The portraits upon the stairway stared down at him, flitting between their frames, muttering and murmuring. The Fat Lady closed her eyes and crossed her arms.
Where is she? Harry pushed Sirius' letter further into his pocket. His gut twisted and turned like a barrelful of snakes. I could've read this letter twice over by now. She can't still be angry at me for stopping her picking a fight with Fleur Delacour.
The Fat Lady's picture swung aside. A trio of Gryffindor students stumbled out and bustled past him.
Harry glanced at them and turned away. Still no Katie. He sighed and tried to crush the churning in his abdomen away, but it tightened like a vice. She argued with her friends for me, she wouldn't leave me alone over something as small as this.
The Fat Lady swung aside.
A flash of orange and yellow caught the corner of Harry's eye and he whirled.
'Harry…' Katie's lip trembled.
'Katie.' He clawed as bright a smile as he could over the anxiety. 'How've you been?'
Her brown eyes fixed on an empty portrait on the far side of the stairs. 'Not great.'
'Are you okay?'
Her expression crumbled, tears glinting in the corner of her eyes. 'I did something very stupid,' Katie whispered.
'If it's about what happened in the Great Hall, then it doesn't matter,' Harry said. 'I don't know why you were so angry with Fleur Delacour, I just didn't want you to get yourself in trouble.'
Katie's fists clenched. 'Do you not see how she affects everyone around her?!'
'They all stare at her.'
Like they all stare at me.
'She's part-veela, Harry,' Katie said. 'I overheard Hermione telling the other guys in your year. They stare at her because she uses her magic to charm them into liking her.'
Does she? Harry recalled the disillusionment spell, near perfect. I've not noticed her doing it. In fact, she seems to try and keep to herself when she's not stealing my glasses.
Katie's knuckles went white. 'She used it on you in the Great Hall! We were together and she tried to steal you.'
Oh. The bottom dropped out of Harry's stomach. I guess I just can't feel it as well as others. I wasn't as caught up in it at the World Cup, either.
'I'm sorry.' He dug for other words. 'I didn't—'
'She tried to steal you with her magic.' Katie's lip trembled and she shoved her fists into the pockets of her robes. 'And when I got mad, you defended her!'
'I didn't know. I promise.'
Stupid bloody idiot. I should've known Katie wouldn't start something over nothing.
'You shouldn't have said anything!' Katie's eyes filled with tears. 'I was so angry with you, Harry. So angry. If you'd just not said anything, it wouldn't have happened.'
A chill settled on Harry's spine. 'What wouldn't have happened?'
Katie bit her lip and a drop of clear liquid spilt down her cheek. 'Roger Davies asked me to the Yule Ball in the corridor afterward. I said yes.'
Why would you do that? He tried to picture it, but Roger Davies' face kept blurring into his own. How could you do that?
'I'm so sorry. I was angry. And the firewhiskey...' Tears poured down Katie's face. 'Maybe — maybe after the Yule Ball, we can go on another date?'
Can't you just tell Roger Davies you've changed your mind? Harry caught the question on the tip of his tongue. He doesn't care about you at all.
'Harry?' Katie whispered. 'Please say something.'
Does it matter why? A smooth, high murmur welled up in the back of Harry's skull, rising up like cold, black water bubbling from a drain. If she's capable of doing it once. She's capable of doing it again. If I forget that, I'll just find myself here again. If I forgive her, she'll think it's ok to hurt me again.
A little ball of cold settled over Harry's heart.
Katie reached a hand out and collapsed into his chest. Her warm tears soaked into the shoulder of his robes.
'I was going to ask you to the Yule Ball.' Harry found words beneath the ice. They welled up through the cold out of a numb, dark, hollow place. 'I sort of assumed we'd eventually end up going together after you asked me on a date, so I turned down Ginny. I quite liked the idea of us going together, even if I really didn't like the idea of the Yule Ball all that much. I guess that's not happening now.'
Katie sobbed into his shoulder. The draft through the stairway turned the hot damp of her tears to a soft chill. She drew back and smeared the tears off her face with her sleeve. Mascara smudged the skin beneath her eyes, a faint redness hovered on her cheeks, and stray strands of her hair stuck to glistening patches on her face.
That's what you get for hoping. Harry let the numb emptiness swallow him. It doesn't matter anyway. I'll have to die soon.
