~Jillian's POV~
Pandas look adorable and cuddly because they're dumb. That's why I pretend to be dumb.
Or maybe I'm just born dumb.
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be someone who is more than someone to someone. In short, I want to be important.
I wanted to make a handful of friends, that's why I watched tutorials on YouTube on how to hold a conversation without twisting my tongue.
I heard boys like girls who can cook, that's why I worked my ass off day in and day out even if I ended up wasting food that cost an arm and a leg.
I wanted to look intelligent, that's why I wore nerdy eye-glasses.
I wanted to appear tall, so I always stood up straight.
I despise my hair, that's why I covered it with my beret.
I wanted to be a good girl, that's why I stared at books super hard and reached the highest class.
I thought I would have a big character development after getting my teeth into these desires. But turns out, I'm just lying to myself that I'm making progress when the reality is I'm just procrastinating.
Although I managed to improve my avatar, I still failed to become the someone I wished to be. Ultimately, clinging onto wanting to be someone backfired in the end, and the monster stole my self-esteem away.
I have long accepted that I'm a failure as a woman. That's until I met him.
As I was walking side-by-side with Steph and Ella on our way to the comfort room, I glanced over my shoulder.
And there he was, ten steps behind us. Right when I looked over my shoulder, I was directly met by those dead eyes.
This is the 13th eye contact we made so far. I just wished for more eye-to-eye collisions to come.
I'm not saying that I like him or love him. I know for myself that I haven't fallen in love with him yet.
~But even if I ended up loving him, I don't think I'd want that.
I'm only acting this way towards him because I think he's really, really, really cool.
Back then, when I first met him, I was tickled pink looking at his calm and collected face.
I actually found him even before we became dormmates. It happened on the day where my day was going horrible as usual. I'm on my way to the dorms, dead tired, trudging down the school grounds after dealing with those mean girls in my class. That's when I sighted him on the outfield bleachers of the academy's baseball stadium.
He's reading a book alone. The first impression that instantly came into my mind was "Woaaa… He's a loner just like me."
But then, when I sneakily tiptoed to his front, I got a perfect view of him even if I'm standing unnoticed from afar.
I've no clue what happened on his day. He might be having a rough day, or maybe he's having the most messed up day of his life. I don't know.
But still, when I gazed upon him from the lower slope of the bleacher, he looks absolutely nothing.
I can't interpret his expression, maybe because he looks pretty darn normal.
I think he's independent since he's alone and still not looking gloomy. He's totally on another level, unlike me who always looks like suffering from abomination.
As I was desperately staring at him from below, I was enlightened right then and there. I realized that I could still be normal even if I'm a loner. Just then, I vowed to myself to follow his path. I want to be independent just like him, and that is my new desire.
The thought of having a new desire to pursue makes me happy, no, I was on cloud 9.
I was giggling at that time. Unintendedly, I giggled a bit too loud and it grabbed his attention.
He glanced over to me and his eyes paired with his raven dark hair strikes me.
I pulled my beret down to my face by instinct and walked away as if I were a ghost and he's just seeing things.
~First eye contact is made, I wonder if it will happen again.
When I got back to my dorm room, I was literally jumping on my bed. My legs eventually tired out after leaping repeatedly, so I fell flat on the fluffy cushion. I turned to my side and cuddled Panda while thinking to myself, "I need to know his name."
And tadaah! That's how his character debut plays out in my story.
Oh wait! I forgot; I'm still glancing at him over my shoulder.
I was so lost in my flashback that I didn't realize my eyes were fixed on him. Crap. Now it's not just a glance, it's a stare.
While I was out fantasising, I was totally clueless on what my face was like at that moment.
And the bad thing is, I might've displayed a goofy, creepy, or orgy face. Or worse, I might've had my eyes rolling, or smirking like a real weirdo, or lip biting. Gosh! I'm an idiot.
God, please give me last ounce of braincells. I need it so badly 'cause my brain is malfunctioning right now. I don't know what to do.
I know that he's a big cheese in my life, but having eye contact with him for that long as if our eyes are having sexual intercourse is a no-no.
But now that I'm aware of what I am doing, he slides his hands in his pockets whilst looking back at me deadpan.
