Charlie's mind was pre-occupied with a million disturbing thoughts. Yes, that is just the way he has been for a few days now. But today, he felt different. He felt an uneasy knot tightening in his stomach as he thought over the same thing for the umpteenth time that day.
What if his sub-conscious was trying to tell him something? Like,... A warning...
He couldn't think otherwise.
Deep inside, he knew very well that he will only end up getting hurt if things were going to go the way they are now.
He thought of the way he used to be. And how fucked up of a person he was now.
He used to find bliss from just sitting down and reading a random book, consuming the facts and knowledge printed in it. But now, here he was, feeling disgusted just by looking at the very same book.
Like,... What is wrong with him?!
He shouldn't be feeling the way he was feeling.
He could almost understand why Trevor was being the way he is. Almost.
But no matter how hard he tried to justify what he was doing, he just couldn't.
He felt angry.
He felt stupid.
Above all, he was overwhelmed with grief.
But, what for?
He just hated himself and everyone and everything.
This is not how he wanted his life to go.
He never expected things to turn out as they did.
"Carlton!" Charlie flinched at the sudden mention of his name. And the voice sounded angry.
He looked up from his desk and saw
Mr. Rudolfs glaring daggers at him. His science teacher, who once admired his brilliance in academics was now glaring daggers at him for not paying attention in class.
Very well...
He hoped this class to end as soon as it could. He felt restless just sitting there. And it was boring him so much.
Charlie heaved a sigh and sat up straight as the teacher went on talking about Chemistry and stuff.
He turned his head to his side as he felt someone's eyes on him.
Joshua was watching him from beside him.
When Charlie turned to look at him, Josh shot his eyebrows up with pursed lips.
"You good?" He mouthed.
Charlie forced a smile on to his face. But it didn't reach his eyes. He gave him a curt nod, indicating he was okay.
Joshua sighed and turned his head back towards the teacher.
Another fifteen minutes of Charlie anxiously drumming his pencil on his desk and the school bell rang.
"Hn" he grunted out as he stretched his arms from his chair.
Joshua got up from his spot and knocked on the table to get Charlie's attention. When Charlie looked up at him, he started to speak.
"You don't seem like yourself lately, Cha. Are you really doing okay?" His voice was filled with concern and his eyebrows were drawn together into a knot.
"Yeaah. Just gotta get my head together. I'll be good" Charlie said reassuringly, as he too got up from his chair.
Joshua sighed. Getting Charlie to speak of what he was truly feeling on the inside was never that easy of a task. But it tired him to see his one true friend being in a gloomy condition. He had to do something about it.
"You sure, Char?" Josh pushed.
"Yes, yes. I'm pretty sure about how I'm feeling, buddy. All good" Charlie smiled. "Now, Come on, I've got detention, remember?" He let out a dry chuckle and walked out on Joshua after giving him a pat on his back, though he wasn't really so excited about the idea of having to spend another hour or two with Trevor.
Alone...
No, he was not at all excited about it.
Joshua pursed his lips as he watched Charlie's retreating back. He then sped forward to catch up with him.
"Alright, then. The rest of us would be in the library while you are in detention. Wait for us when you are done, okay?" Joshua said as the both of them made their way out of the class room.
Charlie gave him a curt nod and soon, they parted ways.