Chereads / Pushing Back Darkness / Chapter 32 - Home

Chapter 32 - Home

If not for the underlying potential danger as they came closer to home, the journey there would have been very enjoyable. The three young people bantered and played games and worked well together during their stops. They felt as natural together as breathing.

Finn no longer got anxious around Riley; he'd remained true to his word about toning down the teasing, and what he did dish out she came to find amusing instead of irritating.

They made better time since they weren't waylaid by a storm or taking it slow not to bump around an injured woman like on their way to Klain.

"I think we can make it home sometime tomorrow." Riley said optimistically on their second night. The three had gathered on a fallen log beside a small fire, more for light than warmth. It fostered a cozy camaraderie as they gazed into the flames.

"You think so?" Asked Finn hopefully. She was eager to see her father and brother again.

"It might not be until nightfall, but I think we can get there, if I'm not too far off about where we are." Riley was fairly confident, but not having much in the way of travel experience, he made the concession that he could be incorrect.

"They'll be surprised," put in Mayra. "I doubt they expect us back so soon." For all her yearning for adventure, she also was beginning to miss the rest of her family. She was also excited to show them her new books and had inspiration for new stories to tell her little brothers at bedtime. She took a drink from the water skin and then felt nature's call. "Speaking of being back soon... I'll be back soon." She rushed off into the underbrush in urgency, earning a chuckle from her brother.

"I'll be happier when I see everybody at home," replied Finn. Her voice was softer and more contemplative.

"Why do you think I've been pushing Peach a little instead of letting the lazy creature just stroll along?" Riley asked. Peach snorted from her place grazing nearby. "You know it's true." He shook his head at the horse.

"I appreciate both of you, despite the ornery attitude and stubbornness," Finn smiled.

"Wait, are you talking about me or Peach?" Riley narrowed his eyes at her.

"I only meant Peach, but if you think it applies to you as well, there's nothing I can do about that." Finn shrugged.

"Hey now, don't put that on me when you're the one that said it." Riley nudged her shoulder playfully with his.

"I said nothing offensive whatsoever," Finn defended herself.

"And I'm sure you never will." Riley smirked.

"I never make promises I can't keep," Finn's chin rose a little defiantly, though she smiled at him.

"And what sorts of promises HAVE you made, oh conscientious one?"

"I promised Gabe I would try to bring him the tastiest sweets I could find, and do my best to get better and come home." She looked down at her hands, remembering what a brave face the little boy had put on as she left.

"Anything else?" Riley prodded.

"Not that I can think--" Finn stopped. She had told Roland she would wait. Had that been a promise? She hadn't used the words, but it seemed like a rather strong statement to make even if it fell short of a formal promise. "Well, I may have promised Roland something, but I'm not sure."

Riley tensed and tried to keep his voice casual, "You're not sure whether you made him a promise? Couldn't have been anything too serious then." He cringed. Stop being awkward about this, Riley, he told himself.

"He asked me to wait, and I told him I would." Finn shrugged.

"Wait for what exactly?" He tried to resist prodding her, but his mouth got away from him.

"He said he wanted to write me letters while he was in the military."

"Oh, so was this a 'I'll wait and not do anything stupid like running into a pack of wolves again until I hear news from you' type promise?" Riley internally hit himself for not being able to keep his curiosity from overrunning his good sense. Why couldn't he be nonchalant? He was going to come off as cloying and desperate if he wasn't careful, and he didn't think Finn would like that at all.

"Maybe," Finn equivocated, and Riley relaxed. She'd brought up the promise, so surely she wouldn't mind just telling him outright if she'd engaged herself to the stranger. In his imagination, he shook his fist at far-off Roland. The man was moving faster than Riley had anticipated.

Riley bit his tongue and once again continued against what he considered to be his better judgment.

"Finn, I want to say something," He sighed. What a clumsy way to start.

Finn looked at him curiously. "You've never held back when you wanted to before."

He steeled himself and closed his eyes to get it out. "I think it's become quite clear to everyone that Roland's put himself in the running as a candidate for your affection, and maybe even love." He opened his eyes and stared into hers, which were wide with surprise. She'd only recently come to that conclusion, and hadn't thought it was so blatantly obvious that Riley would reach it too.

"I want you to know, I'm putting myself in the running too. I'll always be myself; I can't change that, but thinking I might lose you has changed me. I can't pretend anymore. I don't have the luxury of just teasing you from afar and hoping like a little boy pulling a girl's braids that you'll start to like me."

