nearly jumped in my seat knowing I had an even bigger lead to investigate now.
"Wait." He truly knew how to keep me at the edge of my seat. "She is a very fragile woman. After what she went through with her niece, it's only understandable. She couldn't bear having to stay quiet about it all and moved to Inazuma. You won't be able to interrogate her and, if I'm being honest, you shouldn't."
"…" The weight of the aforementioned tension hit me in that second. He was right, I shouldn't stick my nose in this kind of mess. However… "If I leave this lead untouched, I may not even be able to solve anything. Sure I cracked the case, you even backed me up on my suppositions, but now things are more serious than ever. This thesis is about missing and dead people. This woman has got to have more answers."
The doctor lowered his head in disagreement, shaking it slightly and breathing out again. "I still don't think it's a good idea."
"I hear a 'but' coming." I arrogantly tried to convince him to give me the knowledge I needed to find her.
"Don't push it, Childe. You're meddling with a suffering soul here—" His tone became firm, disliking my manipulating nature.
"A lot of souls are suffering, Zhongli." I cut him off. "I'm trying to put them to rest." The anxiety developed critically as we were both putting our foot down. Both right and both wrong.
"I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation, boy." His glare pierced me, but not menacingly enough.
I stood from my chair, long forgetting my role in this conversation. "I am a member of the Harbingers and a very dangerous man at that, do not belittle me with a nickname, doctor." I remember mentioning his title in a sarcastic tone, as if making fun of it altogether.
"Mind your attitude. Your title means nothing here." He got up as well, showing the drastic difference in sizes. "Not after what your people did here. To that poor girl and her aunt. You have absolutely no right to oppose me in my office."
"I'm fucking trying to save lives!"
"You're only trying to save yourself, boy—"
Right when we were about to go any further with nothing but screams, a nurse reluctantly interrupted us with a knock. Once they heard the thick silence through the door, they entered.
We both turned to stare at her with penetrating pupils. She cleared her voice to collect herself and asked her question. "Is.. uhm, everything okay?"
Zhongli, without a sound, sat back down. He jogged Amber's document and bowed his head apologetically. "Everything is fine. We were simply out of hand, is all."
I, on the other hand, stayed there for a little longer. Switching to my hands; they were aggressively resting flat on the table. I finally let go of all the stress to go back to my usual, casual self. Though, not without running a hand through my thick, curly, orange hair. "Yeah." Even though I had calmed myself down, it was apparent in my voice I wasn't over it.
"Oh. I had the impression that—" She was terrified, clearly, but definitely not deserving of my dark blue eyes punishing her for still invading the room.
"You can go now, Jia. Whatever you had to tell me can wait until later." Zhongli was probably also annoyed by her presence.
With a choked up 'okay', she left, closing the door behind her.
"I'm sorry." I immediately muttered, embarrassed that I lost control like that. Still am.
"Me too." We both avoided eye contact for a short minute. Zhongli eventually walked over to his bookshelf full of different files, going through a few until he opened one. He led me on to think he was done with me, so I began to gather my things: my coat and notepad and pen. Although, his actions had a cause; he dropped a thin stack of paper on my lap. "The Fatui got rid of Amber's files, but not her aunt's. They couldn't care less about an old, delusional woman like her even if she ran the streets spouting nonsense about her niece. No right-minded person would believe her now. It was too long ago."
I picked up the profile and looked up to him. He sat on the corner of his desk, crossing one leg over the other and resting his hands on his knee.
"You'll probably have better use for it than me, anyway. Just promise me—"
"Yeah, yeah. Don't bring this here or whatever. I get it."
"…" There was a hint of confusion when I cut him off; it wasn't what he meant to say. "Promise me you will stop whoever is behind this. And please…" He reached behind him to give me Amber's files. "Bring her home."
Utterly astonished, I double checked between him and the document. After all this, he still trusted me to fix this mess. "Yes. I promise."
You can't judge me for trying. No one could have possibly known Amber was long dead. It wasn't a broken promise, it was simply not a real pledge to begin with. If the Fatui held her captive, which they did, she wouldn't have been alive for long, which she wasn't. But once again… I've done far worse things than dishonouring my word in my past.
Zhongli wasn't stupid, he knew I didn't mean it. Yet, that was good enough for him. "Thank you." He ended the conversation with exhaustion.
I got up, bowed, and made my way out. But just as I was about to disappear, I looked back to smile in appreciation.
And with that, I was off to my next lead…
Missing people dating back since over 15 years ago,
No family to go back to, travellers
Dead found in the forest,
Those found alive acted different and ended their lives,
The police and Institution are not allowed to look into it,
Probably a cult,
Fatui is definitely involved,
Murders,
A man?
Amber's aunt, Marie,
Find and speak with interested officer from the department,
Jean Gunnhildr,
Pierro?
Does HO know something?
In short, those were my notes in order. Everything else was going either nowhere or it was too confusing. Of course, I went a little farther and researched any murders relating the majority of the missing people's files and, lo and behold, I was right. Everyone of them had deceased family members. People whom they loved and had tight relations with: gone. Hours in front of a screen just to double check something I already knew was true, further proved just how much I hated this kind of work. It usually wasn't for me to handle. I was the action man. I took care of blood and bodies. Not paper and people.
It was time to make a decision, though. With an index and thumb rubbing over my eyelids to meet the bridge of my nose, pinching it tightly, I asked myself… What to investigate first? Jean or the strange officer? Marie or civilians? The forest or my own organization?
"Fuck this." I closed my laptop to take a step back, crashing my back against the couch. I let my head fall back with my eyes closed. "I need a drink." I mumbled in exasperation. Andromeda by Weyes Blood played in the background, apparently sounding like a lullaby as I was fading into slumber. I was hoping I wouldn't, but I couldn't keep going. My eyes were killing me from scanning the computer all night, my legs were tired of walking in circles, my hands were hurting from writing so much and my head had been pounding through tylenols and advils for three days trying to uncover more truths.
'I'll just rest a bit.' I thought without moving a muscle. Gods, did my neck ache after that nightmare…
I had another one.
This one was worse than the last. It was becoming a recurrence. It always starts with trees and leads me to that house at the end of the cobblestone road. That night I was able to go inside. Weirdly, I could smell something strong. It was just in my dream, but it was so real, I could swear I smelled death. As I stepped farther into the dim house, the smell was getting stronger, more and more nauseating until I felt sick. At which point I began to feel my legs weaken. I thought I couldn't walk anymore, so I held on to the walls. However, the walls felt strange. They weren't the usual materials of a house; the feeling was familiar. It was warm and thick. Sticky and staining my hands. I knew it was blood, but my dream self refused to acknowledge it. I needed to know what was at the end of that corridor and, if I didn't, I would be haunted by this nightmare until I found out. I wanted to, I needed to… I-
I screamed. I woke up. The pain in my neck was completely forgotten by the meer shock of whatever I found in the basement of the fake house. I couldn't believe how shaky my hands were and how much sweat my body could produce. It was disgusting.
Even a shower couldn't wash away that fucking house. What did it mean?