I wondered just when it was that I had decided my conscience didn't matter.
Had it been 7 years ago when I'd first chosen to take what wasn't mine, deciding that filling my own stomach was more important than the survival of the sleeping slum rat I'd stolen it from? 4 years ago when I'd sold out my old friends, desperate to save my sorry hide? 3 when I'd taken my first life? 2 when I'd dedicated myself to being the enforcer of one of Taisho's most widespread gangs? Just earlier today when I had killed a fellow Hornet for a simple mistake he had made?
I could still see Mahin's body. I had made it quick, but that hadn't helped anything in hindsight.
I still was trying to understand why it had to turn out the way it had.
He'd messed up. I understood that much. But killing him? Why?
It wasn't his first slip up, I had to acknowledge. He had cost us time, reputation, and resources before, but this…letting something like this slip loose, especially in front of Fluke of all people, I suppose I had to understand why Riu had made the choice he had. Though that hardly made it any easier at the end of the day.
What the hell am I doing here? I asked myself as I finally put some much-needed distance between myself and the and the small building that had once been a butcher's shop near the interior wall.
It'd been an obvious choice for a place to keep him. For one, we'd already been holding Mahin at the Hive, and second, Mahin's custody at the Hive had only been temporary. He never was going to last there. The butcher's shop on the other hand, taking advantage of the now defunct meat freezer, it was better for longer term confinement.
If it even ends up being long term. For all I know, it'll be his blood on my hands tomorrow instead of Mihan's. Or hell, even later today if Riu declares it so.
"Laohi!" I called at the sight of the boy who had taken his leave from where Fluke was being held, called away at my request. "Break's over. Back to it!"
The boy snapped out of whatever catnap he had afforded himself in the time he was not required, limping back into the side alley where the butcher's shop was situated, away from any prying eyes, where nobody would mind the stench of a rotting corpse if it came to it.
I wondered to myself as I passed through Taisho's streets just what the likelihood of it was, me being forced to take the damn kid's life.
Was what he saw really so much he needs to die for it?
Mahin did, I remembered. Why would Fluke be any different?
"Damnit," I cursed to myself as I navigated through the dank alleyways, past drunks, cripples, and other invalids so useless that not even the Fire Nation wanted them in uniforms acting as cannon fodder. The only thing they were good for was taking up what little food there was in the slums.
On normal occasion, the thought of food would have sent my stomach into a roil, but today, I found myself feeling not quite the same. Be it on account of the kid I'd killed only a few hours ago, the kid I likely kill in only a few more, or perhaps a combination of the two, I found myself without an appetite. Imagine that, I thought to myself with a chuckle. Having the luxury to not have an appetite.
For the wet work it entailed, I had to be honest with myself in admitting that the Hornets had their benefits. This was among them. I was by no means a glutton, but there was no shortage of relief in not having to worry about starving to death. A missed meal here and there, sure, but never anything more.
I ensured that no wandering eyes followed me as I left the butcher's shop behind. The last thing I needed was the Rats deciding to become heroes and rescue their 'wayward informant.'
As I made the rest of my way to the Hive, however, I found no shortage of wandering eyes following me. They knew who I was, Riu's right hand man. If the Hive was the most powerful gang in Taisho, and Riu was its leader, then I was the second most powerful man in this damned slum. It sure didn't feel that way of course. I think it had stopped feeling like that after the first year. Now, with the war, it was just an empty title. The Hornets wouldn't be what they were until the Rats were exterminated.
And here we are killing those who could be assets.
I shook my head. I hated myself for not having stood up for Mahin. And now, he was dead, and we were one fewer. I didn't want to make the same mistake again.
It never ceased feeling good coming back home to the Hive. I was of the lucky few that could make the boast of having a 'home' in Taisho. For me, that home was an apartment complex roofed by a haphazard assembly of different tarp materials sewn together to keep the unforgiving sun from scorching us all alive where we rested. I didn't envy the other 99% of Taisho, those unable to find a stable roof over their heads. It was a dog-eat-dog world out there, and it frankly amazed me that some still managed to make a living—store owners, butchers, fletchers, other craftsmen. It won't last long, I reminded myself. Day after day, the honest realized the world was no longer so forgiving towards their kind, and they'd abandoned their ways. While I would never stop respecting those who stayed, I knew it wouldn't last. All there was left to wonder was if it would be us to remind them of Taisho's cruel lesson. I prayed not.
"Ah, Danev," Meeko called with a wave upon seeing me return.
I nodded to him in return, quick to the point in asking, "Riu around?"
He shook his head. "Out," he said.
So he's still doing damage control, I thought to myself, 'damage control' being moving the stash of Fire Nation supplies. On normal occasion, he'd have considered only me for the task to accompany him, but it had just so been that I was needed elsewhere. Killing one of our own, I thought on grimly. I wondered who Riu had picked in my stead. Perhaps Aden. Would explain why I don't see him here. He's loyal enough for it. Whether he hates the Fire Nation or not, he hates the Rats even more. That ought to be enough.