~He's cool indeed.
Outwardly, I'm looking at him while still walking. But inwardly, my heart is badump-badumping.
Get a grip, Self, don't get swept away by his awesomeness. I need to avert my eyes. But how? Why is it difficult to get my eyes off of him?
I mean, how could I not drool when he stands composed whilst I'm getting too worked up. Looking at his dry expression gets me weak in the knee.
But then, as I was walking, blinded to what I'm stepping on because my head is in daze, distracted by him, my feet overlapped.
My knees hit the smooth wooden floor with a thud.
Then my elbows followed after.
I was lucky that the floor was smooth so I didn't get a scratch, but I think falling on a flat and solid floor hurts more 'cause it nearly shattered my kneecap.
I'm crouching. I think I'm paralyzed in this embarrassing position. My knees are excruciating in pain, and I can't stand up.
Oh-no. I was looking at him before I tripped and fell. My dignity is now ruined.
"Jil," Steph worried. "Are you okay?" she asked, concerned, while lending me a hand.
I reach out to her outstretched hand and tightly grope her open palm. She then anchored me back up.
"That's bound to happen." Ella scoffed. "You're not watching your steps, and also, you walked so sloppy."
Ella sounded like she's holding a grudge against me, but she's right. I'm clumsy.
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't apologise, Jil." Steph said while shaking off my blouse and scanning my elbows if it cracked. "All of us tumbles sometimes, just make sure to keep your head straight while walking next time and don't look at Leo when he's behind." she teased.
How'd they know? Was I too transparent?
Now my dignity is extra ruined.
Then again, I was looking at him and he was looking back at me before I fell, so he must've seen my startled face before I plummet down.
I'm sure I looked ugly right then and there. This embarrassing moment will haunt me every night before I sleep and it'll keep me awake everytime I cringed remembering this.
I'm so lame. I wanna die.
"We're just walking on a flat straight walkway, only the lamest would trip here." Ella scoffed again while glaring at me. "I bet you can't even cross a road without getting run over by truck." she scoffed even more.
Ella has been nothing but rude to me, but I can't deny it 'cause she's only stating facts.
I can't cross a road without someone's help, she's precisely right. But I'm already ashamed. She doesn't have to slap that to my face.
"Cut it out, Ella." Steph said. "That joke is foul."
"I'm just kidding, though." Ella said, but she seems passive-aggressive. It's obvious that she's trying to hurt my feelings. I ain't dumb to not understand that.
Leo caught up to us with his hands still in his pockets.
"Are you certain that's just a joke?" he asked Ella.
"What're you implying?" Ella muttered.
"Nothing. Just letting you know I saw it."
"What did you see exactly?" Ella sneered. "Jillian's panty when her skirt flopped as she tripped? You really are a perv."
I quickly glanced at Leo, then instantly averted my eyes after seeing his expression. He seems nonchalant, so I think he didn't see it. I hope so.
But even if he did see it, I don't think he'll be interested in ogling at my white underwear. I don't know him very well yet, but I know for sure that he's not that kind of guy.
"That's enough, Ella." Steph said, smiling sarcastically. "I'm not liking your behaviour today." she added kindly.
Steph doesn't look mad or upset, in fact, she's gentle with her words; it's not offensive, but rather calming. She always has a tender smile and soothing vocals. She's like an angel. I wanna be like her too.
"But this perv is bothering me." Ella retorted. She then turned to Leo and seethingly said, "Didn't I tell you to keep your distance? So what're you doing here near us?"
Steph kindly nodded at Leo, signalling him play along.
Leo took a couple steps backwards without uttering a word.
"That's so obedient of you." Ella said.
Stephanie slightly bowed her head at Leo. I think that means "sorry".
We pressed on our way to the comfort room, and eventually, we reached our target destination.
There are two normal-sized comfort rooms. The first one has a sticker of a pink stickman wearing a skirt, and it's glued on the middle of the door. Then, exactly five meters next to it was another door that had a sticker on the same spot; but that door is different 'cause the color of the sticker was blue and it was a naked stickman.
