Cameron is first to finish his drink and quick to order a second. Avery is half-finished with hers. I've barely touched mine. I'm worried about getting drunk. I always talk too much or share things that make other people uncomfortable. I don't want to keep doing that.
"Come on, Rudy," Cameron says, nodding to my drink.
"Okay," I say, hoping I don't come off too tense.
He nods and turns to Avery, who looks at this point like she's just trying to mind her own business.
"Do you feel ready for your show?" he asks her.
"As ready as I'm going to be," she groans. "This last week has been unproductive."
That reminds me of what Avery was saying earlier about the number of people who showed up to see Cameron's work. I feel like she should ask him to promote her exhibition for her. Maybe she's not as good at marketing herself, but her art is still good. People ought to see it.
"Well, whose fault is that?" Cameron snarks.
"Mine," she groans, downing the rest of her drink and ordering another. "You don't have to say it like that though."
"Well, it's true," he says. "You procrastinate a lot...but at least you actually end up doing your work, unlike some people."
He glances at me and smiles snidely.
"I'm unmotivated," I justify, not wanting to deny it because I know he's right.
I take another sip of my drink, staring into it when I set it back down. I can feel Cameron looking at me.
"How'd you get so many people in there by the way?" Avery asks, tapping the side of her glass with her straw. "Did you post about it?"
"Yeah, on everything," he tells her. "I thought it would look good to any potential buyers if it was really busy there. I took some photos to put up online later."
"Oh, smart," she nods.
That really is smart. It's like he's creating a false demand for himself. I don't even know if it's false anymore.
"You should post about your showcase, too," Cameron says. "Create some hype."
"I don't know how!" Avery moans. "I'm bad at that shit."
"Whatever," he scoffs. "I'll help you. It'll be fine. Just get it done and stop complaining."
Avery doesn't respond. She just looks distressed.
"Don't worry about it right this second," I say to her.
"Yeah, shit, just try to have a good time," Cameron adds. "This was your idea, after all."
She forcibly perks up and says, "Yeah, you're right, my bad."
It's interesting to watch Avery pull out all the stops for Cameron. It's obvious that she's genuinely trying to cheer him up, but apparently, that means letting him walk all over her.
"Let's talk about something different," Cameron suggests. "I'm done, and even though tonight sucked, the fact that I'm basically finished is all that matters."
"Fuck yeah," Avery picks up her glass and knocks it lightly against his. "BFA, here we come."
It makes me nervous to hear them talk about that. What's going to happen after they graduate? Are they going to move away?
"Are you going to go back to New York?" I decide to ask.
"Oh, probably not," Avery shrugs. "I think I'm gonna ask Rose if she wants to move in together."
"About time," Cameron scoffs.
"Yeah, yeah," Avery mutters.
"What about you?" I ask Cameron. "Have any grand plans?"
"I'll probably keep doing what I'm doing now," he says. "I think I'll be able to make something of myself. I like where I'm living and shit. I don't want to move any time soon. I'll probably join a studio or something."
I nod. He'll probably be successful in whatever he does. He has a ton of connections. People will want him in their shows. He already has a huge following. People know him. They know his name.
"So, what are your plans after graduation?" he asks me.
"I don't know," I confess. "I still have a ways to go, but I never even thought I'd make it this far. I was worried I'd be stuck in LA forever."
"You say that like it's a bad thing. LA is a great place to be an artist."
"It was bad for me," I explain vaguely because it was.
Too many bad memories and too many bad people.
"I would love to live in LA," Cameron continues. "Even with the weird-ass history you have. I've lived here my whole life. At least it's warm down there. The only time I get to see other places is when my family goes on vacation. I'd like to stay somewhere longer than a month for once."
I wonder if he understands how privileged he sounds right now. Something tells me probably not.
"You could move there," I comment shortly.
I've never been on a vacation before. The only "vacation" I ever got is when my parents went on week-long benders and were too trashed to remember they had a child.
"Watch that tone," he says, sounding like he's only half-joking.
"LA is shitty," I insist.
"Jesus Christ," Avery mumbles.
