When I got to the base, everyone there was quiet after they learned what had happened. Bright lights, hustle and bustle of base, computers flickering and people talking. There was nothing new about that. No one dared to say anything to me as I walked and took my gear off, and retreated into my office. I sat behind my desk, opened my laptop, knowing very well what I needed to do.
I updated the files. This was the heaviest burden in my life, as Flea. Then next thing, those phone calls to the families. I will never forget how Jake's wife broke in the middle of the phonecall, her crying heard and then, little voice, their son, asking about his mom what was wrong.
I promised to visit once my world saving tour would be over and I would be in shape. I told that I will call before I come so I won't ambush anyone. Jake's wife got herself together, thanked me and welcomed me to visit when I had a chance. I told her about monetary compensation too; she was gratified. Jake had brought money, and she was just a teacher. Her salary was not enough to get any savings for their children and even she was still on maternity leave as their daughter was quite small. Money was needed. I was happy to help wherever I could.
After those calls, I put money things in order and looked up already from an online shop. What kind of stones would be available? I chose a light stone, with a few black stripes here and there, so names would not be too visible at first, but I could later on even fill them with something. I had had previously few lighter stone slabs, and they worked as well too. I ordered it and put it to be delivered to one of my warehouses nearby so that when I would be ready, I could take it with me.
After that, I just sat behind my desk and thought things over and over in my head, letting my thoughts wander as I knew that this was a luxury that I would not have a chance to do after I had left here. No time to reflect on things that went wrong when there is a world to be saved.
Once again, the mighty flea had underestimated the enemy and killed the best team she could hope for, but there was nothing to do and I didn't have too much time on my hands as I needed to get back on my world-saving tour. I had no idea what men were doing.
I knew that deep in my soul there was now burning pain that I had isolated strongly, so I didn't have to face it, again if possible. Forever and eternity is a long time, and it was not too long for me not to feel the pain that came from losing Jake. Funny how one man, one human, can have so a profound impact on your life. I wondered as by passing that it is the same as humans, or am I just created to feel everything hyper too?
I knew that being a vampire made everything feel more, but I was a hybrid, or technically a tribrid of you count on my feline side and I had no idea what that meant in terms of feelings. Lions live in pride. I lived in a pack. Was it the same? Was fleas some kind of second pride of mine and I just lost one of my pride, or did not the lion feel when one of its pride is gone?
I knew painfully well what I just lost, who I lost, and there was nothing for me to do. I had no time to go to Lake Lanier yet and that trip would be the most heartbreaking ever. But carving those names would be something awful.
Dash had been a brilliant medic. He had been quite a bit in Colin's teachings, so he knew his way around me and my injuries, too. Christy had been a wonderful woman to work with, she had her own way of seeing things and she had pointed out quite a few times the wholly alternative approach to things.
When it came to the rest of the group, those people, I could not bear to remember them. I knew their bodies had been recovered and my team would remove those bullets and neutralize any poisons if there were any, trying to make their remains seem peaceful and intact so their loved ones could have the funeral. Maybe see one last time of them.
Those people who I had just robbed their loved ones from them because, in my mind, I had never thought that there could be explosive bullets. I should have to. I mean some implants are triggered by a remote, so why not explosive or disintegrating bullets if I had only suspected I would have insisted that everyone gear up those first armors what Magnum had done, they would have been heavy and cumbersome but they would have kept them safe.
If only. This was my life, my regrets, my oversight. It was good that I didn't have an evil twin inside me, so I was free to blame myself til the end of time. Because this had been my fault. I needed to prepare myself to continue my tour, saving the world, the rest of the world, even though it felt almost like I had lost my world just right now.
What Jake had confessed to me, would haunt me rest of eternity. He had loved me, more than his own wife, he had worshipped me, taken care of me and if he would have survived, he would have taken care of me, given me once me TLC. I had told him what had happened. Maybe he could have tolerated me to being touched. Instead of getting him to help me, I got him killed.
I was in Romania when Damon called and said he wanted to meet. Fine, I said and gave him the address of the hotel I was staying at at the time. I was relieved. I thought he would want to see if I was okay and I was ready to tell him everything. If he would want to help me, I needed someone now to hold me, to try to make me feel less awful.
I would tell him about Angelus, Spike, and Drusilla that I had been food that he had mauled, but I would forgive him. I would tell him exactly what Bran did. How it felt, how many times, and how sick I was. I would tell him I tried to call but I would forgive again that fucking with strangers.
And then I would tell him about Jake's confession, how he died and after this tour would be over, I would want him with me in Lake Lanier to carve those names as I knew that support was something that I needed. I felt so empty. Yet I had hope- Damon was my hope for support, of love, of everything and if he was in the right mood, he would not let me go to the clubs, as I was not fine.
I couldn't guess what the real reason was why he wanted to see me. He came half an hour later, and I had the door open when they came in. I was sitting in the dimly lit corner of this hotel room, in an armchair, and I heard a door opening. The smell of passionfruit, this sharp one, so this is a darling side that was up, came to my nose. But then I smelled expensive perfume and heard the footsteps of another person as they both stepped into my hotel room.
I got up and put the lights on. Damon and this woman. The woman was older, red-haired, and shorter than Damon, but I sensed that she was actually an older vampire than Damon. I was a little puzzled as to why would Damon bring this ancient hag in my hotel room. The woman was next to Damon, holding his arm. Fine, is she was one of his girlfriends, I guess.