I decided I didn't want to think on it for the moment. Besides, I still found myself lacking in the proper words to try and convince Riu that Fluke wasn't worth killing. I knew Riu, and I knew him well. Well enough that I could easily hear his voice in my head, tearing apart each and every argument I tried to conceive as to why we should let the boy live.
I nodded to Meeko, turning to head deeper into the Hive before his voice shot out once again and prevented me to do so. He spoke softly, more than I was accustomed to, the words, "Hey, Danev?" barely coming out as more than a whisper.
I turned. "What is it, Meeko?"
"I just…I wanted to ask about Mahin."
Damnit.
He continued. "I know that what he did was…I know he messed up, right, but, was it really that serious? I mean, was it really something he had to die over?"
He wants to know if his own life is at stake just because of what he saw. Like Mahin's was, and like Fluke's is now, not that Meeko knows, of course.
"Mahin," I started, not yet knowing how to continue, the words just out there before I could prevent them from being said. But I'd already spoken. I had to say something whether I believed it or otherwise. "You know Mahin. This isn't the first time he's messed up like this. Before, it would just be small things, you know? He'd misplace supplies, forget something during a delivery, you name it. This time, it was more serious. Who knows how much worse it could have gotten? We couldn't trust him anymore. Not the same way we can trust, let's say, you or Aden."
Meeko visibly relaxed. That's it, isn't it? Of course it was. He was looking out for himself. Did I blame him for it? Not in the slightest, but I wasn't done.
"We can trust you. Right, Meeko?"
"Of course," he answered hastily.
"I know how it looks, and believe me, I'm no more happy than you are probably, but-"
"No, I mean-it's fine. Do what we have to, right? Was Aden who took more convincing, but he came 'round. He's off with the boss right now moving it, I think."
"Hmm," I grinned. And here I am looking like the questioning one. "Good," I answered. "Right answer, but you know how the others are. They won't like the look of us getting outside help, so keep it to yourself, yeah? Not everyone else is as open-minded as you."
Meeko bought it, his shoulders lowering in relief. I passed the test, he must have been thinking, figuratively patting himself on the back for his cleverness and well-placed loyalty.
Yeah, Meeko, I thought. You did good.
"Got anything else you wanted to ask?"
"No," he shook his head, clearly in better spirits now that his own life no longer seemed on the line. At least not any more than usual. "I'm good."
I would have turned to leave once again had I not caught two familiar figures out of the corner of my eye. Ah. Speak of the demon.
Arriving just in time, Aden had made his return, noticeably more feeble in stature than he had appeared this morning while pushing around Fluke, any sense of power he'd possessed then clearly paling when put next to that of the man at his side. There Riu walked with him, perhaps the most experienced and able-bodied person in these slums who hadn't yet been conscripted into the Fire Nation's war machine, instead providing us with one of his own.
"Ah, Danev!" he exclaimed at the sight of me. "There you are! Was wondering if you were back yet!" A confidence that could only be ascribed to somebody who was damn near untouchable as far as it went to be so in this city. And to think I was the only one here who remembered when he hadn't been.
It had been a different time.
"Guess I got homesick," I quipped with an accompanying shrug.
He smiled in return, passing through the threshold into the Hive alongside Aden, who immediately joined Meeko at his side, the two witnesses of today's earlier unfortunate events, now standing at attention before the two men who could end their lives on a whim. Something about the power, it felt…odd. I was sure that some enjoyed it, and loathe to admit that a part of me likely enjoyed it as well. It was only Riu, however, who understood the power, and knew precisely how to use it.
"You two," he turned to them. "You can go. We'll take watch duty."
He dismisses them and assumes their duties. He displays both the power to send them away as he pleases, but the humility to do himself what he has others to do.
And to think I'm trying to go against his will now.
I snapped myself back to it. There was a difference. I wasn't questioning Riu's decision. I was only…I was only presenting another option.
Riu still had on his face a knowing smile, watching as Aden and Meeko walked off deeper into the Hive, likely to try and procure whatever scraps Ladle had prepared for the gang today.
I chuckled watching as the two waddled away. "Looks like you had Aden near shitting himself there," I scoffed at the sight of him, no longer quite the big man he tried to present himself as. "I'm guessing you had a little talk with him."
"Guess you can call it that," Riu grinned to himself as he took a seat on what had once been a reception desk, unsheathing his knife from his belt to pick at his nails as he continued, saying, "Also walked him past where Funaang and the other Peacemakers were strung up all those years ago. I think he got the message."
"Of course," I responded, I myself having the scene still etched into my mind, them hanging from the necks all the across that segment of the wall for all to see. 7 weeks it had taken for the Fire Nation to lower them, and in that time, the slums of Taisho had fully and completely changed hands. It was a day few had been able to forget. "So I'm guessing he got the message."
"Hmm. Yeah. And I'm guessing by the look of him, you said something to Meeko?"
