First Scroll
Never in so many years have I recorded my thoughts into a sheet. I find it quite intrusive—severely undivine when one's head is laid out.
I only took a reed and papyrus when I planned out an attack.
However, I am doing it differently now. With this blank sheet on my table, I am writing down my observations about Owl.
For the past couple of days, I could not remember now—maybe weeks?—since she began working, mingling with the farm workers, I was in awe of how she immediately adjusted to them. I understand the mortals' fascination with her, knowing that a former goddess was now among them—but to avoid curious pry and notion, I instantly put into effect the law forbidding them from interrogating Athena. I cannot guarantee its effectiveness, knowing Owl is known to be very open to mortals. I do not know if she changed that behaviour.
She did her duty diligently. She managed her time, honing her skills as an overseer of the farm by morning and became my promised companion at night as she eased my burdens with her poems and surprisingly, with her song. I never knew she would grace me again with her melody. I cannot erase her last song about weaving. I am not complaining—in fact, I am grateful.
To show my deep gratitude, I kept my promise not to reveal our true status to others, not even those dear to me like Pantelis and his family. Those three servants, those former nymphs who had gotten so fond of Athena, even they did not know our situation. All they know is that Athena is working for me and we have just become friends—benign with each other's presence.
With all honesty, it was difficult at first to hide it. I am not good at secrecy. I do not tell but just blatantly show it. I was lying when I said I understand Athena but in actuality, I was having a hard time coping with her plea. Why would someone hide their status from everyone? Many wished to be a god's better half, and here she was asking me to keep our status secret. But as the moment went by, I came to an understanding. I never knew how ignorant I was of the circumstances. I know of Enyo's longing and Eris's intention, but I never realised until now how chaotic it would be for Athena if those two knew of our standing. Also, not to mention the tragedy they will bring upon those who rallied behind Owl.
I understand now, Athena. I do.
I do not know why I only recently see it this way. I do not understand why it is now that I loathe those two goddesses, remembering it was their spontaneous act that destroyed the heart of Hellas—destroyed everything, even my children!
But, why am I blaming when it is all too late? I could not bring back time and change everything.
Is this also why I can still sense some mysteriousness behind those smiles Athena? Are you still carrying unsaid things inside of you?
Damnation with this!
I may be a god but I cannot read someone's mind, I cannot easily fix someone's misery, and worst, I also feel helpless seeing her vulnerable.
I do not know the puppeteer who now controlled my brain to make me act this way. Why did the fates let me be like this? Why cannot I be like Apollo or be like Hermes? Why cannot I be like someone simple? Why must I bring destruction, letting it tailed on my heel when all I want is some solitude like the rest?
Curses!
Enough of these nonsensical mumbles of a guilty god—now, back to the one who bore the blue skies in her eyes.
Blue skies—hmm—laughable. Blue skies are tranquil, for you, Athena, you are not a lady of peace. I cannot help but laugh as I noted this down. Ha! You are no peace oh, sweet goddess of wisdom. You are more like the unpredictable waves. No wonder why false tongues would say you are more a child of Poseidon rather than a child of Zeus, for at least a thunder knows it is disparaging unlike the waters that trick you with its calmness yet drowns you once they know you are not worth it. Nevertheless, I will not disregard the sorrows you are feeling.
I can see you are trying your best. I can see, no matter how far you are, that you are pulling on both ends to become the best human and at the same time to not lose who you are. I see those sparkling eyes, those orbs that mesmerise everyone, becoming so empty periodically that I cannot help but fear that I might be losing you.
Just please do not do silly things. I know you are wise—that is your gift after all. You weighed the righteous over wrong. I cannot see the world being in balance without your guidance. Well, see what you made me do there? You made me sound like a complete hypocrite, Athena. Even though this is just a piece of papyrus, you haunt my thoughts. You are an entity who does not need to be conjured for you are solely there at the corner, taunting me with your wits.
But really, I was curious how to approach you—to make you share with me something that is eating you. Do not let those palls take over you. I know how that felt and I know how painful it is. The wounds on the outside can still be treated, but on the inside—well, one could hope for a miracle.
Days had passed and I had gotten more curious, hence I have this reed on my hand to testify my thoughts. Again, I acknowledged your work—you are beyond excellent. You understood and instantly fixed the farm's problems and immediately acted on the workers' needs. Truly, a marvel. Yet again, you are a large wave that I cannot foresee since sometimes you talk to me—cheerfully reporting on your progress and then, the next day, there is silence. Somehow, it was a relief that Liene shared her concerns with me, telling me that you have been hiding your sickness for some time.
She told me that you have become picky with your food and have this indescribable nausea that sometimes makes you want to heave out your insides. She told me of the shame you felt, defeated from a mere mortal's disease because now you have scratched death on its back.
Please do not feel so bold and melodramatic with it. I am standing here observing you and yet you do not approach me except only to report about your day and to act in this role of a hetaerae.
Athena, if you could only sense I want more than this "transactional" relationship between us. You said we are friends but it felt like we are in a theatre acting these roles to please the audience. By the heavens, this instance is our reality! I hope you remained calm and collected despite displaying a very distant attitude and a sickly look.
***
Second Scroll
Athena suddenly collapsed.
I never felt this strong fretfulness before with my heartbeat pounding in my ears.
I noticed her pale and sweaty when the guards took her and laid her into the lounge. The sun was not that scorching. Some workers said she just collapsed and—
I cannot write any more on this second scroll without bitterly fighting these sorrows as I anxiously sat by her side after carrying her to my bed.
She did not move nor nagged me with complaints. She was just sleeping. I was frightened if—if somehow you just passed but I can feel your pulse. I wondered if those two goddesses slipped something in your food or drink but I digressed. They know you are under my care and I know they fear punishment if I come across their wrongdoings.
I better end this and hide these rambles. Liene, Naida, and Cloe are here—
***
On a piece of torn papyrus, I wrote this.
It has been some time and those three had not left the suite. I am in my study, pretending to plan out for our incoming journey, but the truth is, I am disconcerted wondering if Athena is fine or not. I am worried that my hunches were right and that Eris or Enyo had something to do with the sickness. However, it would be worse if someone unknown had done this atrocity against you—that is more difficult to track.
I do not know.
Regarding my duty—well, I guess I have to give Pantelis and Hipparinos the task of sorting the goods from Hellas. I just received the report that my men finally salvaged some things from the old kingdom.
But what about Athena? Sho–should I leave her like this?
Oh, Ares, here you are again struck by your son's immortal power; stabbed deeply with his mighty arrows that had no cure but to surrender.
I need to stop dilly-dallying. I should order them before the three ladies come out.