"Exile? What do you mean I'm being exiled?" I stood before a council of three major gods, Justice, Law, and Order. Oh, how I loathed Order. I hated all three, don't get me wrong, but Order? I hated with a fiery passion so that that it rivaled Fire, the Primordial god of, well, fire.
"Exile, noun, the state of being barred from one's- "
"Yes. Thank you, Knowledge. I know what exile means. And in case you missed it, I was being sarcastic when I thanked you earlier."
"Onery would be a much better descriptor in this case," they said snidely. Knowledge has taken to the appearance of a human woman they happened to come across, a scholar that was renowned in her time. Steel gray hair wrapped in a bun, making her face look pulled back and taunt. Thin wire glasses that looked entirely stupid considering the fact that as a god, she didn't need them, completed the ensemble. Nowadays, they never even bother to change, saying it's too much of a hassle.
"No one asked you to be here Knowledge!"
"Erroneous. Not surprising though, coming from you."
"…What?" This is why I hated interacting with Knowledge. They say words I don't know. All. The. Time! I'm starting to think they did it on purpose! (What? Erroneous means to be wrong? Then why didn't they say that?)
I didn't even know why Knowledge was even here for my trial! They were usually holed up in a dark room with its nose buried in some book or whatever, scribbling down facts and whatnot. I voiced my concerns to the council overseeing my sham of a trial.
"Order!" said Order, smiling slightly at his own stupid joke. By the Creator! I really hated him.
"Knowledge is here at our behest in order to act as a witness and to document the proceedings," said Law succinctly. Ugh, now I'm starting to sound more like Knowledge.
"This is an outrage!" I cried in…outrage. Let me think, I can do better. Hmm. Oh well, it'll come to me later on, I'm sure. (Hmm, no. Rage is too close to outrage. And stop interrupting! Do you want to hear the story or not? *sigh* Yes, if you have a question, then you may ask, but contain yourselves! I'm trying to weave an epic story of legendary proportions.)
"Chaos, you are charged with numerous accounts of property damage- ", Justice began.
"Most of those weren't my fault!" I was saying that just to say it. They very well could be."
"Impersonation and causing unwanted conflict- ", Justice started to say again.
"Conflict?! What about the actual god, Conflict? I don't see them here!"
"Be quiet boy. Do not interrupt your betters again," said my father, War. I couldn't stop myself from scowling. War has hated me for a long time, found me unruly. Too chaotic. I snorted, not being able to help find the irony in that.
"They're not my betters. I'm a major god too! I'm probably older than most of them up there!" Besides, I thought it was extremely unfair and totally biased. They were working together to get rid of me, treating this like some sick family business. Literally! Justice and Law got together and created Order, which in my opinion, was the worst day in history. The day Order was born, I could physically feel all of the fun being sucked out of the world.
War calmly walked up to me during my internal monologue and ever so calmly smacked me across the room, my back painfully meeting the wall. I fell to the ground in a boneless heap. The damaged wall repaired itself, looking as crystalline as the moment before I collided with it.
"Do not test me, boy." He summoned a great sword, his weapon of choice when going into battle. I felt my power rising in challenge, my fingers itching to hold a weapon, any weapon, and see him bleed. In the end know, I did as I was told. I was a picture of calm, so calm that even Grace would have looked on in admiration. But, on I inside, I was absolutely seething.
Justice began to recite the charges held against me from the beginning, but I stopped listening. They all decided my fate anyway, probably long before I even stepped into the room. They probably waited for this moment, bidding their time until the perfect opportunity came to strike.
"Chaos, you are found guilty of the previously stated crimes and are hereby exiled until such time that you no longer pose a threat to the divine realm and all of its inhabitants. You will have one hour to vacate this real and say any farewells. Failure to comply will force us to escalate the issue to higher powers. I trust you don't want to bother them, now do you?"
"…No, I don't." I may be the embodiment of chaos and have a predilection for it, but I'm not stupid.
Once I gave my answer, a peal of thunder sounded, shaking the room slightly, Judgement acknowledging the ruling. Where they were now, I had no idea, probably in some mortal realm where it watched over their version of societal justice with rapt attention.
