What's your initial thought when you think of - "teamwork?"
I personally believe it has little to do with just voicing out thoughts and more to do with work. You work to listen to one another and hear the other. You put in work to set aside your differences and reach for a compromise or solution. You work to understand that our feelings can also sometimes blind us from the truth.
Teamwork is in all its merit, is just that. It is work.
Yet I find myself here, beginning a story of collective experiences that make me wonder about the moral ethics of teamwork - and most of all, how to not let this moment among the rest make me lose complete and utter trust in others.
You see, I love writing. I adore it. It has been my saving grace, my medicine to the pain that this life has brought forth. And so being a writer for both novels and screenplays, there is a point in time when teamwork is necessary.
The past years I've spent trying to write and hone my skills, weren't easy. I wouldn't say I even excel much in it right now. However I have always allocated time to write. I have always dedicated time to write when I felt the passion surge through my veins. So much so, I would ignore my household chores just to spend a good few hours writing something I may or may not use later.
And so after years, working with people on and off in the film making industry, I thought I had finally landed meeting genuinely good people with the same talent and heart to make stories. I really thought I met like-minded souls to collaborate and work together with on bringing beautiful stories to life.
But you see, I had thought. It was not in fact the truth. I could never imagine I would be this wrong about trusting people before.
I had met someone - we will call him Fred. Fred and I met through a mutual friend who wanted to put a group of talented individuals together to make films and stories. I was honored to be a part of it just with hearing he believes I am a good writer - the mutual friend that is.
Fred hears I wrote a fantasy novel and we get to chatting here and there about things. Then October rolls around. I was itching to work on something creative. So I reached out to people in that group, seeking others who wanted to create a fun, Halloween-spooky film. Fred was the one to reach out.
Together, he helped me formulate ideas for a story that we would later have wanted to make into a mini series. Working with him at that moment was euphoric. I could never get my ideas down properly without it lacking or being messy. Or so I felt. I doubted myself too much. But Fred truly complimented that area. And thanks to him, we came up with a pretty decent story.
During this time however, I never imagined we would make the steps to bringing this story to life.
If I could also go back in time, I would tell myself to copyright the script right away.
But my trust in others were so high.
Come the time we prepare to shoot, he brings his friend - we shall call him Dill. Because he turned out to be a royal dill hole and I will explain why.
Fred and Dill set up a shot in Fred's apartment for a scene we will use later. We then discuss, plan and organize what we are going to do with the coming shoot. I felt the excitement. I felt the passion flowing. Did I truly find a team I could work with to make this happen?
My naive self really thought so.
While Fred and Dill put the logistics together since they took over the Direction and Producing side, I spent the money on location, most of the props and costume.I organized the actors too. It was certainly a team effort. We all had a part to play in it.
We had a fantastic shoot, to sum it up short. Though Dill wasn't fond of one of the actors, who was also a mutual friend of Fred and I's. We'll call him Jack.
Now, Jack might have been confused about the story, and there were hiccups with everything but I don't think it was as bad as Dill expressed. And Dill... he really expressed it in words and phrases you wouldn't say to someone's face. Now that should've been one of my biggest red flags. That he had choice words he would not dare say to Jack's face.
It just didn't register to me enough at the time. I try to understand everyone has their own experiences and feelings but at the same time I didn't know how to respond to that.
Other than that, our shoot was a success. Both Fred and Dill invited their significant others to give a hand here and there - though most of the time they were just hanging out.
Needless to say, it all ended fast. I had a big move to do so I didn't have time to stick around California, where I am originally from.
After I settle into my new place, we all keep in contact. We have weekly meetings, we have hang outs over google meets.
I told Fred I was passionate about writing a story about my country and my people. He had some beautiful ideas to suggest here and there. This initial idea was thought of by my best friend Alison and myself a year ago. Fred was now a part of that.
So while everything seems to be going well, I work on writing the story.
I finish it, it becomes a 100 or so page script. Of course it is still rough and in its early stages. Fred loved it nonetheless and so did Alison.
Later when we did our weekly meetings, Dill found out Fred and I were working on it and asked to read it. I send it to him but I ask him to wait to read it until Fred and I work on the revisions. He doesn't end up reading it right away anyway.
But somehow I get a text from his wife. Dil's wife... her name is Greta. Now Greta was in awe of the story and really wanted to be a part of it. I did not invite her nor did I reach out to her and personally sent her the script.
