Is it wrong to dread the dawn?
It was early morning, before the dawn, in fact, yet Mizuhashi Fuyuki lay awake in bed with the cold grip of dread encircling her chest. She took shallow breaths, as every time she inhaled deeply, her heart would rattle and become sore.
Long gray hours droned on, and Fuyuki remained in a trance, eyes fixated on a single point in the ceiling. The sound of her alarm clock traveled sluggishly through the morning, as if suspended in cement rather than air.
It took more effort than usual to swing her feet over the edge of the bed, yet as soon as she stood, her head cleared. Fuyuki blinked, feeling as though she had come out of a deep dream despite being awake for some time.
Time did not wait for Mizuhashi Fuyuki, and knowing this, she routinely went through the morning's events with her usual manner. Her mother did not hold last night's grudges, and still appeared smiling at the foot of the stairs.
"Good morning, Fuyuki," she said, looking up from a book she was reading. "How did you sleep?"
"I slept pretty well." Fuyuki responded.
"Oh, wonderful. Now, you remember to talk to the club president and the principal about your situation, okay? It shouldn't be too hard to switch clubs, as the year just started and you haven't even had your first meeting yet."
"I'll be sure to. Look, I wrote a reminder." Fuyuki showed her mother a small memo pad, to which was given an approving nod to.
"Always so organized, my Fuyuki! Take that with you and be on your way, then."
"See you later, Mom."
Fuyuki stepped out of the house and walked to school. As she passed the front gate, a familiar voice greeted her.
"Ah, Mizuhashi! Good morning!" Mame was running into school with her bag slung over one shoulder, collar askew and hair in disarray.
"Good morning, Mame-san," Fuyuki smiled. "There's no need to rush, we're still early."
"Really? My watch says it's already 8:35..." Mame held her wrist up to Fuyuki's line of sight.
"Mame-san, you're reading the dials wrong..."
"Oh! I am!" Mame laughed. "Thanks, Mizuhashi! I always forget these sorts of things."
"No worries."
"Oh, are you still coming to the club meeting after school today? Everyone's looking forward to seeing you!"
Fuyuki could feel her heart rate pick up. She wanted to... well, she wanted to stay in the calligraphy club. Yet, was it worth it to consciously go against what her mother said was best? If she weighed the options, most definitely, her mother's word had more weight and made more sense, but something dragged her heart away from that decision. An academic club... Fuyuki could feel the dread sink in. It wasn't that she disliked those... it's just that-
"Sorry, but I w-" the words stopped. It was as though they had hit a lump in her throat that she could not swallow away. Fuyuki could feel her chest tightening, and her breaths becoming shallow again. An academic club...
"-I will have to inconvenience you with another member." she managed to force out.
"Oh, I'm so glad! Yamaguchi-sensei's room, 'kay? We'll see you then!"
Mame skipped off happily, kicking a pebble down the road to the school.
"What did I just say...?" Fuyuki thought to herself. "Another member...of the calligraphy club? Right, a calligraphy club member."
The decision did not feel wrong, yet it did not sit well with her either.... This would have to become a secret. From her mother, from that side of her that had tried its best to convince her otherwise. Fuyuki pursed her lips and headed to first period.
---
The bell rang for lunch dismissal. Fuyuki stacked her notebooks and opened her bag, gaze falling to a specific item. Her memo pad was tucked into a pocket with the front page hanging out, still marked with instructions to speak with the principal about changing clubs. She tore the page off and crumpled it in her palm. No reminders for now.
Fuyuki walked to her homeroom and picked up her lunch, looking around for an open table to sit at. She was on friendly terms with most of the students, and usually just sat wherever available. An empty table in the center of the room caught her eye, and as soon she began to move towards it, a loud knocking resounded from the door and echoed obnoxiously throughout the classroom. All conversations ceased at once. A student sitting nearby opened the door apprehensively, revealing a petite silhouette belonging to none other than Mame. She appeared surprised by the number of people present, and awkwardly craned her neck to peer inside the room.
"Um, is Mizuhashi here?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm here...?" Fuyuki replied slowly.
"Everybody, sorry for knocking so loudly earlier. I just wanted to talk to Mizuhashi for a little." Mame apologized politely, contrasting with her usual manner.
The other students nodded in understanding and went back to eating and speaking normally. Fuyuki noticed some glances cast aside at Mame; glances that could not have been mistaken for innocent.
"Would you like to talk outside, Mame-san?" Fuyuki offered.
Mame quickly nodded and darted out of the class.
"Those doors rattle so loudly, I can't believe they echoed like that... I'm sorry, Mizuhashi."
"No, no, it's fine, really. It wasn't too loud at all. You don't have to apologize. What did you want to talk about, though?"
At this, Mame brightened up and smiled widely. "Mizuhashi, want to eat with the rest of the club?"