"Yeah," I answered, thinking on the exchange we had shared, brief, but still enough for me to gauge all that I needed to know. Perhaps not quite as elegant as whatever display Riu had prepared for Aden, but effective nonetheless. "Don't worry. He's solid."
"Good," Riu answered decisively. "Less we need to kill to make this go away, the better."
Is that so?
"Actually," I said, deciding then was a better time to introduce the idea than ever, Riu having already paved the way for it whether he realized it or not, "That was something I wanted to talk to you about?"
"Hmm? How's that? What's on your…" He realized. His face instantaneously hardened. "No."
"He's not a risk." Not a risk? I say that? THAT'S my pathetic argument?!
"Not a risk?!" Riu came back at me with much deserved disdainful shock. "It's his livelihood to sell other people's secrets for a day's meal. How the hell is somebody like that not a risk?!"
"Okay, yeah, bad choice of words, but Riu, look, I was talking to him earlier, and-"
"You aren't supposed to be talking to him, Danev. For fuck's sake, he's supposed to be dead by now. Why are you making this go on longer than it has to?"
"Because he doesn't have to die!"
"So what's your suggestion then, Danev? Because clearly you seem to think you can be doing a better job of this than me!" Damnit. I shouldn't have pushed. I should have known better than to push. "Probably think that we didn't have to kill Mahin either, right? That I just did it for the hell of it?"
"I'm not saying that, Riu. You know that. I'm just-"
"No, no. I don't care. You're so smart, so you tell me. What's your damn suggestion?" I don't know! "Do you want to turn him loose on the street? Send him away with a slap on the wrist and ask him nicely not to tell anyone what he saw?"
We all knew Fluke. We knew there was no chance of that. Scared as he seemed now, once he was free, all he'd see this as was a close call, and it would be the same thing all over again. "No, I-"
"Maybe you want to keep him in that Butcher's shop of yours? Bring him meals and hold him as a pet?"
"Of course not. Riu, I-"
He wasn't listening. I thought I was approaching him at a good time, thought that I had him feeling lenient, but no, I wasn't being smart there, just a smartass. This was my own fault. I didn't have an answer. Not one at the top of my head anyway. I didn't want to kill him, we couldn't turn him loose, couldn't just keep him locked away, obviously, so then what was there?
"So what's your suggestion then, because the way I see it, killing him is the only-"
"We make him a Hornet!"
The response had come out even before I had had time to think about it, to gauge whether or not it even made sense. Does it make sense? I wondered. What is he after at the end of the day? Why does he sell information? It sure as hell isn't a moral code. All he cares about is food in his stomach and not freezing through the night. Why wouldn't it work?
There was a pause. "What?" Riu asked, that clearly not an answer he'd been expecting.
"Why not?" I asked him. "All he cares about is himself, right? We give him the chance to have food, shelter, then why wouldn't he take it?"
"You want us taking in more mouths to feed." I knew that voice from him. It was softer now. He was not opposed. Not inherently at least. Nor was he supporting my suggestion, of course. He was gauging his options. Which was an improvement, at least, from him simply flat-out declining me.
"We're down a man," I answered, thinking yet still of Mahin, a pang of guilt going through me, feeling as though I was already using his death to my advantage, as though I was trading his life for Fluke's. "We can have Fluke fill in for Mahin. We need the people."
"Have Fluke as a runner? You fucking kidding me?"
It was stupid. It was incredibly stupid. I don't know what I'd been thinking.
"Then a lookout. Make one of the ones we already have, Rulih, maybe, become runner." Not a bad option, Rulih. Fast, loyal, smart, definitely moreso than Mahin.
"So we have somebody known for selling our information, bring them inside, then put them out on the streets?"
"He doesn't see inside the Hive. We keep him somewhere else offsite with some of the others. We put someone there we trust, have them keep an eye on him, and see if we can trust him."
"Who's to say he won't just run the first chance he gets?"
"We'll keep an eye on him." No. This is my suggestion. My responsibility. "I'll keep an eye on him."
Riu now focused on my face as I said this. I knew what he was looking for. I've seen it more than my fair share of times, been at the receiving end of it as well too just as I was here. He was looking not to see if I meant what I said, but if I planned on seeing it through. I didn't need to manipulate anything in my face to try and sell him. I would do what I had to do. I wasn't killing anybody else. Not today. I would give the kid his shot, his chance, more than what most got.
What he did with it was out of my control, but if he ended up choosing to waste it, I would do what needed to be done. I knew that much, at least.
Riu frowned, his face tightening. And I know this. Indecision.
He closed his eyes, and opened them again to look into mine. "It's getting late," he said to me. "Get some sleep. We can decide what to do with him tomorrow."
In other words: I need to sleep on this.
"Riu," I insisted, overstepping, I realized.
"Tomorrow," he insisted. And that was that.
"Alright," I said, not about to complain if it meant not needing to kill the kid for another night at least. Time, while not the end goal, was still time, and I would take what I could get.