I felt sick to my stomach. Had for a while now.
I don't know what had done it, if it had been hearing the bullshit out of Match's mouth that Luke had been part of whatever the hell it was that had gotten Shaalin killed, or him parading Queenbee's body through the slums with the help of Gama and Fen, proclaiming that blood had been repaid, that the slums had been reminded what it meant to mess with the Rats.
He'd gone off on his own apparently. He'd taken care of things.
I didn't want to think what had been done to her, but the body he carried back hardly looked like a human at all, as though she'd been torn limb from limb. If she'd been left fucked up after she'd been beaten to nearly a pulp a few years back, then she was left unrecognizable now. I may have been more inclined to believe she was a butchered boar than a living human being.
There was no way of knowing how much of the damage I witnessed now had been inflicted prior to her death, and how much of it after. I didn't want to dwell on it.
Nor did I want to think about everything that had led up to this–the claim that Luke had been involved. There was no believing it. Even as weeks passed, and I heard more and more that Match's claims went uncontested, I couldn't believe it.
He wasn't a Hornet.
"He's not a Hornet!"
"Whatever the fuck you say," Match had replied with a scoff, letting Bee's remains fall to the ground. "Your boyfriend helped that fucking bitch kill one of our own, and he's next if I get my hands on him."
"He had nothing to do with it!"
"Want to make a bet of it, then? We can wager his cute shiv once I rip it out of his dead hands."
"That's enough, Match," Miro finally intervened from the wall, leaning against it, watching the scene play out, visibly none too pleased by the sight that seemed to ignite a sentiment of revanchism that overwise reigned in the hearts and minds of the other Rats present.
Thank you, I thought, just glad for a single person to be at my side in this, especially Miro at that.
"Really tolerating this shit, Miro?" Match asked. "One of our own kissing a Hornet's ass?"
"We don't know anything yet."
"Right, because you refuse to let us at them!"
"You got your blood, Match. It's over. Now for fuck's sake, get that body out of here. You want to brag about squashing a lost bug, do it somewhere else."
I don't know what ended up happening to Bee's body. I assume it'd been torn apart something more before finally being disposed off, whether it was in some dumpster, down a sewer tunnel, or maybe ripped at the teeth by strays, be them man or animal. I preferred not to consider which was more likely.
I wasn't angry that she was dead. People died in Taisho. That was the norm. It was fortunate it wasn't one of us. One more of us at least. Shaalin was still dead, by her hands. It was for the best she was gone. One less of them, but still. We didn't need to resort to animals to get it done.
Right?
Then again, it was in our names. Hornets, Rats, we called ourselves animals because it was impossible to say we lived in civilization. The world we lived in was no different from the wilds I heard existed outside these walls, of plains of orange sand that flowed like water, of trees that rose even higher than these walls, all of it.
But some animals were worse than others. We weren't the Hornets, I had to remind myself. I knew what they were capable of, the kind of things they did, and how in spite of the occasional misstep, we weren't like them.
Everybody knew it.
Luke knew it.
It's how I knew he couldn't have been with them. He couldn't have been. He was better than that, I knew. He helped people. He wasn't a Hornet. He was out there, and if it was with the Hornets, then I knew it couldn't be by choice.
I looked for him still in spite of how hard Miro tried to keep me from doing so. It didn't matter to me what the situation on the streets was. I had to find him. If things were as volatile as Miro said they were, then it was all the more reason for me to find Luke, to make sure he'd be alright.
I owed him that much.
"You know I don't like you going out," Miro said from behind me, catching me in the act of ascending the ladder that'd lead out of these tunnels that grew more cramped by the day.
It could have been worse…much worse. Even if there were people like Match, who, thankfully, spent most of their time on the surface, the Den was still home, and a rather welcoming one. I had food, water, and in the time Miro was unoccupied with something else, I was shown the different characters, taught their sounds, how to pronounce them, recognize them.
It was home, but down here, I was no closer to doing any good, be it helping the Rats, or better yet, helping a friend get away from the enemy.
"I'm not really helping out much down here," I answered back, hoping to justify my actions on the claim that what I did was for the Rats and not the selfish notion of ensuring my friend was somewhere out there, still alive.
"You're even less use dead up there."
"We have a truce with them."
"Honestly think that'll stop them?"
I wasn't so stupid so as to trust a guarantee made by the Hornets, of course, but killing one of us without cause? That was risky, even for them. I didn't believe they'd go that far. Not yet, at least.
"I'll be fine."
"You know we have people up top. They'd tell me if they had clear proof Fluke was with them."
It's Luke. And Miro having people up above on the lookout for him, that was precisely what I was worried about.
"You think if they see him they'll just leave him be?"
Miro sighed. "They're not going to kill him."
"They killed Queen Bee."
"That was different, you know."
I know. I wouldn't have thought twice of it had it just been another death, but after what they'd done to her, I couldn't deny that there were those of us in here who wanted blood spilled, who brought the rest of us down. Even against Hornets, we had to be better, we had to know limits. That's what separates us.
"But what if they do?"
"You say Fluke's clever, right?"
"Luke," I corrected Miro, but shook my head as I returned to the question that'd been asked. "But yeah. He is."
"Then you really think he'd let somebody slow as Match take him out?"
I chuckled, the levity appreciated in what otherwise were circumstances leaving little to joke about. "No, I guess not."
"Then trust that he'll be fine. Whatever it is he's doing, he's just trying to make it out there, same as us."
What?
"What…do you mean."
Is he implying…
"I'm just saying, Reek. You go up there, you may not like what you see, but you gotta understand-"
"You saying he might actually be with the Hornets?!"
I'd spoken louder than I'd intended, but I wasn't worrying about that now. I was more concerned with what it was I'd just heard Miro say. Miro'd been with me on this, at all times, saying we didn't know enough, that there was no proof, agreeing with me. So what the hell was this? And why did Miro seem so lax about it?
"There's no proof of that."
"So why are you saying it!"
"What I'm saying, Reek, is that the Hornets are a gang, just like us. They offer protection to those who are with them, and when the only other choice is death, then the decision is clear."
"No, no. We're the other choice. Luke wouldn't go to them. He'd go to us. You know that! He always trusted us more anyway. He wouldn't choose the Hornets"
"I hope you're right."
"I am! You'll see. I'll go out there, find him, and bring him back where he belongs!"
I didn't wait for a response. I knew I would find him. I didn't know where to start, but so long as he was out there, I'd find him.
Luke wasn't the enemy. I didn't care what the others said. I knew who Luke was.
And Luke would never let himself become a Hornet.