Rudolf shows up at my front door after giving me the most frantic call of my life. He asked to come over, but didn't explain why. He just said he didn't want to be in the dorm anymore.
"Hey," I say as I let him in, not really knowing what to expect.
"Hi," he responds in that familiar flat tone.
He sounds completely different from how he did over the phone. I wonder if the issue has been resolved?
"So, how's it going?" I ask, following him into the living room.
"I'm fine," Rudolf tells me in the same monotonal voice.
"Oh," I nod unsurely. "Okay. Well, did you eat? Do you want dinner?"
He shrugs.
"Tea then?" I offer as an alternative, and he agrees.
This is weird. Something is obviously wrong. I wonder if he's having trouble with one of his classes.
I head into the kitchen and make a cup for him and myself. I hope he's all right. I don't really know what could be wrong and I don't want to pry. I don't want him to feel like he owes me answers just because he's at my house.
When I return, he's sitting on the sofa. I sit down with him, handing him his tea.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"No," he murmurs.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," he says again.
Well, I guess that's that.
"We don't have to," I assure him. "If you change your mind, I'm here to listen."
"All right," he nods loosely. "Thanks."
Maybe I should try to distract him. Would that make him feel better?
"So," I search for a change of subject. "You and Cam kept hanging out Friday after I left?"
Rudolf twists his lips but doesn't respond.
"What's that face?" I chuckle. "Was he super trashed? Sometimes he's a lot to handle when he gets like that."
Another nod.
Damn. That was probably awkward. Cam's a real dick when he's drunk.
"Sorry I couldn't stick around to deal with him," I apologize. "I promised Rose I'd come over.
Rudolf shrugs. "It's fine. It's not like you had an obligation to stay."
"Cameron can get a bit carried away," I say with a weary laugh.
"I get that," he states bitterly.
I frown at the tone in his voice. "Hey, did he do anything weird?" I can't help but ask.
Rudolf sets his tea on the coffee table and starts holding his stomach like his insides hurt. He doesn't reply. He stays silent.
"Uh, are you sure you're alright?" I ask, feeling concerned.
He looks so out of it.
"I don't know why I called you. I'll be fine," he says under his breath.
"Okay," I say quietly.
Obviously, he doesn't want to talk. We don't have to. We can just sit here. I'm fine with that.
"You can stay as long as you need," I add.
"Thanks. It's just tonight. I'll be fine tomorrow."
"Sure. Want to bus to classes together tomorrow?"
"Um, yeah…" he stares at me blankly. "I don't...I might take tomorrow off."
Oh? Okay, what the fuck? That's surprising. What the hell is going on?
"Well," I say after a minute, "there's only a few weeks left so make sure you stay on top of stuff. It won't be fun to play catch up on the last day."
"I know."
There's not much I can say past that. He's probably got everything under control. I don't need to hassle him.
"Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?" I offer. "I can take the couch."
"No, it's okay. I don't want to be a pain," he shakes his head.
"It's no pain, but that's fine too. I'll just have to make sure to tell my roommates you're here so they don't freak when they see you."
"I'll be quiet," Rudolf assures me.
I run upstairs and tell Megan and Danielle what's up before heading to the linen closet and grabbing a blanket and pillow. In that same flat, dead, tone, Rudolf thanks me. I remind him where the bathroom is, in case he forgot since the last time he was here. He thanks me again. He sounds so out of it, but there's nothing I can do if he won't tell me what's wrong. I can't force him. He probably doesn't trust me with whatever is going on in his head. I can't blame him for that. We're still new friends.
"Do you need anything else?" I ask him.
"No, it's fine," he responds before adding yet another thank you.
"Sure, man," I reply before bidding him goodnight. "Sleep well."
In the morning, I check in on Rudolf to see if he wants to go to class. He just shakes his head and rolls over to go back to sleep.
I tiptoe around the living room and sneak out of the house to take the bus by myself. I'll make an excuse for him to Flores. I'll say he told me he was sick. He doesn't seem the type to email and explain why he's missing.
I make my way to campus and when I get there, I stop for a coffee. Then I head to the painting studio where I get back to work on a big piece I've been putting off. I want to use it in my senior show. I'm just hoping it'll turn out and that I'll get it done on time. I can look forward to the fact that it will all be over soon, though. School will be over. Everything will be over. Then I'll be jumping headfirst into the real world.
I don't feel ready, not that I have a choice. I'll roll with the punches, I guess.
When class rolls around, I tell Flores that Rudolf is sick. She seems a bit wary to accept that excuse, but thanks me for telling her anyway.