Stephanie, Ella, and I, entered the comfort room with a pink stickman whilst Leo went to the blue one.
Inside the place was a sink with a round wall mirror with a golden rack. There's also another see-through compartment that covers half of the comfort room. The walls of that compartment were made of glass that is transparent when its door was open, but turns blurry when close.
Since the glass are currently transparent, the insides was visible. There's a shower, bathtub, another sink, and a toilet.
I've been holding my pee for quite a while now. I drank too much orange juice, so I really gotta let this out before my bladder gushes.
The glass sliding door has a slit of opening. I hurried while rubbing my thighs together and slid my finger to the narrow opening. When my fingers slipped through the gap and I was about to slide the door to widen the entrance, a hand on the other end of the door was deliberately stopping it from opening.
It's probably Ella. She's messing with me again at the worst timing. I really have to use the toilet.
My gaze was concentrated on the toilet since I'm yearning to sit on it, so I had to turn my head in order to look at Ella. But before I could fully look at her, she slammed the door shut with my fingers still on the gap. My pinky finger got squashed and I involuntarily let out an excruciating moan.
The door bounced back after its impact to my little finger. I quickly withdrew my pinky and wrapped it in my palm to reduce the numbing pain. No. It's not just numbing—I can't feel it anymore. I slowly opened my palm to peek at my finger, and it was purplish.
My pinky is dead.
It's painful and awkward at the same time. She's supposed to say sorry after physically hurting me, but I can't hear any word from her.
This is getting more awkward. If she's not going to say sorry, then I must do it myself to avoid disputes.
"I... I'm sorry. My fingers are a bit frisky. It's my fault." I apologized.
She tittered.
My skin crawled when her laugh reached my ears. That laugh. That ain't Ella.
I turned my gaze to her, and my eyes enlarged in disbelief.
"Oh, poor thing." Steph jeered.
Her bow tie is now loosen and her innocent-looking face has completely turned opposite.
I don't believe this. This isn't her.
But then, she grinned. Her teeth was sharp as if it wanted to eat me alive.
"Do you really think this flight will be over without you getting expelled from the academy?" Steph said wryly.
Is this the real her? No. Even if Steph scorned me over and over, I will still believe that she's nice. She's the one who helped me when I was having a mental block at the introduction earlier, and she also consoled me when I was crying after the incident. She's been compassionate and considerate towards me ever since the first meeting. On top of that, she also gave me her juice.
I would never think of her as a bad person.
"I mean, look at you. You're so pathetic you deserve toilet as your throne."
I still don't believe that she could be like this.
Maybe if I apologized more sincerely, she would return to normal.
"I'm sorry." I said as my tone sounded like I was about to cry.
I know that's not a sincere apology, but that's the best I could do.
Steph grimaced and took no pity.
Ella even joined in humiliating me. She's been standing behind me ever since we entered the comfort room. Then now, she took my beret.
Steph then grasped my hair. They're tag-teaming me non stop. I can't even react.
Her grip is tearing my scalp. If I retaliate, it'll only hurt. So my head follows wherever she drags me.
Steph dragged me inside the toilet compartment.
She tightened her grip to my hair then released it at once, flinging me to the bowl. My back banged the tank, then my backbone began to sore; my legs gave in due to fatigue, and I exhaustedly sat on the close lid of the bowl.
~Why're they doing this? I don't think I've done anything wrong to them. But just to make sure, I need to apologize once more to end this conflict. I will shoulder the pain so the fire won't spread. No one will suffer. Except for me.
"I'm sorry." I said very, very, very sincerely.
But it only made Steph to snap.
"Sorry this, sorry that. I'm done with that repetitive phrase." Steph bellowed. "It really ticks me off."
"Lower your voice, Stephanie." Ella said. "Leo might hear us. He's just in the next lavatory."
"Oh, don't worry about that, Ella, no matter how much this poor thing bemoaned, no sound will be able to escape the soundproof wall of this lavatory."
"Is that so? Then we should ostracize her. But before we get to that, let's mortify her first." Ella wickedly grinned.
Ostracize? Mortify? I'm not familiar with those words, but one thing is for sure, It definitely means something bad.