'I hope you enjoy the Yule Ball with Roger Davies.' Harry tried to bite the rest of the words off, but they tumbled off his tongue. 'Go ahead. Tie up your hair for him. I suspect his mind's going to be on a different girl the whole time anyway.'
Katie's lip trembled. She whirled, and shoved her way through a group of students leaving Gryffindor Tower.
Fuck this Yule Ball. Harry tried to picture himself there among the gaudiness of decorations and festive cheer. Perhaps I just won't go. If I have to die, then I might as well do what I want first. Everyone else just seems to do whatever they want.
He turned on his heel and stalked toward the Chamber of Secrets.
Harry sat on the tip of the serpent bridge's tongue and pulled Sirius' letter out, staring at the plain seal. What does it matter what it says? He clawed at the emptiness, searching for something in its hollow depths.
The void gnawed back.
It takes another little piece of me every time I'm left wishing. And it doesn't feel like there's all that much remaining.
Harry took a deep breath and swallowed it all down. 'Read the letter. Don't dwell on stupid stuff when it's not going to matter in the end anyway.'
He scanned the untidy scrawl. Prove them all wrong. Deep quill scratches marred the parchment's surface where the letters marked the page. Win the damn thing.
'I'll win it. I can die after I've won.' He seized on the shard of ice in his chest, clutching at it like a lifeline. 'They can drown in my shadow. Ron, Hermione, Katie, Fleur Delacour, and all the rest of them. They'll never forget.'
And I won't be nothing, then. Not once they've all seen me.
He raised his wand from his sleeve and pressed the tip against the centre of Sirius' letter. The parchment browned and burst into flames, curling upon itself and disintegrating into ash.
Like it was never here. He tilted his hand and let the ashes slip into the cold, dark water of the pool beneath the bridge. As if nothing ever happened. Harry watched them sink, clinging to the ice he felt, pushing at it every time he felt it begin to thaw. When I die, I'll be nothing. I hope it doesn't feel like this.
He took a deep breath and stepped into the study.
Salazar glanced up from Tom's notes. 'I may have a solution.'
A ray of hope burst through the deep, empty void. A touch of warmth like the green-inked name upon the Hogwarts letter thrust into his hand.
'Tell me,' he whispered.
'I believe the piece of Tom's soul must've latched onto your own in order for it to survive being in the same body as another soul. A body cannot house two souls in conflict, one must be subdued or they must coexist peacefully.'
Coexist like Quirrell? Harry shuddered. That wasn't peaceful.
'And that means what for me?'
'Since you are still in control of yourself and were unaware of its presence, the soul fragment must be subdued. From the notes, I surmise a connection must exist between the two souls within you. It should be possible for you to either absorb or expel it once the link is broken.' Salazar peered down at the notes. 'There it is. True, complete remorse, the opposite intent to that which was used to fracture the soul, might reverse the effects of one, transferring and absorbing the piece back to where it belongs. I'm not sure how that would work with a fragment of another's soul, but you and Tom are similar…'
'How would I break the link?' Harry asked.
Salazar's deep, green eyes bored into Harry. 'You would have to fracture your soul.'
'No. Find another way.'
'I tried. I knew you would not agree, so I kept searching.'
'You found nothing.' A wry smile spread over Harry's lips as the hope died. 'Oh well, then.'
Salazar's wand fountained green and silver sparks. 'You don't need to be a sacrifice! You are my heir, the last of my family that I recognise.'
'So I should sacrifice someone else in my place?'
'Someone must die. It can be you or someone of your choice.'
'I will not kill to save myself.' Harry recalled the flash of green from his dreams, his mother's begging, and all the faces from Gryffindor Tower when his friends had turned on him. 'I won't be selfish like they all would be. I don't want to be like them.'
'You can choose someone who already deserves death,' Salazar said. 'The Killing Curse will not change its effect and you, who deserve more, do not need to be sacrificed. A single, deserving death to temporarily fracture your soul, then a moment's pain to rip the piece of Tom's soul out. Tell me that it's not a sacrifice worth making to preserve your life? You are a good wizard in more ways than one, your death is unnecessarily noble, be a little selfish for once. In the end, the wizarding world will profit more from your survival than your death.'
'No.'