So that can already tell you one thing - she invited herself.
In a span of a week, everything turns into a nightmare. After she texts me, we talk that following Tuesday with Fred in a zoom meeting. She discloses that the two of them were talking - thinking about the direction they want the story to go in. Or where she sees the direction of it going in.
That included - selling the story, pitching it so it can get a budget of 2.5 million, having big time producers take over it, not letting Alison act nor myself direct even if there was someone showing me the ropes -
It was not the vision I had in mind. Especially since Alison and I came up with the initial idea together and I wrote a character specifically for her. And I wanted to direct, but I am open to working alongside someone experienced.
Greta was shutting these ideas down and wanted me to think about it. Now the thing is, her name would be the producer which means that out of all of us, if we didn't get the roles we wanted to on this project, it wouldn't have mattered because she would. Her name would be the more noticeable one.
The thing is, a lot of this wasn't being processed in my brain. I mean after all, after she voiced her opinions on the direction of what she wanted, she then followed with "but it's your decision, it is up to you, it is your baby and you get to decide the direction, I don't want to overstep."
So I did think about it and I just didn't have a good feeling in my gut about it. I was more than anything - highly uncomfortable with her approach to it. And it is OKAY to feel that way.
I expressed to Fred where my heart was at and he was on board regardless. He was on the same page and heard me fully to the end. He was still just as much excited to work on this piece.
However, one thing I failed to recognize with that was that he feared Greta.
I've grown up knowing too many power hungry, controlling and manipulative women in my life that I utterly failed to recognized one who was in my face all along.
After speaking to Fred, I scheduled to speak to Greta. After all, how could it be wrong to be honest and kind with my own words to make someone else feel heard, while I also feel heard pouring my heart out about my own story?
Apparently with egoistic, controlling people it can go in any horrible direction they choose. So long as it fuels their emotions to get the attention they need. Attention that they lack on a daily. Not the healthy kind either.
Fred messages me asking if I had reached out to Greta. I said yes. He thought I should have waited a week as a whole to reach out to her in the first place. I didn't see harm in scheduling to talk to her in a week, it was the same thing.
But he was hell-bent on that idea. And it only now told me what was happening. That he's afraid of her. She's the matriarch of their friend group, of their "professional" work group. Though for being much older than I, they act like children and by no means hold to any professionalism.
In the moment he was telling me she was angry, she felt hurt or excluded, or that she felt I was playing games with them by talking to Fred first - so I reached out to her.
Now, first of all, let's get one thing straight. She was only a day or two truly involved in the process of this film. And it wasn't much of a process at all. Fred helped me formulate these ideas. I would naturally gravitate talking to him first. I saw this project in my eyes from beginning to end with him alongside. Not with Greta, whom he introduced Alison and I to.
I sent Greta a text asking to talk, saying I respect her opinion but I want to have a heart-to-heart about where I am at with this direction and where my vision is.
Around the time I first texted her to schedule to talk, I texted her husband Dill because after Greta and I have that heart to heart, I wanted to ask Dill to help me direct it.
Dill kept pushing me to talk to him first without his wife.
Again, nothing registered to me at the time what that could have meant. As in what his ulterior motive was.
I urged to talk to Greta first and even told Fred that Dill was pushing me to talk to him first. I didn't end up doing it but I did say that if he did want me to talk to him I don't want him to say anything to Greta. I hate the telephone game. I want to talk to her myself about everything. For him I was only going to mention directing. But I wouldn't have had the same conversation with him that I had with Fred, which at first I thought was the misunderstanding.
I thought she thought that I was speaking to both of them at the same time about my decision and that was why she felt excluded.
So I was even more ready to conquer this misunderstanding.
Hours passed since I sent my first message. She saw it too, it was read.
I followed up with another.
I mentioned my appreciation for her advice and direction but I would love to talk more in depth - just have a heart to heart like normal people. I even asked when she would have time to talk so we can work this out.
And word for word, this was her response:
(I did not offer you "advice", that's incredibly dismissive of the effort I have been prepared to invest in making this project successful. If what you want is advice then you need to make that clear to everyone involved because that's not the same as having a team working on a project together. I am hurt and upset by the way you handled this entire situation, not least of which is that it's incredibly obvious what you wanted to talk to me about, and instead of texting me and having a conversation about it, you opted to make me the scapegoat. Casting must be a conversation. It is a collective decision from the producers, of which you are one among the rest of us. You texting Tyler has nothing to do with it.)
