Newspaper: The Harriboon Chronicle

Date: Nov, 7th, 1911

Title: Post-Mortem: Ingrid M. Belousci, Beloved Writer, Explorer, Scientist, and avid Cycler

It is with heavy hearts we are here to announce the passing of the late Ingrid M. Belousci. Ingrid was the first woman to ever reach the Antarctic. Her contributions are many-fold including but not limited to:

---The discovery that penguins have a hidden toe that serves as a directional fin while they are submerged under water.

---The massive Hindelburg Ice Crater, believed to be the impact crater for the meteorite that ended the Younger Dryas period.

---Her prominent advocacy of the acceptance of Ragtime music.

---Second president of the Advancement of Woman in the Sciences League; and, Fifth co-chair of the Woman's Suffrage Association.

A true champion is lost here today. It is widely believed Miss Belousci would have been the first candidate for the national President's race for the U.S.A.!

A transcription of an interview follows:

Reporter: "Here to comment is one of the staff from William Howard's Taft executive offices."

A small man Kelly Johnson, sweating profusely, adjusts his glasses and speaks to the reporter of the Chronicle:

Johnson: "Umm. Why. Hello. Yes. Mrs -- Miss -- Belousci would have made a great presidential candidate."

Reporter: "Thank you!"

Transcription end.

Now we have to share with you the final moments of Belousci's life. After missing all two designated check-in periods. A team of two explorers rendezvoused at Belousci's last known location to search for her.

They found a note "Don't look for me" near a massive pool of blood littered with what appears to be the entrails of Ingrid Belousci.

It's believed Antartic pirates are to blame. However some have speculated Martians from outerspace given the remote location.

We may never know what happened."