Damon came up to me and said, " Mimi. I want a divorce. I have now discovered that you are a baby. You are a baby. At least, what you see from the perspective of a vampire like me. You have your priorities at the moment in your life, and I am not one of them; I am not that important to you. I can see you are once again working, not living in the pack and I am tired of being a second place in your life."
I was silent. Divorce. My heart was crushing into a small black ball. Hope that I had, about support, about love, had gone. His expression was haughty, proud.
He continued to talk to me like I was a child. " I don't have the energy to teach you how to be a vampire. I don't have the energy to teach you all the rules, customs, and habits of a vampire. It's time for me to get myself a proper woman, A proper vampire woman who knows what it's like to be a vampire. Then, maybe in a couple of centuries or so, you might understand why I did this. You need to mature. You're such a raw deal. You're a baby. You are not a vampire. Not really. I release you from your bond with me. You are no wife of mine anymore."
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. My heart pounded in my chest like it had no idea how to beat and somehow I realized he had just annulled our vampire marriage, too. My heart was not beating at anymore same rhythm as his. I kept my expression neutral, not letting anything show. He looked at me like I was nothing to him. Passionfruit stank even more, this sharp one, and it was a raw deal for me. This was the time for to me lose everything in my life. Jake, and now Damon, true him. His core did not want me. Fine.
This was not the only time when I learned that the core of Damon belonged to another. And I must admit, there is always a part of me that belongs to Jake, and Rob. Damon looks at me sharply, regret flashing in his eyes as this is the first time when he learned truly how important Jake was to me, how he died, and what he confessed to me, yet he knows the truth. The core of him loves another, but My Damon, well, my love for him, our love, gave him his own body, one of ten Damon's is my Damon, not core and he, he is the one who belongs to me.
He spoke in an impersonal voice, demanding something almost, " And then you have your fleas in your passion right now. I'm not your passion, at least not all the time. This is the time for me to get what I need in my life. I need a wife to whom I am a priority, not just a fleeting moment of fun. Please, darling, don't fight me on this. And Maggie here would like to see that. Our marriage prenup."
Maggie. The woman looked at me with a triumphant expression on her face and I knew she was fake as possible. She would not be what Damon thought she was, but she had her use of Damon. I felt someone trying to get to my rage. Oh really, not gonna happen. I blocked her, not letting her in my mind, and her expression was darker. She was saying nothing to Damon, though, and I was just keeping my face neutral.
This was the same bitch that called me and fucked me, and Damon swore this woman was bad news. Well, she is to me anyway. I had been to one house and picked up some stuff from there, and now I was trying to fish a pen out of my bag. I found this decades-old pen and wasn't even sure if it was writing. This was bittersweet for me, as I remembered I had signed my previous divorces with this same pen. My soul, what was left of it, was burning like black coal in my chest. My mind was shielded.
I signed the papers and took our prenup out of my bag. I always had a copy with me for some reason. Maggie took a long, irritated look at it as if trying to find something wrong with it, but there wasn't. I handed the papers back to Damon and controlled myself completely. Damon looked them through, folded them, and put them in his pocket.
I also took another form of my bag, put it onto the table, and signed it. It was made by Colin and Samuel just in case it would ever feel like I would not want Damon to be my doctor, all I had to sign this paper and revoke his right to my physician and there were few lines where I would write my reasons.
I wrote in that paper, "Divorce and the unfit female vampire who might not have the best intentions for my health. My ex-husband is unfit to care for me because of this. And he does not want."
It was paper with copying properties, and I handed Damon to his copy. There was nothing he could do. This was bulletproof.
Damon read it, frowning, and his little wifey was even more furious, as she would want to have me too. I also focused, let my vampire side more out, found our sire link, and broke it. Damon flinched and groaned in pain, but I kept my expression neutral. He was no longer my sire.
He seemed in charge, but I knew that was not gonna happen. There was nothing for me to do. She did not love Damon; he did not love her; I didn't see any love between them, but she was a vampire woman, a hag, and she had gotten what she had told me onto the phone in the first place. That was Damon. Damon was a vampire. Ancient one and for him, time did not matter so much, so this could be a long time for those two. Maybe I will find someone, and someday I will be happy too. There was nothing for me to say to or to do, other than let him go again.
Damon said, " You can keep everything. The Azores are yours, all the houses. Maggie here is rich, though, so we'll get everything then."
She was not happy about that, well when you are rich, you learn to be rich, meaning you don't spend so much. I had my reputation and Maggie was clearly aware of that and also how much I had bought and it would be not wise to try to get Damon's part, as it would not be so much.
There were not happy times in my life, not been in a long time and when Damon left his ring and wallet, phone on the table as they turned around and left, I kept myself barely together. I would want to so badly just crash, cry, let it all out, let this pain all out, but it was just not meant to be. I knew that this would cost me my soul. My ability to feel when I needed to save the world or be the leader, but that was a prize that had to pay.
I squeezed the pen in my hand, not even noticing it when I finally tried to pull myself back together. It was difficult. Not at all easy. Little by little, the pain went away and my rage came out. I was ready soon to go to the fight clubs, to be a soulless killing machine, as it was clearly my destiny.