I never quite gave my body credit where it was due. I had been, for two weeks now, if not a few days more, living off of little more than stale, moldy bread, and just enough water to have me still pissing at the end of every over day.
I slept on a cold stone floor, I didn't starve, and there was water.
And all I had to do to make sure I didn't wake up one night with a noose around my neck, strung up from the walls the same way the Lawmakers were, was to not show the slightest inclination towards second thoughts, not speak out of term, not complain, to, to put it simply, be the perfect Hornet slave.
All things considered, I suppose I should have just been happy to be alive.
Perhaps two weeks ago, I still would have considered running, putting together plans for it, daydreaming about such attempts. Those dreams, of course, would become nightmares as I considered the actual potential of success and it dawned on me the extreme likelihood that I would make it by 5 steps before meeting a horrible end.
Maybe even about a week ago, it still would have crossed my mind. I was a persistent thinker after all, still trying to force myself to believe that I could conjure some grand solution, some great escape, but at that point, they had just become passing thoughts, never entertained as I knew nothing would come of it save for a horrible death.
It was no longer even biding my time as it originally had been, hoping that, by some chance, a group of Rats would chance upon us, raiding this storehouse, providing me the chance to get away straight into their, what I would hope to be, far more welcoming embrace. I no longer entertained that notion. This was where I was, how it was, and how it would be.
Praying for anything better was going to accomplish nothing.
I just did my job. I kept my eyes open, I watched. It was just like the old days. At least, I tried to tell myself that in spite of the fact that there were 2 pairs of eyes and 2 veiled daggers right on my back at all times.
It certainly was not Saku who concerned me. Even before these last few weeks, I'd come to know enough about the man that I didn't possess a fear of him ripping out my spine because of a single sideways glance. Queenbee, or rather, Bee, on the other hand, it was her I reasonably needed to watch myself at all times around.
Her disdain for me was not exactly hidden and frankly it was no surprise. Nor could I say that I blamed her. Whether she had been just another unfortunate casualty in the slums' war of information, what had been done to her had been something that would have stopped me entirely from revealing such information had I known what would transpire. At the very least, that's what I told myself now. Just as likely, it was some newfound guilt assisted by an understanding of where it was that I found myself that saw me inclined to believe such false realities about what my intentions had been.
Who was I kidding?
I still would have done it.
People getting the shit kicked out of them on the street was no shocking event, even if what had been done to Bee had been a few steps too far. It was only the potential of getting somebody killed that would have me reconsider, but this? No. I would have done it all over again if it'd meant a warm meal.
And look where that's landed me.
No, I reminded myself. Being a heartless bastard at times is what kept me alive. Bad luck. That was why I was here.
Every day proved to be the same routine. Watching for hours, being fed one meager scrap or another, perhaps given some water before I painted from heatstroke, then go back to watching until nightfall. It was agonizing, being forced to watch the same alleyway for hours at a time, occasionally changing positions to get a further look down, or when my Hornet captors were feeling confident in my abilities, sent a few yards or so down the alleyway to get a look at a side street and discern if there was any unusual activity.
There never was.
The day it had rained was one of the best I could ask for. Never had I loved the rain so much as I had then, treasuring its ability to not only fill my stomach with what I was able to scrounge from the gutters, but also break the stale nature of the days that, thankfully, seemed to be growing shorter and shorter as we entered the dry season.
But that dry season hadn't come just yet. Today, it rained once more, and my head craned towards the gray clouds in the black sky, taking in what little I could, trying not to think too deeply on what was in this rain given the factory city that lay just beyond the wall to our immediate northwest.
Soon enough, the days would begin to grow colder as well. That time hadn't yet come, but we knew it was approaching. I still remembered where I'd buried the oversized coat I'd scrounged up a few years ago thanks to the charity of Mishi who I still had yet to repay, it having kept me warm for what must have been three winters now. Damn old thing was torn nearly to pieces now, but somehow still had kept itself together after 3 years of wear and tear, being buried thrice as well, stolen once in the middle of the night by a damn street urchin who'd been unfortunate enough to let me see his face. The location of a stash of Hornet foodstuffs had been enough of a payment to earn me both a meal that evening as well as my jacket back. They hadn't even needed to beat the shit out of him, much as I would have liked to see it after spending the day with frozen hands and chattering teeth, but I wasn't complaining. By that night, he had soiled pants while I had a warm meal and my jacket back once again.
