The ride feels long and when I get home Rudolf is exactly where I left him. I'm actually relieved.
"Hey," I greet him.
"Hi," he drones.
Right. Okay. Let's do this.
"So," I say, sitting down at the foot of the couch. "Cameron told me what happened."
Rudolf doesn't say anything. His body tenses and he pulls the blanket up around his shoulders.
Damn, I hope he's not embarrassed. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Cameron can be a dick when it comes to this stuff. It's not Rudolf's fault. It's probably better if they don't date anyway. I don't want to see him get more hurt than he already is.
After a minute, Rudolf moves. He curls up but doesn't look at me.
"What did Cameron say?" he asks.
"He told me you slept together," I say gently.
Rudolf lets out a long breath and leans back against the sofa. "Did… did he say anything else?"
"No," I admit. "I didn't really let him. I wanted to come to check on you."
Poor kid. He wants Cameron to show interest in him, but he won't. This is all Cameron wanted.
Rudolf rubs a hand over his face, looking distressed. "I don't want him to tell people," he says.
"Yeah, that's fair," I say, sitting down with him. "Are you okay?"
"Yes!" he says sharply, staring far away from me. "I'm fine."
I put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs me off. I try not to take it personally. He's not in a good mood. I don't blame him.
"Was it on Friday?" I decide to ask.
"No," Rudolf tells me, sounding bitter. "He was too busy acting like a drunk idiot."
Oh yeah. I guess if Cameron was busy puking it wouldn't have been a very good time.
"Then when?" I try to keep a straight face.
Rudolf looks conflicted like he doesn't want to answer.
"Saturday," he admits after a minute. "Cameron came over."
"To the dorms?" I blink.
He nods.
That's shocking. I wonder if Cameron said anything about Rudolf's room. He's sort of… particular about that sort of thing.
"Were you hoping for more from it?" I ask, trying not to sound pushy.
Rudolf scowls. "No!" he spits out. "I don't want to date him. He's fucking nasty."
His tone surprises me. I don't know if he's telling the truth or not. Is he just mad about how Cameron's acting? Maybe Cameron said something that bothered Rudolf. Maybe he made fun of the mess. Rudolf said he sometimes has extreme reactions to things when we were talking the other week. I bet he'd take a comment like that personally.
"Oh," I push out my lip ring.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he says quietly. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah, totally. No problem. Uh, Cameron said he puked a bunch?"
"Yep," Rudolf confirms.
I wonder if I make fun of Cameron a little it will make Rudolf feel better? Cameron deserves it anyway.
"Do you know how long it's been since that's happened?" I say, forcing a laugh. "I wish I had stuck around and seen it."
"Mm," he hums. "How long?"
"Almost three years," I recall. "Some tool stood him up and Cameron threw an absolute bitch fit over it."
"Yeah, that sounds like something he would do."
He sounds so sour.
"Do you want something to eat?" I offer him for a second time. "I'm probably going to make stir fry. Do you want some?"
"No, it's fine. Thanks though."
"Come on, man. You need to eat something. You haven't eaten anything all day, have you?"
Rudolf groans and rolls over. Am I pissing him off? That isn't what I want, but I do want to get some food in him.
"All right, well," I nod, standing up from the couch. "I'm gonna make myself some food. I'll make extra in case you decide you want some."
He mumbles thanks and I head to the kitchen. I make dinner and try to go over my schedule for the week in my head. God, I wish I hadn't put all my assignments off for long. I'm such an idiot when it comes to managing time.
Honestly, I have shit I should be working on right now. I'm procrastinating by cooking a big meal like this, but I wouldn't be able to focus if I was hungry anyway. Rudolf will probably feel better if he eats too.
When I'm done cooking, I call his name. He wanders into the kitchen miserably.
"Hungry yet?" I ask.
"No," he says, but it has to be a lie.
"Well, try and force something down."
I get him a plate and we sit at the table. He knocks the vegetables around with his fork for a few minutes before taking a small bite of broccoli.
"Taste all right?"
"Yes," he responds curtly. "Thanks again."
"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to swing by your dorm later," I bring up. "I'm cool with you staying here, but I thought you might want to grab some of your shit."
He pauses and looks up at me briefly before staring back down at his plate.
"I don't want to be a pain in your ass. I'll go back to my dorm and stay there."
"No," I cut in. "Look, if you're having problems I'm happy to help. I'll even go with you. We can pick up some of your clothes and other necessities."
He sets his fork down and sighs. "I feel really bad about all this…"
"You don't have to," I tell him, trying to sound gentle because I know he needs reassurance. "I promise I don't mind. I want you to stay here. It'd make me feel better about what happened."
I feel responsible in a way, even though I know I'm not. I should have known better. I should have been able to warn Rudolf.
"Really?" he mumbles. "I think you're just saying that."
"I'm not."
"Well, okay…" Rudolf finally agrees.
