Being at home and have nothing to do was very frustrating. I wished I could still go to work; that way I could keep busy and not have my thoughts racing.
There's only so much I could do at home. I washed the dishes, did the laundry, and cleaned the entire house. After I was done, I just sat on the sofa, in front of the TV. I watched a few episodes of a drama but gave up.
I sighed and got up from the sofa. I had to organize my thoughts to settle them. If I could do that, maybe it will help me figure out some answers.
I took out a notebook and pen, and I sat by our coffee table, on the carpet.
First: The headaches. They started directly after my 23rd birthday. It's a little too weird to be called a coincidence. What significance does my 23rd birthday have?
Second: The thing with the emotions. To me it felt like I was experiencing other people's emotions. It seemed as though it only worked if they were in close proximity to me, and I had no way of controlling it. I get overwhelmed if there are too many people around me, and my headaches worse the more people I am surrounded with. The headaches might be linked to this emotion-thing then.
When I take my medication, I don't experience the emotion-thing and my headaches aren't as bad. But the effects of the medication starts wearing off quicker and quicker these days.
Third: The accidents. They started around the same time that the headaches started. At first they didn't seem life-threatening, but as time went on, it became clear that these accidents were not ordinary accidents. It's strange, but I feel like... some kind of higher power might be behind them. They seem too targeted on me to be a coincidence. I am also the only person besides Ponytail-guy to remember exactly how they happened.
Fourth: Ponytail-guy. This mysterious man always appears when I am in a life-threatening situation, and then saves my life. He won't tell me his name or anything about him. I started suspecting him of being a stalker, but I don't know if he truly was a stalker.
Everyone that had some type of interaction with him forgets all about him, except for me. He told me that I was also supposed to forget, but for some reason I don't.
Also: when I told him that I am 23 years old, he seemed shocked and... scared? But he quickly pretended it away. Again, what was with my 23rd birthday?
I groaned in frustration and tossed my pen across the room. This wasn't helping.
The only way that I was getting any answers was by asking Ponytail-guy. Even if he never wants to tell me anything, there must be a way. I needed to find a way to meet him.
But he told me that he won't be around anymore. What if what he said was true?
He only ever showed up if my life was in danger. That means, this time, I need to put my life in danger myself. That was the only way I could have the possibility of meeting him.
But what if he really didn't show up? What if I really die this time?
My eyes catch the photo frames on the wooden shelf on the wall next to the television. I get up and walk to it. Three photo frames with photos of Kai and I, and one with us with my and his parents stared back at me. I picked up one of the photos of me and Kai.
The photo was taken in the summer of the previous year. We were at the beach, both of us in swimwear, plastered with sand. Kai's messy hair was longer than usual in the photo, wet with ocean water that I had splashed him with before the picture was taken. He laughed brightly, with both his dimples showing how happy he was at the time. His arms were laced around my waist, and I had my arms swung around his shoulders, planting a kiss on one of his dimples. My dark hair barely reached my shoulders in a curly, wet mess.
My vision blurred with tears and my hand trembled as I held the photo. I was so full of myself. I was so desperate to search for answers to all these delusional questions, while Kai was there, suffering. I wondered if I would ever again be able to make him as happy as he was in the photo. Would I ever see his dimples smiling at me the way they did there?
If I decide to risk my life for answers and end up dying, what would happen to Kai? There is a very high possibility that he might forget, like what happened with all the other incidents. If Kai could forget that I ever even existed... maybe he would be able to live a happy life.
I wiped my eyes and put the picture back where I got it from the shelf. I had to make a decision, and I had to make it soon.
If my medication wears off completely, and the psychiatrist can't prescribe me anything anymore, I will become worse. I might end up in a mental institution or something. Kai will not be able to live a normal life anymore, because he would want to take care of me and he would always be worried and sad. I can't let that happen.
~☆~
"Honey, I'm home!" Kai's voice sang as he entered the front door and took off his shoes.
"I'm in the kitchen!" I called. I was almost done making his favorite cream pasta.
I heard him put down his bag, and his footsteps coming into the kitchen. "Cream pasta?! Wow! It's been a while since you cooked it." His voice was full of joy and excitement. His arms closed around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder. "What's the occasion? It's not my birthday or our anniversary," he whispered in my ear.
I turned my head to plant a kiss on his lips and continued cooking. "I just wanted to cook you something delicious. Things had been so hectic lately that I thought that I wanted to thank you for everything with a delicious meal."
He was quiet for a while, then tightened his embrace. "I can't explain it, but why does it feel so ominous?"
I chuckled, "What do you mean? Can't I cook you your favorite dish every now and then? You always cook my favorite food for me."
Kai breathed a little laugh, "You're right. I must just be tired. Thank you, Love."
After we ate, I suggested we go for a little drive to our favorite spot. When we arrived, the city lights greeted us with friendly sparkles, like the stars in the sky.
We stood by the wooden fence we used to sit on when we were in high school. We hugged and kissed, and then just stared at the beautiful view in front of us.
"You know, no matter what ever happens, I want you to know that I will always be there for you. I will always love you with all my heart," Kai said. He sounded a bit emotional. I looked up at him. His eyes shone with tears threatening to fall. He glanced down at me, smiling, "Aye, I'm sorry for getting all sentimental. I just... wanted you to know that. When you went missing and I thought I would never see you again..." A knot formed in my stomach as he spoke. "I thought all kinds of thoughts then. But the biggest thoughts that killed me was that I didn't tell you that I love you enough. I didn't watch you sleep enough. I didn't hold you enough. I didn't..." His voice broke, "I didn't ask you to marry me. We didn't get married and have two beautiful daughters that looked like you."
I was crying violently at this stage, but I managed to let out a weak laugh, "Who said I wanted daughters?" He laughed, "I want daughters. That's final."
"Since when did a knight order a princess around?"
"Since now," he responded, then leaned in to kiss me desperately. His hands were in my hair, pulling me so close to him that it felt like he wanted us to merge and become one.
He pulled away and sadness and desperation overwhelmed me, "Promise me that you'll let me do all those things." His tears fell onto my face and mixed with my own. "Promise me that you'll never leave me."
I so desperately wanted to promise those things to him. I didn't want to leave him. My heart felt like it was being torn into a billion pieces.
I hoped the lie that I told him then would be the final lie that I would ever tell him.
"I promise."