Riley stared at his friend for a moment.
"Ok, that's it?" He asked. He'd kind of expected more darkness out of the man who had ruled the known world and born the burdens of leadership this long, not to mention two wars, and dying, almost losing his wife in childbirth… there was a lot of potential there for some big things, and this was the best Roland had to offer?
"What do you mean 'that's it'??" Roland burst out. "I just revealed what a low, selfish person I am!"
"Because… you're afraid of death? Holy smokes, Roland, and people think I'm prideful. You think you should be above fearing death just because you've kind of died before? That's not how it works. That's now how any of this works!"
"How would you know? Have you died? You're completely glossing over the fact that I should care far more about my people's lives than my own, but I can't seem to find that in me anymore!" Roland kept his voice low, but it roiled with anger.
"Anymore, there's the thing. You died for them before. Barely hesitated, I saw the whole thing. If it comes down to it, you've either given your life up for everyone once, which, who can ask for more? Or, you do it again, and boom! You've done twice what any other person possibly could. This is a no-lose situation for you, but I'm not really in the mood to argue about it." Riley shook his head.
"I have a responsibility to my people that I'm afraid to follow through on. Terrified, even."
"I don't see it that way, but the purpose of this exercise is getting it into the open, right? Mission accomplished! We're not here to try to fix it all, just to make sure it's not hidden," Riley announced. "Well, congratulations! It's no longer a hidden darkness in you. Are there any other corners you need to dig out while you're at it?"
Roland blinked at The General's nonchalance, completely thrown off his mark since he'd been gearing up for an argument. "Um, that's really the main thing that's bothering me. I'd have to do some digging to find any more."
"Ok then, my turn, cause I'd rather not be a slave either if I can help it." Riley grinned before his face faded into a serious look. Roland waited patiently while he gathered his thoughts.
"You know, it's a lot more fun to listen to how terrible you are than to say my own stuff out loud," Riley grumped, "but all right. I have a whole list, so brace yourself."
He took a deep breath while Roland quirked an eyebrow.
"All my joking is a mask, I'm actually torn up inside about Ashley leaving, and all my children growing up without a father. I remember mine, but it still eats me up inside. The thought of staying here and defending the city instead of fleeing with them like a coward makes me want to punch you in the face so you can't see how badly I want to run." He took another deep breath before continuing.
"I might have to kill my little brother today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. I don't know if I can, even if he's trying to kill me. But I just know it needs to be me and not Shayn. Being a murderer is better than letting my little brother be one, isn't it? At least, that's what I think. I'm not sure. And part of me hates Kyler and his stupid pride and neediness for putting us all in the position of having to think about these things.
"I mean, if he had been around the Beast and gotten taken, I would understand better, but he chose to go. The moron put himself in that situation, leaving behind family and safety and the city, for what? For new legs? It was selfish and awful and I've had the thought that maybe he deserves to die for putting us all through this. If I can convince myself of that, killing him will be easier." Riley grimaced and snuck a glance at Roland's face.
There was empathy, not judgment, and he continued.
"I also can't stand being disliked for who I am. I'm sarcastic and arrogant so that people can be irritated at that, and not actually see deep enough to hate me as a person."
"I see," Roland responded, but offered no further comment.
"'I see' as in, 'That's interesting,' or 'I see', as in you think you see me?" Riley was tempted to snap, but he kept a lid on his emotions.
"I see you." The king smiled. "Since the days when we fought over Finn, I've understood you more than most. Maybe not entirely, all the time, but even back then I had to admit, it was hard to dislike you."
Riley rolled his eyes. "Now there was a fight I should never have entered. I don't know what I was thinking. No offense." He belatedly added the last part as he remembered Roland had married the woman.
"None taken." Roland waved it off. "You may be better at hiding who you are now, but at nineteen you weren't exactly the pinnacle of subtlety and discretion."
Elbowing the king felt oddly right at the same time it was woefully disrespectful. Roland put a hand to his ribs as the two continued walking.
"Is that it?" The king asked after a moment. "No other lurking dark secrets inside?"
"Well, since it's open season, sometimes I do wonder if you secretly hate and resent me for going after Finn all those years ago. While we're on the subject." Riley grimaced.
"I like to think you prepared the way for her to realize how much she loved me," Roland replied. "Besides, seeing how smitten you became over Ashley let me know your own feelings weren't as deep as we all may have thought they were."
"That's the truth," Riley grimaced. "Young Riley was kind of an idiot."
"In ten or twelve years, we may look back at what we are like now and think the same thing," Roland mused.
"So you do think we'll live that long," The General smirked. "I knew you weren't too convinced of our imminent doom."
"Not ours personally, but I do wish I'd been more successful in evacuating the people. It seems not too long ago that morale was high and they listened and followed without complaint." Roland's brow furrowed.
"One of your kids was lecturing me at Shayn and Kyler's party a while back about the pressures of leadership and fickle nature of a nation's populace." Riley teased. "Too bad they've left or I could have one of them explain it to you."
"There's that," Roland conceded, "and the natural stubbornness and pride of a people raised and trained to protect and defend their city against all threats, but I did wonder…"
"Wonder what?" Riley tired of the king's hesitation.
"If there was something more to it. I expected around half the people to consent to go, but I fell far short of that goal. I wonder if Beast's powers extend further than we think, in a more subtle way than we know. Is he already breaking the loyalty of our people?" The king swallowed with the heaviness of the implications, and Riley stopped to look him in the face.
"Is this an idle thought, or one that you've run by a Fae?" He asked.
"You're the first person I've said it aloud to. I wasn't even sure the theory was cohesive, but the mood in the city feels… wrong, somehow. Do you feel it? Am I crazy?"
"Yes to both," The General resumed walking. "I feel it amongst my men. It's easily mistaken for the restlessness that precedes war, but that's different. There's division amongst them, instead of unity. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise."
"How do you mean?" Roland frowned.
"I mean, perhaps the ones likely to defect are showing signs already, and we can weed them out of the evacuation plans. Streamline things. Send more people out of the city now by ordering them, and seeing who obeys a direct order and who defies it." Riley's thoughts tumbled one upon another as he spoke. "I can start with the upper leadership and work down from there. I wish there were some signal, some way of marking them that wouldn't tip the others off..."
The king held up a hand, "We don't even know if my theory is true or not and you're ready to go dividing our city in half based on a hunch."
"Your gut's not bad at these things, Your Majesty," Riley used the title a touch sarcastically, but Roland didn't react to the insubordination, desensitized to it as he was. "And mine? Well I don't want to brag, you know that. My point is, you think both of us together are wrong about something this big?"
The king hesitated a bit longer, then nodded solemnly.
"Let's get to work, then."