For as long as I can remember, I have longed to be strong. Being able to protect the people I care about is all I want in this world. That's enough to make me happy. Everything else can wait. Even though I feel pain at times, I have to move on somehow.
I have learned to deal with that pain, but there are days when I wish I could rest, when I wish there was no pain at all. But that is precisely why I want to be strong, to have the will to face the things I need to face and not be afraid. Fear of moving forward, fear of the unknown. But most of all, fear of becoming a burden to others. That's my biggest fear: I don't want to be a burden to anyone. However, at the same time, I also don't want to stand still and do nothing. Maybe that's why I'm looking for someone, someone to protect, someone to give my all for. Someone who will listen to me and take an interest in what I do. Maybe that's what I'm looking for, maybe not. Thinking about these things depresses me, but I can't help it.
Sometimes, when there is no one to understand or help me, there is only me. Even though I show signs to others, in the end, it is me who must act. I am the one who must move forward. Others are them and I am me. That's why I feel weak. I thought I was strong, I sincerely believed it. But every time I face a dangerous situation, I cringe. I feel like a scumbag of a man. At least I have my pride as a man. I want to be strong so I don't lose anyone else, and most importantly, I want to do what's best for me.
I look at people who are strong, like Lachesis and Set. They are really powerful, especially Set, who I have seen in battle. They use their strength to do good, protecting others and helping the weakest. I find that admirable, I really do. But I wonder: do they have fun in the process? I know that becoming strong is hard and that the gratification of saving someone must be your reward. Seeing the smiling faces, the united families of the people they have saved, that must be enough for them. But now I wonder if that alone is enough. Do they really not have fun? Do they enjoy the process of becoming strong? I suppose in the beginning the motivation is coupled with fun, but will that fun last? Also, will there be people who are just strong for fun? People who are just looking to fight other strong people? That seems very wrong, I would say. If someone is strong, they should use their power for good. However, I understand that in the end it's their life, they can do whatever they want with it, but they shouldn't involve innocent people. That infuriates me. The idea that there are strong people who use their power for pure fun, without caring about hurting others, bothers me deeply. I just hope I never meet someone like that, because I know I'm weak.
I've said it before, I'm very thoughtful. I recognize that. Being one has brought me good and bad things, but I feel like I've had more bad than good. Overthinking a situation is not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes you more realistic. That's the point of being so thoughtful. However, I want to stop being like that. I just want to let things flow, but without going so far as to do them without thinking. I just want to not think too much. That is my desire, or at least I want to try.
Now I have a goal, the mysterious case of the apple. Although I only know that, it's just a clue, a possibility. But I've thought about it, and what does it matter if it's true or false, if it's real or just a joke between adventurers? I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want to do it, I just want to go and see what happens. Whether it's true or not, whether it's real or not, I don't care. I'll just do it, period.
Tiana-san, can I ask you something?
Of course, go ahead.
I want to challenge you to a battle.
Why are you suddenly saying that?
No... I have a reason. I just want to do it. Can't I?
Yes, you can, but... okay, we'll do it. After we eat, we'll have our fight.
Thank you, Tiana-san. I'm really very happy.
Don't worry, Yuzuru. I'm happier that you're excited.
Actually, that Apple is my only hope. Just by biting it, I'll go up 4 levels. I just hope it's real. And now that I think about it, what is Lachesis doing? She's probably with her companions, or maybe sleeping, or maybe in combat. I'd like to talk to her more, but I'll only be able to do that when I've reached those levels. I feel like she wouldn't want to talk to someone who is only 1 level and rank F. At the very least, I want to give her a good impression. Really, what will attract me to her, will it be her personality? I saw her so happy and cheerful last time, and when I saw her with her group, I could tell she enjoyed herself. Despite being an S-rank adventurer, she has fun doing it. I think maybe that's it, or maybe it's something else. Truth be told, I've always been bad with these things. I've always been very respectful to all girls, I'm not one to be too confident with them, especially if they're that strong. I've never had a best friend... Wait, if I remember correctly, I had a best friend! She was...
Yuzuru! Yuzuru! It's time!
What's wrong, Tiana-san? I was thinking.
This guy, seriously, you're always thinking, aren't you?
No, actually...
It's time for the fight. Are you ready?
The truth is, I have some doubts, and I think I'll regret it later, but I'm ready!