"It's true," I comment. "Y'know that stereotype where a girl moves to the big city to act but then ends up doing porn? Well, that's pretty much reality."
Cameron has always had the resources, but I wonder what it would be like if he started out with nothing.
"I could get into that," he chuckles, although it sounds forced like maybe he's trying to keep things from escalating. "I'd probably be great at it."
I scrunch up my face. It's weird to admit, but he probably would be great at that. He's good-looking and confident, plus he knows how to market himself. He knows exactly what type of person likes him.
"Oh my God you two are ridiculous," Avery cackles uncomfortably. "Let's just order more drinks, okay?"
So, that's what we do. Cameron orders me a second cocktail, even though I'm not quite finished with my first.
"Hurry up," Cameron says to me. "You won't have any fun if you're the only sober one."
"I just feel bad having you pay," I tell him again.
He rolls his eyes. "Well, I don't mind, okay? To be frank, you can't really afford to pay your own tab here. Don't you have all kinds of student loans and shit?"
"Yes," I admit.
We're not all lucky enough to have rich parents, Cameron.
"You must not be used to being treated," he says.
"I am, but usually there's a catch."
Cameron just laughs. "Well, there's no catch this time."
"That's the part that bothers me," I say. "I feel like I owe you something now."
Cameron looks amused. He wiggles his eyebrows and then asks, "Oh, yeah? Like what?"
"Oh my God!" Avery exclaims again. "Cameron, stop! Just have your drink!"
He laughs but does stop, putting on a toothy grin and peering at me over the rim of his glass.
Is he making fun of me? I can't tell but either way, it's making me anxious. I can't imagine he would ever possibly want that sort of thing from me, so this must be a joke. I wish I had never told him about all the shit I did when I was younger. He's never going to let it go.
I finally manage to finish my first cocktail. I push the cup to the side and reach for the second. I want to stay in control tonight. I don't want to keep spilling random screwed-up facts about myself. I don't want them to think I'm the biggest fuck-up on the planet, even though I probably am. It's hard though because I like the attention. It sounds stupid, but that's why I overshare. I want attention even if it's bad. Then I regret it later. The whole thing's just a big, gross cycle.
Cameron orders another round of drinks, urging me to hurry up.
"I want to pace myself."
"Don't bother," he snorts. "It'll be funny to see you get trashed."
"You've seen me drunk before."
"Yeah, but not trashed. There's a difference."
"I'm not fun when I'm that drunk," I insist, though I'm not that fun regardless.
"People just say that when they're scared they'll embarrass themselves," Cameron squints and I guess he's right.
I am scared of embarrassing myself. I only got off easy last time because that guy Jackson turned up and stole the show.
"It's okay Rudolf, we all do dumb things when we're drunk," Avery says pointedly, side-eyeing Cameron.
He presses his lips into a thin line and doesn't respond.
Yeah, sure. I'll believe that when I see it.
"Well, I still would rather not," I argue.
Avery holds up her hands. "All right, no pressure, man."
"You can't NOT get drunk tonight," Cameron says decidedly.
"I will…" I say. "I just want to take things slow."
"Slow is boring," he retaliates.
I am starting to feel pressured. I don't want to make Cameron mad, so I should cut my losses.
I don't respond. Instead, I just take a long sip.
The night goes on and the three of us get progressively more and more wasted. At some point, Avery tells Cameron to hand over his keys and that she'll call an Uber to take us home tonight.
"Whatever," he scoffs as he digs around in his pocket. "Let's just all go back to my place."
"Maybe for a little bit," she holds out her palm, and Cameron places his keys in her hand. "I'm tired."
"You're boring," he slurs. "D'you have to spend every night with Rose?"
"Well, I want to."
"Whatever," Cameron blows her off, pulling out his wallet.
True to his word, he pays the tab, and we all head out to wait for the Uber. I'm not as messed up as I thought I would be. I guess I'm glad.
When the Uber arrives, we all pile in. Avery sits in the front and chats with the driver, while Cameron and I sit in the back.
"Thanks for paying," I say to him.
"Sure. Wasn't a problem."
I still feel like I owe him, but I'm not about to bring that up again.