I wondered if the Hornets would have made such an effort for me. Frankly, I doubted it, though I supposed it mattered who it was I brought the issue to. Somebody like Danev, perhaps I could have had a sliver of a chance.
Though I suppose it doesn't matter now.
A part of me had to admit that maybe it had its benefits. Winter was coming in its own time, and there was no good in trying to go at it alone. Especially now, food already beginning to become more scarce once again, it was likely that trying to make it myself wouldn't have been the best option. With the Hornets though, even if I was little more than a slave, there was a chance I would at least live to see Spring.
I can hope, at least.
I wondered just how foolish hoping for anything was by now. Probably a good deal idiotic of me. There was little hoping any more, just plenty of regretting.
It had to be the Hornets I pissed off. It couldn't have been the Rats to kidnap me in the middle of the street. Them…them I could at least feel somewhat safe with. They've treated me well enough so far, only a few cuts and bruises to show for the less ideal interactions.
It would have been safer for me, I knew their people better, it's what Reek would have wanted, hell, it's probably what I would have wanted to. I wasn't a joiner by any means. I favored my independence, but I had just been waiting to see where the war would go. I knew how to move with the tide and if that tide meant one emerging victorious, well, I would've gone with them. And preferably, that would have been the Rats, but now, it was almost as though I felt myself being forced to think act in direct opposition to past allegiances. I'm a Hornet now, am I not?
No.
Bee's words went through my mind once again. I'm closer to being dead than I am to being one of dead.
But one of them or otherwise, my life was in their hands. The least I could pray for was that their fists didn't decide to clench in anger the moment things stopped going their way.
Then, just a sliver of that thought once again. Maybe I can still get out.
It'd been silent for the last week. I don't know why it chose that moment to make itself heard again. Perhaps it was on account of what I saw, or rather, what I believed I saw. The sun was already lowering, and it appeared to be nothing more than a passing shadow of some rat given a larger-than-life silhouette on the wall. The speed at which is scurried across was enough to convince me that it must simply have been some dumb animal. I found myself considering for a moment if perhaps I should hunt it down and eat it, but starving though I was, I wasn't quite near desperate enough to eat a disease-ridden rat. Not yet, at least.
It had gotten past me before I could even think of trying to attain a closer look.
Perhaps it was still the paranoia, but in spite of the confidence I had in it being nothing more than a sewer-dwelling pest, I couldn't help but consider the alternative–that, somehow, something had gotten past me, and right now, it stood get directly within our stores, rob us for all we had, and see me ending up on the business end of a Hornet pike by the hour's end.
I left my perch, falling the few feet to the ground in silence, following the direction I'd seen the shadow scurry in.
The rumble of my stomach was louder than the steps I took, one after another, ever silent, not sure who I was avoiding the notice of more: the possible trespassers, or the certain Hornets, myself just wanting to ensure that what I had seen was nothing of consequence before being called out for coming back to the storehouse before our shift was over.
I stalked down the alley, approaching the small side-alley that would lead into the courtyard where the safehouse was. In the weeks I'd spent here, always seeing our day at the safehouse end around this time, I'd become used to the sight of this alley at this time, of the way the shadows danced and the light of the moon just barely illuminated the entrance into the square. It thus came as some surprise to me to see it hidden in darkness, an unfamiliar shadow playing against the far wall, reducing in size, as though retreating further within the square.
The hell?
I considered calling out, wanting to quickly verify if it was either Bee of Saku, but out of an inherent fear of having come back before I would have been meant to, I stayed quiet, saying nothing as I approached, trusting my eyes more than whatever answer I could get, figuring I would see whether it was Bee or Saku, put my suspicions to rest, and silently slink back to my post for the next few minutes until our time here came to a close.
What I saw upon drawing closer wasn't, however, a familiar sight to me. It wasn't Bee nor Saku. Danev? I was forced to wonder. He'd always announced himself before when coming to relieve us for the day. Was this a test? Was he trying to find holes in our security, see if he could get past us? Then what was the consequence of saying nothing? What if I did say something, crying 'Rat!', only for it to be revealed as Danev? What then?
And I eyed the figure, stalking further within, and it was just the sliver of light shining across the right side of his face, revealing a distinct pink park that made the man recognizable immediately. Match!
What came next was a tightening of my chest, a lump forming in my throat, watching as the Rat approached further within, a conversing Saku and Bee none the wiser to his presence, the spotting of such an individual up to me and none other.