'You are being foolish.'
'Am I?' Harry asked. 'Is it foolish to understand that sometimes things need to be sacrificed?'
'Don't speak to me of sacrifices.' Salazar's eyes darkened. 'I've seen and made plenty. I've learnt the hard way when to make them and when not. You let those around you feel you'll always stand by them and help them no matter what they choose. And so they choose whatever they want most, relying on you to make the sacrifice needed to obtain it. They should be the ones making the sacrifice to get what they want. That's what's fair! They exploit your nobility, your generosity, and your tenacity. They always have. And if you let them, they always will.'
'I will find others. Equals. They'll stand alongside me, never let me down, and never leave me alone.'
Salazar shook his head. 'What good are equals when you know their role is only to bury you, Harry.'
Dumbledore's Mistakes
Students milled back and forth through the Great Hall beneath floating candles and a cloudless, dusk sky.
Harry watched them go. Which one would I murder to save myself? Which one would be missed the least? His eyes flicked to Draco Malfoy. Probably him, but even his parents and friends would miss him. I have none of either.
'Mr Potter!' Professor McGonagall's voice echoed down the hall. 'If you would like to accompany me to the headmaster's office.'
I wonder what Dumbledore wants. Harry rose from his seat and stretched the stiffness from his limbs.
Professor McGonagall's eyes roved over him. 'If you like, Mr Potter, we can go via the tower so you can change into some fresh clothes.'
'It's okay.' Harry transfigured his crumpled, stained robes into crisp, clean ones. 'There, good as new.'
'Well done. You have become much more accomplished than I realised,' Professor McGonagall said. 'To the headmaster's office, then.'
Harry glimpsed Katie hunched between Angelina and Alicia. She kept her eyes fixed on her food, but Harry heard the giggles of the three of them as he passed.
As if nothing ever happened. He swallowed a knotted, hot lump of emotion and smothered it. It's like I'm not even real, just some caricature of a hero. There when needed, gone when not.
Professor McGonagall stared the gargoyle in the eye and released a long sigh. 'Sweet crystals.' She led him up the spiral staircase.
'Harry.' Dumbledore gestured to the seat in front of his desk and proffered a bowl of bright, striped sweets. 'Humbug?'
'No thanks, professor.'
Dumbledore withdrew the bowl. 'Professor McGonagall has been quite concerned about you, Harry. She overheard some of the rumours and after investigating, brought her suspicions to me. It seems nobody has seen you in some time, Harry. A few of your fellow students were quite concerned.'
Concerned I was up to no good, probably.
'Who?'
'Miss Granger, Mr Weasley, Miss Weasley, Miss Bell, and Mr Longbottom.'
All concerned for their own skins, no doubt. A smooth, cool voice welled up from the depths of Harry's mind. They expect me to come for revenge. The longer they wait, the more likely their fear will drive them to strike first.
Dumbledore fixed Harry with a piercing look, his electric blue eyes as bright as gimlets. 'I am glad you have learnt more about the cloak, Harry, it's a powerful heirloom, but you should try to resist the temptation of using it. Artefacts such as your cloak carry a risk with them, becoming addicted to their use is dangerous.'
'I don't understand. Heirloom or not, it's still just an invisibility cloak with a few extra enchantments.'
Dumbledore's brow wrinkled and he pushed his half-moon spectacles up the bridge of his nose. 'What do you know about age lines, Harry?'
'I assume they prevent anyone below the set age from crossing them.'
'Do you know how?'
'No.'
Dumbledore sagged and his glasses slipped down his nose. 'I have made a mistake, it seems. There have been too many of late.'
Horcruxes, headmaster? Harry crushed the faint ray of hope before it could curdle to disappointment.
'What do you mean?' he asked.
'Your cloak is a very useful thing Harry. It is not a simple invisibility cloak, but a rare artefact designed to completely conceal its owner, including their magic. One of the few ways an age line can be cheated is with such an object. In conjunction with the Goblet of Fire, an object that is very hard to deceive indeed, I created a nearly perfect barrier. I'm afraid that when your name came out, I simply assumed you'd figured out the abilities of your family heirloom and used it. I felt it was the most likely possibility, as I can conceive no other way by which your name could've been entered without my ward being broken. I am ashamed to admit, Harry, the one time in which I settled for Occam's Razor, is the one time I shouldn't have.'