Each god then went on their own way, leaving War and I alone in the room. We just stood there, either wanting to be the first to strike up the conversation. I couldn't help but be pleased when Father was the first to break the silence.
"So, have you talked to Death lately?" Typical. Didn't even care his own child was being banished.
"Good, I guess. Pretty busy, sometimes. Their schedule tends to fluctuate…"
"Good, good… have they asked about me at all?" I tried not to roll my eyes, lest I get slapped senseless. It wasn't the first time he's done it, but after a while a cosmic entity that embodies a concept starts to worry about the repercussions of so many hits to the head, you know?
"No, not really." Whenever Death and I had a reunion every century or so, we usually talked about what was going on in our lives, or anything we found interesting. Death liked to keep in touch when it could, and I appreciated the effort.
"Ah, I see." And then he vanished. War, on the other hand, thought it best to keep a hands-off approach, in lieu of my ambiguous nature. But overall, that went better than I expected!
With a sudden pep in my step, I vanished as well, reappearing in a different part of the divine realm. I only had one hour to say goodbye, so I had to move quickly. If I wasn't too careful, I could blink and it would fly right past me.
I made my way to what we called 'The Congregation', a neutral space where every god, godling, some demigods, and maybe even the rare mortal could go and catch up with old friends and acquaintances. It was here that I met up with a couple of friends. The Congregation was built with many different cultures, creating a beautiful yet hideous piece of architecture. I loved it. It was like a second home to me.
Marble decorated the floor in one seamless piece, while columns and totem poles made out of a fluorescent material were placed intermittently throughout. A dark grey wood made up the walls, enclosing the space, but they had forgone the ceiling, exposing a panoramic view of the cosmos.
A bar made of diamond with gold accents spanned the entire length of The Congregation, the structure itself seemed to travel for miles. There were, after all, a lot of us. But that is when the magic happens. The structure seemed to have a life of its own, shrinking and enlarging to comfortably accommodate the fluctuating clientele.
I spotted my friends easily enough and made my way over to them. Destruction was the easiest to spot, taking the form of a magma golem that easily spanned two meters tall standing up. Fear and Mischief were dwarfed sitting next to them, their forms a mixture of mortal and abstract.
"There he is!" boomed Destruction, hastily getting up and waving at me happily. Fear and Mischief waved a little bit more subdued. Fear was biting his nails, which wasn't an unusual sight, while Mischief had their usual smirk on their face, although I could tell by the look in their eyes that they were concerned.
"So, what happened? What did they say? Did you try to kill Order again?" Destruction, Fear, and Mischief said respectively. I wanted to lie to them, but that would be doing them a disservice. Besides, the Divine Realm was full of gossipmongers. Even if I did lie, they would've found out the truth sooner or later.
"I've been exiled. I have an hour to say my goodbyes before I must leave." I said and waited for the subsequent reactions.
"Nooooo!" Destruction slammed mighty fists against the table. It was a miracle the table didn't shatter under the force.
"Oh no! Where are you gonna go? What if the same thing happens to us?" Fear was already starting to hyperventilate. Destruction picked Fear up and settled Fear in its lap and started to give soothing pats on the head like a mortal would a pet.
"I don't think it gonna happen to us Fear. Unlike Chaos here, he kept our activities restricted to the mortal realms. Well, mostly restricted," Mischief said, giving me my own comforting pat on the back.
"Besides, I think this would be good for you, Chaos." It would be a lie if I said I didn't feel betrayed at that moment. Possibly seeing the hurt look on my face, Mischief hurried to explain.
"I only meant that the Divine Realm that many gods call home is too restricting to you. Stagnant. You may have forgotten this, but besides the embodiment of chaos, you also represent change." Huh, I actually did forget that most of the time.
"Maybe you're right."
"Of course I'm right! Have I ever steered you wrong?" I scoffed.
"Would you like me to tell you the truth or lie to soothe your fragile ego?" He gasped dramatically as if appalled. He was Mischief, of course he's steered me wrong. Not that I could blame him. We were very alike, Mischief and I, although my machinations could get… out of hand sometimes.