Finn had noticed the change in him. He had matured and softened. Now instead of a chaotic, irritating brother, a steady, kind man was beginning to emerge. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off.

"I'm not asking you for anything, not yet," He gave her a longing look, "I just wanted it to be clear where I stand. I've known you forever and loved you at least that long, even before I knew it." He dared to take her hand in his from where it rested on the log beside her. "I won't pressure you for any kind of.... well, anything. You don't even have to say anything, but before you eventually make any sort of choice, please consider me as one of the options."

She stared at him, speechless and open-mouthed. In the quiet he gave her a vulnerable smile that seemed to lay his heart out between them.

"Riley, I--" She began.

"No, please don't say anything now. I've put a lot in front of you and you deserve the time to think about it. You're either going to say something kind that will break my heart with rejection, or something that will give me too much hope since I know that you're still conflicted in all this. Now, before I embarrass myself further, I think I'll head off and lay out my bedroll. If you want, tomorrow we can move on and pretend as if this conversation never happened."

He squeezed her hand that was still in his, then dropped it as he stood to walk away.

"Thanks for not interrupting, Mayra. You're a good sister sometimes even if you are a bit of a brat." He called this into the underbrush, and Mayra tumbled out, having been startled at being caught.

"You're a good brother, too, even when you call me out." Mayra's face flamed red.

She turned to Finn as Riley walked away and pantomimed a "WOW!" with her mouth and eyes open wide.

Finn was half irritated that Mayra was eavesdropping, and half relieved that she didn't have to recount the conversation to her friend. The younger girl plopped down beside her on the log and wrapped her arms around Finn in a hug.

Suddenly, soundless tears were streaming down Finn's face. Mayra held her friend until they abated, sorting through her own private theories about the emotions behind them. Happiness? Sadness? Something else entirely?

The girls doused the fire and prepared for bed without speaking. Finn had a lot of processing to do, and Riley's ears were too near for her to do it out loud.

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The next day was quiet. Eager to be home, Riley would snap the reins at Peach every so often. She would snort in protest, but sensing her home barn was almost within reach, she picked up her pace each time.

Finn rode in the back while Mayra sat beside Riley today on the bench. She shook her head when her brother searched her face for information. He'd assumed the girls would wait until he was unconscious and then talk everything out as he snored. It seemed as though his inability to fall asleep was to the detriment of the girls' conversation.

In truth, Finn didn't know what she would say even if she had decided to talk about it. She had no words for the tumultuous emotions Riley's speech had brought up from within her. So today she decided to do something she usually did when overwhelmed: move on, pretend like nothing was wrong, and hope the emotions resolved themselves without her direct conscious involvement.

She sighed. This wasn't just a matter personal to herself though. Other peoples' feelings were entangled, and everything seemed complicated and difficult. She felt caught in a web of vines unable to get herself free. At some point she needed to deal with this. Maybe tomorrow.

The day dragged on, the mood subdued among the travelers. As it stretched past suppertime, they perked up a little. They reached the turnoff from the main road to their village, and Finn scooted to the front of the cart, hoping to catch a glimpse of home.

The sun hung low in the sky, beginning to dip below the horizon. The air was still, but soon filled with a strange smell. Peach slowed, uncharacteristically reluctant to get to her barn.

"Is someone cooking? Burning something?" Asked Mayra.

Riley felt uneasy. He pulled Peach off the road into some thick brush despite the difficulty of getting the cart back out again afterward.

"What are you doing?" Whispered Finn. She too had an anxious pit building in her stomach, but that made her want to get home faster, not delay.

"You girls stay here. I'm going to look ahead on foot. Something's not right." He pulled his sword from the cart and strapped it to his side.

"I'm going with you," Finn's tone brooked no argument.

Riley sighed. "Fine. Mayra, stay hidden with Peach and the cart. Keep your bow handy."

His sister was getting frightened now, and despite her stubborn desire not to be left behind, she nodded.

"Quietly," Riley whispered to Finn, "and stay with me."

They walked softly, parallel to the road instead of on it. The smell of burning intensified as they neared the village. Finn's house was closer, so Riley led in that direction first.

When Finn's home crossed into view, she cried out in horror and bolted towards it.

Engulfed in flames, her little house was on the verge of total collapse. Pieces of the shingled roof were already falling away. The sound of cracking and creaking filled Finn's ears as she blindly sprinted toward her house, her mind focused solely on the place where the two people she loved most in the world were likely burning to death.