Drugs kept me paralyzed. I felt everything and heard every word, but no sound came out of me, no muscle moved. I was just limp and helpless. Damon dictated his doing like Damien. He wrote daily on his clipboard something. He told me that this actually helped him do these machines even better and more efficiently and also he could monitor how long it took to make damage to me. For the future, if even the need arises. He continued to torture me, draining my strength day after day slowly. The devices didn't always come in the same order or for the same duration as before. Slowly but surely, my ability to heal diminished.
Damon watched carefully to make sure that every area began to suffer and that the damage was equally extensive. He scanned me with his hand-held device and sometimes hooked me to an ECG and pulse oximeter to get readings, blood pressure, and blood sugar. He did not give me any more than once that damn serum, but it would affect me for a long time.
Once in a while, he put me in a CT scan to see where we were and again made notes while I was being tortured. He did not have any issues with me being in pain or distress, not at all. He was almost all the time so I could see him, so I could witness his ease and serenity of torturing to one he claims he loves. Somehow this was not the love that I wanted.
I kept thinking in my mind that he was claiming doing this out of love, yes, but why did he still not believe me when I said I wasn't starting a relationship with Charles? Why shouldn't I have someone in my life who would help me in my daily life when he wouldn't care or want to help me? Was it meant to be that I must do everything myself, not have anyone to help me? If this is a reaction to Charles helping me for a few weeks or months, what will happen when he boils over about Jake, Rob, or Magnum?
Will this be our new normal? Him torturing me whenever I have a friend, but same time he has a phone full of girls to be fucked with, and what is more so, I had thought with Charles; we had spoken about this and Charles had made me realize that Damon might have years of relationship with his women before he fed up with them and killed.
Charles suspected that Damon had actual feelings for most of those girls because those girls didn't come to any of the parties, Damon didn't want to share these girls with Bran or even with Adam, those were his girls and they might be a long time too. This had opened my eyes to this fucking with strangers thing and this girlfriend thing too.
It's just his excuse to tell himself he's doing this out of love. He's doing this out of rage. Out of anger. He wanted me to suffer, and he didn't see me as his protégé because, at any point, he had no collectors in his teeth. He did not rub his forehead between his brows, meaning he did not make any dental substances. He was, I don't merciful or what, but he didn't touch my skin or my genitals, at all.
It took weeks of merciless torture, of being at his mercy, or his subject. His serum kept me down most of the time and when it started to wear off, I was done and properly so. Then enough was enough. All I could do was move my hand or my fingers. I was breathing but shallowly and intermittently, my heart was beating lazily and I was already cold.
Damon walked next to me. He again took scans, readings, and my blood pressure and blood sugar, too. I was still naked and I could see my fingernails were bluish, my head hurt, and I was exhausted and in constant pain and agony. He had a white doctor's coat on him as he had had most of the time, giving him an even more clinical feeling.
His voice was clinical, cold, impassive, "Yeah, Baby, I'm starting to get the lesson on, at least in this respect, but now the fun part begins. Look, Mimi, I really do love you, believe it or not. You know how wildly possessive I am and how satanically jealous you've noticed how many times I've washed and rinsed you after Adam or Bran. But that Charles.... the sight. That home idyll you had going on...Baby, I can't stand that. That's why I have to teach both you and Charles. I'm the one that's gonna fix you. I'll be yours just like you're mine, my wife. Now I'm gonna show Charles who you are. I'm going to deliver you directly to Charles so that he can try to fix you and when he can't, well I can because I know exactly what I've done, with what substances and I know how to relieve your symptoms and get you in the best condition. It would probably take me about 2-4 weeks to get you back on your feet, but Charles 8-12 weeks if you're lucky, you'll be sitting."
Damon sat on my bed and watched me. He explained it like a doctor. This wasn't the creepy Damien of the shed sessions, no this was a completely different guy. But this one didn't call me darling, but I recognized him. He was the core of Damon. He was just not in Darling's mood right now. He stroked my forehead again in a completely different style, feeling it up.
He said to me, "Baby, you're burning up. You've already caught an infection or several, but they're now left for Charles to deal with. You are in quite a weak condition, so I am not sure how long this fever lasts before you get septic, and what those infections are, they could be pretty nasty too. But let's put you ready for Charles to start to care for you."
He stood up, took one of the movable tables, and moved to it near me so I could see it, despite what he told me, he didn't promise that could fix me at that time so I didn't quite trust his word on that one.
He took a bag of some kind of powder and poured it into the tank or container and then he explained to me what he was doing, " Look. This powder has a jelly base. You see when I pour this water in here, how this gels, now this is just waiting for the medicine. Here's about 5 liters, quite a little, but then again, better make it work. So this will be potent stuff, absorb into your bloodstream fast and efficiently, and do its thing too. Now I'm going to put the medicine in here. You see what medicines, that's right medical panic drugs, and lots of them. "
Damon calmly poured jar after jar into jelly. He didn't even pull the medicine with the needle and syringe, he just twisted off the rubber stopper and overturned the entire bottle. There were a lot of them. Damon showed each label and sniffed between bottles, going 50-70. Then he mixed the jelly with satisfaction.
