"My child, you are loved. For every smile, tears, and cry in this world, never think that you are unloved or precious. Another chance will be given to those who are in need of redemption. Redeem yourself, receive love, and love those around you. Grudge will do no good."
I feel like I'm floating. Is this heaven? Where's my mother? Or I'm also not accepted here? Why? Even the goddess despised me… this lowly being is only asking for love and mercy in her grace. Maybe, if I were to live another life, I'd live for myself. I'd care more about my own self and pay no heed to those who despised and loath me. Yes, Goddess, if you're really there, please grant my final wish, to live another life.
I jolted up from the bed and looked around my surrounding. The pain from before felt so real. My heart isn't aching, my head isn't pounding, and my throat isn't burning. I've lived again. I felt thankful for the goddess for granting my wish. "But… when is this? How far back did I return?" I got out of bed and rush to the mirror. I gasp when I see my complexion looked so… young and fresh. There were no dark circles, my cheeks weren't sunken, no wrinkles, and my eyes looked brighter than before when it looked dull. "I really did return." I mumbled once again as I caress my face.
"Your highness!" Marie opened the door causing me to jolt and smacked my nose on the mirror. "Marie can you knock next time?" This hurts a lot. Mari bowed and apologizes. "Your highness! The emperor is inviting you for breakfast!" Marie's eyes were twinkling with stars and she smiled widely. Of course this was shocking. For years the emperor, Zackary the third, had ignored his only heir, daughter, and child. If it was the previous me who heard this splendid news, she'd be over the moon and would try to dress to impress the emperor. But I'm not her anymore, that princess has died the moment she was neglected to die for herself.
Also, I need to find out how far back did I go back in time. "Alright Marie, why don't you help me wash up and we'll choose the dress after," She sqeualed in excitement and pushed me into the bathroom.
---
The glum expression on her face shows it all. The disappointment. "Your highness why didn't you wear the dress I recommend you! It was nice, elegant, and it'd surely catch the emperor's eyes!" She gave me that expression who has fire in their eyes. Well she's not wrong. A pitiful princess like me, who's powerless, needs to catch the emperor's eyes.
"Stop with the bluff Marie, for years I've done this yet none worked. I think it's time I finally give up, surely he'll make Cousin Louis the next heir, as I'm..."
Before I could finish my sentence, the servant opens the door to the dining room. Ah, memories came flashing back. Where I'd sit here alone and wait for the emperor and my husband to come to join me for a simple dinner. But to my surprise, there the emperor sat and a guest I didn't expect to see was sitting across my chair. Callius.
I quietly entered and bowed a full 90 degree at the emperor and greet, Cal- No, Lord Callius. He won't inherit the title Duke as it belongs to his older brother, Cameron. But he got a higher position than his brother, the crown prince's seat. This time, I won't give him that luxury. I'll have to step down my position as crown princess and leave this place as soon as possible or... I could just be emperor myself. To avoid my miserable fate.
"I greet his majesty Zackary the third, glory to the sun and moon, as the stars align, and Lord Asterio." With my very long and extremely formal greeting brought silence to the whole dining room. The emperor cleared his throat and signed me to sit.
Looking at my dish, still the same. A bed of lettuce with five slices of tomatoes and ten sliced of olives, topped with seasoned chicken breast. I sighed and called a servant. "I'd like a cream soup, garlic bread, and freshly cooked shrimps please, and give this to Marie; she loves olives and tomatoes than I do." I smiled at the butler who seemed stunned by my action; still he listened and took my plate away.
"Do you not like the dish?" the emperor asked out of the blue. "I'm allergic to olives your majesty, I can't consume too much tomatoes or rashes will form, and the lettuce bedding, I've grown out of them." I explained as I stare into a blank space. I didn't dare looking up. There was only one fear inside my heart. Callius' face. Though he did me wrong last time, I still can't ignore the fact that I love him. Though this time, he won't be my hanging rope, but I do have a backup plan.
"Princess, as you know, you are of marriageable age, the reason why I brought Lord Asterio is to announce him as your husband, you will be wed with him and he'll be crown prince as you are crown princess." The emperor said the same thing last time, but the difference is, I was overjoyed last time. "Yes your majesty, I understand." With a low tone, I spoke. Things are going the same as before.
"The wedding will take place in a few weeks; have your wedding dress prepared." He said as he continued his meal. I nod and the meal I requested came.
---
"Marie," I called as she finished organizing my dresses. "Yes your highness?" she came in as I watched the scenery outside. The blue sky with white fluffy clouds decorating it, the calming breeze that I used to find suffocating calms me down. This… everything is real, I've truly reincarnated.
"Bring me a pen and paper, I'd like to send someone a message and I want you to deliver it personally so no one sees what's written inside." Marie's eyes widen but she knew not to ask unnecessary questions. I hope this will lead my fate to a path. Dying once is enough; it was horrible, painful, and depressing.
