~4325 words
My name is Zenith Greyrat.
I do not remember my current age. The last vestiges of my memory before my conciousness was dyed in a blinding shade of white tell me that I was 29.
I remained sentient for some time in a cramped place.
How long was it?
I can't remember.
The concept of time eluded me and the grasp on my sanity slowly withered away.
This temporal disarray eroded my tether to reason, leaving me adrift on the tides of fading lucidity.
I wanted to move, clutch at my hair and tear the apart.
I was away from my family. My sons. My daughters. My husband. Lilia.
In this never-ending cluster of loneliness and despair, I felt like a suspended pendulum in a clock, forced to move in the vast order of things----helpless and powerless.
How did I arrive at such situation?
Well, let me tell you something about myself first.
As I mentioned before, my name before I became a part of the love of my life's family was Zenith Lateria.
I was born in the [Holy Country of Milis], as the second daughter of an Earl of Millis. I grew up following the Millis Church religion, never breaking the rules, getting good grades in school, and earning myself the nickname [Millis young lady standard].
However, when i reached the age of 15, when I couldn't take the suffocating and harsh teachings implemented by my mother, I did what anyone else would've done.
I rebelled against my parents and ran away from home, thus turning my back on the noble's [road] of being in an arranged marriage with another Earl's family in Millis.
I ran away for days and reached another continent altogether after months of travelling.
After reaching the other continent, I joined the adventurer's guild and became a healer.
While trying to find a job as a Healer, I continued being a solo adventurer for some time. However, due to my naive nature, I was frequently conned out of a large amount of money due to the little knowledge I had on how expensive healers are and was usually being used as a human shield against monsters.
Now the next thing might sound like a lie, but it was true. Just like in fairy tales, I felt a knight in shining armour come and rescued me. Although, after seeing clearly, he was no knight. He was a rough individual, with an even rough way of talking and handling people.
If anything, he was more thug than a knight.
But it did not change the fact that he saved my life.
Who was he?
His name was Paul Greyrat----my first and only love.
A few things happened and I then joined Paul's party, the [Fangs of the Black Wolf], as a healer.
I spent a long time in the party as a healer.
However, despite my initial lack of interest and disgust for the very knight that saved me, I gradually began to fall in love with Paul. It was a grueling feeling. I was young. I didn't know how to deal with something as love. My mother taught me everything a lady should know---how to talk, laugh, seduce and cry in the presence of men. Yet she missed out on the most vital detail.
But since my consent never meant a dime, it is understandable how she wouldn't want to teach me about it.
No....instead, what would she know about love?
My chest tighetend everytime I looked at Paul. I wnated to be his, and for him to be mine.
Just mine.
Him and me, in our own little nest, where no one else can interfere. I wanted to be his woman. But there was one slight problem.
Paul was what normally people would call a "scum"---a womanizer who frequently slept with multiple women. I was a followed and a practitioner of the Milis Faith. Despite how much I loved him, I couldn't be his wife if he'd be like this.
I ignored the usual groping of his or how often he'd "accidently" touch my butt or bosoms, but I made it clear that I wouldn't give the real thing to him.
When he finally came clean about how he wants me as passionately as I wanted him, I presented him with an ultimatum. I was 17 years old. I had protected my chasity all this time despite being a fairly beautiful woman. I wasn't going to lose it without a price.
So, I told him if he promised to be faithful to me and never sleep with another woman, then I would sleep with him, to which he agreed immediately, without hesitation. The vigour with which he accepted the offer and pushed me on the bed, I knew then and there......
He was lying.
I shouldn't have agreed to it.
But despite that, when he removed my clothes and pressed his broad, warm body against mine, I let go of all those thoughts. Why? I couldn't care anymore. I loved him, more than anything in this world. Maybe I was naive too and because it was my first time falling in love, I still gave in, to desire, his and my own.
Fast forward to a month, I missed my periods. For as far as I could remember, I had a fairly regular mensural cycle. Despite the clear indication, I chose to ignore it.
Another month passed and I slept with Paul once again. After a busy night, I couldn't sleep and crawled my way to the bath in the inn that we were staying in. My damp clothes slipped off my body as I looked at myself in the mirror.
At my breasts to be exact.
I had quite a large pair. I could tell they were enticing to look at from the way how Paul would bury his face in them and lick them for hours. However, right now, they seemed extremely inflated. The the dark area around my nipples darkened and become more prominent.
I wonder why this is happening.
After a few days, my performance waned and I started to feel an extreme level of fatigue.
At that moment, I reached to a conclusion. However, it wasn't a firm one. So, I decided to check it for myself. I observed for a week and the subtly warm body temperature remained the same.
It meant one thing. All of these things pointed in one direction.
I was pregnant.