"Now this is ready. This will make you feel medicinal panic, deep and long. Again, I can help, as you know. I'm your security in that state, no one else. But I also know that you can somewhat fight the feeling and keep it at bay no matter how strong it is unless you are in a rage. Have you, Mimi, wondered why you haven't got your rage out at all? Because I can mentally block it out. I have that much power. I've kept your rage, which is already pretty big, by the way, in the bundle for these 12 weeks. Let it build up but not come out."
He tilted his head and looked at me like I was nothing to him, nothing at all. He sighed and mixed the jelly really well before speaking again.
"Next thing, you know, I'll open up your stomach and spray all that jelly in a thin mist all over your stomach. It absorbs quickly and efficiently. We'll wait a day or two so I can see it's on, then we'll go to Charles. You've got an infection I'm not gonna do anything about, let it run rampant—fever, restlessness, etc."
His voice was calculating, as he was so sure that this was going as he had planned it. He was so sure that he knew me so well that he predicted what I was going to do.
"Then a god-awful panic of medicine and you can't keep it under control and on top of that, your rage is completely unleashed. You won't know a friend from an enemy, and neither Charles nor anyone can calm you down. I bet pretty soon Charles will wash his hands of you and deliver you back to me where you belong."
Damon explained this quite matter-of-factly as if this was really a lesson. He kept my vocal cords in check earlier when I was paralyzed, but now I didn't have the strength to talk much. He hadn't interfered at all with my senses or my mind because he seemed to have a plan. He quickly started to act, and do his evil plan to the end. He opened my stomach and effectively sprayed jelly all over the insides of my stomach. I still had my organs, but I don't know what condition they were in.
He made the wound close, using his blood. Now I had a ridiculous amount of medicine for me, and I had a fever which further enhanced the absorption. And what he could do to my rage was no good at all. But why he had never controlled it before, I don't know. I guess Damien is unable to do so.
This had been a real eye-opener for me. I was now pretty darn sure that Damien was not part of Damon because this whole time, no pleasure, no talking, not one peep of Damien at all. So Damon could somehow control him, or then his rage was one key that kept Damien at bay.
He put away his supplies and put me on the bed to lie in a better position and put a heating pad around my stomach again. Then he came and sat on my bed again. His grips were clinical and efficient, white coat and name tag on his chest made him look like a scientist.
He said as he took once my vitals again and looked up my scans, "Baby, you have functioning organs, but they are not functioning at full capacity or will for much longer. Your liver is just about to shut down, your kidneys are maybe 10% left over, and your spleen is, well, not really. Your pancreas is pretty much gone, your intestines, are almost necrotic, and your stomach, well, it's not producing stomach acid. Your nervous system is mostly destroyed, the motor nerves at least. Pain and sensation are pretty well on the left, your muscles are maybe 10% on the left, and your bones are so brittle they're breaking. Did you see how easily your wrist broke, your joints and ligaments brittle and weak?"
He had gripped my wrist, squeezed it, and broke it just like that, like I was not a person capable of feeling at all. He continued his merciless prognosis on my state of being.
" Your immune system tries but fails, your fever goes up. But Mimi, when the infection wins, then there is no more fever, as you well know. Charles has his work cut out for him. Also, you will be scared, running, panicking, unpredictable, and difficult to treat. No medicine may work... Sorry Mimi, you will have a really rough time ahead, but then I will put you right. Now rest and save your strength. You need it. "
Damon got up and started to take his bags to the car or somewhere. The medical condition was getting worse by the minute, and it didn't help that this was an abandoned hospital and Damon had made it look more like a hospital or an institution as he passed by. I tried to get out of bed several times. It was only when I was so confused that I didn't even recognize Damon right away that he was satisfied.
I was shaking and scared; I wanted to go into a deep dark place to hide and be safe; I was looking for safety but Damon was not it, even though he came so close that I could actually smell him, the scent of passionfruit was once again something that made me need to get away, because this scent was now connected in my mind to pain and agony, to torture.
He spoke to me, "Now, Baby we are getting on the road. I will get you ready and let your rage start to creep in, then closer to Charles. I know Mimi, you want to hide, don't you? Hide and be safe and hide in the dark. I'll help you. "
He lifted me onto the other bed and laid me on my side in the fetal position, then he lifted the sides of the bag and zipped it up. He put me in one of his sports bags.
But I was hidden in the bundle for safety. I didn't even care as he lifted and moved me to different places. I didn't care. I was shivering in my cold as I was freezing, and I was so tired I couldn't fight the drug panic, and it just rolled on me more and more. Every place ached and hurt and burned. Pain tore through me repeatedly. I felt awful. I couldn't fall asleep because the panic of the drug kept me awake, even though the drug had a very sedating effect on me.
Damon finally said, "Now Baby, I'm going to let go of your rage. Feel it. Turn it on. "
I felt my rage explode, and suddenly I didn't feel so bad. I didn't care about anything, I just took my time waiting for whoever was coming at me because I wanted to get away, to run away, to hide. My rage burned bright. It took away the pain, the panic, the helplessness, the anguish, and the white-hot power that churned in my veins was all I could feel.