What I saw was an opportunity, then. It was exactly that which I had given up hoping for. The Rats were here. The chance had come, and they were here. I don't know how he'd slipped past me, but this was my chance to make things right with them. It would mean the loss of autonomy, sure, but it was better than the Hornets. It had to be. I knew them and they knew me. There was distrust, sure, but it wasn't outright hostility as it was with the Hornets. I could make this work. I could help. I could help them steal the food here, get out scott free, a good enough stash in hand.
And then what?
I'd thought about this already before, I remembered.
The Rats come, I direct them inside, let them pass. They recognize me. Who doesn't? I tell them I want to join them. They know I'm not a Hornet. They let me.
They take this safe house. Food, water, maybe even some medicine if we're lucky, and they thank me for it. I'm safe with them, in the den. It's not freedom as an informant, but it's not living in fear either. It's not death breathing down my back at every moment.
But it is. Not from the Rats, no, but the Hornets are everywhere, and they keep true to their word.
As far as they're concerned, I'm not a Hornet, not a Rat either. I'm a refugee, and a loose end that needs to be cut. The Rats can't keep me in the Den forever. They put me out on the streets, probably a lookout, and the Hornets notice. How can't they?
They find me, drag me into an alley just like last time, but I'm not a prisoner this time, no. I'm a target. They hit me. Fists, rocks, bricks. They stab me. Sandcrete, glass, knives I don't make it out of there alive. It's only a matter of time.
It's only a matter of time if I go with the Rats.
But am I willing to trust the Hornets?
It came down in the end to who I believed would make it out of this war alive. The dream was to make my decision when it was all over, but it seemed the time for choosing had come earlier than anticipated.
I hadn't even thought it through entirely. Fear rarely permits one to do such.
And I screamed. "Rat!" I called out. "Rat!"
And there was that brief flash of pink as he turned to face me, spinning right, his burn mark now in full view, verifying just who it was that stood in the center of our square. The expression on his face could only be described as complete surprise, him having had no idea I was on his tail. That surprise, however, quickly evolved into a scowl, and a scowl into a lunge forward.
I could hear the shuffling of footsteps from where Saku and Bee had been, oblivious to the approaching threat, but they wouldn't reach me quick enough. Match was already on me.
I felt the air leave my body as I was tackled to a ground with a wet splash, just barely avoiding contact of my head with the stone floor by tucking it into my neck just in time, but that did little to spare me of Match's second onslaught, a cupped first brought down directly atop my cheek, slamming my head down now to the wet pavement, two hard clashes experienced in the span of a single second.
Constellations formed and danced in my narrowing field of view, only able to make out his fists raising again for a second such barrage until his weight was suddenly lifted from my torso where he knelt, him being tackled aside by a combined effort of both Hornets guarding this stash.
The fact that it takes both Bee and Saku together to get Match off of me is as true a testament to his advantage in size over the two of them as any. On an objective standpoint, the man likely wouldn't be considered much, perhaps only equal in stature to the scrawniest Fire Nation soldier within the walls. But here, between those present, he was as close to true "muscle" as one could achieve. At least for the Rats.
And it showed.
He wasn't on the ground long before he quickly slipped away from Bee's grasp and shoved Saku off of him, the trio now rising facing down as I still sat back on the ground, catching my breath, waiting for my eyesight to return as I watched the showdown, wondering who it would be to move first.
Match was waiting. He knew he was outnumbered. He wasn't about to make the first move. But Bee, she was. Where she lacked in brute strength, she made up for in ferocity, but that could only take her so far, especially when reservation was so sorely lacking. She charged forward, being batted immediately aside by the backswing of Match's right arm, which, at the very least, opened the path for Saku to move in to try and seize the opening, grappling Math's midsection in an effort to force him back.
It worked in pushing him perhaps an entire step or two while Match brought his elbow down on the poor man's weakening back until he was forced to surrender the effort, but at least not before Bee had the chance to move in, striking at Match's head with a fist, sending him recoiling back, shoving her back easily enough in order to finish his business with Saku.
I should help, I realized then for some unholy reason, figuring that perhaps I had already made my choice and there was no point holding back now. My hand darted instantly for my pant leg, searching in desperation for my shiv, only realizing after a quick pat or two that Danev had it. Shit.