~But I better look at it on Google later just to make sure what it's definition.
Ella confidently walked through the open door and closed it shut. The glass wall then turned blurry.
Ella proceeded to walk over to me and took my eye-glasses and observed it closely.
"These are non-prescription glasses. Your eyes don't have astigmatism, that's for sure." Ella said. "Oh. I get it now. These eyeglasses must've had sentimental value to you. I wonder how upset you will be if I trample over it."
"Please, don't~"
"We can't damage her belongings, Ella…" Steph said with a kind smile.
She's back to her good-natured state again. Or maybe not.
"...the others might get suspicious with that approach." Steph added.
"Fine. You call the shots then." Ella replied.
Steph reached out to my hair. I thought she was going to tweak my hair once more, but no. Instead, she gently swayed a strand of hair on the side of my forehead and slid it behind my ear.
She gave me a tender smile and said," We won't hurt you, Jil."
"You… You do?"
"Yes, but only if you cooperate with us, that is."
I've no idea what they want me to do, but if this will resolve the issue, then "Of coure, I will cooperate." I said.
"Wonderful!" Steph exclaimed cheerfully as she clasped her hands. "You see, Ella? Violence isn't always the way."
"Yeah, right." Ella groaned exasperatedly. "Violence is still the easiest way to achieve any goals, though. But if this is what you want, then whatever."
"Someone might get suspicious when we took too long in the lavatory, so let's get down to business, shall we." Steph said.
I just nodded.
"First and foremost, Jil has to know that Leo will be voted out. And that's inevitable. Do you want that to happen, Jil?" Steph asked.
My answer is obvious. Of course, I don't want anyone to get thrown out of the bus—especially Leo. That's why I hate that I'm the King of this game, 'cause I'll be responsible to kick someone out when the voting session comes.
"No~." I answered to Steph.
"Well, I'm afraid to say that there's nothing we can do. Leo is the primary suspect as of now, and it's nearly impossible for him to be saved when the majority speaks..."
I'm prepared to do anything just to help him. But I'm powerless. I don't know how to.
"...Unless," Steph added. "someone will take his place."
Is she implying that the only way to save Leo was if someone offered herself instead? If that's the case, then…
"I will."
Steph gasped, pretending to be shocked.
"Do you really want to sacrifice yourself for him, Jil?" Steph asked.
I don't know what will happen if I lose this game. I might get demoted to a lower class, or I might get expelled, or I could get ejected off of the plane and nosedive 10,000 feet from the sky.
I don't know what awaits me. But I'm not scared.
I don't even know why I'm doing this in the first place. I mean, I neither have feelings for him nor I'm mentally attached to him, so why am I willing to sacrifice myself?
We're not even close friends and we rarely speak to each other. He's just my dormmate—an acquaintance.
Maybe it's his awesomeness that made me care about him.
Earlier at the corridor when he fixed my wrinkled collar, I really thought was about to kiss me. At that time, I closed my eyes. If he was some other guy, I would probably push him away. But since it was him, I allowed him to do whatever he pleased.
I don't even know if I want him to kiss me.
Maybe that's one reason why I wanted to save him.
Okay. I finally made up my mind.
I can't just let the 13 eye contacts I've made with him go to waste. My moments with him are precious, and I treasure it, so I have to return the favor.
"In the end, the last call is yours, Jil. If you really want to go with this measure, then I won't object." Steph said.
"This is the only option, so I'll do it." I said, knowing that my time with Leo is about to come to an end.
~~~~~
~Leo's POV~
I was in the male's lavatory, not taking a dump, but just standing still with my back inclined against the transparent glass wall.
My eyes were closed. I don't need them in this situation anyways.
One of my hands was holding a hand-sized speaker. I was holding it close to my face ever since I entered the lavatory.
I was paying close attention to the voices that were speaking.
I suppose I made the right decision placing that surveillance mic under Jillian's collar when I pretended to fix it earlier.
I thought as much.
This test is already over. I'm unable to play the role of her hero. After all, I'm not the protagonist, and I'm certainly not the hero who comes in clutch and makes miracles. Sometimes, some dilemmas can't be resolved. That's why we have to learn to accept it.