"We can go after we're done," I smile.
I take my time finishing my food and Rudolf pokes at his a bit more. He ends up eating about half, but that even seems to help. He doesn't look so exhausted.
It's late by the time we leave the house, but Rudolf needs this right now. I can't make him go by himself. I don't want him to be alone more than he has to. Besides, I can borrow Danielle's car and that will make the trip fast. On the drive over we don't talk much. Rudolf seems anxious. I wonder if he's nervous we'll run into Cameron. I'm pretty sure he left campus after we talked, so that seems unlikely.
"Just so you know, Cameron went home earlier today."
"Okay," is all he says. He sounds emotionless, so I can't tell if he's relieved or not.
When we get to the school, I park outside the dorms and we head into Rudolf's building. He keeps his arms crossed as I follow him to his room. He opens the door, heading to his closet and stepping on some of his paintings. He grabs a bag and starts stuffing things into it.
He doesn't talk. I feel like I should. What am I supposed to say, though?
Halfway through, he stops and turns around. "Maybe I should stay here," he says, staring down at the floor.
"Nah, man. You're coming back to my house. We already decided that."
Rudolf's mouth snaps shut. He turns around and starts tossing the rest of his overnight things in the bag.
"You're not putting me out," I reiterate. "Having you hang out at my place for a few days is the least I can do. When I was in high school all my friends would stay at my place when they were having issues with their parents or whatever shithead they were dating. I don't mind at all."
"Okay," he says quietly.
He finishes packing without another word. Once he's done, he zips the bag and swings it over his shoulder. He looks on edge like all he wants to do is get the hell out of here.
"Ready?"
"Yeah," he says. "Thanks…"
We head back to my place. The drive is silent. I try to come up with something to say, but I can't think of anything I haven't already said.
When we get back, Rudolf sets his bag down and turns to me.
"I need to shower. Can I shower?"
"Oh, yeah, of course!" I head to the hall closet and grab him a towel. "I'll be in my room working on shit if you want to come hang out when you're done."
I point him in the direction of the bathroom for the millionth time and then head upstairs. Rudolf probably wants some time to himself. I can respect that. I'm an introvert too, and that part of my personality gets more intense when life is stressful. That's the hardest part about being friends with Cameron. He never takes a day off and never slacks, so I always come off as a loser in comparison.
Rudolf's shower takes a long time. I debate checking up on him, but I don't want to make things awkward. I try to just focus on my work and eventually, Rudolf knocks on my bedroom door.
"Come in," I say sweetly.
He opens the door and peeks inside.
"Hi."
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"Good," I fiddle with my septum ring. "You wanna hang out while I do some work?"
He agrees and plops down, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
My room's a wreck right now. I haven't had time to clean and normally it would make me feel bad that someone has to see it like this, but I know Rudolf doesn't mind. Of course he wouldn't. It's Megan I should really be worried about. I've just been keeping my door shut so that she doesn't see.
We hang out awhile. Rudolf still doesn't talk much. I bet he has a lot going on in his head. Instead of pestering him about Cameron, I ask for advice on a few of my paintings. He says he likes them which is reassuring to hear.
He mostly watches me work. I don't mind. I think it's better than him sitting downstairs by himself, dwelling on whatever the hell happened.
As midnight nears, he tells me he's tired.
"All right," I say. "Do you need anything first?"
"No," he responds, getting up. "Goodnight."
He heads downstairs and it's clear that he still feels like shit. I have no idea what I can do to make it better.
There probably isn't anything. Just time.
When I wake up the next morning I ask Rudolf if he's planning to go to class and he says no again. I don't give him a hard time even though this can't be good for his grades. I just move about the house and get ready for my day.
I head to the bathroom and turn on the water, giving it time to warm up. While I do, I check my skin in the mirror.
God. I can't wait until summer. I'm so pale right now. I feel like I should do some more personal grooming. I've kind of been putting it off. When was the last time I even plucked my eyebrows?
I pull open the top drawer and fish around for a pair of tweezers, which are buried deep in the back. I do my thing and when I go to put them back I notice the counter is pretty messy. There are stray bobby pins, hair ties, and even a pair of scissors. Megan would probably hate this, but I don't have time to deal with putting everything in the right place right now. Instead, I just sweep it all into the drawer.
I finish readying myself for the day, showering then throwing on jeans and a sweatshirt. I don't bother doing anything with my hair. I never do. I just let it air dry before grabbing some breakfast from the kitchen.
I head to class and the day drags on hellishly. When I get home, Rudolf is still lying on the sofa like a corpse.
"Rudolf, come on," I urge. "Get up."
He heaves himself into a sitting position and stares at me.
"Let's eat something," I decide, dragging him into the kitchen.
I wonder how long it's going to be like this. I don't really mind for my own sake, but I mind for his.
"You should come to class tomorrow," I say.
"Fine," he says quietly.