I really hope the poor kid is okay. I'll probably head straight home after my classes to check on him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's gone by the time I get there, though.
For most of the course, I stay glued to my canvas. I have to be productive with the time they give us because there's no way I can fit finishing the assignments for this into my schedule right now. I work until the last minute and don't get up to clean my brushes until pretty much everyone else has already started filing out of the room.
When I finally do wrap it up, even the professor has taken off. I go to grab a few rags from the sink but as I do, I hear the door open. I swing my head over my shoulder to check who it might be. I spot Cameron, who lets the heavy door slam behind him.
"Thought I'd find you here," he says with a chuckle.
"Hey man," I nod, blotting the heads of my brushes. "How's it going?"
"All right. You?"
"All right," I echo. "Trying to get this shit done."
"Yeah, you always put things off like this."
"Yeah, I know," I laugh. "How was the rest of the weekend?"
Cameron might give me more than what Rudolf was willing to.
"It was good," Cameron says vaguely.
"Did you get trashed?" I ask.
"No."
I want to roll my eyes. Of course he'd deny it. He always does.
"That's not what Rudolf said," I snort.
Cameron crosses his arms, probably trying to play it cool. "Oh, yeah?"
I nod, curling my lips.
Cameron looks annoyed. "Fine, yeah," he scoffs after a minute. "I yakked. Happy?"
Now that catches me off guard. Before I can stop myself, I start to laugh.
"Oh, man!" I exclaim. "It's been a while since you've gotten that fucked up!"
"I know," he scowls. "Since summer after freshman year."
"Holy fuck, yeah," I nod, remembering. "Didn't that guy stand you up?"
"Ugh," he groans. "Shut up."
"You were pissed."
"Yeah, first and last time!" he practically shouts. "So drop it!"
Jesus Christ.
I hold my hands up, surrendering.
"Okay, damn. I was just messing around. You don't need to freak out."
"I'm not freaking out. I just don't think it matters. It's irrelevant. Besides, Rudy didn't care. He still wanted me to fuck him."
For a second, I don't know what to say to that because I'm so taken aback.
"Uh… What?" I ask. "Did you?"
"What do you think?" Cameron raises an eyebrow.
Holy shit. I bet that's why Rudolf's upset. He probably wanted more than that. Something meaningful.
"Cam…" I mutter.
"What?" he snorts, probably sensing that I'm not on board with whatever bullshit he pulled.
I don't know what to say about this. Cameron never outright said he was going to go for Rudolf, but with the way he was acting, I sort of expected him to pull a move eventually. Still, I can't help but be disappointed. There's no way they'll get together now. Cameron never dates, and if he's already treating the hook-up this nonchalantly, then I don't think there's any chance he's interested in Rudolf like I thought he might be. I just hope this doesn't mean he expects me to stop spending time with Rudolf. I actually really like that kid.
"Are you sure that was a good idea?" I ask.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I let out a sigh. "I mean… Rudolf seems sensitive."
Cameron scoffs. "He's not THAT fucking sensitive."
"I just mean he might not be into hooking up," I try to reason. "He might want more from you, so you should be careful."
"Then that's his problem, not mine. Besides, this isn't his first rodeo, Avery. He's hardly inexperienced. He's had tons of hookups in the past. I doubt he was expecting me to romance him."
"He might've been," I argue because I honestly can't think of any other reason Rudolf would be acting this upset.
"Whatever. Like I care."
I fiddle with my septum ring. This doesn't feel right to me. I wish Cameron would try to get on the same level as Rudolf, or at least be upfront with him.
"Well, are you gonna stay friends with him?" I decide to ask.
Cameron shrugs. "I mean as long as he doesn't get all clingy, I guess it'll be fine, yeah?"
"Uh, yeah," I make a face. "I guess."
I think Cameron can tell I'm mad because he drops it. He doesn't try to justify himself anymore, but I bet he still thinks he's right. There's no point trying to convince him. The way he deals with his relationships is fucked to hell.
I can tell I'm not going to get much done right now. "All right, I better head home," I say after a few minutes of aimlessly staring at my painting.
"Doesn't look like you did any work."
He's right. I didn't.
"I'm not in the mood," I tell him vaguely.
It's a piss-poor excuse, but I want to go home. I want to see if Rudolf is still there and if he is, I want to make sure he's okay.
Cameron looks unimpressed. "Naturally, Avery. Whatever, if you get a bad grade don't come crying to me. I told you to get this shit done weeks ago."
"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, gathering my shit.
We leave the building together and I don't bother asking him to drive me home. I don't really want him to. So, we part ways and I head for the bus stop alone.