When I told Paul about it, he picked me up, kissed me and hopped around like a happy kid. I was expecting a half-witted reaction knowing how he was, but instead it was exactly the opposite of how I envisioned it. He ended up proposing me and I accepted, hence resulting in our marriage.
I felt bad for leaving the party due to our selfish reasons, but I had always wanted a life with a husband and my kids playing the playground.
And now that I was about to give birth to a kid of the man I loved, I couldn't care less about other things.
I heard the party fell apart shortly after.
Despite the words I said before, I still feel guilty.
(************)
So, I think a little correction would be needed.
A while before I said that I was carrying "a" kid of the man I loved.
Well, I was expecting only one as well, after getting myself checked by a doctor. But at the time of delivery, when I gave birth, the doctor said there was another life inside me---meek but alive.
Those words were enough for my exhausted self to push myself to the limits again. Maybe it was just basic mother's instincts. I hadn't even seen my kid's face, still, I pushed with every last ounce of my strength, even if it killed me.
After a while of groaning and screaming, that had an impact on my own ears, I felt my inflated belly deflate and stick to my bones.
The babies were out. But why...
Why do I not hear a sound? Don't tell me.....
No. I shouldn't think like this.
"Who's your dada, eh? Who's your dada!? It is me, buahahcviuhgevh!" Paul was talking to something in arms, cradled in all white. He stuck out his tongue, widened his eyes and grinned in a goofy way.
The doctor turned towards me with a toothy grin. "Congrats. They are healthy boys."
Oh my....I gave birth to two boys!
I was the happiest mother in the whole world on that day.
i turned around and looked at my babies. One was exactly like their dad and the other one was a spitting image of myself. The older one, who we named Rudeus Greyrat----had his father's sandy brown hair and green eyes. He even inherited Paul's mole.
We named the younger one, Julian Greyrat. He had shiny golden hair and dark blue eyes. For a moment they seemed green but when I looked at him again, they were blue. I guess I am just too tired.
(************)
Well, it has been an year since I became a mother of two extremely naughty kids. The older one----Rudeus still behaves from time to time, but the younger---Julian is a curious one. He likes to throw himself from the edge of the bed, hold in his poop until it nears detonation and other things that are enough to make me headache.
However, whenever I look at him, he is always looking right into my eyes. I can feel it. He has an unbridled amount of curiosity.
You know, the other day, he stubbed his toe slightly from the side of a furniture and fell down. I had heard that if the parent panics, the kid panics too. So, I decided to subtly close in on him. However, I saw a rather unexpected sight.
He was sitting on the floor, his face as neutral as the first day I saw him, and was looking down at the subtle bluish tint on his leg. Despite being hurt quite a lot, he wasn't really giving much of a reaction except for blinking helplessly from time to time. And soon after that, his tiny hands punched where the bruise had formed. This kid!
He started rolling on the floor, obviously from the pain. However, I couldn't help but laugh at the scene before me despite knowing it's rude to do so (the child wasn't laughing). He's so cute that it's hilarious.
I walked over to him, picked him up and casted some healing magic at him. The light blue aura settled down
Whenever he looked at me, I can feel it. He was different in a sense that he had an unbridled amount of curiosity.
I recall the other day, when he stubbed his toe slightly from the side of a furniture. I tried to rush in and call his name, but I heard that if a parent panics, the kid will replicate the act. So, I decided to sneak up on him and be calm as possible.
However, what I saw wasn't what I had ever expected. His right leg was slightly swelled, but it didn't look bad enough for tears or pain. But what surprised me more than that was the fact that he was poking his finger into it.
The act itself hurts quite a lot but he wasn't really giving much of a reaction. And soon after that, his tiny hands punched where the bruise had formed.
This kid!
He started rolling on the floor, obviously from the pain.
I shouldn't have done it, but I still laughed. He's so cute that it's hilarious.
I walked over to him, picked him up and casted some healing magic on him.
He looked at me with curiosity filled eyes. As my hands hovered above him, casting magic on him, he immediately extended his hands and grabbed a hold of my fingers. His dark blue eyes scrutinising them as if he wanted to dissect it all.
I told you...he is too cute!
Anyways, I bombed him with kisses after that incident. After all, I have to make the pain go away as well. It is not that I am a doting mother who just loves how cute his son is. Definitely not. I am definitely not spoiling my kids.
After all, kisses are the best way to heal kid's injuries.
Yes, yes. Absolutely.
(************)
Remember when I said that I wanted to live separately with the man I loved and my kids playing in the lawn?
Yes, I finally got that dream realised but something changed. I mean something that isn't normal.
My kids aren't normal.
Don't get me wrong. They're the cutes duo I've ever landed my eyes on. One is a short ball of energy, who used to crawl in every corner of the house before and now runs everywhere. The other is a cute furball with extremely silky and long hair, who despite his energy in his toddler phase, is now much more relaxed.
Ah yes, I forgot to mention why aren't things normal anymore.
