The real bombshell was the reason he wanted a 6 month time table for our courting… He promised to give me full autonomy to choose my future. He would give his best for 6 months, but then he would pull back and let me pick whatever life I wanted to live. The life I believed would bring me the most happiness. Just thinking about it made my heart race. Unlimited possibilities. I could become something more than a doll following other people's wishes for the first time in my life.
Could I believe Nicolas' words? Would he really use the full power he held as Duke to fulfill my dream? If I am being realistic there is only a one in a million chance that he was telling the trust. Logically, I should simply let he words come in one ear and out the other, but he was offering me one thing I haven't had for a long time. The thing I yearned for… The thing I felt empty without… Hope.
He offered me hope and maybe I was being too naive, but I wanted to hold it near my heart and protect it like a small ember in the middle of a hurricane.
Even if this hope ruins me. Even if it crushes my will to live. Even if it causes me to be sent to the gallows. I needed to grasped it in this moment. It was my last chance to obtain my lifelong dream.
While Nicolas was listing off the list of dreams I might choose in his speech, there was only one thought in my head. Would I finally be able to become a Royal Mage? It was a dream I had since I saw Royal mages in the capital use their magic to save a old woman from a thief. Since then I dreamed of becoming a mage and saving the weak and powerless.
When I turned 12, I took an official magic divinity test with Nicolas and I was revealed to have water magic while he had lightning magic. I thought we could at least be a good team in terms of magic since our elements had an affinity with each other. However, my hopes were crushed when Nicolas laughed at my idea of told me that he would never allow me to join the Royal mages once we were married. I needed permission from my husband to work once I was married.
He said that women should not be mages because they are inherently weak. Even though it was extremely rare, there was one case 50 years ago where a woman was a Royal mage and I believed I could be the second if I worked hard enough. Now my chance to even try to snatched away from me. I cried that whole night.
However, I did not let that stop me from learning magic. I would sneak a few practical magic teaching books into my room to read every night. I would usually spend all day receiving Duchess training for when I got married, but I spent two hour every night training my water magic by myself. I tried to find solace in the small everyday moments when I had a chance to help someone with my magic. It may not be as grand as being a Royal mage, but it was still something.
As of today, I am able to use intermediate water spells. Intermediate spells are the minimum requirement to be chosen as a Royal mage so maybe I could really become one in just 6 months time. But it all depended on Nicolas' word.
As early as yesterday, I would have scoffed at the idea of Nicolas letting me join the Royal mages of his own will, but the way he acted after I accepted his courtship gave me reason to second guess.
He offered to let me sleep on the bed while he slept on a sofa. It is probably the first time I had seen the usually arrogant Nicolas show care for my situation. If it was only that, I wouldn't have been shaken, but he then told me that he liked my stubbornness with the most genuine grin I had ever seen from him.
He liked that I was stubborn?! My stubbornness was the one trait I was ridiculed for my whole life. I was praised for the diligent work I put into all my studies. I was a quick learner; however, I was repeatedly scolded for being too stubborn. I was sick of hearing people say,
"She would be the perfect lady, if only she wasn't stubborn."
But I was only stubborn when someone tried to make me go against my principles. When they wanted me to belittle myself for the sake of a man. When they won't let me follow my dreams. I had my own pride and I would not let it go for anyone.
To think my husband Nicolas would say he liked that stubborn side of me. I almost cried on the spot. I had sat in my bedroom after a scolding many nights praying that some day there would come someone who would accept me for me. Someone who would see my stubbornness as a positive trait. Someone different then all the people I had met up until this point. I worked so hard to be the best person I could be, but I felt really lonely in this world. Like no one would ever understand me.
To think that the first person to say they liked my stubbornness was the same man that ridiculed me the most for it. I don't know if he really turned a new leaf, but this small action still made me grateful.
After my elation died down, Nicolas appeared in front of me with a blanket. It reminded me that I should give him back the coat that I had been wearing. Before I could take the coat off, he told me that I should keep it since I looked cute it in.
I was momentarily surprised, but I figured it was because I still had makeup on from the wedding ceremony. However, I remembered that I had taken a bath before coming to the bedroom. Did he no longer find me plain? In just a couple short moments, he had praised both my stubbornness and my natural beauty. Something the Nicolas I know would be revolted even thinking about.
Did he really change? How? Why? What could have caused such a dramatic shift in personality? Was it genuine and permanent or a whim that would vanish just as quick as it came?
I don't have much hope, but I need to know if everything he said today was more than just lip service. From now on, he will have to show me with his actions instead of just words.
Well, we still have a full 6 months of courtship, so I just need to stay on high alert for any slip up on his side. He may say he is a changed man, but people can't completely change that quickly. The moment his true personality shows itself I will know that this was all part of some cruel plan.
After sorting all my thoughts and emotions, I turned to look at the snoring Nicolas. His face didn't have the grimace he normally gave me. The rhythmic rising and lowering of his chest had a calming aura. If our entire married life could be as peaceful as this moment, it wouldn't be too bad…
I closed my eyes to rest as well.