"Hmm, would it be more accurate to say that I've never openly lied to you?" He smiled, blinking his eyes innocently. I could only shake my head at their feigned innocence.
"No, not at all."
"Okay, let's forget that for a moment so that we can acknowledge the fact that you could've very well caused all of the mayhem you wanted anywhere else. There are countless worlds out there! But you chose the Divine Realm. You have no one else to blame but yourself." He took a swig of a glowing and slightly sentient concoction, visibly shaking once they were done. "Oh yeah, that's the stuff." I gagged.
"Mischief is right. You're an idiot," said Destruction around a mouthful of mystery meat, spattering the juices onto Fear, who at the moment didn't seem to care.
"Maybe you're right, Mischief. Maybe they are only gonna punish Chaos," they stopped chewing their nails and winced, likely having run out of nails to chew on."
"Wow, I'm so glad to have friends like you. I really am." I made sure to give them various hand gestures of the many realms to express as much. One of them you may be familiar with, called 'The Bird'?
But truth be told, I really was lucky to have friends like them. Each one of us was treated like outcasts mostly, due to our aspects. No one wanted to hang out with a being that destroyed everything they touched, or someone who was probably afraid of their own shadow. Don't even get me started on someone who would spend most of the time trying to play tricks on you.
So, the outcasts formed a little merry band, causing absolute havoc for the other deities. I mean if you think about it, Destruction, Mischief, Fear, and Chaos working together? We were like the four horsemen of the apocalypse!
In the end, I did the only thing I could do at that point. Enjoy what time I had left surrounded by my best friends, swapping stories and reminiscing about the good old days. By the end of the hour, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much, my sides positively ached from the laughter, and for a moment, I forgot all about Exile and fully enjoyed the moment.
That is until Herald arrived with a message that had everyone in various states of shock. Now, Herald was similar to Messenger except for one major difference. They were very pretentious. They would go around with a look of absolute disdain plastered on their face, while reading from a scroll the long list of names and titles a deity would have. It was such a hassle that people used Messenger or various cousins to get in contact with others. I let out a groan as I made eye contact with Herald and they made their way over to where our group was sitting.
"You can tell order that I still have a few moments before I must leave, ask Time. If he doesn't like that he's gonna have to drag me out of here himself!" That'll show Order that I'm no pushover.
"T-this is not from Order," Herald said, shaking. "This comes from much higher than him." Oh.
"How high?" I asked, morbidly curious but not wanting to know the answer at the same time. I felt a peculiar sense of dread creeping up my spine.
"Fear! Back off, you're too close. I can feel you breathing down my neck!"
"Sorry!" Fear moved back a couple of feet. "Couldn't help it Chaos, you were really afraid there for a moment."
"The pinnacle of all. Creation," said Herald in a whisper. The room became so quiet one could hear the flaps of a butterfly's wing. Fear actually fainted behind me.
"Get on with it Herald, don't keep us in suspense," Destruction said with a growl, the surrounding area instantly becoming hotter. Herald cleared their throat and pulled out a thick scroll from nowhere and began to read in a boisterous voice.
"Hear me, Chaos, Bringer of Change," Mischief slapped me on the arm, a smug look on their face, "Inciter of Revolution! I have a message from Creation, the Progenitor of all, The All-Powerful, The Eternal, The Architect of Reality…" Herald went on like this for a time, which was no surprise, considering who sent them. Creation had a lot of titles, as they should have. You had to give it to Herald though, their lung capacity was something to envy.
"… The Supreme Being, has summoned you for an audience at your earliest convenience." Job done, Herald went over to the bar where he was served a shot of dark substance that seemed to suck in all of the light around it, receiving comforting pats from those around them.
Mischief leaned over and put a hand to their mouth. "In case you didn't know, 'At your earliest convenience' usually means immediately.
Destruction had picked up Fear and slung the unconscious form over one shoulder, giving me a pitying look. "Nice knowing you, Chaos."
Well, $%^#@*&.