I looked around quickly as Match and the Hornets brawled, searching eagerly for anything I could use as a weapon, getting hold of a loose rock I found then, figuring it better than nothing.
I had regained my breath for the most part and my vision had returned to a relatively normal state, clutching with intent onto the oversized pebble I had chosen as a weapon in my half-delirious state.
I stood there, however, still, perhaps a newfound intelligence urging me not to try and engage the hulk of a man, relative to me, who was 3 years my senior.
If I ever needed further incentive, it was thankfully provided by a Bee briefly turning to me, having noticed me out of the corner of her eye after being forced back by Match. "Get the fuck out of here!" she growled before moving aside towards a loose brick on the ground I also caught sight of.
That's my out, I thought. She told me to run. I can go. I don't need to risk my life any further. She said go. So go!
She didn't need to tell me twice. There were two exits from this square, and I chose to opt for that which took me out the same way I'd come in. I made for it, planning on letting nothing convince me otherwise. Nothing, that is, save the sight of movement to the northwest. Another one. Another Rat coming in, a wooden plank in hand, headed straight for Bee's rear.
He's going to get her, I realized. She doesn't see him. She's going to get hit.
It was the same split-second decision I had made earlier, but I did it, whether I meant to or not, calling out, "behind you, Bee!"
For only a brief half-second, her eyes met mine before turning to where my own eyes looked, directly behind her, meeting the Rat who, plank raised, swung down on her. He'd been quick, but not quick enough on account of me warning her ahead of time.
She raised her arms quick enough to absorb the impact, a loud thud still indicating the likely pain it had inflicted on her as she recoiled backwards, straight into Match's arms, wrapping around her waist in what seemed would become a brutal tag-team until Saku interjected just in time, some unknown force behind his feat causing him to lunge forward, shoving Match aside, towards the stone wall, his head colliding against the surface enough to cause him to lose his grip around Bee.
She promptly freed herself, turning quickly to slam her brick over his shoulder, knocking him to a knee, at her mercy, until the other Rat, now identifiable to me as Shaalin, got his hit in with the flank, hitting her in her back, knocking her to the ground right in front of Match.
The man there had two options presented to him. Fight, or flee. Saku stood, above him, ready to get another hit in, and Match, much to my surprise, between the two choices, opted for the latter.
Pushing himself off of the wall, he crashed into Saku, knocking the man to the ground, quickly evading another swing of Bee's brick. "Shaalin!" he called out. "Run! Just run!"
He darted past him, pulling him along briefly with a hand on his shoulder so as to get him started in the other direction. Shaalin, however, remained hesitant, losing a second or two before deciding to turn and run. That single second proved, much to his disadvantage, to last too long.
Match was already out. I didn't dare stand in his way. But Shaalin, he wasn't out of the woods just yet, his chances of getting anywhere fast suddenly reduced to nothing as a loud crack echoed across the square, and he fell to the ground, followed soon after by a clatter of the brick that had hit him in the back of his head, as it as well dropped to the ground.
The faint glisten of moonlight against pooling blood could be observed at the rear of his head as everything else seemed to grow silent, and my eyes followed him. A strange noise emitted from his mouth, something between a groan and a wail, like that which one might expect from a wounded animal. And a wounded animal he so seemed to resemble as he placed his knee to the ground, attempting to raise himself up before a click clack of boots against the stone floor precipitated the immediate kick of those same boots belonging to Bee into his abdomen, sending him right there to his back on the ground, a bloody cough sounding from his lips as he looked up in horror as Bee sat atop him, pinning him down.
A fist made contact with his face, knocking his head to the side where he lay. "You fucking Rats trying to steal from us?!" he yelled out, another fist making contact with his head, knocking it back, a sudden gasp rising from his mouth as he attempted to catch his breath, interrupted by another punch immediately after.
"Our food?! You try and steal…from us!?"
Another fist coming down.
Both me and Saku had been away from this as it transpired, but now found ourselves drawn close be it on account of some notion to stop this before it got any more bloody, or simply an instance of veiled shameful curiosity.
It was a street beating, I thought to myself. I'd seen it a hundred times over, this possibly worse in some aspects, but better than others. He was going to wear the marks of this for a while.
She laid down on his face with another fist, another spurt of blood erupted from his torn cheek, mouth, and nose.
She's…going to stop soon, right?