Well, what is the image you first think of when someone tells of you kids playing in a lawn?
Playing chase and other fun activities, right? So that is what my kids would be doing as well, right? RIGHT?
No.
My babies are swinging swords and firing water and fire balls at each other. Julian is quite intrigued by the sword while Rudy conjured water balls all the time in the storage room. It was quite adorable to see them taking up things so fast. Both of them were geniuses!
But somehow, I felt as if the distance between the siblings was growing. They spent less and less time together and more time reading books or idling in the lawn with a wooden sword. Paul didn't seem to notice these things. After all, he was quite simple minded. But as a mother, it was my duty to realise these things and bring them together.
(*************)
Apparently, my worries weren't needed. After a few days I had that thought, both Rudy and Julian arranged a picnic spot for us inside the lawn. Roxy----their teacher was also present. Both of them showed off what they had learned so far. Rudy showed a few [Water Magic Spells] and Julian was showcasing [Fire Magic Spells]
The contrast was heartwarming. Their spells would conjure, move upwards like fireworks and then collide with each other, sizzling away in steam. Julian had a concentrated look on his face every time he conjured a spell, meanwhile Rudy just kept conjuring them nonstop.
"Will Julian be alright?" I asked Roxy who was sitting beside me, her stoic facade slowly fading away as a playful smile danced at the corner of her lips.
"Oh yes, Mrs. Greyrat, absolutely. He just has a lower pool of mana compared to Rudy. He is totally alright." She replied with a smile and immediately looked back at the two brothers, conjuring a steamy firework as their magic worked in tandem. Rudy seemed to be enjoying it a lot but Julian seemed as impassive as ever.
Well, it wasn't like he was always like this. I could see him smile when he eats the sweets that I make for him or when he was still a baby, he used to smile subtly whenever I used to breastfeed him. He used to have the most divine smile on his face in his sleep.
"Small pool? Is that a troublesome thing?" I asked, genuinely concerned.
"Oh. No, no. He just has lower pools of mana than Rudy. Compared to an average human, he exceeds them by a lot." She replied with a flick of her finger.
"Oh...." I sighed in relief.
"It doesn't really matter, to be honest." Roxy continued speaking, this time with a disheartened tone, "He doesn't really like magic despite how much he is talented in magic. All he cares about is sword." Roxy complained, pouting.
"I will scold him to take your lessons seriously!" I assured her, not knowing how I am going to scold that little cute thing.
"Are you able to scold him tho, Mrs. Greyrat?" Roxy asked with a naughty wiggle of her eyebrows.
I let out a tired sigh. "I guess, I can't."
Still, as I saw the two brothers enjoy themselves like this, I can't help but wonder........ will they stay the same in the future as well? Looking out for each other?
I really hope they do.
(**********)
"I guess we can't keep him around any longer now, honey. He has my blood after all." Paul said as the goblet in my hand almost slipped away.
"What do you mean?" I asked as he scratched the back of his neck.
"Well. He is barely 7, 6 currently. His level of skill has surpassed mine. The future where he understands the ultimate technique of sword god style that makes you a sword saint isn't far away. When that happens, he will leave the house. I am sure of it." He explained, arms crossed.
"How are you so sure?" I asked, not entirely accepting the fact that he's going to go away at such an age.
"Well, uhhh..." he paused, "...you know how he is since childhood. He is always curious about things. He has hurt himself repeatedly just because he wanted to feel how getting cut by a technique would feel." Paul explained with a shrug of his shoulders.
"I see." I replied. He wasn't wrong and I couldn't counter what he said. After all, I had seen him hurt his own wound and almost throw himself off the table just because he got excited after seeing my healing magic.
(**********)
Julian left. He utterly defeated Paul and reached the rank of Sword Saint at a mere age of 6.
I sometimes can't believe he is my son.
But I birthed him. Fed him. Took care of him.
Nothing would convince me otherwise.
He is my son.
And I'll love him to my last breath.
(*****)
Rudeus left and Julian returned. Lately he has been helping a lot with house chores. He plays with his little sisters all day, takes them to the market while they ride on his shoulders and back, and when he returns, he helps Lilia to make dinner.
Apparently, our Julian has developed a hobby of cooking. The other day he said he wanted to open a restaurant and have me test every dish he makes. Honestly, that made me cry and he just watched at me with innocent curiosity, trying to figure out why I was crying.
Needless to say, I bombed him with kisses. Although, since he has grown so tall from the last and really strong, I can't really do as I wish, but I am still a mother. A kid can't beat the power of these mother's arms. Once I get him into a bear hug, he usually has no way out of it and I always have my way with him. Lately Paul also joins in to rub the stub of his beard with his cheek.
Although I can feel that he likes getting violated by me more than by Paul.
But he's a good kid. He never complains.