Whose razor?
'I didn't use it.' Harry recalled the headmaster's words before the Mirror of Erised and smiled a small smile. 'I don't need a cloak to become invisible, headmaster.'
'That is a very admirable ability, Harry.' Dumbledore smiled and some of the lines faded from his face. 'We are two of very few wizards or witches who attain such prowess with the Disillusionment Charm. I am glad I do not have to ask if you entered the tournament.'
'That is all very well, Albus, but not what I came to you about.' Professor McGonagall's tone gained an extra note of stiffness.
'I know, Minerva, but it was important, too.'
'I am concerned about the rumours that you have not been seen inside Gryffindor tower for a month, that when I asked for your whereabouts my Gryffindors, my lions, did not care about one of their own enough to find out. What is happening in my house?' Professor McGonagall pursed her lips into the thin, appalled line normally reserved for Neville's attempts at transfiguration.
'They don't understand. It doesn't really matter.'
Professor McGonagall's stern expression melted. 'Is there anything that we can do, Harry?'
Nothing can be done. Harry fed the faint warmth that spread through him fade into emptiness. And if you really cared about more than appearances, we'd've had this conversation a month ago.
'No.'
'Very well, Harry.' Dumbledore poked his glasses back up his nose. 'I will do my best to discover how you have ended up in the Triwizard Tournament. Professor Moody has his suspicions, he has been telling me for weeks that the faces in his foe glass are getting closer and clearer. Is there anything else you would like to discuss, Harry? You did well in the first task, much better than anyone expected.'
'I'm going to win.'
That'll show them. See if they can make me disappear, then.
Professor McGonagall tutted. 'Mr Potter, the Triwizard Tournament is meant to be a stern test for exceptional wizards several years older than you are.'
A shard of ice hardened beneath Harry's ribs and crept into his veins. 'Then when I win it'll be quite the embarrassment for the other three.'
Dumbledore gave him a small smile and selected a pink-striped humbug from the bowl on his desk. He slipped the sweet into his mouth and reached out one wizened to catch Harry's, tapping the missing thumbnail with his finger. 'I do have one more question for you, though, Harry. When did you learn to apparate?'
'This year,' Harry said. 'I would've been wandless for the first task had I not.'
'I am not going to report you for illegal apparition,' Dumbledore said. 'I was merely concerned you might splinch yourself more seriously next time you tried to visit Diagon Alley. It is a very long way to apparate. Mr Ollivander was very impressed by you and very proud of your new wand. He is an expert in both alchemy and the lore of wands, in fact, I trust his judgement on the subject implicitly. He told me your wand was not something to be concerned about and that you were a prodigious and talented pupil I had every right to feel proud of.'
'I won't be repeating my feat. It was only out of necessity that I ever attempted it.' Harry withdrew his hand from Dumbledore's loose grip and tucked it into his pocket. 'As for my wand, it's no concern of anyone's but mine.' He forced a bright smile onto his face.
Dumbledore shivered and paled.
'Albus?' Professor McGonagall asked.
'It's nothing, Minerva. I was momentarily reminded of another mistake of mine, one that I still hope to be able to correct before it is too late.'
Is the mistake me and my harboured horcrux, or Tom Riddle?
'No need to look so nervous Harry. There's nothing you need to worry about except the Triwizard Tournament. You have your OWLs next year, too and I expect you to perform quite spectacularly on them.'
So I don't need to die for another year and a half at least. If he's not lying. Harry studied Dumbledore's expression. He doesn't seem to be. He's no reason to lie, anyway. He doesn't know I know.
'You can return to your studies or to trying to discover the clue to the second task, Harry,' Dumbledore said.
Harry pushed himself out of his chair and descended the staircase. I have at least a year or so left. I'll have to make the most of it.
The corridors grew quiet and empty as he made his way up toward the Room of Requirement.
A hand grabbed him by the shoulder and slammed him into the wall. Pain flared up down his side and Harry's glasses slipped off his nose and skittered across the floor.
'So this is where you slither off to,' Ron snapped, shoving him against the wall. 'I told you, you'd pay. Nobody hurts my little sister, not even you.'