I turned to face Saku, who stood back, watching, equally having expected her to stop, but now standing helplessly aside as her assault failed to be coming to a close. "Hey, Bee?" he asked quietly, seemingly just as afraid as I was of interrupting.
Either she didn't hear, or she didn't care, because she swung again. "When will you get it in your stupid fucking rat brains!?"
And instead of swinging, an arm reached to her aside, grabbing for something on the ground that she knew was there, but I couldn't see. A moment later, it rose again, with a fragment of the same sandcrete brick she'd thrown in hand. Oh no.
And she brought it down atop his face.
"These streets!" She brought it down again.
"Are fucking!" Again.
"Bee!" Saku called out to no avail.
Is she-?
"Ours!" she finished with one final swing down onto the man's face.
And once again, the square was still. Not a noise could be heard save for what was left of her brick falling apart on the ground.
She stood up, and I wish she hadn't. Without her there atop him, the shadow no longer shrouded the man's face, or rather, what was left of it.
Somebody could have tried to tell me that was Shaalin, and it would have taken me a good amount of convincing for me to believe that it could have possibly been true, but there he was, his face torn to shreds, eyeball bulging out from a mess of blood, torn tissue, and gore. There were no more whimpers, groans, or squeals. Nothing.
He's dead.
She stood above the body, looking over her handiwork as though an artist mentally critiquing their own piece. Nobody said anything. Nobody could think what to say. Not even sure. I don't know what she felt, if it was regret, satisfaction, something between the two, nobody deigned to ask.
Shaalin is dead. I…I just helped the Hornets kill somebody.
Did I? Could I be blamed for this? I…I just did my job. I just alerted them they were coming. I was just lookout. I hadn't done this. Right?
A few stunned moments passed there until it would finally be Saku who spoke, and not on anything regarding what had just transpired. I don't think any of us wished to consider it any longer than we had to. "We should move the stash back to the Hive. It's not safe here any more."
A few more moments of silence as I turned to Saku, beginning to move, as though eager to do anything else beyond looking at the broken man's corpse, but considered staying still longer as Bee still just stood there, the blood from his face continue to build, the heavy rain just soaking it further as steady streams of red water flowed down his face, puddling on the pavement beneath, myself figuring that I should do everything in my power to avoid angering her. And if that meant staying perfectly still, so be it.
In time, however, she nodded her head, simply agreeing in saying, "Yeah. Let's go."
For the first time then in the two weeks of guarding this place, I saw just what it was we kept here, and where. Within one of the houses in this square, beneath a plywood board atop which a bed rested, where a cement block should have been, but instead, a collection of 3 boxes waited, allowing me to see what was within.
Canteens of water, stale bread, dried fruit and meats, thickly-wrapped cheese, and even what looked to be canned goods the likes of which came in on supply caravans. My eyes looked longingly over the assortment of goods here, my gaze not at all missed by Bee who promptly shoved past me, lifting a box in her hands, and indicating with a nod of her head for me to do the same.
I forced myself not to think about it, to not let my eyes wander any more to the collection of actually edible goods as I raised the box and followed the convoy of Saku, then Bee, and lastly me as we left the house, leaving nothing behind, this stash house compromised, and thus set to be abandoned immediately.
And what happens to me then? I was forced to ask myself.
Ahead of me, a single misstep was all it took for Bee to ever-so-slightly stumble, a whole bun of bread falling out of her box and onto the muddy pavement below, the rain only having grown more intense since we'd been inside.
My heart sank at seeing such a good-looking bun, devoid of both worms and mold, dropped in such a manner, and Bee's eyes turned to look at it where it lay, then up to me who had been staring at it as well.
Maybe it was on account of the fact that I had stayed, that I had alerted them to the Rats coming, or perhaps it was only that, in the wake of such swift brutality, her anger had been released, making room for some newfound sympathy, but as her eyes met mine, she simply said, "Keep it."
And my heart leapt as I quickly set down my box, reaching for the bun and quickly rubbing it clean with the hem of my shirt as Bee already continued moving along, careful to avoid another such accident.
My eyes remained locked onto the bun, stale, but actually edible. It was food. It was actually real food. And it was mine. My eyes watched as Bee and Saku left the square, and I knew I had to keep up. I stuck the bun into my pants, right by my waistline, keeping it suspended there for later use.
For now, I had to catch up. I had no intention of being left behind. We were going to the Hive. What that meant for me, I had no way of knowing. All I did know was that tonight, I was going to eat like a king.