Yulia
I went and found Ashley, who was currently crying into the pillow in the guest bedroom she had been assigned, and I felt a small twinge in my chest at the pitiful sight. I deliberately allowed my weight to impact the sound of my footsteps, and she stirred and noticed my approach.
"Go away. You're just a big meanie." Ashley said sullenly.
I hesitated, considering just listening to her, when I remembered that my wife had insisted I figure out how to make this right. Running away with my tail between my legs wasn't it. Plus, giving her time would just allow her upset to ferment into resentment and even darker emotions.
However, rather than launch immediately into a bad defense or explanation of what I had said, I decided to sing her a lullaby in russian. Eventually, her crying had reduced in intensity that I felt it safe to approach.
"What does that mean?" Ashley asked curiously.
"I believe in english it is something like,
'Hushaby, hushaby,
Don't lie on the edge of your bed
Otherwise a grey wolf will come
And bite your side.'
"There is no way that that is all you said in the amount of time you were singing!" Ashley accused.
She was right, I had actually sung about 14 verses to her, but that one was funny. Westerners just simply have inferior lullabies.
"Well, I couldn't give you all my secrets, now could I?" I said teasingly.
"Because I'm a disgusting mortal?" She asked, with tears in her eyes.
Goddammit. I had meant to avoid this issue for a time longer. I cursed myself for not realizing how she would take my teasing.
"Ashley, have you ever gotten mad and said things you didn't really mean?" I asked quietly.
She nodded her head. I took that as the go ahead to continue my explanation.
"So I don't actually hate mortals, or have any great disdain for them. It's just, my wife…used to be immortal." I paused to take a deep breath, deciding that confiding in this seven year old was better than pretending my feelings didn't exist.
"What's immortal?" Ashley asked in the gap between thoughts. I almost wanted to laugh.
"A mortal is someone like you, or your family. They are born, they grow up, they grow old, they die. They are usually also incredibly fragile, all things considered. Any number of accidents could befall them, even relatively minor diseases, and simply going without food, water, or air for a long enough time will also assuredly finish them off. They also need sleep in order to function." I take another breath, but this time Ashley doesn't interrupt me. She just looks kind of sad.
"None of that is to say that their lives have less value than those of trans-immortals and immortals. Those lives are just shorter, on average." Well, that wasn't entirely true. The average lifespan of a newborn vampire was just 5 years, from turning to final death. Make it past that 5 year mark and you would likely live decades, even centuries if you were smart. Make it past the 100 year mark, and you would need to make some rather stupid decisions or some great enemies in order to perish. After the 500 year mark? They most often only died if they took their own lives.
"Immortals come in multiple flavors, but the most common types all have a few things in common. They, of course, were born at some point, or otherwise created. However, due to various reasons, they might grow up but they will never grow old. They are usually incredibly resistant to disease and poisons. They can go extended periods without food, water, or air. Most of them have some form of healing which will help them recover from most injuries. Many do need sleep, but they are less impacted when they must go without. They will never die, unless a great accident or an act of malice ends their lives."
"Trans-immortals will grow old, but they usually have an anti-aging factor that makes their natural lifespan far longer than the average immortal's life. The species of fey my true form was before I became a vampire naturally aged about 18 times slower than normal. They usually otherwise have many of the other traits of immortals, and are sometimes even harder to kill."
"Trans-eternal beings are the rarest form of immortal. They often do not start out that way, but through time and accumulation of power or the blessings of many divine beings, they grow to be unable to end. Poor Echo is an example of how this can often not be a blessing. However, for an even smaller lucky few who got the 'good' interpretation of this, their physical forms are either invulnerable or will regenerate given sufficient time, even from being reduced to nothing more than scattered atoms."
Yulia had been jealous of The Weapon, before. In her previous form, she had been literally half a step away from achieving this. However, that half a step might as well have been an impassable chasm, as she never seemed to be able to cross the barrier from immortal to trans-eternal. It was as though her very being fought to hold on to some vestige of mortality, as if maybe her sanity hinged on the thought that if she really wanted to, she could die.
"My wife was once nearly at the level of a trans-eternal. It was…comforting, I think, to imagine that no matter what happened, no matter how severe the catastrophe, she would be there by my side, unwavering and unchanging." I sighed, realizing that what had been a comfort to me might have been a nightmare for Moira.
"But she is weak and sick now, right?" Ashley asked, her childish intuition attacking the crux of the issue.
"Yes, Ashley. Moira isn't just mortal right now, she is very sick. So sick that she can get hurt really easily, even doing relatively simple and seemingly non-threatening tasks. It has been utterly terrifying to imagine that a small accident, a tiny mistake, can be all it takes to take my wife from me."
"This has left me stressed out and on edge. It has also left me a little oversensitive to things I perceive to threaten to take her from me. I realize now after talking to you about it that I was probably being ridiculous being jealous of your sister." I sighed, and realized that I owed Moira and maybe Sarah an apology too.
"I am sorry that I let this stress and anger cause me to lash out. I didn't realize that Moira was mentioning you for a reason when I said what I did. The rooms in this house have a lot of sound dampening and I never would have imagined that you were standing right behind me."
"Does that even matter though? You still said it, and it was still mean even if I was back at home!" Ashley's outburst was unsurprising, and it forced me to admit that I hadn't even made that great of an apology, and it would likely take more than words to fix this.
"Ashley, would you like to go for a walk with me? I think it could be great exercise before bed, and I think we both need to cool off. I shouldn't have said what I did, and you are right. It was wrong whether or not you heard it. I must admit now that I have some biases against mortals, and part of that springs from the fact that many of them are hardly great people. It's also hard on me, to become friends with a mortal, perhaps to even allow them to grow deeply seated in my heart, only to feel like I had only just gotten to know them as I watch their bodies be lowered into the ground. I don't love them less because they are mortal, but they hurt me just as much when they die as it would for any of my immortal friends to die. When you have lived as long as I have, you realize mortals do that with alarming frequency."
"It just becomes easier to separate myself from them in my mind, so that I can prevent myself from growing attached and getting hurt all over again later."
"Well, even if I grow old and die one day, that will still be a long time from now, right? But if you are mean to me now and I don't ever come back, then you will only know me for a few days. Would it hurt less that way?"
I couldn't tell if this was kid logic or incredibly deep. I sat there in silence, my hand stilled as it was caressing her hair, as I thought long and hard about this. Eventually, I realized she was right.
"No, it wouldn't hurt less that way, Ashley. It would still hurt me when you died, knowing that I would never be able to make things right between us. I'm sorry for what I said, and I will work on being better."