'Would you have liked it better if I'd lied to her?' Harry sneered at the red and black blur before his eyes and straightened his sleeve, letting his wand slip into his palm. 'Don't make excuses. If I'd done something out of order to Ginny, Fred and George would be here, but you're all by yourself. You're doing this because you want to get at me, not for Ginny.'
'She was crying because of you,' Ron snarled. 'And I'm not alone, Dean and Seamus are here too.'
'Are they?' Harry peered at the blurs. 'Can't even see them without my glasses. I assume the real reason Dean's upset is because your sister would rather spend her Christmas with me than him.'
'At least I'll be going with someone,' Dean jibed. 'Everyone knows Katie Bell ditched you for Roger Davies.'
Roger Davies doesn't even care about her. Harry smothered every ounce of feeling. She's going to have a miserable night watching him stare at Fleur Delacour.
'So what now?' he asked. 'Are we going to have a pleasant conversation?'
Someone shoved his glasses back onto his face and things swam back into focus. Ron and Dean glowered from the corridor. Seamus let go of him and stepped back.
'We're going to hex you so badly you'll be in the hospital wing for a week,' Dean growled, raising his wand. 'See if you're such an arrogant prat, then!'
'At least I won't have to worry about the Yule Ball.' Harry flicked his wand up and directed a weak blasting curse to his left.
A red flash struck Dean on the shoulder and hurled him against the wall with a loud crack. Ron threw himself to the floor.
'Expelliarmus!' Ron jabbed his wand out.
Harry sidestepped the red beam and swept his wand sideways, banishing Seamus into a suit of armour. His wand bounced away across the floor.
Ron froze.
'Perhaps you should've brought a few more friends,' Harry said.
Ron raised his wand. 'You used a Blasting Curse on Dean!'
Harry disarmed him and volleyed Ron's wand down the corridor. 'It wasn't powerful. You all deserved worse for trying to ambush me. You wanted to step out of my shadow and be seen as yourselves instead of being my friends. I gave you that chance when I left you alone.'
'We apologised!' Ron turned crimson. 'We said we were sorry! You were the one who didn't want to be friends!'
You betrayed me. Of course I didn't want to trust you again. Harry flicked his wand.
Ron disappeared under black ropes, bound from head to toe. He squirmed, muffled shouts emanating from beneath his bonds, clawing at his mouth with covered fingers.
Harry sliced a hole over Ron's mouth and glanced at his wand. That spell came out stronger than I intended. I guess my heart must've been in it.
'What did you think was going to happen?' he demanded. 'You'd jelly-legs me and I'd be overcome with remorse and forgive you for turning on me?'
Ron squirmed and writhed. 'I wanted to take you down a peg or two! You think you're so much better than us all now, just because you had a whole summer to read a couple of books.'
'It was quite a few books, actually.' Harry ripped the ropes off his face with a flick of his wand. 'Did you think about why I have the whole summer to do nothing but read, Ron? Or were you so busy celebrating the murder of my family with pumpkins and sweets that you forgot?'
'Oh, bugger off.' Ron grunted, the tips of his ears turning pink. 'You can't even remember them, how bad can it be?'
'Bugger off?' A little cold spark settled beneath his ribs. 'You don't understand at all, do you? None of you do. Not even Hermione.'
'Yeah, mate, it's real hard for us to understand why you've suddenly turned into such an absolute dick.' Ron glowered through the ropes. 'So what if we forgot about Halloween? You forget stuff, too.'
'I do.' He hardened his heart, letting the cold swell through him and trickle into his veins. 'But you just end up repeating your mistakes if you forget them. Like you, enviously lashing out at Hermione in first year because she was better than you at magic and now enviously lashing out at me because I ended up in the death trap tournament you're stupid enough to think will be great.'
Ron's lip curled. 'I'm not jealous, we all just realised you're a lying twat.'
Harry turned on his heel and slammed the door to the Room of Requirement behind him. If they attack me again, I'll have to be harsher. His thoughts bubbled up from the base of his skull in a smooth, high voice. Otherwise, eventually, they'll manage to hurt me.
He pulled the Marauders' map out and traced their names. Ron, Seamus, and Dean headed toward Gryffindor tower and Peter Pettigrew's name lingered near the quidditch pitch.
Soon. Harry watched it until it vanished. I should clear Sirius' name before I have to die, since nobody else seems to want to bother.