This was her initial message to me. She said I didn't reach out to her, despite the fact that I did. Three times. The first was TO talk to her. The other two was to clear and clarify any misunderstandings she may have had.
And I don't know about you, but this was definitely a spicy message. What she was offended about the most wasn't because she felt excluded after all, according to Fred.
It was because she believed she had equal rights to this project the way I do and was not happy that my heart was set on something she absolutely refused to compromise on AND was completely against herself. Which is again, why this would have never worked out, respectfully of course.
But as you can read yourself, there is a lot of personal things she is feeling and has to unleash onto someone else.
To continue the story, she proceeds to make a group chat involving her husband Dill, our mutual friend Fred and myself.
To which she had said this:
(I understand the sentiment that this whole thing got out of hand but there needs to be some professional clarification.
If there's something of specific concern in regards to the production then that needs to be handled in an open and direct manner with all parties involved. It's absolutely not respectful and leads to a multitude of misunderstandings and hurt feelings to find out that people are having conversations around you instead of to you.
It's also incredibly disrespectful to other people's time and experience to be handed ultimatums. Production is a collaboration, these projects specifically need full collaboration, and I thought that was a mutual understanding that this group held in high regard. As such, it should have been understood that every idea and concern will be heard and discussed according to its merit and a consensus would be reached with at least a compromise.
Taking the position of 'you can get on board with this one decision or you're not involved' is a horrible way to conduct anything, let alone a project that is in the development stage.
None of us have put up a controlling share of investment ergo it should be crystal clear that none of us get to claim control as Executive. And quite honestly, it's rude, it's hurtful, and it's not offering someone a choice.
I do not like being put in the position where I feel forced to engage in an immediate decision on situations that require time and regard to the entire production. I deal with enough ominous phone call requests from power tripping producers in my work life, I have zero patience for it in a setting where a text from a friend should have sufficed.
At the end of the day I am extremely invested in this story and this film, and I sincerely believe in it. I want to make it happen, and this is the first script I can remember where I can see how all the pieces fit together into making it a reality. However, I'm not going to invest my energy, and my passion into a project that will not be fully collaborative and professional in how we conduct decisions nor do I want to be seen as someone to be managed rather than a contributor.)
OKAY.
So let's break this down a little, shall we?
Firstly, how could I have handed her an ultimatum if we never even had a sit down conversation about anything yet?
Which at the time went over my head. Both Fred and Dill must have fed her what she wanted to hear to make this all go in the direction that it did.
To suggest in her own message that this has gone out of hand, only ever implies that she is the one causing it to get as out of hand as it is.
Is this high school?
Now I'd get it if I were to have spoken to Fred solely and ghosted her completely or something. But that wasn't the case. I spoke to Fred first and said I don't know if my decisions would sway his to still be a part of the project or not. It did not. He said and I quote, " I am a simple guy. Just give me a camera and a good story and I can make something amazing happen."
But how did Greta get this idea that somehow if she's not on board with all my ideas she's kicked off the production? Did Fred twist the conversation we had?
I wouldn't know.
Secondly, she mentions collaboration and how it is a collective thing, did she not?
Yet why has it been so that whenever her foot was down about Alison not acting, she would not have Alison herself a part of that conversation. After all, as I said, Alison helped form this idea and the supporting actress was written for her. Why was she not involved then in these team meetings? Why did Greta only want her voice to be heard and not anyone else's?
I have listened to her, but I felt in my gut and in my heart that this was not the path meant to be taken. Greta's concern, according to her - was that her "producer" brain would tell her it will not sell if we didn't take her approaches.
What does sell mean? To make money, does it not?
So her focus, was on the money. Mine was not.
And after hours of trying to cool off and figure out what I would say next, I hear a notification. Both Fred and Dill has apologized to her - for what? She's the matriarch. They have to. Otherwise God only knows what her next fit would be about.
And this whole fit came about because whatever she gathered from them was enough to paint a narrative in her mind to allow her to easily blow up. It fed her exactly who she is and wants to show. So if this was over something incredibly small - and could have been handled better had she talked to me directly before jumping to assumptions, we wouldn't have these high tensions among us.
But that's not quite how teamwork works among this crowd is it?
I think the irony is uncanny. Greta herself needed her husbands help to write her film and she did not like his input and they argued about it so he didn't end up writing or changing what she had initially wrote.
