"Love is like a wind; you can't see it; you can only feel it".
I had read this before but never really understood it. I believed I was a stoic, so my dopamine was under control. I did not want to spring into joy or cry in sorrow. I wanted to be like a stone. Untouched yet polished. Just be perfect in what I did. In my life, I had rarely shown sentiment towards anything. For some, I was like a pole that absorbed all hatred, like a masochist enjoying torture.
I believed that I had mastered the art of Stoicism until she disproved me. The only place where I express my feelings is through music. It gives me the pleasure of life that I need, with the emotions that flow through me and are expressed through music. That is why I could not be an actual Stoic. That is why I succumbed to her.
I had a lot of problems pursuing music as my career, particularly when my parents wanted me to be a doctor. They put me through torture for two years in pre-university because I was studying science. To date, I have never understood anything they thought. That is why I fought with them to allow me to pursue music. I went to the music school and passed the exam that was supposed to be tough. It wasn't. At least not for me.
For a few years, life was heaven. I could actually stop fantasising about music and enjoy reality. I had a good reputation for being a bright student. At some point, I thought I would be a philosopher with the encouragement I got. But all that led to was merely a spike in dopamine. And always, a spike in dopamine is followed by a fall in it.
It did happen. Quite dramatically. After my graduation, I attempted to form my own band. My offer was repeatedly turned down. But I could not give up then because the past few years had inflated my ego like a balloon about to burst. It went on until my mentor, who guided me in the past, stabbed it with his sharp words that penetrated my ego like flesh. That hurt me so much that I almost left the desire to continue my life for precisely seventy seconds before I healed.
I ultimately ended up in a band. Not as a lead. Not as drumist or pianist. Just a writer of songs. No. Co-writer of songs My ego, my prestige, and my value all just fell to the abyss. A nine-eleven attack on my ego. My life was in bad shape. I was unemployed, needed support from my parents, and had no proper qualifications for an ordinary job. A few months had passed, and I was still stuck in the same pathetic state.
One day, while I was reading the newspaper, I came across a public notice from a school. It was for a music teacher at a school. Without thinking, I applied for it and got selected. I was feeling sort of better than before because I had something to do rather than spending time in solitude.
On the first day of July, I headed to school, all excited to start my day in a new place with a new environment. I imagined that I would be welcomed. But when I reached there, the structure of the school itself spoke. It said, You're welcome to this hell.
I just stood outside the premises, staring at the most dilapidated structure that was supposed to be a school. I regretted even applying to this place. The principal, while taking rounds, spotted me just staring outside. He called me inside.
'Welcome Akash. Happy to see you here.' He said it inside his room.
'Thank you, I said.
'Well, I hope you have a wonderful experience here.' He said.
I simply nodded, thinking that it could never be a good experience.
'As for this building,' he continued. 'We are shifting to a new one in a few months time. It is nothing like this.'
That statement convinced me not to feel regret.
An hour later, I went to the staff room where I was assigned. There were teachers all sitting and chatting with each other. Children in the classroom are chatting, some roaming around. The light from the open window, covered with a mesh, brought in a flood of light, illuminating the corridor.
I stood at the entrance, looking around the room. One of the teachers noticed me.
'Hi.' He said catching everteacher,attention towards me. 'You must be the new teacher right?'
'Yes, sir.' I replied.
'Come in.' He said this as he stood up. Then everybody did.
I walked in slowly with the smile of a newbie. There was an empty deck. I kept my bag there, assuming that it was mine.
'Sir, that's not your place.' Said he.
I immediately lifted my bag.
'Sorry.' I said it nervously. 'Where's mine?'
'The one beside, said a grumpy middle-aged woman teacher.
'Thanks.' I said. She did not reply.
I took my seat. The staff came around me, asking my name, occupation, and the like. Some interested people asked about my university.
The bell rang. All the teacers rushed to their classrooms, children running back to theirs. I was alone. I did not know my schedule, so I did not know where to go.
A few minutes later, the school fell silent. The faint voices of teachers speaking barely made it into the room. Then I heard footsteps. It grew louder. I bent forward to see who it was. I could hear the sound of heels. I saw a person walking towards the room. Then I saw her. She was dressed in a red saree and had slim black hair let untied. I just kept looking at her. I just couldn't afford to even move my eyes.
She walked into the room with a bag in her hands. Kept it on the desk right beside me. That was a shocker. She sits right beside me.
She pulled out the bottle from her bag and sipped it. I gulped down ten sips, put them back, and gave a deep exhale. She pulled the chair over and sat down right beside me. all while I kept looking at her. A few seconds later, when she had completely settled down, she looked to her left. Looked at me. At that moment, our eyes met.
'Hi, she said with a smile.
Her smile just hit me.
'Hi, I said nervously.
'You're the new teacher, right?' She said.
'Yes I'm.' I replied.
She extended her hand for a shake. I held her hand.
"Nice to meet you." I'm Aadhya.' She said.
"Nice to meet you too." I'm Akash.' I said.
At that point, my face was all red. I've never felt so nervous before. Why now? I asked myself.
'I hope we get to know each other.' She said it with a smile.
'Me too, I replied.
She looked at her wristwatch.
'I'm late. Very late. I have to go. See you later, Akash.' She said that and took off.
I could feel my heart beating loudly. My cheeks were red, and my ears were completely red. I could feel the heat on my face. I could not understand what had happened to me. Why was I so nervous to speak to her? But more than that, it was a feeling. A feeling in my heart. It gave me a lot of energy. Why? I was lost. Am I in love?