Settling into the corner booth at the diner, our mismatched group sits in an awkward silence, menus laying ignored on the table. Josh is sitting on one side with his husband; judging by the matching rings, and I'm sitting with my family on the other. The waitress comes over with Emmy's hot chocolate, whipped cream dripping sluggishly down the side.
I don't really know how to start this. I don't even know what I'm starting. Emmett has his arm draped on the back of the booth, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly. He doesn't get the gravity of the situation, though I think he does more now than before tonight. He has a more somber air about him. Good. I've been trying to get it through his fucking head that this is not some schoolyard tiff for years. This was horrible, but good. He needed to see that. I'm still pissed that Emmy is here, but I can't deny that cuddling with my baby is making me feel better. Emmett on one side, Marie on the other, and Clementine on my lap, I think I can do this.
"So, what was Meredith talking about?"
"I figured stuff out, went to therapy, started seeing sense. This is Pat, my husband," Josh says, holding Pat's hand. "I'm sorry. I can't even begin to- I'm just so fucking sorry." "Josh! Little ears!" Pat says, smacking Josh's arm. "Chooch."
"Never would've pegged you as one of ours," Marie says, raising an eyebrow. "My dad's Irish, so-" Pat trailed off.
"Say no more." Marie nods, turning her focus to Josh. "So, explain."
"I don't have an excuse. There is no fu- sorry- friggin' excuse for any of it. I didn't understand what was going on in, like, terms of myself. I worked through it after going away to college. Meredith was, is, toxic. Cutting her out, cutting them all out, I needed that more than anything. I don't expect us to be buddies, but I need you to know that I know how evil we were, and I will be haunted by it 'till the day I die."
"Good," I say. "You should be. I'm never going to be able to forgive any of you for what happened, it's unforgivable."
"Hey-"
"No," Josh says, cutting Pat off. "This isn't meant to be a forgivin' moment." "But-"
"You don't get it. I doubt even you get it," he says, nodding towards Emmett. "I was a monster. I deserve whatever I get. Hell, I should be in jail."
"You're right. I'm going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life. I spent so many years being treated as though I was crazy, or worthless, or just fucking weak," I say, my voice wavering.
"You are valid," Josh says, "and I hate that I ever treated you otherwise."
The world seems to stop around me when I hear that. It's like the doubt that's been whispering in my ear for over a decade has finally decided to shut the fuck up. And that relief is overwhelming, I can't help it. I cry, and hold my family a little tighter.
The End