Funny how that works, right?
When someone else's voice chimes into your work, and in this case an uninvited one, it's funny to think that the easy thing to say is no thank you. But entitled people will want what they want, right?
And I don't know if race has a thing to play. But I am brown. And they are white.
Would I have been treated differently if I were white?
I don't know. It's not much of a thought that echoed but only recently it's been a minor thought. I'd like to think this had more to do with wanting control over anything else.
I had to truly think about how I would answer. But if there's anything, my mind was now set on - it was absolutely not working with her moving forward. I don't believe in this lifetime when you chase your dreams that you have no choice but to settle with working with others who's hearts are in the wrong places. People who's personalities are darker than the night and they only shine when the time is right for them to play the part. People like that, who cannot be trusted, should not be people anyone settles to work with.
And lastly in her statement that clearly says none of us have control over this production - she can freely walk out the door.
I spent my time and dedicated my time to working on this. I wrote this. This is my story. It is about my home, my people, my culture. I will not have anyone take that because they think they're entitled.
The entitlement is astonishing, honestly.
So I had enough.
And this was my response in return:
(You know Greta, none of what you just said even transpired. What ultimatum? How have I referred to you as a scapegoat?
You disrespected me through this process. And regarding what you said, "If there's something of specific concern in regards to the production then that needs to be handled in an open and direct manner with all parties involved. It's absolutely not respectful and leads to a multitude of misunderstandings and hurt feelings to find out that people are having conversations around you instead of to you."
You spoke to Fred separately about your input on funding without including me or Alison. You had a conversation with Fred instead of the entire group a part of the production. Just like you said, we shouldn't "go behind people's back," you did that. You should've had me involved in that moment at first. Because I did feel backed into a wall when you guys brought it up to me. But I didn't say anything at the time. I was still processing it and I didn't want to stir up any drama.
While I understand from a professional point of view, that just wasn't the vision for this project. And even then, at the end of all of that, what was it that you told me? That at the end, it ultimately is my decision and how I choose to go about this because it's my baby. It is. It took a lot of time and heart to write this and it's still fresh. But I wrote this with a vision in mind. What if I had come into one of your projects with that same mindset and had all these changes, and not talk to you about it first, (whether it was well intended or not), and stepped my foot in and tried to take over more on that? How does that make me feel as the person who wrote this and wants to direct this? It makes me feel tossed aside when I cherish this project. That's why I felt it was suddenly pushed onto me and a sort of slap in the face. That's why I wanted to talk more into depth about it but somehow you're the one being disrespected.
This is wrong.
I've made it clear my passion for where I see this going. I can see us making this our way with whom we have, the team we have and can build. Because for me, this isn't about the money. While it would be nice to have money for this, I'm not doing any of this for that.
I want to tell a story that reaches people's heart. I want to inspire people, especially those who feel like they don't have the courage to do something that feels impossible. Nothing is impossible. I firmly believe that. I think with the right heart and mind, the right people you can make anything and I mean ANYTHING happen. So in regards to all of this and the direction - no I don't see us going the route you mentioned. I don't care for C list actors or some known producers. I've heard of films with the same known people flop royally. There is no guarantee for anything. What there is, is heart to make something worthwhile.
So moving forward from that, I don't appreciate how any of this came out. On your end. To just jump to a reactive conclusion and assumption that I'd be this person who would treat you in any horrible way or imply that I disrespect or hurt you is more than upsetting. I heard what you said, I listened and I didn't shut you out or disrespect you.
The reason I spoke to Fred about this, is because we worked on the ideas as I wrote this and I was relaying to him where my heart is at, and there's nothing wrong with that. He's a collaborative partner, yes, but he's also someone I consider a friend. I shared how I felt, we didn't come up with any decisions together, in fact I told him just how I felt and where my vision has been from day one.
And coming back to the story, I actually first came up with this a year ago with Alison. Then after meeting Fred we worked on it together too. After hearing you would be on board I was ecstatic. Both you and Dill too. But now I'm not in a place where I believe this is a good team to work with.
Because if you're looking to sell this and make this big and do it for the money, then I am the wrong person to work with. The way I see this project going is not aligned with what you have in mind.