Oh well, he beat Paul really bad in a sparring match that day. Guess he isn't exactly a goody two shoes. But that still doesn't change anything.
(*********)
I had a fight with Paul. He sent Julian into the Milbotts region, a region where if anyone knew that Paul's son was there, the Notos Greyrats would capture him.
After Julian said that he knew someone inside the Notos Greyrats, I let him go but as a mother, I can't help but worry about him.
"If anything, you should be worried about the ones opposing him." Paul remarked and faked a shiver.
Maybe he was telling the truth, but I am not believing Paul ever again. Hmph--
(************)
All of us----Me, Paul, Aisha, Norn and Lilia were gathered in the lawn and were waiting for Julian to come back. News arrived fast that a mysterious figure with blonde hair single-handedly killed hundreds of monsters. The rough estimate was a horde of thousand monsters ranging all the way up to A-Rank.
They said that the blond boy killed the A-Rank Red Leaf Tiger with ease, rescuing the villagers.
Yes, of course! They are talking about my baby after all, hehe.
On the surface level, it seemed like an eerie rumor, but that is not what I was concerned about.
Killing----beasts or humans, take a toll on a person's soul, their emotions. I wonder what my boy was going through now. I hope all of this doesn't change the cute little boy I had raised.
(*************)
Everything else seems hazy now. The last thing I remember is Julian draped in white robes and a really sad, surprised look on his face. His hands were reaching out for me. I tried to reach out for him as well. But my hands grew farther and farther away from him.
For the first time in years, I saw his eyes shine. He looked........sad. In despair.
I never saw him like this. I felt an arrow stab my heart.
No.....my baby. I can't leave him like this. I can't go away when he looks so sad.
I want to shield him from any thing that weighs down on him. I don't want to leave my kids.....not like this.
(************)
I was suspended in a void. A white void. Hours trickled into days, days into weeks, weeks into years. I lost track after two years.
The though of dying crossed my mind.
But how can I die when I do not know about my kids?
Rudy, Julian, Norn. Aisha too.
The sole thought of seeing my kids once again kept me away from total insanity.
And then, one day, it was another passing moment of me blankly floating, fully aware, yet immobilised---swirling down a vortex of madness.
I felt a crack around me.
And then another.
Soon, it felt like a hundred glass cups had broken and for the first time in years, I felt a motion.
I plopped down on a rough surface.
Surface.......SURFACE!
I can feel again.
I looked around and saw someone looking at me with wide eyes.
He was taller than me now. How much time has it passed? He still had the innocence on his face, despite the heavy amount of blood all over face and hands. I wonder what happened to his hair. He looks good, but also tired.
No, he doesn't look tired.
It looks like he's happy. Hm? Julian is happy? Is he looking at me? Is he happy to see me?
His hair was pure white, and his eyes were much paler shade of blue. But I recognised him immediately.
I reached my hands out for him and called out. But the voice never came out. I tried again and again, but not avail. I tried to cry but the tears didn't come out. I tried to rage over my lack of expressions, but I couldn't.
The happiness that I felt for a passing moment started to slip away, like grains of sand slipping from fingers. All I could muster were a few letters of his names. I couldn't even call out for him. For the second time today, I saw an emotion flicker across his passive face----his features darkened as he realised that I couldn't talk.
Leaning down on knee, he came closer and hugged me tightly. His grip grew tighter and tighter on me, as if he was worried that I will fade away again. Slip from the tip of his fingers. I slowly patted his head as I looked at multiple severed heads of dragons.....no, oh my.....they are not dragons.
It's a hydra from the myths...did he...?
"It's you, right mom?" His voice was like a gentle whisper, echoing in my corridors of my ears.
As soon as he said that I came to a realisation. Why does it even matter if he killed a hydra or not? He was still a child. Hadn't I said this to Paul before myself? No matter how strong he becomes, at the end of the day he is always a child. My kid. My son.
I wrapped my own arms around him and patted his head. His hair was still as smooth as before. Despite being as white as snow, they still retained their previous gloss and silkiness. It often made me envious of his hair as well, hehe. My fingers almost disappeared into his dense mane as I continued to stoke his head and riffle the hair. His chin was on my shoulder, sitting there and refusing to let go.
I couldn't see Paul or Rudy around. But knowing Julian, he probably tried to find me on his own. After all, he is quite shy. He doesn't like others around, helping him.
He finally peeled his face away. Looking up, I saw him, his usual demeanor taking over. He wrapped his hand around my waist and threw one of my hands around his neck, making me stand up. My legs wobbled at first and he looked at me, asking as if I could walk.
Certainly, I felt weak, but I could walk. There was just too much time spent in whatever this place was that the action of walking felt awkward.
And that is how, I reunited with my family.
Or well, not all of them, but if it's Julian, he will find all of us rather quickly.
I hope Rudy is doing good too and not pushing himself too hard in finding his family.