When I died, no one I loved was there. My father, with the alibi of looking a cure for me when I knew he was holed up in his office looking through documents, for the people he's a wise emperor who seeks justice for his people and upholds justice, but as a father he's nothing of the sort. Cold, cruel, and hate are the only words that came to mind when it comes to him. My husband, the person I gave my entire heart to, the person I dedicated my everything to, despises me, hates me, yet he smiles and laughs in front of another woman. He wasn't there in my last moments, why would he? We're only married on paper and for show to the nobles so my father will have a stable faction.
None of them has ever benefitted me. I too used to have myself for being this way, but now everything has changed and so have I. I will no longer be a wagging puppy waiting for their love while they enjoy their lives outside. I'll be a dove, who's going to fly free when everything comes to an end and I'll run away.
One thing I realized too late was my potential. Every royal family who inherited the royal family's blood will receive the blessing of Selene. They will receive magical powers, I've only realized this when I was in my last moments. What are my powers you may ask?
Manipulation.
I can manipulate anything and control them. Such amazing powers only to be discovered late. This time, I will manifest them early and run away from here. No longer will I be attached to this place. A place where I used to call home and my save haven, is now nothing but a place I wish to desperately flee from.
"Your highness, here are the stationaries your requested." Marie walked in but her face shows an uncomfortable complexion. "What's wrong?" I asked her but she kept silent and out of nowhere, my fa- The emperor walks in. I was surprised. He has never visit my chamber before; this room is located almost at the far end of the palace aka very far from his office. Yes, that's how much he hated me. I bowed, "Greetings to his majesty," I stood there completely awkward as I try to hide the paper behind me. Thank Goddess I didn't start writing anything yet or my plan would've failed. "What brings you here your majesty?" my palms were getting sweaty as I waited for his response. "Nothing, can't I visit my daughter?" His answer made me want to spit out whatever it is inside my mouth. Years of being neglected and only now he acknowledged me as his daughter? Is he mocking me? Taunting me?
"O-of c-course. It must've been a long walk from your office, please inform my maid next time fa-, your majesty. You are the busiest person in this empire." I cursed myself for almost calling him a name he hated.
Flashback
"Princess, please stop crying, his majesty will be here shortly." The maids were panicking as they saw my bruised knee. I fell down when I was trying to chase a butterfly. It hurts to walk; it hurts even more when I stand up. "W-When will father come?" tears wouldn't stop coming down my face. My dress is all ruined, my knee's scraped, and my arms are scratched everywhere.
"I shall carry you your highness, we need to treat this soon," Marie wiped my tears and sweat with a worried expression. "But I want my father!" I wailed like a child and swinging my arms here and there before a loud smashing sound came from behind me. The maids gasped and their expressions became even worse. Fear, anger, and disappointment. My cries stopped and I was confused, but I smiled when I saw my father walking behind.
"F-Father!"
I smiled widely but when I saw his face up close, I thought he'd be worried to see his daughter's injury but all I saw was anger. His eyes looked at me and the vase I broke behind me. "I-I'm sorry father, I just wanted to see you but they wouldn't let me see father and-"
"Be quiet!!"
His loud voice echoed inside the glass greenhouse. Is she mad about the vase? Have I yet to make another mistake before him? Is he going to hate me more?
"Stop calling me that stupid name! Do you know what you just did?! That was your mother's last memento! The last thing I had of her and you destroyed it!" his face was red and eyes filled with anger.
Oh… I get it.
"I-I'm sorry," I don't know why but my heart also hurts now. I bit my lip to hold in my cry. "You're grounded for a whole month. Don't leave your room and reflect on what you did." Then he left with loud stomps.
End of flashback
And after that, he never went to see me for a whole month. Though I didn't learn from my mistakes back then, I still called him father. I'll learn my lesson this time then. "There's no need, I'm here to tell you about your room." He looks around and stopped at me. "I've noticed your room is quite isolated from the other rooms and quite far from the main office, I've talked with the head butler and you'll be moving to the rose room."
My eyes widen the rose room? That room… it was where the lady or Callius' concubine stayed in my previous life. It was closer to the main office and right next to Callius' room. Oh and it also has a much better view than my current room.
"B-But your majesty-"
"I've also noticed your dresses are quite outdated, your maid and one of our chamberlain shall escort you for dress shopping this afternoon to purchase new jewelries and dresses or just anything you want in particular. Also, we'll be having a ball to announce your engagement." If I could leave my mouth agape, I could. But it's not proper for a princess like me. "T-that's too much-"
"No excuses, your carriage will be ready when the chamberlain calls for you." After that he just leaves my room with his attendees behind him. When my door finally closes, my clench my palms and bit my lip. Anger was boiling inside me. Why is he changing? If he had just stayed the same as before, cold, cruel, and uncaring I would've carried out my plan easily. "Princess," Marie calls but I stop her. "I need a moment alone for now, I'll call you when the letter is ready." She nods and silently walks out.
Once I'm alone my legs gave out, luckily there was a chair behind me. I laughed in disbelief. His actions are questionable and suspicious. How dare he acts like a caring father after all the years he hurt me. Trying to seek redemption? Forgiveness? Or make himself feel better? Well all of those are bullshit. Too late to apologize now. I'm still going to carry out my plan, whether I'm successful or not, one way or another, I will leave this place.