Not only that, but I'm very easy to talk to. And I would've appreciated if you reached out to me first before assuming I'm talking to everyone else left and right deliberately without you. I talked to Fred for the reasons I mentioned. And as for Dill, I thought about how amazing it would've been to ask him to co-direct but I realized I needed to speak to you first, for the sole reason that I initially wanted to pour my heart out to you about where I want this to go. I wanted to make sure that was heard and we could have that open heart to heart that cannot be done through a written text message.
That is WHY above all I wanted to schedule a talk with you where we could see each other.
I even messaged you in the first place to initiate the conversation and when the misunderstanding began, I was the one who reached out to make this apparent and clear. You actively chose not to respond. In doing so, it tells me you do not care to work through the issue with your teammate. You ignored MY messages and said I went behind your back. That doesn't make any sense. I tried to be respectful but I wasn't met with the same courtesy.
So, Now we're here at a misunderstanding and it tells me all I need to know. And that's that something small can be turned into something big. I'd have to walk on eggshells, or rather than being able to talk maturely amongst one another with an open heart, I can clearly see how the worst will be assumed and it'll contribute to explosive behavior that I want no part in.
Absolutely nothing more happened. There was nothing disrespectful nor intentionally aimed to hurt you. We could have cleared it up and moved along. But to blow it up like this into something it isn't, it doesn't show me that we can work together. I don't know what your personal experiences are with people in the past who could've made you feel this way but that's not what happened here. I thought growing into friends would've made you see the truth. Right now it's the truth versus how you feel. And there has to be an understanding well enough to differentiated between them so that this can be a conversation we can have maturely.
That's not the case here. And so, while I truly respected you, I don't think this is a good fit. I need to be able to work with others who can listen and not hear unspoken words that fire them up emotionally. And vice versa.
I will move forward with this now without you. And I wish you all the best.)
Now as you all can read for yourselves, you can decide whether you believed what I said was offensive or professional.
I did my best to stay level-headed and express my feelings as professionally and sincerely as I was able.
The only response therein after was from her husband Dill.
And it was this:
(I'm not going to go into depth with a response but just gotta say... at no point do I ever consider this "for the money" like that's some BS....
Don't throw some creative holier than thou bullshit.
Just because we want a budget does NOT mean my main focus isn't on the story or the connection.
Ce la vie...)
So there you have it. Collaboration. "Teamwork."
I thought it was funny how he acted like all I said was directed at him. It was solely for Greta. She was the one focused on the money, that is why she kept talking about how to "sell" it. But that was just honest creative thoughts right?
Also in terms of budget - No one said we couldn't have one. In fact I threw out crowdfunding during our video meeting - where we can pitch our project with a more reasonable budget. Then we can work towards that goal and have all the creative freedom, fun and passion to make something phenomenal.
But this is where it led. As you can see, they severely lack professionalism. Well Dill for sure does. He just wanted to step up to bat for his wife. Normally I wouldn't see an issue with that - I mean what high hopes should I have for other couples actually being healthy, calling each other out when they're wrong and helping one another grow?
Zero.
This is humanity we're looking at.
And my husband and I will call each other out when we're wrong. We're not afraid of that. We're not afraid of a little squabble or actually building one another up. You can't be afraid of making your partner mad, that's just not healthy otherwise. It's also unavoidable.
But I digress.
So a week has past. Fred and I haven't spoken to each other either. I had little hope that we would, not a lot, considering his loyalty is where Greta's behind is.
What really made me understand the severe lack of maturity and respect these people don't have - was when they took to instagram.
A week after, they posted "Behind the Scenes" of the project we all filmed together. It had Dills name at the bottom right corner of each photo. And Fred stated that it was a project he was working on and there are more to come.
Was more to come meaning they would take my feature film, run with it, try to sell it and such?
I copyrighted it so I'd like to see them try. I mean, I obviously don't want them to try that is a whole other unnecessary headache to deal with. But if they do, they're in big trouble.
It was funny that he posted that then gave credit to an actor they spoke so negatively about. Even funnier that Dill has his wife tagged and Fred has his girlfriend tagged though they were bystanders on set. Never mind I wrote it, paid for the location, had a role in it and helped be a part of the team to put it together. Never mind all that, right?
It was also an even bigger middle finger usage that Fred and his girlfriend unfollowed me on said platform.
It told me all I needed to know.
People- not all, but people like this cannot be trusted.
For all I know, they copyrighted that last story I wrote, put their own names on it, and will make it entirely their own, taking full credit.
Yet this was a "collective" journey we all shared.
With people who are so ready to self serve and betray anyone around them.